Authors: Mika Fox
"Just
curious," he says, pulling his hands away from Killian and mirroring him
as he settles against the pillows, placing one hand over his stomach and the
other underneath his head. "Don't really know each other that well."
He
waits for the pushback, waits for Killian to say something rough and borderline
mean; despite their excessive time spent together, he tends to snap back
whenever Dominic gets too close to personal territory. He doesn't disappoint
this time, either.
"Jesus,"
he says. "What, we're bonding now? The fuck we gotta do that for?"
"No
need to be an asshole about it," Dominic says tiredly, with a sigh.
"Just making conversation."
A few
seconds of silence fill the air, and then Killian actually does surprise him.
"Well,
what about you then?" he says, clearly trying to come off as aloof and
uninterested, but mostly failing. Dominic frowns.
"Me?"
he asks.
"Yeah,"
Killian says, but he doesn't elaborate. Dominic slowly turns to look at him;
he's still gazing at the ceiling, very determinedly, it seems.
"What
do you want to know?" he says, and Killian scoffs.
"Shit,
never mind," he says. But Dominic isn't deterred; he actually finds the
sudden fluster rather endearing.
"Well,"
he says, ignoring Killian's unpleasant response. "I'm twenty-one, I like
dogs, and I've wanted to be a photographer forever, but only started getting
serious about it two years ago."
Killian
rolls his eyes, but when Dominic stops talking, watching him expectantly, he
gives in.
"Why?"
he asks, the one word full of reluctance that for some insane reason makes
Dominic want to smile.
"I
went to college right after high school," he explains. "A few towns
over. Economics."
This
earns him a genuinely shocked glance.
"What
the fuck for?" Killian asks, before clearly trying to tone down his
confused surprise. Dominic shrugs.
"I'd
gotten the idea into my head, somehow," he says. "You hear enough of
how you'll never succeed doing what you love, you kind of start to make your
peace with it, start looking for other, more realistic options. Economics
seemed like a safe bet."
Killian
makes a grumbling noise.
"What
changed your mind, then?" he asks.
"Not
sure," Dominic says, the words flowing freely at the sheer excitement of
Killian asking him anything about his life. "My sister traveled a lot
after high school and sort of just messed around and didn't know what to do,
while I graduated and started studying stuff I thought was responsible and
useful. Then she suddenly realized what she wanted, and she started studying to
be an architect. I'd never seen her happier, and I guess it just made me
realize that wasting your time doing shit you don't want to do is just... wasted
time."
Killian
doesn't immediately reply. He runs his tongue along the inside of his teeth,
lips slightly parted in thought, before he slowly turns to Dominic.
"I
get that," he says. For once there isn't an ounce of sarcasm in his voice.
"Yeah,"
Dominic says, momentarily lost in dark green irises that reflect the afternoon
sunlight from the window in a way so perfect that it's just sinful. "So I
dropped out, got a new, fancy-ass camera and went to work building up my
portfolio. Moved back home, 'cause I couldn't afford anything else, landed my
first paid gig after about six months, and several shitty paychecks later, I
got my own place."
Killian
raises his eyebrows.
"Sounds
glamorous," he says in a bored tone, and Dominic frowns seriously.
"It's
totes glamorous," he says, with the most severe tone he can muster.
"I even had bacon for breakfast the other day, I'll have you know. Doesn't
get much fancier than that."
Killian
smiles then, and Dominic swears his heart stops for just the briefest moment.
He seriously contemplates grabbing his camera to capture just how fucking
perfect this guy looks right now, lying here next to him, dark hair mussed and
eyes narrowing ever so slightly as he smiles. He decides against it.
"But
really," Dominic says, switching back to a normal tone. "I want to
get out of here."
"How
do you mean?" Killian asks, and Dominic hesitates for a moment. It's not
like his dream is something to be embarrassed about, but he's so used to
patronizing comments about it that he has become fearful of sharing.
"I
want to work for a magazine," he says, thinking of how he has sent off a
ridiculous amount of letters and samples of his portfolio to a very long list
of potential employers, in the past year. "Like National Geographic, or
something. See the world, amazing places and amazing things, capture great
moments on camera, the whole shebang. Jungles, deserts, cities, people... All
of it. Things no one has seen before."
He
expects Killian to scoff, to smile derisively and list all the reasons why
that's a stupid idea, or at least why and how it can never actually happen. He
has heard it all before, and it's what he has come to expect.
He
doesn't expect the way Killian just looks at him, gaze flicking to his mouth
for a moment, expression completely sincere in its total lack of mockery or
criticism. It's like a second suspended in time, trapped in a blissful bubble,
and Dominic can't look away, can't bring himself to.
But
then Killian does, and the spell is broken. He exhales heavily, turning back to
the ceiling.
"Yeah,
whatever," he says. "You should probably get going, by the way."
Dominic
frowns, surprise and confusion mingling together with the unexpected
disappointment. Killian hasn't asked him to leave like that in days.
"Wait,
what?" he says, and Killian sits up in the bed, unceremoniously scooting
over to the edge and grabbing his clothes from the floor.
"Yeah,"
he says flippantly. "I got shit to do."
Dominic
just gapes at him, now slightly annoyed.
"What
kind of shit?" he says, considering the fact that they've been working in
the same space here more than once, at this point. Killian shrugs.
"I
don't know," he says, standing up as he pulls on his jeans.
"Shit."
He
moves away from the bed and heads for the kitchen area, smoothing back his hair
as he goes, while Dominic just stays put, oddly stunned by the abrupt change in
mood.
"So,"
he says, sitting up in the bed. "That's it? Just wham bam, thank you
man?"
Killian
glances over his shoulder, gives him another shrug.
"What,
you want a fucking cookie?" he says, buttoning his fly, and Dominic just
stares. He's not sure what he expected, but he can't shake the bottomless
disappointment he suddenly feels. If he didn't know any better, he'd say he's
hurt
, and that alone makes him scoff at
himself as Killian looks away.
Shit.
"Nah,"
he mutters, running his fingers through his hair and glancing at the floor to
the left of the bed, before realizing that his clothes must be over on
Killian's side.
Killian's side.
He needs to stop
thinking like that right now―this is Killian's bed, not his, certainly
not
theirs,
and he's really only
allowed into it whenever Killian feels like it.
Killian
seems thoroughly focused on getting a drink from the fridge, almost too
focused, but Dominic lets him have it. Whatever moment they just had was
clearly in violation of the tentative understanding they've established, and
now Killian is scrambling to ignore the situation. Dominic supposes he can't
really blame him, and he honestly doesn't really have the right to be pissed
about it―he knew what he signed up for when this whole thing started,
after all. But still, he kind of wishes Killian wouldn't be such a dick about
it.
By
the time Dominic has gotten dressed and is shuffling across the floor of the
apartment, Killian is standing behind the kitchen isle, leaning against the
counter and drinking milk straight from the carton. He still hasn't put a shirt
on, and Dominic does his best not to eye his naked torso appreciatively.
"So,
I'll see you around?" he says, unable to keep the dry almost-sarcasm out
of his voice. Killian just looks at him, and Dominic picks his shoulder bag up
from the floor. He honestly expects Killian to say something less-than mean,
something neutral at least, but if he's planning to, Dominic doesn't find out.
A sudden buzzing breaks through the frankly tense silence before he has the
chance, and Killian looks down, getting his vibrating phone out of his pocket
and checking the screen. Dominic waits, and Killian seems to give it a moment's
consideration, before he ignores the call and puts the phone back. He shrugs.
"Yeah,
I guess," he says, looking back up at Dominic. Something about his tone is
just too unaffected to seem genuine, but Dominic chooses to ignore it. He
stands in front of the isle separating them, the sunlight falling in patches on
the wooden floor, the air still. He's trying to make sense of the annoyance and
discontent that's suddenly churning inside him, doesn't know what it is or how
to handle it.
This
is what he signed up for, he repeats to himself. He knew what he was getting
into.
"Later,
then," he ends up saying, and neither of them says another word as he puts
on his shoes and heads out the door.
Chapter 10
Relent
Killian seems to
have a talent for pretending that nothing is wrong. Not that Dominic would
necessarily say that something
is
wrong,
but after their last encounter, he hasn't exactly been expecting to hear from
the guy―Dominic is usually the one to make contact first, anyway. But two
days later, his phone buzzes to life with a text from Killian, asking if he's
free, and after a few seconds of just staring at the screen, Dominic can't
really see why he would say no. He wants to see Killian, after all. In all
honesty, it's all he has been able to think about since he last did.
He
tells himself that that has nothing to do with his quick reply, texting Killian
that he'll be right over.
Dominic
turns off the screen of his tablet and shoves it into his bag, having spent the
past half-hour organizing his photos on it―more specifically, his project
photos, gathering all the best ones in a designated folder. He must admit that
he feels a little weird about doing it while texting Killian; it's like Killian
might magically know what he's up to, somehow, like he'll be able to sense it
through some kind of text message ESP.
Dominic
quickly gathers up his things and gets up from his seat, pushing the odd guilt
out of his mind. He doesn't need to look at the photos anyway―he's about
to get the real deal.
After
having spent most of yesterday cooped up in his apartment, Dominic ended up
outside the art building today, unsure what to do with his free time when
Killian isn't involved. He was tempted to pick up an extra shift at the store,
but decided against it, and although he has been hoping to hear from Killian
eventually, he wasn't really expecting it so soon. Maybe Killian wasn't as
uncomfortable about the other day as he was. Maybe Dominic just overreacted.
When
he gets to Killian's place and is buzzed up, Killian wastes no time. At once,
his mouth is on Dominic's, hands trailing all over his body, and although the
intensity takes Dominic slightly by surprise, he doesn't object. He hurries to
get rid of his bag and clothes, Killian steering him toward the bed and
touching him in a way that feels almost desperate.
Maybe he actually missed you,
Dominic
vaguely thinks, relishing the hungry, eager sounds coming out of Killian's
mouth. He pushes the thought away immediately though, simply because he knows
how ridiculous it is.
It
may also have something to do with the fact that he actually missed Killian,
and nothing good can come of thinking about that.
The
sex is quick and heated, but it gives Dominic the idea that perhaps they should
hold off more often, perhaps make a habit of not seeing each other for a few
days, every now and then. Not that the last two days weren't hell, all because
of Killian's absence, but the result of all that pent-up want and longing is
downright explosive. It's only several minutes afterwards that Dominic feels
like his brain is back up and running again, and he's too satisfied to even be
offended or disappointed when Killian almost immediately gets up and leaves the
bed. He's not sure what he expected, and he decides to simply appreciate what
he has been given, instead.
To
his immense surprise, however, Killian doesn't kick him out. He just goes about
his business, and Dominic could swear that he seems... different. It's enough
to make Dominic a little wary, and he gets dressed and shuffles over to the
kitchen, a little hesitantly, Killian putting on some coffee. He frowns at the
artist's back. It's not the first time he has made coffee for the two of them,
but there's something so
domestic
about
the whole situation this time, something Dominic just can't shake.
"So,"
he says, making Killian glance over his shoulder at him. "How's your
project going?"
Killian
half-shrugs.
"Better,
actually," he says. He sounds more comfortable than usual at the prospect
of sharing and discussing his work. "I should be able to make the
deadline. I think I might actually have something decent going."
Dominic
nods encouragingly.
"That's
good," he says, putting his hands in his pockets.
"Yeah,"
Killian says. He chews his lip in thought, looking up at Dominic. "Wait,
when was the deadline again?"
Dominic
frowns, trying to remember.
"Not
sure," he says. "Check the schedule."
"You
have it?" Killian asks, already moving away from the counter as though to
go find it. Dominic nods.
"Yeah,"
he says. "It should be on my tablet. Go ahead, it's in the bag."
He
hears Killian shuffle across the room, as he himself starts looking for cups in
the cupboard above the sink. He knows his way around here pretty well by now,
and he grabs two, setting them down on the counter gently. He stares at the
coffee maker, waiting for it to finish.
"You
find it?" he asks without turning around, but the lack of reply from
Killian makes him frown. He looks over his shoulder, only to see that Killian
has at least found the tablet. He's standing over by the couch, holding the
device in his hand, and for about a second, Dominic is confused by his clearly
tense expression.
Then
it hits him, and he feels a cold, sinking sensation in his gut.
Killian
works his jaw, lifts his hand up to scratch his chin with his thumb as he
watches the screen, and Dominic swallows hard. He prays that he remembered to
exit the gallery before, that he wasn't stupid enough to leave his most recent
viewing up for the world to see, but the sudden tension in the air tells him that
it's no use. He turns around completely, slowly making his way around the
kitchen isle and toward the couch.
"What?"
he asks, hoping that he sounds as casual as he's trying to be, but even he can
hear the slight waver in his own voice.
Damn
it.
It
takes a few moments for Killian to answer.
"Interesting
collection you got here," he says, not looking up. The words sound light
and easy, but his tone sounds anything but. If Dominic had heard it a few weeks
ago, before he knew Killian, it probably would have been enough to make him
tense up in cold discomfort―he hasn't met many people who can have that
effect quite the way Killian can, and at the moment, the only remedy is every
soft moment with the guy Dominic can remember, proving the contrary.
Not helping,
he reprimands
himself. It's not exactly a good time for fuzzy, crush-induced thoughts like
that, right now.
"Yeah?"
he says, voice sounding just as uncertain as a moment ago, and he kind of wants
to punch himself in the face.
"Yeah,"
Killian echoes. "I like the folder name, too."
He
looks up then, and his expression is enough to make Dominic instinctively want
to take a step back, anxiously curling his hands into loose fists at his sides.
As if to underline his point, Killian holds up the tablet so that Dominic can
clearly see the folder name in question, but he doesn't need to. Dominic knows
it already, he wrote it in himself, and it doesn't exactly take a genius for
Killian to figure out its significance.
Heart.
"Care
to fill me in?" Killian asks, still with that casual, oddly cold tone, and
Dominic exhales heavily.
"It's
not what it looks like," he says lamely, wanting to bang his head against
the wall for automatically coming up with the most cliché, transparent excuse
ever, and it clearly isn't lost on Killian, who raises his eyebrows.
"Oh
really?" he says, voice dripping with mean sarcasm, lowering the tablet in
his hand. "That's what you're going with?"
"I
should've told you," Dominic says, snapping out of his paralysis, trying
to tone down the desperation in his voice as he starts rambling. He takes a
step closer. "I know, I should've. I was going to. And I'm sorry, alright?
I'm sorry. I just―"
"Dude,"
Killian says, interrupting him and actually taking a step back to keep his
distance. "We have a good time. I mean, it's been great, but that's it.
Don't make this into something it isn't."
It
sounds almost rehearsed, but that doesn't make the impact of the words any
lighter.
"But
I'm not," Dominic stammers, struggling to explain. "I'm not. It's
not― It's not about you, alright? It's about the..."
He
gestures pointlessly, realizing that no matter how he puts it, it's going to
sound as though it is in fact about Killian. Which it is, more so than he would
like to admit, but he's not about to own up to that. He can't.
"Oh
yeah?" Killian says doubtfully, almost nastily. "Is that why they're
all of me? 'Cause I don't know about you, but that feels pretty damn personal.
What you gonna use them for, anyway?"
He
sounds almost angry now, upset and flustered, and Dominic hesitates, swallows
hard.
"It's
for my project," he says in a low voice, reluctantly, and Killian's scoff
tells him that he has already guessed as much.
"You
gotta be fucking kidding me," he mutters, and Dominic runs his hands down
over his face in an attempt at calming down. He can fix this.
"It's
about your work, okay?" he tries, forcing his voice to stay firm and even
and sincere. "It's about
when
you
work, what you look like. That's what the
heart
is about. It's about
your
heart,
what you put into your art, it's not about you. I just... I don't know, it made
for good photos."
He
throws his hands up in a half-assed gesture at the end, his words running out
and just blending together into some incoherent mess, to his own ears. He can't
put it in a better way, and he realizes how dumb it sounds, not to mention
incriminating.
Killian
doesn't immediately answer. He stays silent for a few moments, jaw tightening
as he glances away and then looks back at Dominic, over and over again.
"Right,"
he eventually says, flatly. He nods to himself, pulling his bottom lip in
between his teeth. Dominic has come to love that little gesture, but right now
it only puts him on edge. He takes a deep breath.
"Look,
I get that you're freaking out, okay?" he says in a calmer tone. "But
this doesn't have to ruin anything. I mean, we can still hook up. Right?"
He does his best to sound rhetorical, rather than uncertain. "Just relax,
it's not a big deal. Hell, take it as a fucking compliment."
Killian
gives him a bored, slightly incredulous look, but he doesn't object. Dominic
can tell that he's thinking about it, hopes that he is. He can't really afford
for him to freak out and leave, not when Dominic finally has a decent subject
for his photo project. It would be impossible to use him if he broke this whole
thing off, and Dominic desperately doesn't want that.
That's
the only reason he has for even remotely worrying right now, he tells himself,
in an attempt at stifling the weird panic building in his chest. It's all a
matter of practicality, nothing more.
Killian
sighs, chewing the inside of his cheek, thinking, as he looks away. Dominic
watches him, waits.
"We
good?" he asks, can't help himself, but Killian keeps his gaze diverted.
He's looking out through the nearby window, deliberately avoiding Dominic's
eyes. The silence is stifling.
"So,"
he eventually says, keeping his voice even, most of that coldness gone.
"What would it mean, exactly? If you were to use me for your
project?"
Dominic
is a little taken aback by that, having expected a loud, defensive rant about
rules
and such, rather than Killian's
slightly hesitant, awkward question. But he's relieved that that's not what's
happening, for whatever reason.
"Well,"
he says, a little apprehensively. "I don't really know, yet. Just photos
of you, I guess. I mean, you working, doing what you do... It was just an idea
I had, but you don't have to. Obviously."
Killian
nods. He's clearly thinking it over, and Dominic suddenly has the frail hope
that maybe he'll actually get away with this. Maybe Killian won't make him
leave.
"Nothing
creepy though, right?" Killian asks, finally turning back to him and
looking him in the eye. He doesn't look angry anymore, barely even annoyed.
Instead, those dark green eyes look almost suspicious, maybe even intrigued.
"Nothing
creepy," Dominic assures him, shaking his head. "Just you, working.
If you want."
Killian's
expression doesn't change. He's clearly a little freaked out about Dominic taking
photos of him for his project, not to mention doing it for this purpose without
telling him, but underneath it all, he looks interested. He looks down at the
tablet in his hand, turns the screen back on and swipes to look at the photos.
Dominic swallows dryly, suddenly feels oddly nervous. Not just because Killian
is looking at photos of himself, but because he's basically studying and
judging Dominic's work, which is something he never thought he would feel so
exposed about.
Killian
flips through the photos, before letting out a sigh.