Coming Home (15 page)

I hated that this “incident” as everyone keeps calling it really
messed with the trust I had finally built with these people. If I had heard
that conversation at any other time, I was sure I wouldn’t have thought twice
about how Vicki needed to be protected. Now I wasn’t so sure. What could he be
keeping from Vicki that would be protecting her? If he was just getting more
recruits for another position, why wasn’t Vicki allowed to know about it? And
what had been eating at him? I knew he’d been on edge lately, but I just
thought that was work related. Something just didn’t seem right.

I made it back to his office just as the recruiter was walking
out. Matt looked a little surprised to see me. They each shared a look that I
didn’t like at all, and I looked at both of them, letting them each know I knew
they were up to no good. The recruiter cleared his throat.

“I should be going now, Matt. I’ll call you soon.” He reached out
to shake Matt’s hand. It took Matt a second to realize he was being talked to.

“I’ll be looking forward to, buddy.” Matt shook his hand and
walked him to the elevator. By the time he came back, he had pulled himself together.
“What keeps you here this late tonight? I thought you’d have left when everyone
else did.” Matt walked me into his office.

“Ryan was late, and I said I’d get these to you for him.” I
handed him the folders. I decided to take an easy approach to everything I
wanted to discuss with Matt tonight. If I hit him with a million questions, he’d
most likely shut down and tell me it’s none of my business. And he would be
right. “Are you looking to fill another job?”

“No, we’re fully staffed. Did you have a friend who . . .” He
looked up and realized what he just admitted. “Stan’s a good buddy of mine, and
we’re going to get together for dinner next week.”

“A dinner that Vicki can’t know about? Planning on eating
somewhere she wouldn’t like again?” The fact he just lied to me made this a
little personal, and I went on the attack sooner than I probably should have.

Matt sighed and sat down. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough to know you’re lying to Vicki.”

He immediately stood up and pointed at me. “First, I’m not lying
to anyone, and I resent the fact you think I would. I know you have issues
about trust and lying, but I’m not the bad guy here, and I would thank you to
remember that.”

I’ve never seen Matt angry, and I felt bad for thoroughly pissing
him off, but his statement about my issues pissed me off. “What the hell do you
know about my issues? You don’t know the first thing about me.”

Matt closed his eyes and sat down. I could tell he was trying to
control his temper. I decided to try to control mine as well since I really
didn’t know the first thing about him, either. “I’m sorry. I was out of line.”
I sat in the chair across from his desk. “What you do or don’t tell Vicki is
not my business. You’re right, I do have issues and I will try to remember they
are mine and not confuse them with you.”

“Rebecca.” Matt said it so softly I almost missed it. “I’m sorry,
too. I am keeping something from Vicki, and I thought I could keep it from you,
too.” I watched him while he obviously struggled with whether or not to tell
me. “I’m having Stan investigate what happened to you. I can’t go on anymore,
thinking someone here deliberately hurt another member of our team.”

I nodded my head. “I understand. I’ve been struggling with it,
too.”

“A prank gone wrong could be forgiven in time, but I don’t think
it was a prank. I think someone intentionally set out to hurt you. I need to
find out who before something else happens.” He sat back and crossed his arms.
“I don’t want Vicki to know I’m worried about it. I don’t need her to get worked
up.”

“Do you think it could have been her?” I couldn’t look at Matt
when I asked the question I said I’d never ask. I was going to ask where
everyone’s whereabouts were so we could go through a process of elimination. If
people were accounted for, then they would be eliminated. I’m not sure why I
blurted out the question in the least tactful way possible.

Matt leaned forward and put his elbows on the desk, but still had
his arms crossed. “No. We drove in together and she was with me all morning.
Why do you think it was her? She would never hurt you.”

“I didn’t think so, but I had to ask.” That didn’t answer his
question, and he just kept looking at me waiting for my answer. “Everyone was
looking at you except for her in that meeting. It’s like she was watching and
waiting for something to happen. Then she took me to your house and bought all
that stuff so I would stay with you again. I’m sorry, but how many employers
have you spent the night with?”

Matt laughed and shook his head. “I guess we just think of you as
more than an employee, but I understand your concern. When you’re at our home,
you are our friend—not our employee. Actually, you’re the daughter of my wife’s
new best friend. Get used to her butting into your life now, but I’ll see what
I can do.”

I was a little embarrassed that they thought of me as a friend
when I only ever considered them my employers. I enjoyed spending time with
them, but I always would have just introduced each of them as my boss. “I’m
sorry.” They both were really sweet people, and I just seemed to keep saying
the wrong things to them.

“Don’t worry about it.” Matt got up and sat in the seat next to
me. “Hey,” he took my hand, “I would probably think this is all weird, too, if
I were your age. We just know you’re here alone, and we want to watch out for
you.” He squeezed my hand before he let go. “As for the other thing, Vicki said
she knew something was wrong and has been beating herself up for a while now
because she waited until you passed out to get help.”

“What do you mean something was wrong?”

“I’m not sure. Your speech was a little off or you were swaying
or something. She won’t really talk about it.” Matt got up and grabbed his
coat. “Let’s get out of here. It’s late and neither one of us really wants to
be here anymore, do we?”

I shook my head and let him walk me out.

~*~

Ryan insisted I come out to the game with the kids. I
didn’t want to since I was still on edge with the things that had been
happening at work. My paranoia was spilling over into my personal life. For the
past couple of days, things seemed to be moving at my place. I swear I’d leave
things a certain way and then when I got home, they’d be different. Nothing
seemed to be missing, so I felt foolish saying anything, but I was starting to
get a little freaked out.

As usual, Ryan was right and this day out with the kids was
exactly what I needed. I thought I would have been too consumed with my
troubles that I wouldn’t have had any fun. Truth is I barely thought of them at
all watching the kids play. I gained a lot of perspective out there watching
Ryan today. He was strong and gentle, a parent and a friend; he lived and
breathed these kids. Watching him with the kids told me more about him than
anything he could have told me himself.

He had just shooed all of them in to finish their homework or
chores, so we were finally alone again. We were picking up the equipment before
heading home. “I’m on to you, Ryan.”

“Oh, yeah?” Ryan shot me that crooked smile that always had me
smiling back. “Well, maybe I’ve figured you out, too.”

This could be interesting. “What do you think you have figured
out?”

He started shaking his head. “Nope, you first. You’re the one who
started this.”

“Okay. You need those kids like most people need air. Without
them, you’d suffocate. That’s why you didn’t go pro. No time to left to spend
here.” I spread my arms wide to reflect the ball field and the group home.

I think I surprised him and myself with how accurate I really
was. Ryan just stood there and looked out to the empty field for a few moments before
responding, “You’re right.”

“That’s it?” I couldn’t believe he went right back to picking up
the equipment. “You don’t have anything to add?”

Ryan turned to me and squinted in the sun. “What else is there to
say?”

“How about why? From what I’ve heard, you could have been a star in
the big leagues. Why did you leave it all behind?”

He shrugged. “I’d rather be a star here.” He started picking up
the equipment again. “This is big enough for me.”

“Okay. Well, what do you have figured out about me?” I took the
equipment I had picked up to the dugout to place in the bag.

Ryan sighed, and, for a second, I thought he was going to shut
himself off again, but he didn’t. He followed me to the dugout and sat me on
the bench next to him. I wasn’t sure if I was going to like what he had to say.

“You’re right. I do need this. I need this home and these boys. I
spent some time here myself when my father died.” I was completely surprised
that he had been in a home for boys. I tried to keep the shock off of my face,
but I don’t think I did a very good job. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you
that.” Ryan stood up. “Everyone looks at me differently when they think I was
an orphan.”

I grabbed his hand and tugged until he sat down next to me again.
“Please continue. I’ll explain my reaction after you’ve finished.”

He looked away and kicked a rock that wasn’t really worth kicking
before he continued. “My mom had a really hard time with his death, and my
brother and I were sent here since we didn’t have any other family. It wasn’t
horrible. I just remember thinking that someone should be here for these kids.
These kids shouldn’t be forgotten.”

“Did you feel forgotten?” I squeezed his hand to encourage him to
continue.

“I did at first. My mom started to visit when she got better. I
think the courts required visitation before she could take us home.”

“How long were you here?”

“About eighteen months. It was supposed to be just a year, but my
mom had a setback at the anniversary of his death.” Ryan let go of my hand to
turn to me and straddled the bench.

“You know what I need and what makes me tick now. What do you
need, Becca?”

Not sure what to say, I started looking for rocks to kick, too. I
didn’t find any worth kicking. “My family.” I decided to be honest with Ryan, the
only person I’ve been fully myself with in Dallas.

“Why did you move here if you were going to miss them this much?”

“I moved here to find them. My parents back home adopted me. I’ve
lived in a home like this before, too. Only I didn’t go back home to my mother.
I don’t even know who she is.”

It was Ryan’s turn to look shocked. “The way you talk about your
parents . . . I never would have guessed they weren’t yours.”

It wasn’t very ladylike, but I didn’t have a skirt on and I was
tired of twisting my body to look at Ryan. I stood up and straddled the bench
in front of him with our knees touching. “But they are mine. They chose me and
I love them very much. I consider them my parents in every sense of the
word—except birth.”

“Then why are you trying to find your birth parents?” He took my
hands this time to encourage me to continue.

“My need is a need to know why they left me. Why wasn’t I good
enough?” I looked at our joined hands to try to concentrate on anything but
this honest conversation.

Ryan let go of one hand and tilted my head up to his. “You are
good enough. They were the ones not good enough for you. Don’t ever forget
that.”

I know he didn’t mean to hurt me with his words and he didn’t
really. I’d just been hurting for so long thinking something was wrong with me
that I never thought the blame should be placed on the people that left me.
Once the tears started, Ryan cupped his hands under my knees and placed my legs
on his. I wrapped my arms around his neck the second he pulled me on his lap to
hold me.

I’m not sure how long we sat there holding one another, but I
felt at peace for the first time since I moved to Dallas. I knew we had to get
the rest of the equipment put away before dark. I started to pull away, but he
only held me tighter.

“I’ll help you find your family if you want.”

“I would like that, but we aren’t getting very far. I’ll probably
never find them.” I put my head back on his shoulder to breathe in his scent.

Ryan pulled back enough to look into my eyes so I would know he
was serious. “This is what you need. We will find them.”

“Sure we will.” I didn’t mean to sound so sarcastic, but I’d been
losing hope for a while and couldn’t hear the promises anymore. It wasn’t as if
I thought I would move to Dallas and they would just show up. I knew it was
going to be hard. I just didn’t realize how hard it would be to find two people
that obviously don’t want to be found. “I’m very happy you have everything you
need, Ryan, but don’t make promises you can’t keep. Not everyone gets what they
want out of life.”

“I may have what I need, but I don’t have everything I want.”

I had a feeling I knew what he was talking about, but I didn’t
want to be wrong. I searched his eyes and hesitantly I asked, “What do you
want, Ryan?”

He looked at me as if he was weighing his options on how to
answer, and then he kissed me. I had wanted this kiss ever since the kiss cam
at the ballgame, and it was everything I had expected it to be. I just wish I
hadn’t been crying moments before.

Ryan pulled back, and I reluctantly loosened my grip around his
neck. He was searching my eyes for a reaction. I just smiled and kissed him
again. I felt his approval grow beneath me as I pressed my body into his, and I
really wanted to lie him down on the bench. What I needed to remind myself was
Ryan could be Mr. Right—not Mr. Right Now.

I slid off of his lap and removed his hand from under my shirt
and continued to smile at him so he knew I wasn’t upset. “Let’s get the rest of
the equipment picked up before it’s too dark to see it.”