Complete Poems and Plays (56 page)

Lavinia’s aunt! You might have guessed it.

E
DWARD
and
C
ELIA
.
Lavinia’s aunt.

J
ULIA
.
                                                    Now, the next question

Is, what’s to be done. That’s very simple.

It’s too late, or too early, to go to a restaurant.

You must both come home with me.

E
DWARD
.
                                                 No, I’m sorry, Julia.

I’m too tired to go out, and I’m not at all hungry.

I shall have a few biscuits.

J
ULIA.
                                     But you, Celia?

You must come and have a light supper with me —

Something very light.

C
ELIA
.
                             Thank you, Julia.

I think I will, if I may follow you

In about ten minutes? Before I go, there’s something

I want to say to Edward.

J
ULIA
.
                                   About Lavinia?

Well, come on quickly. And take a taxi.

You know, you’re looking absolutely famished.

Good night, Edward.

[
Exit
J
ULIA
]

C
ELIA
.
                             Well, how did he persuade you?

E
DWARD
.
How did he persuade me? Did he persuade me?

I have a very clear impression

That he tried to persuade me it was all for the best

That Lavinia had gone; that I ought to be thankful.

And yet, the effect of all his argument

Was to make me see that I wanted her back.

C
ELIA
.
That’s the Devil’s method! So you want Lavinia back!

Lavinia! So the one thing you care about

Is to avoid a break — anything unpleasant!

No, it can’t be that. I won’t think it’s that.

I think it is just a moment of surrender

To fatigue. And panic. You can’t face the trouble.

E
DWARD
.
No, it is not that. It is not only that.

C
ELIA
.
It cannot be simply a question of vanity:

That you think the world will laugh at you

Because your wife has left you for another man?

I shall soon put that right, Edward,

When you are free.

E
DWARD
.
                    No, it is not that.

And all these reasons were suggested to me

By the man I call Riley — though his name is not Riley;

It was just a name in a song he sang …

C
ELIA
.
He sang you a song about a man named Riley!

Really, Edward, I think you are mad —

I mean, you’re on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

Edward, if I go away now

Will you promise me to see a very great doctor

Whom I have heard of — and his name
is
Reilly!

E
DWARD
.
It would need someone greater than the greatest doctor

To cure
this
illness.

C
ELIA
.
                          Edward, if I go now,

Will you assure me that everything is right,

That you do not mean to have Lavinia back

And that you do mean to gain your freedom,

And that everything is all right between us?

That’s all that matters. Truly, Edward,

If that is right, everything else will be,

I promise you.

E
DWARD
.
              No, Celia.

It has been very wonderful, and I’m very grateful,

And I think you are a very rare person.

But it was too late. And I should have known

That it wasn’t fair to you.

C
ELIA
.
                                    It wasn’t fair to
me
!

You can stand there and talk about being fair to
me
!

E
DWARD
.
But for Lavinia leaving, this would never have arisen.

What future had you ever thought there could be?

C
ELIA
.
What had I thought that the future could be?

I abandoned the future before we began,

And after that I lived in a present

Where time was meaningless, a private world of
ours,

Where the word ‘happiness’ had a different meaning

Or so it seemed.

E
DWARD
.
                 I have heard of that experience.

C
ELIA
.
A dream. I was happy in it till to-day,

And then, when Julia asked about Lavinia

And it came to me that Lavinia had left you

And that you would be free — then I suddenly discovered

That the dream was not enough; that I wanted something more

And I waited, and wanted to run to tell you.

Perhaps the dream was better. It seemed the real reality,

And if this is reality, it is very like a dream.

Perhaps it was I who betrayed my own dream

All the while; and to find I wanted

This world as well as that … well, it’s humiliating.

E
DWARD
.
There is no reason why you should feel humiliated …

C
ELIA.
Oh, don’t think that you can humiliate me!

Humiliation — it’s something I’ve done to myself.

I am not sure even that you seem real enough

To humiliate me. I suppose that most women

Would feel degraded to find that a man

With whom they thought they had shared something wonderful

Had taken them only as a passing diversion.

Oh, I dare say that you deceived yourself:

But that’s what it was, no doubt.

E
DWARD
.
I
didn’t
take you as a passing diversion!

If you want to speak of passing diversions

How did you take Peter?

C
ELIA
.
                                   Peter? Peter who?

E
DWARD
.
Peter Quilpe, who was here this evening.
He
was in a dream

And now he is simply unhappy and bewildered.

C
ELIA
.
I simply don’t know what you are talking about.

Edward, this is really too crude a subterfuge

To justify yourself. There was never anything

Between me and Peter.

E
DWARD
.
                            Wasn’t there?
He
thought so.

He came back this evening to talk to me about it.

C
ELIA
.
But this is ridiculous! I never gave Peter

Any reason to suppose I cared for him.

I thought he had talent; I saw that he was lonely;

I thought that I could help him. I took him to concerts.

But then, as he came to make more acquaintances,

I found him less interesting, and rather conceited.

But why should we talk about Peter? All that matters

Is, that you think you want Lavinia.

And if that is the sort of person you are —

Well, you had better have her.

E
DWARD
.
                                       It’s not like that.

It is not that I am in love with Lavinia.

I don’t think I was ever really in love with her.

If I have ever been in love — and I think that I have —

I have never been in love with anyone but you,

And perhaps I still am. But this can’t go on.

It never could have been … a permanent thing:

You should have a man … nearer your own age.

C
ELIA.
I don’t think I care for advice from you, Edward:

You are not entitled to take any interest

Now, in
my
future. I only hope you’re competent

To manage your own. But if you are not in love

And never have been in love with Lavinia,

What is it that you want?

E
DWARD
.
                               I am not sure.

The one thing of which I am relatively certain

Is, that only since this morning

I have met myself as a middle-aged man

Beginning to know what it is to feel old.

That is the worst moment, when you feel that you have lost

The desire for all that was most desirable,

Before you are contented with what you can desire;

Before you know what is left to be desired;

And you go on wishing that you could desire

What desire has left behind. But you cannot understand.

How could
you
understand what it is to feel old?

C
ELIA
.
But I want to understand you. I could understand.

And, Edward, please believe that whatever happens

I shall not loathe you. I shall only feel sorry for you.

It’s only myself I am in danger of loathing.

But what will your life be? I cannot bear to think of it.

Oh, Edward! Can you be happy with Lavinia?

E
DWARD
.
No — not happy: or, if there is any happiness,

Only the happiness of knowing

That the misery does not feed on the ruin of loveliness,

That the tedium is not the residue of ecstasy.

I see that my life was determined long ago

And that the struggle to escape from it

Is only a make-believe, a pretence

That what is, is not, or could be changed.

The self that can say ‘I want this — or want that’ —

The self that wills — he is a feeble creature;

He has to come to terms in the end

With the obstinate, the tougher self; who does not speak,