Complete Poems and Plays (63 page)

When we can go neither back nor forward? Edward!

What can we do?

R
EILLY
.
                   You have answered your own question,

Though you do not know the meaning of what you have said.

E
DWARD
.
Lavinia, we must make the best of a bad job.

That is what he means.

R
EILLY
.
                             When you find, Mr. Chamberlayne,

The best of a bad job is all any of us make of it —

Except of course, the saints — such as those who go

To the sanatorium — you will forget this phrase,

And in forgetting it will alter the condition.

L
AVINIA.
Edward, there
is
that hotel in the New Forest

If you want to go there. The proprietor

Who has just taken over, is a friend of Alex’s.

I could go down with you, and then leave you there

If you want to be alone …

E
DWARD
.
                               But I can’t go away!

I have a case coming on next Monday.

L
AVINIA
.
Then will you stop at your club?

E
DWARD
.
                                                       No, they won’t let me.

I must leave tomorrow — but how did you know

I was staying at the club?

L
AVINIA
.
                                Really, Edward!

I have
some
sense of responsibility.

I was going to leave some shirts there for you.

E
DWARD
.
It seems to me that I might as well go home.

L
AVINIA
.
Then we can share a taxi, and be economical.

Edward, have you anything else to ask him

Before we go?

E
DWARD
.
            Yes, I have.

But it’s difficult to say.

L
AVINIA
.
                           But I wish you would say it.

At least, there is something I would like you to ask.

E
DWARD
.
It’s about the future of … the others.

I don’t want to build on other people’s ruins.

L
AVINIA
.
Exactly. And I have a question too.

Sir Henry, was it you who sent those telegrams?

R
EILLY
.
I think I will dispose of your husband’s problem.

[
To
E
DWARD
]
Your business is not to clear your conscience

But to learn how to bear the burdens on your conscience.

With the future of the others you are not concerned.

L
AVINIA
.
I think you have answered my question too.

They had to tell us, themselves, that they had made their decision.

E
DWARD
.
Have you anything else to say to us, Sir Henry?

R
EILLY
.
No. Not in this capacity.

[E
DWARD
takes
out
his
cheque-book.
R
EILLY
raises
his
hand
]

My secretary will send you my account.

Go in peace. And work out your salvation with diligence.

[
Exeunt
E
DWARD
and
L
AVINIA
]

[R
EILLY
goes
to
the
couch
and
lies
down.
The
house-telephone
rings.
He
gets
up
and
answers
it.
]

R
EILLY.
Yes? … Yes. Come in.

[
Enter
J
ULIA
by
side
door
]

           She’s waiting downstairs.

J
ULIA
.
I know that, Henry. I brought her here myself.

R
EILLY
.
Oh? You didn’t let her know you were seeing me first?

J
ULIA
.
Of course not. I dropped her at the door

And went on in the taxi, round the corner;

Waited a moment, and slipped in by the back way.

I only came to tell you, I am sure she is ready

To make a decision.

R
EILLY
.
                         Was she reluctant?

Was that why you brought her?

J
ULIA
.
                                              Oh no, not reluctant:

Only diffident. She cannot believe

That you will take her seriously.

R
EILLY
.
                                            That is not uncommon.

J
ULIA
.
Or that she deserves to be taken seriously.

R
EILLY
.
That is most uncommon.

J
ULIA
.
                                              Henry, get up.

You can’t be as tired as that. I shall wait in the next room,

And come back when she’s gone.

R
EILLY
.
                                               Yes, when she’s gone.

J
ULIA
.
Will Alex be here?

R
EILLY
.
                               Yes, he’ll be here.

[
Exit
J
ULIA
by
side
door
]

[R
EILLY
presses
button.
N
URSE-
S
ECRETARY
shows
in
C
ELIA
]

R
EILLY
.
Miss Celia Coplestone? … Won’t you sit down?

I believe you are a friend of Mrs. Shuttlethwaite.

C
ELIA
.
Yes, it was Julia … Mrs. Shuttlethwaite

Who advised me to come to you. — But I’ve met you before,

Haven’t I, somewhere? … Oh, of course.

But I didn’t know …

R
EILLY
.
                          There is nothing you need to know.

I was there at the instance of Mrs. Shuttlethwaite.

C
ELIA
.
That makes it even more perplexing. However,

I don’t want to waste your time. And I’m awfully afraid

That you’ll think that I am wasting it anyway.

I suppose most people, when they come to see you,

Are obviously ill, or can give good reasons

For wanting to see you. Well, I can’t.

I just came in desperation. And I shan’t be offended

If you simply tell me to go away again.

R
EILLY
.
Most of my patients begin, Miss Coplestone,

By telling me exactly what is the matter with them,

And what I am to do about it. They are quite sure

They have had a nervous breakdown — that is what they call it —

And usually they think that someone else is to blame.

C
ELIA.
I at least have no one to blame but myself.

R
EILLY
.
And after that, the prologue to my treatment

Is to try to show them that they are mistaken

About the nature of their illness, and lead them to see

That it’s not so interesting as they had imagined.

When I get as far as that, there is something to be done.

C
ELIA
.
Well, I can’t pretend that my trouble is interesting;

But I shan’t begin that way. I feel perfectly well.

I could lead an active life — if there’s anything to work for;

I don’t imagine that I am being persecuted;

I don’t hear any voices, I have no delusions —

Except that the world I live in seems all a delusion!

But oughtn’t I first to tell you the circumstances?

I’d forgotten that you know nothing about me;

And with what I’ve been going through, these last weeks,

I somehow took it for granted that I needn’t explain myself.

R
EILLY
.
I know quite enough about you for the moment:

Try first to describe your present state of mind.

C
ELIA
.
Well, there are two things I can’t understand,

Which you might consider symptoms. But first I must tell you

That I should really
like
to think there’s something wrong with me —

Because, if there isn’t, then there’s something wrong,

Or at least, very different from what it seemed to be,

With the world itself — and that’s much more frightening!

That would be terrible. So I’d rather believe

There is something wrong with me, that could be put right.

I’d do anything you told me, to get back to normality.

R
EILLY
.
We must find out about you, before we decide

What
is
normality. You say there are two things:

What is the first?

C
ELIA
.
                     An awareness of solitude.

But that sounds so flat. I don’t mean simply

That there’s been a crash: though indeed there has been.

It isn’t simply the end of an illusion

In the ordinary way, or being ditched.

Of course that’s something that’s always happening

To all sorts of people, and they get over it

More or less, or at least they carry on.

No. I mean that what has happened has made me aware

That I’ve always been alone. That one always is alone.

Not simply the ending of one relationship,

Not even simply finding that it never existed —

But a revelation about my relationship

With
everybody.
Do you know —

It no longer seems worth while to
speak
to anyone!

R
EILLY
.
And what about your parents?