Complete Poems and Plays (65 page)

Oh, I’m afraid this sounds like raving!

Or just cantankerousness … still,

If there’s no other way … then I feel just hopeless.

R
EILLY
.
There
is
another way, if you have the courage.

The first I could describe in familiar terms

Because you have seen it, as we all have seen it,

Illustrated, more or less, in lives of those about us.

The second is unknown, and so requires faith —

The kind of faith that issues from despair.

The destination cannot be described;

You will know very little until you get there;

You will journey blind. But the way leads towards possession

Of what you have sought for in the wrong place.

C
ELIA
.
That sounds like what I want. But what is my duty?

R
EILLY
.
Whichever way you choose will prescribe its own duty.

C
ELIA
.
Which way is better?

R
EILLY
.
                                   Neither way is better.

Both ways are necessary. It is also necessary

To make a choice between them.

C
ELIA
.
                                               Then I choose the second.

R
EILLY
.
It is a terrifying journey.

C
ELIA
.
                                            I am not frightened

But glad. I suppose it is a lonely way?

R
EILLY
.
No lonelier than the other. But those who take the other

Can forget their loneliness. You will not forget yours.

Each way means loneliness — and communion.

Both ways avoid the final desolation

Of solitude in the phantasmal world

Of imagination, shuffling memories and desires.

C
ELIA
.
That is the hell I have been in.

R
EILLY
.
                                                 It isn’t hell

Till you become incapable of anything else.

Now — do you feel quite sure?

C
ELIA
.
                                             I want your second way.

So what am I to do?

R
EILLY
.
                        You will go to the sanatorium.

C
ELIA
.
Oh, what an anti-climax! I have known people

Who have been to your sanatorium, and come back again —

I don’t mean to say they weren’t much better for it —

That’s why I came to you. But they returned …

Well … I mean … to everyday life.

R
EILLY
.
True. But the friends you have in mind

Cannot have been to this sanatorium.

I am very careful whom I send there:

Those who go do not come back as these did.

C
ELIA
.
It sounds like a prison. But they can’t
all
stay there!

I mean, it would make the place so over-crowded.

R
EILLY
.
Not very many go. But I said they did not come back

In the sense in which your friends came back.

I did not say they stayed there.

C
ELIA
.
                                             What becomes of them?

R
EILLY
.
They choose, Miss Coplestone. Nothing is forced on them.

Some of them return, in a physical sense;

No one disappears. They lead very active lives

Very often, in the world.

C
ELIA
.
                                  How soon will you send me there?

R
EILLY
.
How soon will you be ready?

C
ELIA
.
                                                   Tonight, by nine o’clock.

R
EILLY
.
Go home then, and make your preparations.

Here is the address for you to give your friends;

[
Writes
on
a
slip
of
paper
]

You had better let your family know at once.

I will send a car for you at nine o’clock.

C
ELIA
.
What do I need to take with me?

R
EILLY.
                                                   Nothing.

Everything you need will be provided for you,

And you will have no expenses at the sanatorium.

C
ELIA
.
I don’t in the least know what I am doing

Or why I am doing it. There is nothing else to do:

That is the only reason.

R
EILLY
.
                              It is the best reason.

C
ELIA
.
But I know it is I who have made the decision:

I must tell you that. Oh, I almost forgot —

May I ask what your fee is?

R
EILLY
.
                                    I have told my secretary

That there is no fee.

C
ELIA
.
                           But …

R
EILLY
.
                                  For a case like yours

There is no fee.

[
Presses
button
]

C
ELIA
.
                      You have been very kind.

R
EILLY
.
Go in peace, my daughter.

Work out your salvation with diligence.

[N
URSE-
S
ECRETARY
appears
at
door.
Exit
C
ELIA
. R
EILLY
dials
on
house-telephone.
]

R
EILLY
[
into
telephone
]
.
It is finished. You can come in now.

[
Enter
J
ULIA
by
side
door
]

She will go far, that one.

J
ULIA
.
                                   Very far, I think.

You do not need to tell me. I knew from the beginning.

R
EILLY
.
It’s the other ones I am worried about.

J
ULIA
.
Nonsense, Henry,
I
shall keep an eye on them.

R
EILLY
.
To send them back: what have they to go back tc?

To the stale food mouldering in the larder,

The stale thoughts mouldering in their minds.

Each unable to disguise his own meanness

From himself, because it is known to the other.

It’s not the knowledge of the mutual treachery

But the knowledge that the other understands the motive —

Mirror to mirror, reflecting vanity.

I have taken a great risk.

J
ULIA
.
                                   We must always take risks.

That is our destiny. Since you question the decision

What possible alternative can you imagine?

R
EILLY.
None.

J
ULIA
.
               Very well then. We must take the risk.

All we could do was to give them the chance.

And now, when they are stripped naked to their souls

And can choose, whether to put on proper costumes

Or huddle quickly into new disguises,

They have, for the first time, somewhere to start from.

Oh, of course, they might just murder each other!

But I don’t think they will do that. We shall see.

It’s the thought of Celia that weighs upon my mind.

R
EILLY
.
Of Celia?

J
ULIA
.
                    Of Celia.

R
EILLY
.
                                 But when I said just now

That she would go far, you agreed with me.

J
ULIA
.
Oh yes, she will go far. And we know where she is going.

But what do we know of the terrors of the journey?

You and I don’t know the process by which the human is

Transhumanised: what do we know

Of the kind of suffering they must undergo

On the way of illumination?

R
EILLY
.
                                     Will she be frightened

By the first appearance of projected spirits?

J
ULIA
.
Henry, you simply do not understand innocence.

She will be afraid of nothing; she will not even know

That there is anything there to be afraid of.

She is too humble. She will pass between the scolding hills,

Through the valley of derision, like a child sent on an errand

In eagerness and patience. Yet she must suffer.

R
EILLY
.
When I express confidence in anything

You always raise doubts; when I am apprehensive

Then you see no reason for anything but confidence.

J
ULIA
.
That’s one way in which I am so useful to you.

You ought to be grateful.

R
EILLY
.
                                 And when I say to one like her

‘Work out your salvation with diligence’, I do not understand

What I myself am saying.

J
ULIA
.
                                     You must accept your limitations.

— But how much longer will Alex keep us waiting?

R
EILLY
.
He should be here by now. I’ll speak to Miss Barraway.

[
Takes
up
house-telephone
]

Miss Barraway, when Mr. Gibbs arrive …

Oh, very good.

[
To
J
ULIA
]
He’s on his way up.

[
Into
telephone
]