Confessions of a Backup Dancer (18 page)

ok ew I'm officially nauseous. I have made myself sick.

I fell asleep before I really got to writing before, but I got woken up when I heard darcy come back to the suite. I could smell pot, I guess it had come in under the door.

right away jesse was like, “where the hell have you been? I've been waiting for like two hours” and darcy was like, “what are you talking about? I just did my interview and came straight here! and it looks like you're having an OK time without me, stoner!”

and he was like, “damn I can't believe you made me wait so long!”

neither of them said anything for a few minutes, then I could make out muffled voices.

I heard them go into darcy's bedroom and close the door. I heard the lock go, too.

then I got really dawson's creek about the whole thing. I actually put my ear up against the wall and listened. her bed was pushed right up against the wall, I guess, cause I could hear a lot. now I don't want to make this an x-rated diary or anything but let's just say I heard
jesse nixon and darcy barnes make out, get stoned, and engage in, what do they call it in junior high?

oh yeah,
heavy petting
.

I didn't pull my ear away until I heard jesse say, “are you done baby? hold on. lemme go get a towel.”

I'm going to need lifelong therapy.

TUESDAY JULY 2

INDIANAPOLIS (I think), 3:05
PM

Outfit:
I tried to board the bus in just my tank top but Darla glared at me so I put on my tour jacket. I was sweating all day

Hair:
Never better. Shaundree touched up my roots.

Sorry I haven't written in so long. I guess you could say I've been having the time of my life. Six shows a week, but lots of time to just hang out too. Mostly with darcy, but also rashid, who's gone from my crush to my friend and poker pal. He calls me the shark. I can thank my dad for that one—he taught me all I know about fivecard stud.

I swear every town we get to has more screaming fans than the last one. and what's really tragic is the deeper we get into summer, the hotter it gets, the less people in the audience are wearing. and here's a rule that everyone should have to learn: just because your pop idol looks cute in a sports bra and track pants doesn't mean that you do. and all those ill signs: “Lipstick Me” “Virgin and Proud” and “Darcy It's My Birthday!” and the scariest: “Moms United for Darla and Darcy.” today someone even came up to darcy and goes “I named my baby after you will you bless her?” and darcy goes “I don't think I'm allowed to do that.”

ooh evan just signed on.

KellyKelSoCal321:
do you get any summer vacation at all?

SlipKnotRules933111:
yeah next week mom's making me go to palm desert to visit Aunt Linda.

KellyKelSoCal321:
oh god no.

SlipKnotRules933111:
yes. I really don't want to go to the desert. I really wish she'd just let me stay here

KellyKelSoCal321:
no way then you'd be in twin hell

SlipKnotRules933111:
I could hide

KellyKelSoCal321:
what if I asked her to let you come to Orlando? we're going there tomorrow to do two shows there then we' re shooting a new video for “Wax On, Wax Off” then we get two days off so we'll be there for like two weeks … you could come for practically the whole time.

SlipKnotRules933111:
what would I do there

KellyKelSoCal321:
I don't know just hang out. ask mom if you can come here instead. I'll buy your ticket I know I'm supposed to be saving money or whatever but I can get him a plane ticket, maybe I can even use one of the vouchers continental airlines gave us all. they're helping sponsor the tour or whatever. besides, I'm having a blast. he'd have a blast. he and darcy love each other. he should come up.

MONDAY JULY 8

DARCY'S HOUSE

ORLANDO, 9:30
AM

Outfit:
darcy's t-shirt, darcy's track pants, darcy's scrunchie. all my stuff's in the laundry or something.

Fortune:
Follow the signs.

Darcy woke me up this morning by jumping on my bed. well, not really my bed. I've been sleeping in darcy's hot older brother's bed. don't worry he's out of town.

yeah, she has a house down here. you pretty much can't be a teen pop star without a spread within range of disney world, know what I mean? a couple of the guys from the Backstreet Boys or one of those old boy bands live down the block—a couple of the guys, not a “couple couple,” er, whatever. I'm sure the Lacheys have a spread nearby. maybe Aaron Carter, too. oh and darla has her own place, it was her way of giving darcy and her brother some “space” or her way of giving herself some space, or something.

so we're down here for a couple of weeks or so to take a break before heading up to New York, where darcy's agreed to do a pay-per-view show. (of course, that includes yours truly …) it'll definitely be the biggest show of this tour, and everyone is starting to get pretty revved up about it. I'd rather chill out though, ya know? this is our big chance to relax …

Anyway so yeah darcy started jumping on my bed
before I even knew what was up. I go, “What the fuck is going on?” (I can be like that in the morning sometimes … cranky as hell. I think I get it from my mother.) and she goes, “relax! jeez, so cranky! we have to watch the today show! jesse is going to be on!”

and she cranks on the TV. it's Pashmina singing “Working Girls” with Gwen Stefani, Beyonce, and Foxy Brown. darcy screamed out loud. EW! she covered her mouth with her hand and looked closer. under her breath I heard, “oh, my, god. look at how much makeup she has on!”

she was right. Pashmina looked like a clown. not like the cute kind, but like the scary kind that keep children up at night. and she was wearing panties that showed, well, pretty much everything, hello, camel toe!

CHANGE IT!!
I screamed. she began pushing buttons frantically. and there's katie couric staring out at us talking about west nile disease.

I go. Aren't you and your mom going to be on the today show one of these days?

she goes. No, that was the view, and it was last week. we flew up for a couple of hours when we were in D.C.

I go, Oh, I didn't know. it sucked, she said. we had to sing mama knows best. she was silent for a minute.

i was about to say something lame like “that's cool”
when she started talking again. You know, it was our second time on the view this summer. I guess it's a record … The Star said it's the first time a mother-daughter team has performed the same song on the view twice.

I looked at her, wondering what to say. I had no idea if what she'd just told me was a good thing or not. I still hadn't figured out what to say during the LAST awkward silence and here I was faced with another one!

saved again! darcy blurted: “Hey! Why don't you and ME do a duet?”

I was like, urn, ok, hell yeah! d.b. wants to do a duet, I'm down. like mama knows best? I said.

she goes NO way! You know I hate that song!

I was like PHEW! I HATE IT TOO! I laughed, and she laughed back.

This was one of those times when I actually liked her.

we'll make it about best friends, like you and moi! c'mon let's go down to my home recording studio!

I was like “home recording studio? what is this, MTV Cribs? ok. totally let's do it. hey you watch for jesse and I'll just take a quick shower ok??”

but she didn't hear me, I don't think. Katie Couric was talking about how this kid was rescued from a flood in Mississippi and darcy was totally crying. oh my lordy that is so sad! that little boy lost his puppy! oh I'm calling
eileen to send him a new bloodhound. where's my cellie? Note: new addition to my list of her multiple personalities. Random Acts of Kindness Darcy.

I snuck down into her kitchen to see if there was any coffee brewing. rock and roll, there was.

I could hear her yelling upstairs: “K.K. you gotta see this! jesse looks sooo cute!”

I pretended not to hear. I focused on my coffee. It's not like we'll actually be writing a song together anyway. darla would never let that happen. there's no way darcy's serious about it.

TUESDAY JULY 9

O-TOWN, BABY, 12:15
PM

Outfit:
I'm in the same thing I was in yesterday, everything darcy's. we haven't left the house and I haven't showered in over a day, and it feels great. :-)

Mood:
After a rocky start, beginning to feel comfortable in this style to which I've become accustomed.

turns out darcy was serious about writing a song together.

see?

Be with Me (Reality)

(© 2003 Darcy Barnes and K.K. Kimball)

Don't be lame
Don't be stupid
Don't be boring
Don't be fake
Be real!
Don't be ill
Don't be crazy
Don't be shady
Don't be late
Be real!
You gotta be real
To be with me (reality)
You gotta know the deal
To be with me (reality)
Cause reality
Is the way to be
Be with me (reality)
Don't be a clone
Don't be trendy
Don't be just like
All the rest
Be real!

(Rap)

Reality reality is the only way that I can be
And all my girls around me say
Be real, be real, just keep it real, hey!
You gotta be real
To be with me (reality)
You gotta know the deal
To be with me (reality)
Cause reality
Is the way to be
Be with me (reality)

we finished it in like an hour and it was pretty cool. I went in just expecting to goof around and do silly stuff, but darcy went totally pro when we got into the studio. I was amazed at how well she worked that studio. it was pretty big … way bigger than Snoop's on Cribs. walls and walls of equipment and speakers and woofers and subwoofers and whatever else that stuff is. and like a soundproof booth with a big huge mike in it and a bunch of instruments leaning up against the wall.

darcy's a better musician than they give her credit for. that girl can play a tune on the keyboard by ear, no problem, even if when you hum it for her you're totally off-key. and she comes up with some really cute melodies. I found harmonies pretty easily for her melodies (thanks dad for that early childhood California Dreamin' training) and our voices didn't sound that bad together at all!

as far as lyrics, she said we should go for straight-out cheese because as far as she can tell, cheese is what sells. and she said she wanted me to make some money off of it. I was like, well, ok. why not. so cheese we produced.

she goes ha! I bet Pashmina can't write her own songs. and she didn't make the 50 most gorgeous list either did she? do you think my hair is better than hers?