This story reminded me of a similar tale told by Steven Covey, in his book,
First Things First,
in which he describes a successful business executive who builds a multigenerational home to house his kids and his grandkids in a desperate attempt to buy back the family time he had used up while preoccupied with building his business.
8
I know of many other parents, too many, who, out of fear of not putting in enough face time, or due to the myth that busy-ness equals business, lose contact with their kids and their other loved ones.
One of the worst casualties of a high-speed life is the tunnel vision it generates. It is easy to justify staying late to get caught up or to empty the in-box. It may even seem like there is no other choice. But after 20 or 30 years, even the wealthiest magnate realizes there is one thing that can never be bought back, and that, of course, is time. Choosing to adopt
cool
principles is a life decision. As you seek to figure out whether you are willing to do this, I would ask you to consider the following question: Is the personal price you're paying for your success really worth it? In other words, what is the cost of your money?
You have true power over your career. Take some time and assess its pros and the cons. Write these things down. Above all, don't let it get lost in the blur.
KEY POINTS TO TAKE AWAY
⢠The
Bowie Theory
identified that music is going to become ubiquitous like running water or electricity, which points to the fact that the human element, live concerts in the case of music, will make the difference in the future.
⢠Networking internally means taking the time to hook up with contacts that can save you time and keep you in touch.
⢠Mentors are an essential component of career furtherance.
⢠Being a mentor allows for simultaneous teaching and learning.
⢠Managing up is about solidifying a relationship of communication and understanding between you and your manager. The onus may be upon you to start this and to maintain it as a regular habit.
⢠Careers are dynamic. As such, it's prudent to invest time in preparing for your next few years in case the axe falls sometime soon.
⢠Networking is best done through active listening, giving “face” to business cards, and actively following up.
⢠Memorable closes are essential because they leverage the psychological law of recency.
⢠Lifelong learning is an essential part of every professional's career and should be pursued during productive workday hours rather than late at night.
⢠We can learn from those who have gone before us and have become successful at the cost of their personal or family life.
⢠Use some
slow
time to ensure access to lifelong learning, and therefore lifelong employability.
â¢
Slow
isn't just about the quality of work. It's also about the quality of your life, health, and experience.
COOL
DOWN
⢠Make a wish list. What do you see yourself doing in five years? 10? 20?
⢠What activities do you want your working life to entail?
⢠How about your non-working life (home, friends, family)?
⢠Could you use this written wish list when next talking to your manager about your career path or annual review?
⢠How strong is your current network? How often do you contact people just to network?
⢠Have you identified the “important” people in your contact list?
⢠Respecting the bounds of your current employers' confidentiality, are you able to keep a separate list of the key people and contacts you have met and who may be personally valuable to you over the years? Are you able to keep that list offsite?
⢠Does every “important” person in this list have a “tickler”? That is to say, a reminder to keep in touch? Not everyone should be contacted every week, of course. Some people could do with a call every six months or so, others perhaps once a year.
⢠Have you ever had a conversation with a manager or mentor in which the discussion seemed to be “deeper” than just immediate projects? How would you react to and follow up on possible “between-the-lines” messages? What mentors do you have lined up who could coach you in this vital skill?
⢠What mentors do you have in general? How do you (or might you) schedule time once a week to talk with one of them?
⢠Who can you be a mentor to? How might you go about publicizing this? What benefits would you expect from a mentoring relationship?
⢠How much time can you
make
in your week or month to manage up? What kind of manager do you work for? How best might she be approached e.g., scheduled meeting or
ad hoc
?
⢠Who can you have lunch with this week?
⢠What formal networking events willl you attend this month?
⢠What plans do you have for additional learning, e.g., college courses of professional vocational courses? What would be the best time of day for you to study? How will you approach your manager with your plan for lifelong learning?
1
Pareles, Jon. 2002. “David Bowie, 21st-Century Entrepreneur.”
The New York Times
(June 9): 30., quoted in Krueger, Alan B.,
The Economics of Real Superstars: The Market for Rock Concerts in the Material World
, Princeton University (April 2004)
http://www.irs.princeton.edu/pubs/pdfs/484.pdf
2
Reardon, Kathleen Kelley, PhD.,
The Secret Handshake: Mastering the Politics of the Business Inner Circle.
Currency Books, 2001, pp. 87-88.
4
Bing, Stanley,
Throwing the Elephant: Zen and the Art of Managing Up
. Collins, 2003.
6
Ferrazzi, Keith,
Never Eat Alone, and Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time
. Currency (February 22, 2005).
7
De Geus, Airie,
The Living Company: Habits for Survival in a Turbulent Business Environment.
Harvard Business School Press; 1st edition (June 4, 2002).
8
Covey, Steven, Merrill, Roger, and Merrill, Rebecca,
First Things First: To Live, to Love, to Learn, to Leave a Legacy
. Free Press, 1996.
Â
THE LOSS OF MY JOB,
THE LOSS OF ALL THAT I AM?
A NEW DOOR OPENS
.
CHAPTER 10
TRANSITION
Â
The dreaded period called
transition,
a nice term for unemployment, is a situation that people think is the last place in the world where a
cool
,
slow
approach would be appropriate. When you are unemployed, the busy-ness of work comes to a screeching stop and all of a sudden Monday is no longer the beginning of another week in the rat race. Instead, it represents the start of five long days of emptiness and despair.
Even if you yourself are currently employed as you read these words, and you feel you are too busy to think about anything other than your overloaded schedule, it is still worthwhile to read this chapter for two important reasons:
1. The skills and techniques described here aren't just for those who happen to find themselves out of work. They reinforce the idea that above all, the best thing you can possibly do to improve your ability to sell, to influence, to be productive, to remain employable, and to get things done is to
cool down
.
2. You might not be employed in your current job this time next year (or even next month). No-one's job is very secure anymore. In that case, learning now about these strategies will cut out a lot of stress and lost time from your own transition period if, or when, it happens.
When I work with people who have been recently let go, they are often still in shock. Their eyes are glazed, and they have that air of disbelief about them that says, “This can't be happening to me. I'm too good.” But it does happen, and it happens to all kinds of good people, especially the hardest-working good people. Often it happens more than once in their lives.
There are two reflexes that often emerge simultaneously alongside the shock of being fired: The first is the desire to protect oneself, and the second is the desire to change the situationâto put things back to rights as quickly as possible. Most recently downsized people feel a desire for fast action; at this juncture, they look to find the first job or offer they canâanything to make up for the fear and indignity of being kicked out of the world of the comfortably employed. This, of course, is a dangerous reaction, since the first offer is seldom the best, and worse, the mental state of a person in shock is not the right one for making career choices.
Consequently, the first thing a person in transition needs to do, quite literally, is to
cool down
âto eliminate the feeling of mounting panic and replace it with a strategy that includes more than simply printing up a résumé and surfing the job sites on the Internet. Many ask me what is the first thing they should do; I usually suggest they go build something.
BUILD A GAZEBO
It was during a workshop, in which I was talking with a group of professionals-in-transition that one gentleman in the audience asked me if it was okay for him to take a week or two and work on building a gazebo in his back yard. It was something he had wanted to do for his family for a long time, but he had never been able to get around to it because he had spent too many weekends stuck at the office. He wanted to know if it was wrong to take time to do this when a part of him felt he really should be out looking for his next job. Clearly, he was looking for permission to step away from the work of finding work. I told him that it was absolutely the right thing to do; in fact, I have long held the belief that everyone in a position of stress, confusion, or overload should go out and build a “gazebo” of his own. Everyone who is thrown into the soul-wrenching position of losing his identity, career, and financial stability should, as a first step, take on some activity that allows him to flush out the panic by using physical distraction, which acts as a catalyst for reflection.
To set out to build a gazebo is to undertake a physical activity in which body and mind become focused on a plan of action that is unrelated to life and its current problems. When both body and mind become occupied in this manner, even when the gazebo-building work gets strenuous, there is relaxation (remember, it's called
eustress
). And when the body and mind relax, blood pressure drops and reflection happens, and then creativity happens.
Some might turn to a week of playing tennis, or of long walks with the dog, or of painting (either with an easel, or on the living room walls with a roller), or of tidying the yard or building a deck. What is most important is that you choose a solitary activity in which body and mind focus on constructive work. There will be time for discussing your findings and thoughts with your partner or mentor later. That's when the holographic brain concept discussed in Chapter 7 will truly shine, the time when you will find yourself answering your own questions. But to begin you need some time to slow down and let the thoughts come.
Remember, this is not a chronic assignment, just as unemployment will not be a chronic condition. The gazebo project might take a week, or two; it symbolizes not just a mind-and-body focused activity but a finite activity as well. Upon completion of the project, you'll be ready for the next chapter of your life.
Slowing down in this fashion allows for significant, salient thoughts to emerge and rise to the top, unfettered by the trivial priorities of email and meetings. Questions such as:
⢠What do I value?
⢠What does my next job look like?
⢠What hours and conditions would suit me best?
⢠What do I wish to achieve?
⢠What companies interest me, regardless of whether they currently have openings or not? (We'll cover that later.)
Focusing your mind on an unrelated topic, such as building a gazebo, gives it permission to massage and flex these underlying questions without the stress of hard focus upon them. This is indirect thinking, and in just the same manner that
slow
is quicker than fast when seeking to attain a goal, so indirect thinking leads to resolution faster than direct thinking does.
Here are two perfect examples taken from life chapters of two real people:
⢠Bob had spent 20 years in the food and beverage industry, soft-drink division, dealing with the logistics of shipping his company's products to regional stores. Not a very exciting statement, is it? While taking some time to paint his house after having been downsized, Bob mulled over the different phrases he could use to describe his qualifications in networking situations. “Food and beverage?” “Shipping?” “Logistics?” All slightly dull until his newly liberated mind hit upon a fact that had been plainly invisible to him for so many years: He worked in the soft-drink industry, one of the world's most popular substances. He suddenly realized that he had something interesting to say; something that would make people remember him. In subsequent networking events he would introduce himself as the person who knew the secret technique that makes Coca-Cola unique. “I can tell you,” he would say with a wink, “but then I'd have to kill you.” That was something that started conversations. He never gave out the secret, of course, but he was remembered for his novel and intriguing presentation.
⢠Jane had always been a busy executive and when she was let go, it was her eagerness to get back in the game quickly that proved to be a liability. She wanted to be seen, to have interviews as soon as possible, first thing in the morning. But the people that she hoped to see at that time were all too busy. They were all in meetings or doing something else. So she forced herself to take some time to walk around the duck pond at the park near her house. Every day. She would ask herself questions, such as, “As a busy executive, if someone were to ask
me
for an appointment, what would be the best time of the day for
me
?” She let this settle in her mind for a while, and soon she hit upon the perfect time when busy professionals, in her experience, are at their most receptive and available: just after coffee break, mid-morning. This became her offering point as she started crafting her pitch. “Let me come and see you at 10:30. I'll spring for coffee,” she would say. And that's what she did. She returned to work within the monthâjust by taking her brain out for a walk around a duck pond.