When I woke up an hour later, the worst thing possible was happening. I started to feel my abdomen tightening like a fist. I walked slowly to the kitchen to get a glass of water and managed to drink some before I became too weak. Then I noticed a bloody discharge running down my legs.
Oh, Lord, no!
Suddenly, I felt extreme pressure in my pelvic area and strong abdominal cramps hit me. I stumbled, and I knew something was terribly wrong.
First, I called Joshua, but I didn't get an answer, so I left a message on his voice mail.
Then I called 911 and my sister. I sat still on my bed and tried to stay calm, meditating on the Ninety-first Psalm. “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”
About fifteen minutes later I was rushed into the emergency room where I was immediately hooked up to monitors. Clearly, I was in preterm labor, but I wasn't fully dilated and the baby's heart rate was dropping fast. I was told there was no time to spare.
“We're going to take the baby,” I heard someone say.
So within minutes I was prepped for surgery. An epidural was placed in my spine. I was told to count backward.
Ten-nine-eight-seven
... I was drifting ...
six-five-four- three
... I couldn't feel anything except that I was almost gone. I was practically numb.
Two-one
. Nothing.
I was out of my body and possibly out of my mind as well. The epidural took away the pain, but the stress was knocking me out.
The baby was being born too soon. Would our child survive being born at only eight months? Could our marriage survive if our child didn't? Would I want to live if he didn't? We already knew the risks, the danger involved. Then I saw Joshua come into the room, my knight in shining armor. He was wearing a face mask and surgical gown. How did he make it here so fast? I thought he was busy with his own life. No time to worry about that. I felt more and more pressure. I heard talking as I went in and out of consciousness; and then I heard my baby crying.
My baby, Joshua Jr., was born too soon. I couldn't hold him though. I was too sleepy. Through one eye I saw Joshua holding him. I smiled a weak smile before I lapsed into a deep sleep.
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When I woke up in the recovery room, my father was standing over me. He looked tired and old with his head of gray hair and matching eyebrows.
“Daddy,” I moaned.
Daddy smiled with his missing bottom teeth. “Don't talk. You're okay, and the baby is okay. That's all that matters.”
“But Iâ”
“Josh is downstairs at the nursery. They're running some tests on the baby.”
“I want to see him,” I said.
“You'll have plenty time for that,” Dad said.
“I want to see my son now.”
He ignored me. “Thank you for giving me a healthy grandson.”
“You're welcome, Daddy.” A tear slipped from my eye and rolled on the pillowcase.
Minutes later a nurse rolled me down to my room from the delivery room.
When Joshua came through that door, the first thing he did was gently gather me into his arms. It was the way he had held me on our wedding day, the way I'd longed to be held for over the past months.
My body was sore, but the hug was way overdue so it soothed me. His rough, unshaven face scratched my skin. His shirt was wrinkled; he needed a haircut; and he smelled of engine oil. I wondered if he had been working under the hood of his SUV, which would've been a miracle since he didn't know anything about cars. He looked like he had been having a tough time without me.
“I'm so sorry, Alex,” Joshua said, pulling up a chair to sit down by the bed.
“I am too.” I touched his face and smiled. This certainly was not the neat, pine-scented Joshua that I knew. Regardless of how terrible he looked or smelled, he sure felt good in my arms.
Joshua fell to his knees and kissed my hands. “I love you. I never meant for anything like this to happen.”
“I know that. It's not your fault,” I said.
“Yes, it is. I should never have left your side. If I hadn't been such a fool, worrying about Seger, I would've been taking care of you. I'm sorry.”
Although I still felt weak, all I wanted to know was if my baby was fine. “How is my baby?”
“He is small, but he is strong.” Joshua swallowed hard. “God made him strong, and He'll not let us down.”
“You're right.” I wiped the tears from my eyes.
“Please don't cry. I'm sorry for all I put you through,” Joshua said.
“It's okay.”
Joshua wouldn't let me go. “No, I shouldn't have put you through this additional drama.”
I must've had a confused look on my face because he explained. “First I left you alone because of my own foolish pride, and then I ended up messing up with the bank, losing my job, and then the media, and ... I should've known Simon was stealing when I first saw the discrepancy with the numbers.”
“You mean you knew?”
He nodded. “I saw small amounts of money missing. Not more than a couple of thousand in total, and it worried me for a while. But then I listened to Simon and chose to ignore it. Too busy with my own mess. Now I'm paying for it.” Joshua dropped his head.
I felt sorry for him. “They'll find out the truth.”
“Sure, after my arrest and a long, damaging trial,” he smirked.
“Come on. They'll know you're innocent,” I said. “Have they even questioned you?”
Joshua nodded. “Yes, they did on the first week.”
“Well, I'm sure the FBI is doing their thing. No one in their right mind is going to suspect you of embezzlement,” I stated, trying to reassure him.
Joshua let out a deep breath. “Maybe not. But that's not what they're saying on the social networks.”
“Oh, no one cares about that nonsense. Did you tell the police about what you saw and about what you told Simon?”
Joshua loosened his grasp on me but still held my hands. “I told them everything.”
I wrapped my fingers around his. “I'm sorry. What can I do to help?”
Joshua kissed me softly on my lips. “Just be yourself, your beautiful self. I missed you so much.”
“Missed me? Why didn't you come and tell me?”
“I told you I was a fool.” Joshua spoke low, as if he were ashamed. “Then I came by one day, and I saw Seger's car there, and Iâ”
“Seger and I were just friends. He was very supportive. Nothing more,” I confirmed.
Joshua looked surprised. “Was?”
“I've decided to let that relationship go.”
Joshua smiled. “For me?”
“Yes, for you and for our relationship.” I smiled back.
“I should've never left,” he said again.
I tried to sit up in bed, but I was too sore. “You're right. But I should've stopped hounding you about Kiano when I saw you doing the best you could. I should've stood behind your vision and trusted God.”
“Okay,” Joshua said, “where did all this come from?”
I looked up to the ceiling. “The same place all your revelations come from. Then I finally calmed down so I could hear a word from Godâand it wasn't necessarily the one I wanted to hear.”
Joshua looked directly into my eyes. “What do you mean?”
“I was too busy doing my own thing and asking God to bless it. That's something I heard a few months back at the women's conference, but I wasn't ready to receive it then. I've finally taken a step back and got back into His will. I'm no longer doing my thing or everything; just His thing.”
Joshua asked, “So what exactly does that mean?”
“That means that I'm waiting for the doors to open concerning Kiano's adoption, and I'm trusting in God to supply all of our needs, and all of Kiano's needs too.” I kissed Joshua full on the mouth.
He let out a breath of relief. “I'm so glad to hear that.”
At that moment my dad ran into the room smiling. “You two will have plenty of time for that.” He looked around for the remote. “Let's turn on this television.”
Joshua raised his eyebrows. “Why? What's going on?”
“You'll see.” Dad turned the television on and flipped the channels until he stopped at the news.
The breaking story was that Simon had been caught trying to leave the country, and he confessed to embezzling one hundred and eighty thousand dollars from the bank. Although Joshua was the one able to create new loans and adjust amounts in the accounts, Simon also had the authority to create and process certain adjustments. He had been transferring money from fictitious lines of credit to other accounts. Thanks to an anonymous tip, the feds had been checking him out for a while. They found that he had an undisclosed foreign bank account with deposits that matched the amounts of the missing monies. He was being charged with felony counts of bank fraud and embezzlement.
“Hallelujah!” Joshua jumped up from his seat.
“Oh, bless His name,” I said with tears streaming down my face.
“Your sister is here, and she wants to see you,” Dad said.
“Well, let her come in.” I looked toward the door as my dad opened it.
Taylor and Keith came in holding hands.
“Oh, it's so good to see you two together,” I said. I had hoped that everything would work out for them. With a strong-willed person like Taylor, I just never knew.
“I could say the same thing about you two,” Taylor reached up to grab my hand from her wheelchair.
Keith hugged me very gently, careful not to hurt my sore areas. “Looking good, lady.”
“I'm glad you're both here,” I smiled.
“Well, I got here as soon as I could. I had to wait for slowpoke here to come by and get me.” Taylor cut her eyes at Keith. “That's a beautiful baby out there.”
“Thank you, girl.” Now that my sister was there I felt like I was going to cry.
Taylor let out a deep breath. “Whew, you had me a little scared.”
“I guess Josh Jr. was tired of waiting,” I said.
“Got that right,” Joshua smiled proudly.
“Well, we've finally set a date,” Taylor announced. “I hope we can put together a cute little wedding in two weeks.”
“Two weeks?” I started to grin, knowing we'd have to hustle to pull it all together.
“Yep,” Keith affirmed.
“That should be more than enough time.” I winked at Taylor. “I'm so happy for you.”
“Congratulations, you two.” Joshua pulled Keith into a quick hug, and then bent down to embrace Taylor.
“Thanks. I guess you two have finally rubbed off on me.” Taylor never looked happier, even in her wheelchair.
Dad shook Keith's hand. “Welcome to the family, son.”
“Thanks, Mr. Carter, sir,” Keith beamed.
“That really is a beautiful grandson you two gave me out there,” Dad grinned, revealing his perfectly even dentures this time.
“Yep, pretty big too for a preemie,” Keith said.
Joshua and I looked into each other's eyes and smiled.
“Thanks,” I said to my dad.
“We've been blessed.” Joshua again took my hand in his.
Taylor yelled out. “Hey! Isn't tomorrow your anniversary?”
“Yes, it is. I guess Junior came early so he could celebrate it with us,” Joshua smiled.
A few hours later, Mother Benning came in with Lilah on her heels. Lilah ran toward me and fell into my arms, pressing me into my pillow.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she cried. Every part of my midsection ached, but I was so surprised I didn't dare stop her.
“I missed you so much, Mommy,” Lilah said, never loosening her arms from my neck.
I looked at Joshua, and he smiled at me. “I missed you too, baby doll.”
My heart fluttered with hearing that wordâ“Mommy.” After all these months, she finally called me Mommy. I wiped a tear away before anyone saw it. From our wedding day all the way up to this moment, she'd called me Sister Alex, and then Mother Alex when she was reprimanded. After not seeing her for several weeks, when I least expected it, she blessed me with that one word. It was like music to my ears. Nothing could've been sweeter than hearing Lilah call me Mommy. I guessed I finally earned it.