Authors: Melyssa Winchester
I see her move out of the corner of my eye, going into one of the stalls and after a few seconds, she comes back out and throws what she’s grabbed at me. Looking down, I see a long strip of toilet paper and I know what it’s for.
“Now clean yourself up. You’re pathetic. If I hear that you went and snitched about this to that retard teacher of yours, I’ll come back again.”
I feel the blast of air as they finally open the door to leave, but I don’t dare make a move to get up un
til I’m sure they’re gone. When I’m sure that I’m alone, I wipe at my eyes before looking down at the stinging spot on my arm. It’s when I catch sight of the real damage they did, that I start to cry again.
Right above my wrist on my left arm is the red circular burn, so bright t
hat it looks like it’s flashing at me. Running my finger over it, I flinch in pain as it begins stinging even more. I know that I need to get up and deal with the other thing that happened, but I can’t seem to move from my spot on the floor.
Not only is my hair completely pulled out of the ponytail holder, but my shirt is broken where the other two grabbed me so hard it popped the buttons. Add to that
, the very large wet stain that’s now covering my pants and I don’t think I ever want to get up again.
I don’t understand why they did this to me. They should know tha
t Dillon didn’t talk to me because he likes me. He did it for a completely different reason. Considering what they all did to me two days ago, it should be obvious what he’s doing. I don’t deserve any of this.
I just want this to end. There’s only one way that it ever will though.
When I’m dead.
Kayden
“You should have been there D, it was hilarious. The minute we lit the smoke, she pissed herself. I mean it was pouring out all over the floor. We all had to jump back before we got hit with it.”
“Did you do what I told you to?”
“Yeah, we did it, baby. Lit the smoke and put it right on her. She did a whole lot of squirming, but it’s done. We might have been able to do more if she hadn’t tried spraying us.”
This is
what I walk into when I leave the library after returning Isabelle’s assignment to Ms. Taylor. This isn’t the first time I’ve walked into this exact conversation, though this time I have no idea who the target was. Truthfully, I don’t want to know. I always said that burning people would come back to bite us and with this newest one, I can’t help feeling that way even more.
“Yo, where the hell you been
man?” Dillon asks as he finally notices me walk up.
“
I had a meeting with Coach.” I answer, lying my ass off. As much as what I read earlier got to me, I’m not ready to be open about it, especially not with these guys.
“I was wondering if you were gonna show up. I missed you.” Charlotte says as she scoots across the bench the minute I sit down, sli
ding her legs over mine, as if I wouldn’t get the hint just from her words that she wants me.
Girl’s man, I wish they’d get a clue.
“So what’d I miss?” I ask completely ignoring Charlotte, which I see the minute she realizes it, earns me a pout. “Who did you guys burn this time?”
The way everyone looks at each other puts me on edge. The sick feeling that I finally got rid of is back again and this time it’s even worse than before. I put the pieces together at the exact second Tim speaks up.
“The retard. Dillon came up with the idea in study hall and man; you missed out on some fun shit. It went down perfect.”
“Beyond perfect.” Amy chimes in with a grin. “At least until she pissed on us.”
I’m so angry listening to them laughing about what they did to her that I’m seeing spots in my eyes and they aren’t the ones you get when you’re dizzy. They’re red, just like the rage that’s threatening to boil over in me any second. If they don’t shut the hell up, I’m not going to be responsible for what I do.
It’s taking everything in
me right now not to rip their throats out. I did everything Dillon wanted, so why the hell are they still going after her?
The minute I think it, I realize I already know the answer. They aren’t doing this to scare her. It’s all abou
t me. Charlotte’s reaction when I showed should have been the first clue. I’ve known for awhile she likes me and with Dillon catching me talking to Isabelle this morning, I’m sure he passed it along. It means they aren’t doing any of this just to get to her, they’re doing it to get to me. They’re getting their wish too because all I want is them dead at my feet.
The bathroom.
I should have known to check there for her earlier. If I had gone there, instead of the library, maybe none of this would be happening now. Amy and the others always take their victims there. They put an out of order sign on the door and do their business, no one the wiser.
Shit. This is my fucking fault.
“Kayden, you alright man?” I hear Tim ask as I get to my feet again, this time clear on my destination.
“Yeah, I’m fine.
I just realized I need to hand in a paper for History. He gave me two extensions already and if I don’t hand the damn thing in, he’s gonna flunk me. It’s half the reason Coach wanted to see me so bad. I’ll catch up with you later.”
It’s a lame excuse and I’m pretty sure one of them is gonna see through it, but it’s the last thing on my mind. All of this is happening now beca
use of me. There is no way I’m going to leave her in the bathroom with the way they’re talking about everything. She deserves better than that.
As I go back into the school,
Ms. Taylor’s words play over in my head the more I propel myself forward.
“You’re a good guy, Kayden Walker.”
She’s wrong. If I was such a good guy then none of this would be happening right now. No, I wasn’t the good guy she believed me to be. I was the worst kind of guy. There’s only one person alive that I don’t want to be the worst for.
As I reach the bathroom
, I take a quick look around, praying there aren’t any teachers around to see me do what I’m about to. It’s against the rules to be caught doing this and with as much shit as I’ve caused lately, I didn’t need this being my last strike. Content that there’s no one around that’s gonna stop me from reaching her, I push on the door.
Where I expect it to push open easily, I slam into it, my face smacking off hard, my body stumbling back in response to the violation. Sh
aking off the sting my face takes as it hit, I push at it again, this time putting all of my body weight into it. When it doesn’t budge, I realize what I’m going to have to do.
As much as I don’
t want to involve anyone, if the only way to get to her is to get one of the janitors to unlock the door, it’s something I’m gonna have to do. There’s no way I’m leaving her in that bathroom one second longer then she’s already been. I’d deal with the fallout later.
It’s only when I hear a sound from the inside that I place my head to the door. After a few seconds
of silence, thinking that I’m just hearing things, I hear it again. It’s faint, but it’s a girl’s voice and she’s calling out for help.
Shit.
It’s Isabelle.
Belle
Someone is banging on the door.
They’ve been doing it non-stop for the last few minutes and it’s bothering me. I’ve covered my ears with my hands, tried rocking back and forth, nothing blocks it out. It gets louder and not even sticking my fingers in my ears gets rid of it. I just want it to stop and it won’t.
Even though it took awhile, I tried my best to clean the floor underneath me. It’s still stained and wet
, but at least there isn’t a puddle anymore. I really hate having accidents, but I hate the mess it leaves behind more. As much as I hate what they say to me when it happens, it isn’t a lie. It does smell.
The
problem with the smell is, I don’t usually notice it as much, but this time, it’s all I can smell so while I tried to clean it up, I got sick. Now not only am I burned and soaking wet, my brand new shirt is broken and damp. I want to get out of here so badly, but I don’t have the strength to open the door and leave. The minute I open the door people are gonna see me like this and they just can’t. I’m barely hanging on as it is.
I want my mom.
There’s what sounds like yelling in the hall, but I can’t make out the voices. All I know is that whoever is on the other side of the door is angry. So angry that I don’t ever want them to get the door open because if they do, I’ll be right back where I started before. Scared, alone and making a fool of myself.
Why did I agree to this when she asked me about it? I could have easily told her that I didn’t want to go to school, that I was safer at home and she would have found a way around it. Why did I have to do the right thing and say yes, so that she could finally have a break from me? All I want is to go home and never come back. I never should have said yes to this. Home school might be lonely, but at least I wouldn’t be a crumpled mess on the floor.
The door opens and I crouch into myself, not wanting the people that are bound to walk in to see me this way. It’s not as if I can hide all of it, but I really don’t want to look anyone in the eye. I’m such a mess. A gross, disgusting mess and all I want is to be left alone in it, the way Amy and her friends wanted me to be when they left me here.
“Jesus Christ, Isabelle!”
Before I can even register the voice, I feel myself being lifted up from the floor. Keeping my eyes shut tight, I wait for what comes next. The voice sounds concerned, but with the way everything goes here and how much stuff goes unnoticed, I’m not sure of what I’m hearing.
“I’m here now. I’ve got you. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”
I know the voice now, the more it speaks and it’s the last voice I want to hear. It’s the voice that no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get out of my head even though he doesn’t belong there. He hasn’t earned it. He’s a jerk, or as he says, an asshole. He’s definitely the last person I want seeing me like this.
His arms wrap
completely around me, my body being pulled into his and I fight against it. I don’t want to be held by him. All I want is my mom. I want to go home, crawl into my bed and never come out again.
“Thanks, Jim. If you bring the bucket, I’ll clean this up for ya.”
“You sure you don’t want me to get someone?” the voice I can only assume is Jim answers. I know Jim. He’s the custodian for the school. He’s actually been at more than one accident scene with me. Jim is nice. Jim isn’t Kayden.
“No man, I got this. Just bring me the stuff and I’ll handle it.”
There’s a gust of air as the bathroom door shuts and I feel his body shift beside mine. It’s only when he breaks away from me and makes his way toward the door again that I realize he’s leaving and the sob escapes my throat.
“I’m just locking the door, Belle. I’m not leaving.”
It’s as if he knows that even though I don’t want him here, I also don’t want him to leave. I can’t even open my eyes. I’m just standing here, barely keeping myself balanced, shivering, shaking and waiting for him to come back. I’m not even sure I can move on my own anymore.
This is the worst it’s ever been.
Before I know it, his hands are on me, except this time, they’re placed on my shoulders and it’s when I feel his hand under my chin that I realize what he’s trying to do and I shake my head. No. I can’t look at him. If I open my eyes and look into his, I’m going to crack even more and I won’t do it.
“Belle, please l
ook at me. I swear you’re safe. I’m alone, there’s no one here but me.”
I keep shaking my head and I hear him sigh. I know I’m not making this easy on him, but I didn’t exactly ask for him to open the door now did I? What did he expect me to do?
“Okay fine. You don’t have to look at me, but I’m gonna ask you some yes or no questions okay? All you gotta do is nod or shake your head. Can you do that for me?” he asks, his voice so low, it’s almost relaxing. Not at all the way I’m used to hearing it. There isn’t a hint of anger or frustration at all.
I nod my head slowly, accepting what he needs from me, but still keeping my eyes firmly shut.
“Did they burn you?”
Again I nod my head and this time I feel his body tense. He didn’t attempt to slam anything the way he did in his car, but it’s obvious he’s not happy with what I’m telling him. The minute I nod though, I realize that telling him, I’ve done what they told me not to and now they’re going to come back again.
I start shaking my head no repeatedly and suddenly the hands that were on my shoulders are on my head preventing me from the continuous motion.
“Did they tell you not to tell anyone?”
I nod and he sighs.
“It’s okay. They won’t ever know you told me. I swear to you. Now, do you have spare clothes?”
I shake my head, embarrassed that I didn’t take the emergency bag when I left this morning. Normally I’m so good about making sure I have it with me just in case, but today I rushed out the door and forgot. It figures the one day I forget is the day that everything happens.
Even more proof of how stupid I am.
“I’ve got some sweats in my locker. Would you wear them?” he asks, his voice still calm, but his body remaining as rigid as ever. He doesn’t know he’s doing it, but his voice is soothing me, something I didn’t expect to happen, but I’m thankful for.
I nod my head,
though I’m not sure I want to be wearing anything that belongs to him. He’s best friends with the people that did this to me; the last thing I want to be doing is taking help from him. He’s probably the reason this happened.
“One more question. Can you handle being here alone while I run and get them?”
I’m not sure about my answer to this one so I make no attempt to move my head in either direction. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me like this, but now that he has and the affect he seems to have on me since being here, I’m not sure I want to be left without him again. He’s all I’ve got.
“Isabelle? Did you hear me?” he asks again and this time I nod my head. I had been alone for god knows how long already; a few more minutes wouldn’t make a difference. I only hope
that in agreeing to this, I don’t live to regret it.
“Okay. I’m gonna go grab the
m, but I want you to lock the door behind me. When I come back, I’ll knock like this,” he says as he knocks twice on the wall. “That way you know it’s me and you can let me back in.”
I
nod my head one more time and feel him break away from me, this time prepared for it and even though I still feel like I’ve lost something, it’s not nearly as bad as it was the first time.
The gust of wind enters the bathroom again and focusing with every bit of strength I have, I open my mouth, needing to get the words out before they eat me alive. I only hope that this time it works.
“Thank—you.”
Kayden
Dillon is a dead man.
The minute I see him, Tim or hell, any of the stupid girls that did this to her, I’m going to rip their hearts out and feed it
back to them.
I thoug
ht I prepared myself for what I was gonna walk into when I finally got into the bathroom, but there is literally nothing that could have prepared me for the way Isabelle looked the minute I saw her.
The top portion of her body, despite her obvious attempt at getting it all in trash can, is covered in puke and her jeans are soaked through with what can only be her own piss. Her cheeks are stained with tears, her hair is half hanging out of a hair band and there are rips in her shirt.
These girls hadn’t just picked on her, they destroyed her and it’s my fault.
Jim came down the hallway right as I’d been about to kick the door down and after explaining to him that I had a friend of mine in there that I thought was hurt, he had no problem opening it for me. I know I was ready to deal with
the fallout, but I’m glad I didn’t have to. The last thing I want is to take ownership for this, no matter how guilty I am.
Not to me
ntion if I get nailed for it, Isabelle will think I made them do it. I may have created these monsters when we started hanging together, but I was putting an end to it now.
It bothers me that she won’t look at me, but my need to get her cleaned up and out of here outweighs it. I can handle her keeping her eyes shut, because honestly, she doesn’t need to see any more o
f the mess that’s left anyway.
Her agreeing to wear
my clothes makes me feel good. I have a spare set of sweats for when I work out and right now, I can’t bring her out of here without changing. Life here is already hard enough for her and the others, there’s no reason to make it worse. That’s not what gets to me most though. It’s what happens when I’m leaving that does that.
It was quiet and for a second there I thought I imagined it, but it happened. She spoke to me. It wasn’t anything major, at least not
to anyone else that it might’ve happened to, but it was huge to me. A simple thank you was all I needed moving forward.
Letting the door shut again, I turn back to where she’s standing, her eyes shut tight and her arms
wrapped around her body, like she’s hugging herself. Seeing her like this reminds me of the way she used to look when she was little. She’s always been a timid person, but whenever I did get to see her upset, she did this exact thing. It’s like nothing’s changed since our time together and the reminder of the way things used to be only makes me want to protect her even more.
She can’t go through anything like this again.
“Isabelle?”
She lifts her head at the sound of my voice and I take that as my chance to move closer. Wrapping my arms around her, pulling her back into my body, I let my hands rest on her head, stroking her hair gentl
y. I have no idea where it came from, but with everything she’s been through today, I figure it can’t hurt. When no argument comes, either in being pushed away or a shaking of her head, I continue, the both of us completely still in the moment.
There
is so much I want to say right now, but I know that none of it will come out right. I need to say something though. I can’t just stand here like this, especially now that she’s crying. The sound might be muffled, but I can still hear it clear as day and it breaks my heart.
“You’re welcome.”