Counterpart (Succubi & Incubi Assn.) (26 page)

“I really don't know how I'm going to say this,” he said after
sitting down.

The mood that we were in felt like a familiar territory—like we’d
been here before—and it was kind of true. This was the same mood we had that
night of our '
friendship break-up
’. No wonder I was feeling the anxiety.
“Just say it.”

“I'm sorry.”

The two words caught me off guard. I didn’t think he was going to
apologize, but he did. “Why?”

He was facing me now, and his hands had taken my own. It was so
sudden but the same burst of energy that flowed through me wasn’t surprising—I
mean, come on, his hands are holding mine. “I hated what I did. And, I’m sorry
I said all of those things. I didn’t want to hurt you—I didn’t want you to walk
away, but you did.”

His eyes never once left mine, and I was sure I could feel some form
of lump start to travel up my throat. Then something hit me. “You knew what you
were doing?”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, and I felt like shit because of it.”

So he wasn't compelled. He actually meant to say those things to me
that night. He really did want to end the friendship. And here I was, going to
take it out on Malibu Barbie.

I didn't speak, only because I was having an internal fight with
myself. Half of me was kind of angry at him, while the other half was laughing
at myself for thinking that he didn't mean to do what he did.

“I don't know what came over me, Maya. I was so confused. I was
trying to be a good boyfriend.” He let out a short laugh like it was a joke.

I obviously didn't get the joke. “So you broke the friendship to be
a good boyfriend?”

He nodded. “Stupid huh?”

“You don’t want to know my opinion,” I muttered.

He chuckled and then I felt his palm touch my cheek. Things were
suddenly serious as his face moved close to mine, yet managing to stay a good
distance. “Before Tori came into the picture, I tried to take our relationship
past the friendship stage, but every time I did that, you just shrugged it off.
Then Tori came, and I guess it was a way of just moving on from knowing that
you didn't want anything out of it but a casual make out session.”

Why was he telling me this?

“I want you back, Maya. The past year and a half have felt like
torture. I’ve tried so many times to get you out of my head, but you wouldn’t
leave. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“What about Tori?” I felt my lips moving, and I heard my own voice
but I was so lost in his confession that my mouth was on auto-pilot. Why should
I even care about Tori?

“She’s gone,” he murmured, resting his forehead against mine. I felt
the pad of his thumb run across my bottom lip. “I don’t want her. I want you.”

I didn’t believe him when he said she was gone, only because I had
the slightest feeling she wasn’t. “You guys aren’t together anymore?”

Shaking his head, I felt his hand slid down the side of my face, his
fingers brushing along my neck. “I broke it off.”

“How did she take it?” I wasn’t worried, but I’d like to be
prepared. If she was pissed, then catching her might be easier than we thought.

“She seemed fine with it. I really don’t see how we’ve dated this
long.”

“Yeah, three months must be a long time for you.”

He chuckled. I grinned. Something about this moment felt perfect.

There was a slight feeling starting to happen in my chest. I didn’t
know how to explain it but something was aching inside. I just wanted to lean
forward, wrap my arms around him and inhale the scent of his cologne—all while
making passionate love together. But how could I do that with the guilt of
Geoff’s death still lingering in front of me. “Tristan, I—”

“I know, I know,” he cut me off. “You can’t give me what I want. But
what I want is to be there for you, to be the shoulder that you lean on. That’s
all.”

I wish he wouldn’t keep saying things that make me want him even
more. I was trying to tell him about Geoff and he was practically offering his
whole body to me. “You don’t under—”

“Maya—“

“Tristan, please—”

“I just want to be a part of your life, again.”

“Tristan—”
Seriously.

“I’ve missed you, Maya.”

Ugh, fuck you, hormones. You show up at the worst times.

“I slept with Geoff. There, I said it. I slept with him, and now
he’s dead.” I needed to rip the Band-Aid off, because at the rate we were
going, it was like someone was slowly peeling it off, causing more pain. I had
to admit, it felt like a relief letting that all out. Then I wanted to jump
under a bridge and live there until I died.

Good one, idiot, you just told Tristan that you had sex with is
mentor—his 43 year old mentor, might I add.

I was too scared to look in his eyes, and at some point his hands
had slipped away from my face, leaving me to only wonder what he was thinking.

He faced his body to the front, his eyes going from narrowed to wide
in about three seconds. “You slept with Geoff? When?”

I instantly regretted saying the words now, only because now Tristan
was acting like he was regretting everything that happened before. I considered
lying to him. I honestly was about to full on lie. But this was Tristan. And,
as much as I couldn’t tell him some things, I wanted there to be an honest
passage between us.

“The day you got your fight back,” I whispered. My hands felt lonely
without his there to embrace, and I felt like a cold breeze had started to
linger around me. It was silent. It was excruciating.

But it was better than what I was about to receive.

“That’s how I got my match back,” he said to himself.

I nodded, even though he wasn’t asking nor looking at me. I was
scared to know what was about to happen. I was almost at the point where I was
about to get off this bench and start pacing.

“My whole match is a fraud.”

What? “No. Tristan—” I moved my hand up, so I could move his face
towards mine, but he moved.

“Don’t touch me.” His words stung, and he got off the bench. At
least he was finally looking at me now. Those blue eyes were wide, but I could
see something else in them... Sad? Pain? I felt like I had been rejected, and
my whole body was starting to feel numb. He didn’t want me to touch him. I
disgusted him.

“Why did you do it, Maya?” He was watching me like he was begging
for a reasonable explanation. One I couldn't give him.

“I have no excuse. I thought it would make you happy if you got your
match back.” Just hearing my own words made me think I was crazy. But how could
I tell him that I was feeding the demoness inside me too?

“You... you
slept
with my mentor?” I could hear his voice
growing cold and hard. “You thought that would make me happy?”

I could feel his words from before as they mocked me inside my head.
Stupid huh?
“I wasn’t thinking at the time.” These were seriously the
only things I could come up with. They were as close to the truth as I could
take them.

“Obviously.” He let out non-humored laugh. “I was wrong about you.”

My heart pounded against my chest, pulsating in my ears. I was in
defensive mode instantly. “Tristan, you don’t understand.”
I wasn’t doing it
all for you. There was my demon too.

He was suddenly standing in front of me. “You want to know what I
don’t understand, Maya?” I had a sickening feeling that I didn’t. “For the past
two years, I’ve watched you go from man to man. No relationships, just sleeping
around. I’ve let it pass, as long as I got to keep you around.” I watched as
his hands clenched into fists. “I’ve watched people touch you in ways I wanted
to—even if it’s a simple hand hold. Then you do this. Of all things.” He ran a
single hand down his face, and it hurt when I noticed his face contort. “You’re
killing me, Maya. You don’t even realize it, but you’re killing me.”

“Please, don’t say that.” My voice was weak. Never did I want to
hear those words from him.

“Why is it, Maya?” Tristan’s eyes searched through mine, trying to
find out a solution to his problem. “Why is it that they all get a chance, yet
I’m left on the sidelines?”

“Because...”
You’re special.

“Why?” he pushed further.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” It was the truth.

“What makes you think you would’ve hurt me?”

“Because at the time, I was pretty sure I was going to hurt any male
that walked into my life.” And, that feeling was still there. He was the
exception.

“So, you slept around? You’re... being with guys you don’t even know
because you plan on hurting them? What did we do to you?”

“It’s not that—”

“Then what is it?”

“
Please
, just hear me out.” I was surprised by my own hard
voice and so was he. But it worked, he remained standing, his lips pressed
shut. I tried to come up with a quick solution, or plan to end this subject.
How did I tell him that I slept around to live? How could I possibly tell him
that I didn’t even enjoy half the sex sessions I’ve had? I couldn’t. Nothing
that came into my head would help the situation I was in.

“Tristan, I’m not who you think I am.” I was so on the verge of
telling him, spilling everything out, doing
anything
that could fix
this.

“That’s all you’re going to give me?”

You tell him, and the SIA will be on your ass… and, he’ll probably
think you’ve gone crazy, so you’re at a loss.

“It’s all I can say.”

I begged with my eyes, trying to get him to just take those words
and trust me. But it was either he was immune to my stare, or he was just
ignoring that I was trying to make it work.

“Okay.” He stuck both his hands in his pockets, taking a step back.
“I get it.”

“Tristan—” I tried again.

“No, it’s okay.” He nodded his head, but I knew it was just him
giving up. “I understand, Maya.”

But that’s the thing. You don’t understand, Tristan.

It was like my voice box wasn’t working. I couldn’t speak. All I
could do was try to push down the large lump threatening to come out.

“Do you know what sucks?” he spoke after a few seconds of silence.
“I remember this amazing girl who told me she had standards.”

I knew exactly what he was talking about. It was one of the memories
that always lingered in my head because he was in it. When I was around him, I
was
me
.

I could feel his body moving away from me, and when I looked up he
was at least a few feet back. The next words he said was something that
perfectly ended this conversation—if we were having a '
let’s see who can
burn the other
' fight. “If you see her, let me know. Because I haven’t seen
her in a while and frankly, she’s better.”

I suddenly knew what he felt like when I walked away. His footsteps
sounded and soon enough they were non-existent. I couldn’t even find it in
myself to chase after him. Even if I did, I wouldn’t know what to say.

I was lost.

I thought I was going to get him back, but he slipped through my
grasp, again. I didn’t move for what felt like ten minutes. I felt numb. I
didn’t feel like I had a heart beat, or if I was even a succubus.

I just felt like a broken keyboard, begging for someone to fix me
and make me better again.

When I arrived back at the car, Melinda was the first to notice my
mood.

“That fucking bastard!” she exclaimed, “I thought he was going to
apologize.”

“He did,” I said quietly, opening up the driver’s seat. I didn’t
want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to go home.

“What did he do?” she inquired as she got into the backseat.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Are we ready to go home?” I started
up the car anyway, not caring if we were leaving now or not.

I looked over to Ethan and he was watching me with a brow arched. I
shook my head, not wanting to go through explaining it.

On the way home, I ignored everyone. My mind was only interested in
one thing. It wasn’t Tristan, surprisingly. No, but it was something that
always took the edge off everything. Something I planned to grab as soon as I
got home.

Alcohol.

It was safe to say that I wasn’t a happy camper when we got home.

“Whoa, what’s up with her?” Daniel said after I had walked straight
past him, heading straight for the kitchen. “What happened?”

“Tristan pissed her off, again.” I heard Melinda reply.

I didn’t want to be in the same funk that I was in a couple of days
ago, and I wanted to get rid of the dreaded feelings that were pooling inside
me.

I knew there was a bottle of something around here, and luck was on
my side when I found tequila sitting in one of the cupboards.