Crank (12 page)

Chase, likely; two,

Brendan, maybe; three, someone altogether new.

Who knew?

291

I

Had to Pick Up

my student I.D. card so I bummed a ride from Chase, told Mom I was going with Sarah.

* *

It was the first time in a long time I'd out and out

lied and it bothered me. For about five minutes.

* *

I walked down to the 7-Eleven to wait for Chase, anticipation rumbling in my empty gullet.

* *

The sight of his red Toyota pickup brought a smile to my lips--and more, inside.

* *

We shared a seat, we shared a smoke, we shared a kiss or several.

* *

At school, Chase waited with me in some long

lines. Yearbook. Class schedule. Student body card.

* *

I even smiled for the camera. I had to, with Chase

checking out my student body, grinning like a toad.

* *

Back in the truck, more kisses and a cigarette of my

own (pilfered from his pack, pilfered from his mom).

292

He dropped me off around the corner from my house, gave me a stick of gum and a big, wet good-bye kiss.

* *

It might have been the perfect day except just as I closed the door, Scott happened to drive by.

* *

I learned a valuable lesson about lie construction and Mom gave me plenty of time to consider

how to do it better.

293

G

UFN Again

I

sat on my bed, absentmindedly

tracing the lopsided

heart-shaped scar, didn't

read, didn't write. All I did was think about my personal

evolution. Where did I

belong with my relative innocence

gone? Where did I fit?

I felt like I had fallen in

to

a critical state of limbo.

With my old friends mired in status quo, how could I explain

my

summer enlightenment? My new

crowd--if three guys and Guinivere

qualified--was not what my

294

mom

(or I) expected. I wondered if I should

confess that her sweet, intelligent

little Kristina did not exist

anymore.

295

L

eigh Headed Back to School

Mom drove her to the airport.

I waited until they hustled off, late, then asked to stay home, claiming, "Cramps."

* *

Mom gave me a look, but I could prove the cramps were real. Leigh gave me a big, tense hug, made me promise to behave myself.

* *

The minute the car turned the corner,

I was on the telephone, completely

misbehaving.

"Come over, Chase."

Now?

"Right now."

Where's your mom?

"Just hurry."

* *

Need arose like an angry red dawn.

I paced until the dogs warned a stranger had just arrived.

* *

How much time

do we have?

"Not enough."

What do you

want?

"Everything."

Will I get you in

trouble?

296

"Probably."

I didn't care. I needed to feel

good. We snorted, we smoked.

I asked for,

"More."

Don't think you

should.

"Please!"

Take it easy,

Kristina.

"Can't."

Your mom will be

home soon.

"I know.

That's why

I can't."

297

C

hase Left Me with Goodies

He didn't want to, told me

No way. but Bree, mistress of persuasion, knew a trick or two to get her way.

Kristina swore to keep her in check and she tried, but no way to slow the electric impulse flow, our brain began to plot. How to get away from the confines of GUFN?

Sweet-talk Mom?

Little chance of that working, a crazy

idea soon hatched to sneak away for one spectacular last

summer fling.

Insanity, that's what it was, school

starting in only two days.

298

I

Watched the Window

as I picked up the phone and dialed.

Bree cooed a throaty hello.

Hey. I'd just about given up on you

.

I could not admit to GUFN. Not

again. I concocted

some lame excuse.

No problem. Want to get together?

I did. Chase or no Chase, I wanted to see what Brendan was made of.

Bricks, mortar, flesh, bones.

I'll pick you up. Where and when?

Let's see. Wait for everyone to hit the hay, extra half hour, scale down the wall...

That's pretty late.

Very late. But I'd definitely be

awake. I coughed up the fact

I was sneaking out.

Okay by me. Just don't get caught.

No duh. I didn't plan on getting caught. Still, what could

they do if I did? Ground me forever?

What sort of party would you like?

299

Damn, direct. Not even sure

if he indulged, I said I'd bring the toot if he'd bring the beer.

Sounds like a deal I can

live with.

Mom's SUV turned up the driveway. Deal sealed,

I said good-bye.

See you tonight, luscious.

Luscious? Plain old white

bread me? I liked it. At least

I thought I did then.

300

I

Hid Out in My Room Until Dinner

made sure to gag down every scrap of spinach, so both my mom and my mouth

would keep quiet.

* *

I still had a valid cramp excuse so I packed it in early. Uh-huh. Sat in the dark, lit as the starry sky.

* *

Listened to the sounds of my normality: familiar

footsteps in the hall; whispers; laughter; baying at the moonlight.

* *

And it occurred to me for one uneasy moment

that every move I had made lately might have

started a landslide.

* *

What if I couldn't go back? What if I died in the crash?

* *

Almost immediately, the monster soothed

me, confused me with a deeper question.

What if the ride was worth it?

301

I mean, who wants to trudge through life, doing

everything just right? Taking no chances means

wasting your dreams.

* *

How can I explain the pure chilling rush of waiting to do something so basically not right?

No fear. No guilt.

* *

How can I explain purposely setting foot on a path so blatantly treacherous? Was the fun in the fall?

302

I

Hoped Not

As I softly opened my second-floor window, peered down at the cement walk below, took a deep breath.

* *

Fingers clutching the upper sill, toes stretching for the first-floor trim, I managed to touch down

* *

safely. It may have been the safest moment of the night, in fact. Gulped into darkness,

* *

I let my eyes adjust, felt the breeze lift

goosebumps, listened for signs of household disturbance.

* *

No motion. No sudden snitch of a light switch.

No sound but distant coyote song, I silenced

* *

my conscience, quieted my screaming nerves and slipped away unnoticed, for the moment.

* *

No streetlights, no headlights, the world

seemed to sleep beneath my feet as I ran,

* * a mustang over moonlit playa; a cheetah in high gear. No fear, no brakes, consumed

303

by some irrational itch to cruise along shadowy thoroughfares, traveled by demons.

304

Brendan Was Waiting

in a battered mud-colored Bronco.

Climb in. You look great.

Winded. Hair plastered by my

escape sprint. He was a liar.

A smooth, gorgeous liar.

Wanna go up to Chamberlain Flat?

Secluded five miles up a rutted

dirt track, the played-out mine was a notorious party spot.

Supposed to be a party up there.

Anything could happen at a party up there. Good things. Bad things.

Truly evil things.

Ever hear about Evan Malone?

Evan Malone, urban legend--eighteen and in league with Satan, skinning

goats up at Chamberlain Flat.

My brother went out with his sister.

So he was more than just a parental

fabrication meant to scare kids

away from abandoned mine shafts?

He was real, okay. Kyle met him.

305

Met him and what? Dressed up like

Halloween, prayed to the devil, and sacrificed hoofed animals?

Shared a bong. Said he was creepy.

Major understatement, if the dude was really for real! If pot made you

buddy up with Satan, you could keep it!

But don't worry. Evan's

long gone.

I reached for a whiff of courage.

Far fuckin'

out! Beer's in back.

306

We

Bumped up the Road

Doing 40 or so spilling some

foam of summer-warmed brew

* * and busting our guts, laughing.

I watched Brendan's muscular hands

* *

try to shift, missing gears, try to steer around potholes,

* *

not quite evading most of them.

I studied his face, mentally tracing

* *

bone structure a model would kill for, high cheekbones perfect white teeth

* *

all sheathed in Mediterranean-

flavored skin, iced mocha,

* *

begging to be sipped, so I did.

I swear, every guy you kiss is

* * so different. Each has a unique

essence, each a significant style.

307

Brendan was eau de lavender, vanilla,

Heineken, Crest and top-notch speed.

* *

His style was

"No is not an acceptable

answer."

He was Bree, with a penis.

308

S

aturday Night

postmidnight, 30-some hours till

back to the books, the party had

hit high

gear. Pot smoke hung, a skunky

green curtain, but I didn't want to fall low so I indulged in another big snort before inhaling a couple of tiny tokes, mostly to satisfy the incredible urge to pollute

my lungs. I topped that off with a Marlboro, landing on just about the perfect plane, just about the place I wanted to be. Not too speedy, not even close to straight

falling into the yo-yo rhythm of crank, pot, beer, tobacco, the sensational motion and emotion, up and down,

Brendan hanging tight, though I suspected he might desert me, take off on a flirting binge. And, oh, god,

309

the jealous stares of girls I had envied

not long before, girls suddenly, strangely on fire to know me, though they had never once in the past returned

my smile. And now, instead of Kristina, they got to know Bree.

310

Brendan Stoked the Fire

Let's take a walk.

I was game to play the game. We wandered

off, found a soft sitting

spot in a patch of crispy brown wild wheat.

Come here, Bree.

As he pulled me onto his lap, I wondered if

I should confess my double identity.

Instead, I let him kiss me. Hard. Hot.

Oh, man. I'm hot.

He shed his shirt and the moon revealed

perfect, tanned muscles. He started to unbutton mine, silencing my protest.

Shhh. Don't say

no.

"I can't. I mean, I never..." Crank-enhanced

goosebumps lifted as he moved his hands gently across my skin. "Stop."

You know you wa

nt to.

"I do, Brendan, I really do. But I can't.

It's the wrong time of the month."

I'd decked him. He slapped back.

Then, why

did you call?

311

I let Bree answer. "Not to get laid, incredible as you are. Is that all you think I'm

about? What if I told you I'm a virgin?"

I'd call you

a liar.

Bree wanted to joust, but Kristina thought about a long walk home and put Bree

back into her box. I looked him in the eye. "No lie."

312

P

aydirt!

The "v" thing. Is it every guy's dream to take something so tenuous and make it totally, solidly his? But Brendan softened

immediately, offered to forgive me if only I

promised to let him be first. I wasn't sure

what I needed forgiveness for but I said