Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4) (33 page)

I woke up at the crack of dawn with a sleeping Briggs in my arms. I couldn’t remember the last time I watched her sleep. She was usually out of bed before me and that was if she even slept at all. She was lying on my arm, curled around it like a stuffed animal. Her memory blanket placed on top of both of us.

She was a sight for sore fucking eyes.

She looked like an angel with her hair spread out on the pillow and her pink pouty lip that she loved to bite was sticking out.

Damn, I was a lucky son of a bitch.

It had been over two weeks since I stopped using. I wasn’t even taking pain pills. And I owed it all to the woman in my arms. For the first time in over a decade I was completely sober.

It was the craziest fucking feeling. Ever.

It was like I had been on a roller coaster for years and it finally came to a halt. Except I couldn’t find my balance no matter where or how I stood, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t scare me. There were triggers all around me.

Fuck, this apartment alone was a trigger.

A part of me felt like I was just living in the gray area, hoping that I would soon find the black or white. I didn’t want to relapse. I swear on my love for Briggs that I wanted to stay sober, but it was such unfamiliar territory for me.

As if it were a new world, one that I hadn’t existed in since before my car accident. Somewhere along the way I let the darkness and the demons, creep in through the cracks.

I never thought people could become so weak to the point of letting anything control their lives. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever become one of them. I knew I was slowly killing myself from the first time that needle went into my arm. There was no going back for me. There was no going forward either. I was at a standstill with no place to go but down into the dark abyss of addiction.

Being able to see our baby girl didn’t help, all it did was add fuel to my already burning fire. Taking down everything in its wake.

Including Briggs.

She was burning alive because I was already dead.  

I couldn’t even remember the last time I touched her, the last time I fucking tasted her, or the last time we fucked. Let alone made love. I used to pretty much live inside, her day in and day out. It was my favorite place to be. Buried balls deep inside her.

I could see her nipples through the cream color satin of her tank top that had rose up while she slept. I softly caressed her stomach with my knuckles, leaving goosebumps in their wake. She felt like silk against my fingers as I slowly made my way down to the edge of her panties, slipping my fingers into her warm welcoming heat.

She stirred, and her body told me to keep going even though her eyes were still closed. My fingers moved slowly at first, and with each elevated breath that escaped from her lips, I moved them faster and more precise.

She moaned, fluttering her eyes open.

“What’s going—”

I pushed my fingers into her opening. Her head rolled back against the pillow, and her back arched off the bed.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I groaned, watching her come undone time and time again. My thumb played with her clit while I continued to fuck her with my fingers, wanting nothing more than to make her come for me. I intercepted her hand and placed it above her head when it moved toward my cock.

“No, baby. Let me take care of you,” I murmured.

“I want to take care of you too,” she panted.

“All you do is take care of me.”

“Austin,” she whimpered as I thrust my fingers in again.

“Open your eyes, baby. Let me see those blue eyes.”

She did just as I hit her g-spot harder and with more determination. I let go of her hand to grab onto her hip for leverage. Thrusting harder and harder.

“I love you, Daisy. I love you so fucking much.”

That was her undoing. Her pussy clamped down, riding out her orgasm against my fingers. And I loved every last second of it.

“We need to talk, babe,” I coaxed before I lost the nerve. “We need to go. We need a fresh start. I can’t stay—”

“I know. No more running away, Austin. I think it’s time that you went back home.”

I frowned, lowering my eyebrows in confusion.

“What do you mean I need to go back home? I’m not fucking living without you, Daisy. You are my home.”

“Calm down. I meant with me. I think we could make a really nice life in Oak Island. I loved it there, and it’s where your family and friends are. I want that. I want that more than anything else. To be apart of the place you used to call home.”

I took a deep breath, contemplating what she said. I could see it in her eyes. Everything she just shared was something that she really wanted.

After all those years, after everything I put her through, put us through.

I would give her the world if I could.

Even if it meant going back home.  

We moved back to Oak Island a few days ago, and I was still unsure about being back in the place I tried so hard to forget. We didn’t exactly have a welcoming committee either. I’d been sober for a little over two months and I wasn’t going to lie, it was a daily struggle. My back pain was still alive and fucking thriving. I ignored it. I just tried to stay busy, and with Briggs by my side it was fairly easy to do.

Briggs said she settled everything with her uncle before we left. I was stunned when she told me that he was just letting us go with no repercussions, but she said it was behind us and that was the end of the conversation. We left all our belongings in New York besides some of our clothes. She didn’t even take most of her wardrobe with us, saying that her uncle was the reason she bought half that shit anyway. I took some of my clothes but not much either.

We both wanted a fresh start.

We found a furnished apartment on the beach to rent in the meantime. She said she wanted to find us the perfect house and that would take us some time. I honestly didn’t give a fuck where we lived as long as it kept that smile on her face.

I wish I could tell you that I was miraculously cured and that the craving to use had gone away.

It didn’t.

Oak Island was a living and breathing trigger by itself for me. When I called my mom to tell her we were moving back home, to say that she was excited would have been an understatement. She was actually the one who picked us up from the airport and drove us to our apartment. My dad was nowhere to be seen, but she said he was working. I knew in my heart that was just a bullshit excuse. He was the boss, he could come and go as he pleased.

He just didn’t care to see me.

My mom and Briggs seemed to hit it off. Talking about random shit and laughing like they were old friends catching up. Briggs looked happy for the first time in years, and that’s all that mattered to me.

We’d been getting everything situated to begin our new lives. We bought a car, groceries, and little things we needed for our apartment.

Normal daily life kind of stuff and the concept still seemed so fucking foreign to me.

We hadn’t seen the boys or Alex yet but that was about to change. Lucas and Alex found their way back to each other and the inevitable happened. They had gotten married a few years back. Half-Pint gave birth to their first baby three months ago. A little boy they named Bo. They were throwing a party at their house for their son and for Jacob and I moving back to Oak Island.

The good ol’ boys would be together again.

A part of me missed them, the bond and brotherhood we had. Lucas was the first one to call me after I told my mom we were moving back. She gave him my number. Neither one of us mentioned what happened in the past as if the memories stayed there. Buried. Thank fucking God. I didn’t think I could live near him if he still hated me.

“What if they don’t like me?” Briggs asked for the tenth time on our way to the party, looking at herself again in the visor mirror.

“Baby, they already know you,” I chuckled, grabbing her hand and placing it on my lap as I drove.

“I know but that was under a really sad circumstance. We exchanged maybe five words the entire time, so that doesn't count. They really know nothing about me at all.”

“They’re going to love you. I love you, so there is that.”

“Maybe I should dye my hair? Like a normal color now.”

I glanced over at her. “You’re not touching one hair on your goddamn head, baby.”

She beamed. “I just look so different from everyone around here. Did you see the way the cashier looked at me this morning?”

“Yes. And if he looks at you like that again, I’ll break his fucking face.”

“Austin! He thought I was weird looking!”

“He thought you were something alright, and trust me ‘weird looking’ wasn’t it.”

She sighed, leaning back into her seat.

“I’m covered in tattoos, and in New York I blended in. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb here.”

“You never blend in anywhere, Briggs.” I grinned at her. “Besides I’m covered in tattoos, too. You’re beautiful. I love that you don’t look like anyone here. My friends and family are going to love you. I mean, my mom already does.”

She smiled. “I like her too. She emailed me all these recipes that you used to love as a kid. I’m going to make you some.”

I kissed her hand.  

We were the last ones to arrive at Lucas and Alex’s house that was right on the water. Everyone welcomed Briggs with open arms, making her feel like she was part of the family. I knew that meant a lot to her since she always felt like she didn’t belong anywhere.

“Baby, I’m going to get some food,” I told her, standing up.

She nodded, talking to Alex. I kissed her cheek and walked inside from the lanai.

“So, how are you doing, bro?” Jacob asked, grabbing some food beside me.

“Never better. You?”

I caught him staring right at Lily, completely ignoring my question. It was quick but I saw it.

“Is that right?” I asked, bringing his attention back to me.

“What?”

“At least she’s legal now,” I joked with a shit-eating grin on my face.

“Fuck you,” he scoffed out, smiling.

“Does Lucas know?”

He shook his head no.

“At least I won’t be the only one he’s ever hated.”

He stopped scooping food on his plate to look at me with a questioning stare and replied, “You think he will hate me?”

“You think he won’t?” I countered with a cocked eyebrow.

“I don’t fucking know… I love her. I’ve always loved her.”

I knew he was telling the truth. The way he looked at her spoke volumes.

“Lily has always had that effect on people. It doesn’t surprise me, man.”

“So, Briggs, huh?” he asked, changing the subject. “You next? Marriage and a baby carriage and all that shit?”

I winced. I couldn’t help it.

“Shit… did I—”

“I’m going to take this food to Briggs,” I cut him off.

Making my way back toward Briggs with my demons sitting right on my fucking shoulders. The craving to use was so goddamn intense. I thought I had a pretty good handle on my sobriety, but the mere mention of what started my demise had me crumbling in minutes. My heart was beating out of my chest and sweat began to pool at my temples.

I was jonesing.

I stopped in the hallway, realizing that I had gotten lost dealing with my internal struggle.

And the irony was not lost on me.

I closed my eyes, needing to get a hold of my emotions. My desire to relapse was running deep, taunting me with each step that I took in the wrong direction. All I saw was Briggs’ beautiful happy face, smiling, laughing for me.

I took a deep breath, turning around. Once again gaining control over my turmoil and plaguing thoughts.

Was it always going to be like this?

“Oh my God, Alex, he’s gorgeous.”

I stopped dead in my tracks, recognizing Briggs' voice instantly. I stood there frozen, listening to what sounded like a baby cooing.

“He is pretty perfect, but I’m biased,” Alex replied, laughing. “Would you like to hold him?”

“Oh… umm… are you sure? I have zero experience with babies, Alex. Is that okay?” She let out a nervous laugh.

“Of course, you have to start somewhere. Here, put your arms in a cradle position and just support his head and you’re good.”

My feet started to move forward through the narrow hallway as if a goddamn rope was pulling them. I found myself following their voices, fighting against the current every step of the way. I knew I should have turned around.

I knew what I was about to witness.

But I couldn’t stop. The gravitational pull was too strong. The force too powerful to fight against it.

“Awe, you look really good holding him, Briggs. It suits you. He’s usually fussy around new people, and he doesn’t even seem fazed by you. That’s a good sign, it means you’re going to be a great mom someday,” Alex said, ripping my heart out of my fucking chest with her words.

"Bo, you are so precious. Look at these chubby cheeks. Alex, he is going to be a heart breaker."

The dagger that was already lodged in my heart, twisted a little more.

"God help me if he's anything like his daddy," Alex laughed.

“I can’t wait. I want to be a mom so bad. To wake up and see a face like this everyday would melt my heart. I’d love to have a family since I didn’t really have one growing up. Holding him right now is making me wish I had one of my own.”

I willed my body to walk the fuck away. To walk back in the other direction. I didn't need to hear this, not now when I was struggling to stay clean. But I stopped when I heard my name.

“Austin would make an amazing dad, Briggs. He’s always liked kids. Even when we were younger and the other boys didn’t want anything to do with them.”

“Yeah…” Briggs replied in a sad tone. “I’d love that. To have a family with him. It’s all I’ve ever wanted,” she added her voice breaking. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m getting so emotional.”

“It’s okay. Baby Bo has that effect on women, he gets it from his dad.”

They laughed.

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the room. Watching Briggs cradle and rock Bo as if he were her own.

As if he was
ours
.

She leaned her lips against his face and kissed his cheeks, looking at him adoringly, loving him immediately.

“Austin,” Alex announced, looking up.

Briggs grimaced, shutting her eyes almost instantly.

“Come meet Bo. Although, I don’t know if Briggs is going to give him up. I think she has baby fever. Maybe it’s time you—”

Briggs interrupted, "Alex."

Locking eyes with me.

There was so much sorrow behind them. She held everything she ever wanted in her arms. It was like my best dream and my worst nightmare right in front of my eyes.

Except there was no waking up.

This was my reality.

And that…

Was my biggest fucking demon.