Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4) (40 page)

“You know what I did today, baby? I went to the dock with my notebook, and I drew you. I sat there for hours with my feet in the water, drawing. Do you remember the dock? How many times we made love there? It was one of your favorite places to go together. Except this time you weren’t there. I was so fucking alone. I’m always alone. I keep seeing you everywhere, Briggs… You’re standing in front of me right now.  Your purple hair is spread perfectly all around your face. I keep catching your smile and placing it on my heart. I haven’t done that to you in years. Do you remember that, baby? I have the perfect view of the sun right now. It’s overlooking the harbor from the warehouse I’m at. I hate this fucking place, but it’s making you glow… you look beautiful, baby. Always so fucking beautiful. I only wish I could still see our babies. I never see them anymore. All I see is you… They left with you, Daisy. They left with their mama.”

I shook away the thoughts.

“Baby… Briggs… Daisy, pick up the phone. I miss you so fucking much. Come home… I’m your home. I need you… where’s my girl? Where’s my Daisy?”

Beep, beep, beep. The line went dead.

“Motherfucker.”

I immediately debated on calling her back, leaving her another message, but I couldn’t remember how many I had already left that day. I was beyond fucked up. My eyes were fluttering to stay open. The drug-induced haze trying to take me down the rabbit hole, but Briggs wasn’t down there. I didn’t want to go where she didn’t exist. She was smiling in front of me. I saw her all the time now, always through the haze of my darkness. She was my only angel among the demons that were around me all the time.

My only light.

My only hope.

She left me over a year ago. I hadn’t seen her, spoken to her, found her... It wasn’t from the lack of trying. I looked for her everywhere, even went as far as going to her uncle’s penthouse. No one answered, though. It was like Miami all over again. I searched to no avail. She was a figment of my imagination. A ghost. All I had were the memories of her, and with each passing day, I went further down the black abyss because it was the only time I saw her. I craved that time with her.

I got to hold her.

I got to touch her.

Love her.

I drowned myself in work, and when I wasn’t working, I was high. Six months after she disappeared, I sold our house. I couldn’t be there anymore. It was too painful to walk past the room that held so many memories. Good and fucking bad. I was renting a small apartment closer to my shop that consisted of a couch and a bed. Everything else went to storage, with the hope that Briggs would come back to me. I barely saw the boys or Alex. It was easier that way, to just be alone. No one knew what I was going through. No one knew about my demons. They all had their perfect fucking lives, with babies and white picket fences and shit.

The haze won out and I shut my eyes, my head falling back against the dirty, mold-infested couch. My spot. Briggs was there though. She was laughing, and dancing around in front of me. Damn I missed that sound. I reached out to touch her and she leaned into my embrace.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry,” I said, struggling to get the words out.

“I love you, Briggs. I’ll always fucking love you. No matter what. Dead or alive. You’re mine.”

I stayed in that shithole for the rest of the evening.

Lost.

“Get up!” someone yelled from above me.

“Mmm…” I stirred, grabbing my head. “The fuck,” I slurred.

I hadn’t even opened my eyes yet and my head was already fucking pounding.

“Carajo! Get the fuck up!” He kicked my bed, making it shake.

“Jesus Christ,” I groaned out, sitting up, and placing my feet on the floor.

Hunched over, I held my throbbing head in between my hands.

“It’s three o’clock in the fucking afternoon,” he roared, too close to my face.

I peered up, narrowing my eyes at him. It was so damn bright, I could barely make out his figure.

“How the fuck did you get inside my apartment? And what the fuck are you doing here, Martinez?”

I hadn’t seen Briggs’ uncle since before she left me. I couldn’t even tell you when that was, everything fucking blended together. Years, months, days.

Especially the goddamn days.

“Two and a half years.”

I cocked my head to the side.

“That’s how long I’ve been fucking waiting for you to get your shit together!” he yelled, making me wince.

“What?” I replied, confused.

“Jesus Christ. Take a cold fucking shower. We need to talk. I’ll be waiting in your sorry excuse of a fucking living room.”

Two and a half years? Is that really how long it’s been?

I wiped the sleep from my face, and grabbed the t-shirt I had worn the night before off the ground, pulling it over my head. I took some pain pills from my nightstand, swallowing them down whole with no water. Once they kicked in, it didn’t take me long to get ready.

“You should really consider moving into a nicer apartment complex. All it took to persuade your landlord to let me in was a hundred dollar bill,” Martinez informed as I grabbed a Red Bull from the fridge.

Drinking it down in three swigs, I crushed the can then threw it on the counter.

“I’m surprised he didn’t take a twenty, you got ripped off. I apologize if my accommodations aren’t what you’re used to. I could meet you at the fucking country club up the road. That's where your breed goes to hang around these parts. You can talk to my parents. I’m sure they would love you,” I sarcastically remarked.

“I’m not here for pleasant conversation, Austin.”

“Then why the fuck are you here?”

“To save your sorry excuse of a life.”

“A little late for that,” I scoffed out.

He eyed me up and down from where he stood against my wall, before pulling something out from the inside of his suit jacket. He threw an envelope on the counter in front of us. The contents slipped out just enough to see. It took me a second to realize that they were pictures. Some were from the club when I first saw Briggs again. After I found out she was a drug dealer. Others were from our trips around the world.

“Briggs is very special to me. I love her very fucking much.”

We locked eyes and I jerked back, stunned. He folded his arms over his chest, cocking his head to the side with a snide smile.

“Don’t look so fucking surprised. She’s hard not to love. As you well know. I watched you and kept tabs on you because I didn’t fucking trust you. As far as I knew, you were some punk-ass motherfucker, taking advantage of my niece. I tolerated you because it made her happy. Then you proved yourself worthy of her love with the incident in Colombia. You would kill for her, and a man like me can respect that about a man like you. A man who knew nothing about what he was getting himself into. But you stayed just to protect her.”

“I love her,” I simply stated.

“You need to get your shit together. You’re a fucking junkie. Look around.” He gestured to the shithole I called home. “Is this how you want to live or is this where you plan to die? You would think losing the one thing that mattered to you the most would straighten your ass out, but all its done is the fucking opposite. You’re a goddamn fuck-up, Austin.”

“Oh, I’m the fuck-up? What about you, Martinez? Do you know how fucked up you made Briggs?” I paused, waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t.

He just stood there with a knowing expression.

“That’s what I thought. You’re nothing but a fucking pussy behind expensive suits.”

Before I knew what was happening, he was over to me in three strides, grabbing me by the shirt.

“You cocky son of a bitch, you have no idea who the fuck you’re talking to,” he gritted out, practically spitting in my face.

He slammed my back into the wall. I hit it with a hard thud.

“You’re lucky I’m even here. The only reason I am is because I fucking owe you. You brought life into Briggs again. Something I had never known how to do. Her mother would want me to at least try to help you, motherfucker. Now, get your shit together before it’s too late.”

With that he let me go, stepping away from me. I slid down the wall, crouching over and rubbing the back of my neck. I hated to admit it, but he was right. It was also easier said than done.  

“Where is she? I’ve been—”

“You’ve been what? Not doing a damn thing, but drowning in your own fucking shit that you created by getting high? You think she deserves a man like that? You think your children, your babies would? I’m only going to tell you this once. One. Fucking. Time. She’s moving to Myrtle Beach because for some reason that I can’t fucking fathom, she loves the Carolinas. Get your life in order before it’s too late and there is no life to fucking save.”

He threw a piece of paper on the counter, turning around to leave.

“Do you know?” I asked, stopping him dead in his tracks.

Needing confirmation. He spun to face me again. Looking me dead in the eyes. He didn’t falter.

“Kids aren’t in the cards for me, but I can only imagine what it would feel like to lose one. With or without my consent.”

He turned around and left without so much as a second glance. I immediately grabbed the paper, realizing he left me with her address. I grabbed my phone and keys, mentally preparing for whatever the fuck I had to do to get her back. I was in my car and driving to her house with hope in my heart that the reason she was moving to Myrtle Beach was to be close to me. It was only an hour away.

I couldn’t live without her any longer. I’d barely been living since she left me. Slowly killing myself with thoughts of her through a needle in my vein. I would do anything it took to be with her again. I’d go to rehab, live in a sober living community, fuck even just be her goddamn friend if that’s what it took for her to trust me again.

I knew she still loved me as much as I loved her. She was mine. End of story.

I sped the entire way there with a heavy heart and a guilty conscience. Ready to beg for her forgiveness, her mercy.

Her fucking love.

I followed a car into her gated community. She lived in the suburbs of Myrtle Beach. One of those neighborhoods that looked like it came straight out of one of her books that she
use to
read. There were kids playing outside everywhere, laughing and smiling. Not a care in this corrupted world. It calmed the anxiety I felt all around me.

“One-zero-six Oak Field Drive on the right in one-hundred feet,” the GPS informed.

I decided to leave my car at the park down the street. I didn’t want her to see me coming. I thought it would be better to surprise her. Not allowing her to have time to not answer the door. I grabbed my burgundy beanie off the seat, taking one last look at myself in the visor mirror. I looked like I hadn’t slept in months, but she used to love this beanie on me.

My mind raced with thoughts of what to say to her, with each step that brought me closer to her house. Praying that she would at least talk to me. After all this time she would give me a chance to make things right again.

I saw the moving trucks in her driveway and on the street before I found her. My eyes wandered everywhere trying to spot her amongst the workers.

Waiting to see my girl.

My Daisy.

And just like that she appeared, my angel walked down the ramp of the moving truck with a few small boxes in her arms. My eyes widened and my breathing hitched, staring at a woman that I didn’t recognize. That I didn’t know. I shook my head and blinked a few times, thinking it was my fucked up mind playing tricks on me.

It wasn’t.

Her hair was a deep shade of brown. Like the vibrant purple that I’d loved had never existed. The new color made her blue eyes stand out more, but they weren’t bright and shining or full of life. I couldn’t see any of her tattoos. They were all covered up by one of those prissy fucking sweaters she always hated. She wore it over a buttoned-up blouse and black slacks. She was still breathtakingly beautiful, but she was no longer
my
girl. No reminisce of the woman I had spent years with existed anymore.

“The fuck?” I whispered to myself, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

Did Martinez send me here to rip my fucking heart out all over again? Did he do this on purpose?

She smiled, big and wide. I didn’t have to follow her gaze to figure out what was causing her to smile. The same smile that would make me catch her expression in the air and place it near my heart.

My heart fucking dropped.

I stopped breathing.

Everything played out in slow motion as if I were in one of those black and white movies. My whole world and everything I so desperately wanted to believe in came tumbling down on me with no remorse or compassion.

He grabbed the back of her neck, bringing her lips to kiss his. She went effortlessly, kissing him with the same love she once kissed me with.

She smiled against his lips, as he softly pecked hers again, grabbing the boxes out of her hands. He said something that made her laugh. Her head fell back, making her body shake. I could hear her laughter in my head from all the times I made her come undone.

My feet moved of their own accord to hide behind the moving truck. Needing to hear what they were saying as if seeing her with another man wasn’t enough for me to realize the truth of what Martinez was trying to warn me.

“So that was your fee for helping me with the boxes, wasn’t it?”

“Of course. Men need to be rewarded, Daisy.”

I immediately shut my eyes, leaning my forehead and hands against the side of the truck for support. Trying to reel in my fury. Feeling like I just took a goddamn bullet to my fucking heart. Nothing could ever compare to the hurt I was drowning in right at that moment. The hole in the ground that was swallowing me alive.

“Well…”

I opened my eyes when I heard her voice again, continuing to watch my nightmare unfold before me.  

“There’s still a shit-ton of boxes left in the truck. I might run out of rewards for you,” she flirted, twirling her now brown hair around her finger.  

“I’m sure I can come up with other ways for you to repay me, baby. One that requires you to get down on your knees.”

She giggled like a fucking schoolgirl.

I resisted the urge to lay the motherfucker out right then and there. Fighting back the compelling need to hit something. It took everything in me not to blow my cover and punch a hole in the side of the fucking truck. My teeth clenched and my fists tightened at my sides. My chest heaved as rage coursed through my body, causing me to see nothing but red.

“Oh, really? Is that all I am to you? A piece of ass?”

She softly smiled as he caressed the side of her cheek like I had done a million times. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.

Not one damn thing.

My. Rock. Bottom.

“You know what you mean to me, Daisy.”

And just like that…

“I love you,” he sincerely added.

My. Life. Ended.

When hers was just starting…

With Esteban.