Robert and Cameron were deep in conversation. So, Gwen thought this would be an excellent opportunity to talk to Cree.
“You know…about last night. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am.”
Cree didn’t know what to make of her apology. “Sorry?”
Gwen bit her lip. “I probably shouldn’t say this because Delia is my friend, but she was wrong last night. So, I completely understand why you left early. But, honestly, I’ve never seen her act this way with Cameron. I mean… I’ve always had my suspicions, but she’s never…I don’t know. I just want you to know that Delia really is a good person and last night she showed a side of herself that I’ve rarely seen. It was mean, disrespectful, and I told her about it. I would have been pissed had she behaved that way with Robert.”
Cree gave her a half smile. “Thank you for that. I’m glad I’m not crazy for being upset about it.”
“No, you’re not crazy. Not that you need reassuring or anything, but I’ve known these guys since the beginning of medical school. Cameron has been one hundred percent focused on finishing so that he could be with you. If Delia’s attracted to him, I’m sure it’s because of the way he treats and talks about you. Who wouldn’t want their man to look at them the way Cameron looks at you.”
“Really? Cameron has a look?”
Gwen laughed. “Only that his entire face just lights up. You both do. There are these unguarded moments between you two that I think most couples would give a body part for.”
Although it shouldn’t have been, it was comforting to know that Cameron didn’t forget about her while he was away at school. It was also a little uncomfortable talking to Gwen about it. After all, she was Delia’s friend.
She decided to change the subject. “How long have you and Robert been dating?”
The sparkle in Gwen’s eyes was unmistakable too. “We’ve been together about three years. I’m hoping he’ll pop the question soon now that we’re finished with school.”
Cameron turned around. “What are you two back here talking about?”
Gwen touched Cree’s arm. “None of your business but if you must know, the differences between men and women.”
He wrinkled up his nose. “Yeah…I don’t want any part of that conversation.”
Robert frowned. “Me either. But, I would like to sit down under that tree over there and eat.”
Cameron slowed down so that he could walk with Cree. Gwen walked ahead so that she could be with Robert until they made it to the tree and sat down.
The afternoon went by fast, but, for the first time while being in New York, Cree was actually enjoying herself.
Over the next several weeks, Cree could count the times on one hand that she’d spent with Cameron. That day in the park with Robert and Gwen had been one of the highlights. Their routine consisted mostly of work, sleep, eat, and repeat. Well, at least for him. Cree filled her days trying to make up little projects for herself. No one anywhere was more thrilled about going back to school than Cree. She would finally feel as if she had a purpose. However, for now, she was excited that Cameron was finally getting a day off. Cree was hopeful that tomorrow, they could spend some quality time together.
She was already in bed by the time Cameron made it home. He moved around in the darkness not wanting to wake her up.
Cree spoke. “Hey.”
He yawned. “Hey. I thought you would be sleeping.”
She turned over on her side, rose up on her elbow and rested her head in her hand. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Cameron undressed. “Everything alright? What’s on your mind?”
“No. Just excited you’re off tomorrow. I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve.”
He was quiet for a second or two. “I…um…forgot to mention it, but Freddie was able to get free tickets to the baseball game tomorrow. It’s been a while since the guys and I have hung out.”
Was he serious? They see each other every damn day! Cree was pissed or was she over-reacting?
She did her best to remain calm. “A baseball game?”
“Yeah. One of Freddie’s patients has a Box, and he gave him three tickets.”
Her voice was tight. “I hoped we could do something fun.”
He could hear her anger. “Come on Cree. I don’t want to argue. Am I not allowed to hang out with my friends from time to time?”
His response almost pushed her over the edge. “Baseball games last all damn day!”
“I knew you would do this.”
She sat up, “Cameron, you’ve had one day off in weeks, and you’re choosing to spend it with your friends. How am I supposed to feel?”
“You’re overreacting. None of the other girlfriends are going. It’s just us guys.” He stalked off to the bathroom. “It’s a few hours in the damn afternoon, Cree!”
She responded as he walked away. “What am I supposed to do while you’re at the game?”
He threw back over his shoulder. “Hell, I don’t know? You’re a grown ass woman, find something to do.”
Cree was angry and hurt.
*****
Cree got up early the next morning to go for a run. Cameron was still sleeping when she’d left. She needed to clear her head and run off some of her anger and frustration. By the time she came back, Cameron was in the kitchen making breakfast. Cree took her earbuds out as she silently walked over to the refrigerator to get bottled water.
Nope. The run didn’t help
. She turned the bottle up for a long drink.
He watched her from the moment she came into the kitchen. “Good morning.”
She mumbled underneath her breath. “Morning.”
Cameron knew she was still pissed. “Do you want a chickpea pancake?”
She almost choked on her water. Chickpea? Buttermilk…yes. Blueberry…maybe. But, who the hell has a Chickpea pancake? Cree rolled her eyes.
“I’ll make me something later.”
Cameron shook his head out of frustration too. “Cree. I’m going to the game. The silent treatment and your
attitude
are not going to work. And, I’m not going to feel guilty about it either.”
There was so much Cree wanted to say. She was afraid if she started talking she might kill him with the pan on the stove. Instead, with Herculean strength, she responded with controlled anger. “You said that last night.”
Cree walked out of the kitchen to take a shower. It helped to take some of the tension out of her body, but she still needed to get her mind together.
The apartment was too small. There was no room to get away from Cameron when she was angry. The one thing that was guaranteed to help her clear her mind was sewing. The damn machine was in the living room with him. Cree picked up her mp3 player and put her ear buds back on. Yes, she was being a little childish but she wanted to completely tune Cameron out. When she went out into the living room, Cameron was watching television. He ignored her too. The tension in the room was thick.
After an hour or so at her machine, Cameron got up and went into the bedroom. Cree was so frustrated she wanted to cry, but she’d wait. She’d wait until he was gone. The material she’d been sewing suddenly became blurry. Angrily, Cree wiped away a tear. She’d be damned if she allowed him to see her cry.
Cree happened to look up at the same time Cameron came out of the bedroom, wearing a New York Yankees t-shirt and baseball hat. Since when had he become a Yankees fan? Another thing she didn’t know about him. She shook her head as she re-focused on the sofa cover she was making.
Cameron came and stood in front of her. She felt his presence but didn’t look up.
He knew she was ignoring him, but he was standing his ground too. He worked hard and was young. He shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to spend some time with his friends.
Cameron pulled one of her ear buds out of her ear. “I’m leaving. I’ll have my phone if you need to reach me.”
“Yep.” Cree wouldn’t look at him. She knew she would cry.
“You know this is silly right?”
Cree pressed the pedal of her machine. The sound drowned out his voice.
Cameron pulled his bottom lip into his mouth with his teeth. He gave her a hard stare before turning on his heel and slamming the door behind him.
*****
As soon as he left, Cree picked up her cell phone to call Melody. She got out of her chair and started pacing back and forth.
Melody picked up on the third ring. “Hey, Cree.”
“Hey, Mel. I need your opinion. I’m so angry I can’t see straight.”
Melody laughed. “Oh boy, what did Cameron do?”
“I’m just so frustrated. I don’t know what to do.”
“Again, what did Cameron do?”
Cree continued pacing. “You know that he logs a lot of hours at Presbyterian.”
“Yeah?”
“And, he hasn’t had a day off in weeks!”
“Okay.”
“Well, he finally has a day off and guess what he does?”
Melody knew better than to respond. She just listened.
As if she hadn’t asked Melody a question, Cree went on. “He spends it with friends that he sees almost every day at work!”
“I guess…I can see how that would piss you off.”
Cree exhaled loudly. “It’s not just that. It’s not even half of it. Melody, I’ve uprooted my life…
my life
, to be here with him. I don’t have any friends here, and I hate the city.” Everything she’d been afraid to put a voice to flowed out like running water. “I look around this apartment, and this is Cameron’s apartment. I mean, I’ve added my own little touches here and there, but everything is about
him
. Everything! My whole life has been about him!”
Melody remained quiet as she continued to let Cree vent.
“Did you know Cameron’s a vegan and that he likes the Yankees? I mean…the
Yankees
! I’m like since when? It’s like I don’t….” Cree stopped mid-sentence.
“You don’t what?”
Cree whispered, “Melody, we’re not the same people anymore.” Her tears started to fall. “I feel like I don’t even know him. It’s like I’m running so hard to keep up but I’m always two steps behind.”
“You two were a part for a long time. Of course, it’s going to take some adjustments and a little bit of time for things to fall into place.”
Cree chewed her bottom lip. “I don’t know. Last night, he said something that really hurt me, but it was so true.”
“What did he say?”
“He said,
I was a grown ass woman and to find something to do
.”
“Ouch. That was kind of harsh.”
“But, you know what? He was right, in that, my life has revolved around Cameron for as long as I can remember. I worked myself to the bone trying to help him pay for school. I was so busy that I forgot about me, my needs, and what makes me happy. Even now, I spend my days occupying myself with
stuff
waiting for him to give me some of his time.”
Cree sat down at the realization that she was twenty-eight years old and didn’t have one thing she could call her own outside of Cameron.
Softly she began to speak. “I lived for those moments when he would come home to visit. Melody, I just realized I’m still living for moments.”
Melody didn’t like the sound in her voice. “Cree, you’ll be starting school in what three weeks?”
Cree laughed through her tears. “I haven’t even declared a major. I have no idea what to choose.”
Melody knew that Cree was upset but something in her tone, made her realize this wasn’t a normal argument. This argument with Cameron felt as if it might be morphing into something life changing. “Cree, most people don’t know what they want to major in when they go to college. That’s not unusual.”
“I’m twenty-eight and I’ve completely lost myself in Cameron’s life.” Cree bit her lip. Her head was buzzing. “I’ve got to go.”
“Wait. Cree…”
“I’ll call you later.” She hung up and dropped her face into her hands as she cried. “How did I get here? How did I let this happen?”
Cree lay on the couch with the remote in her hand flipping from channel to channel. The television was on, but she had no idea what was on it. She cried all the anger away and now was numb. She had no one to blame but herself.
For the first time, she forced herself to look at her life outside of Cameron. It was a scary place to be. It wasn’t his fault that she allowed her happiness to be dependent upon him. She heard him when he opened the door.
When Cameron came inside, he expected her to be sitting at her machine, but instead, Cree was stretched out on the sofa. He’d had a miserable time at the game. Robert and Freddie wanted to get a drink afterwards, but Cameron just wanted to come home and make up with Cree.
He cleared his throat as he raised a white Styrofoam container. “Hey.”
She didn’t look up from the television. “Hey.”
Cameron wasn’t sure if he expected Cree to still be irritated, frustrated, or even angry, but he hadn’t expected her to sound…so lifeless.
Softly, he spoke. “I know how much you like Jack’s cheeseburgers. I brought you one.”
“Thank you.” She hesitated. “I’ll eat it later.”
Cameron put the container on the table then walked over to sit next to her. Since she’d taken up the entire sofa, he dropped onto the floor next to her pretty little head. That’s when he saw her red and puffy eyes.
“Damn, Cree. You’ve been crying.” His heart felt squeezed as if someone held it in a vice.
“I'm all right.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “Baby, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just…”
“You put yourself first. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s something I need to learn how to do.”
Cameron didn’t like the sound of that. It made him feel like a selfish bastard. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Cree started to sit up. “I know. You’ve just been working hard and wanted to hang out with your friends. I get it.”
His eyes locked onto hers. “Then, why do I feel like I really messed up?”
She touched the side of his cheek. “It’s fine. I needed this. I needed today. It helped me put a lot of things into perspective.”
He spoke tentatively. “Care to share?”