Crown's Chance at Love (55 page)

“Yes there is. After what Patrick did to you…” His voice is deep and a little strained. I can see a mixture of anger and sadness swirl in emotion in his pale blue eyes. Mike looks so much like his dad is all I can think. Everything they communicate can be told without words, just one look at their eyes.

“It’s all in the past Mr. Crown. Plus, it wasn’t your fault, not your burden to carry,” I say with a small smile, meaning every word.

“Is that how you bag them in, acting like this sweet, sickeningly annoying bitch?” Gail snarls, and if possible Walt’s face goes even redder.

“I apologize for my wife Sabrina, seems that she forgot to pop a pill with her martini lunch this afternoon.”

Gail glares at him and looks at me, as Walt drags her out of the Crystal Room by her elbow. I can see people whispering back and forth to one another as they point at me, and all I can do is wish that there was a big black hole that would swallow me up as I feel everyone’s eyes on me. Long fingers tap my shoulder and I turn to face Robert Montgomery with a sympathetic smile.

“Let’s dance pretty girl.” His voice is light but concerned. I look behind him and I can see Holly looking worried and I try to smile at her. They had heard the whole thing, and she had probably sent Robert to dance with me, to save me from everyone’s stares.

He leads me to the dance floor as
Al Green’s How can you Mend a Broken Heart
starts to play, and I smirk at the irony.

“She’s a hateful old cow, isn’t she?” he says into my ear as he pulls me in close, his Irish accent light, barely there, but soothing none the less. I can’t trust myself to speak, so I just shrug.

“You know, when she met me, she hated me too. She thought Hol and Mike were perfect for one another.” He leads me back and forth to the songs’ slow tempo, my heart feeling heavier. “When that woman has something set in her mind, heaven help anyone in her way.”

“She’s just worried about her son,” I say softly, almost in a whisper staring directly at his shoulder, not letting my eyes look around to search for Mike. I’m trying desperately to keep it together and not cry.

“My wife, she’s a concerned Mum. You pretty girl, I have seen you with your little ones, and you are a concerned Mum. Gail on the other hand is a bloody cow who doesn’t know when to shut up.” He pulls my face up to his.

Robert Montgomery is a wonderful man. He’s kind and sweet, a great father, and I’m happy that Holly had found that with him.

“Don’t let her ruin your evening pretty girl, aye?” and I nod, but then shake my head and sigh.

“She was right about one thing though, he realized I was not worth the effort. Kids and all. They both called it too much baggage for him to handle.” The feeling of complete failure sets in. I wasn’t sure what I felt I had failed at, but that’s just how I was feeling. He steps back looking at me frowning.

“What do you mean? He said that to you?” He says shocked.

I nod and without thinking I say, “The night after we had gone to have dinner with his parents. That night she had said those things. I didn’t believe he could feel that way. Then the next night he called it off… he was…” I stop talking realizing the song has now changed to
Alicia Keys’ a Woman’s Worth
, and that I honestly shouldn’t be talking about this with Robert. It doesn’t seem like he wants to stop dancing, since all he does is change the speed of which we dance, still leading me around the dance floor.

“I don’t know what he said to you Doll, but Michael Crown can be a real idiot at times. Last time he was this big of an idiot, I got lucky,” he says smiling. “But that was because Hol was meant for me and I for her.” I nod at his words. Maybe there really is only one person out there for you, and mine, well he was gone from this world. Maybe Michael Crown is nothing but a headache in the messiness of the aftermath of Sean’s death. A lesson to be learned that I’m okay just living my life on my own without a partner.

“Whatever reason he said those things, I can almost guarantee he didn’t mean them,” he says gently.

My heart wants to hold on to his words of hope, but I’m just too tired.

He hadn’t came over to me all night. His eyes had never laid on mine when I had looked over at his table. When exhaustion hits, it’s overwhelming, and that’s how I feel. It isn’t failure, it is exhaustion. I am exhausted of my thoughts being so wrapped up in Mike and I. I just have to give it up. My mom is right. I have to pick, to fight or let go. I have to let go.

“He did,” I say in a semi-confident voice. I am sure Robert can tell I am trying convince myself more than him.

I remember every word he has said to me and how much each one had hurt. But I also remember how things had been. His actions. If actions spoke louder than words, then maybe he had cared and for whatever reason is pushing me away. Or maybe I am being naive holding onto false hope that the man I had thought I had been seeing actually exists, and that I haven’t been completely and utterly wrong about him.

“Pretty girl if that was true, that arse wouldn’t have been over at my house the last two nights crying like a little baby completely blitzed.” I look up at him.

Mike had been crying over me?
If he was crying over anything these last two days, it sure hadn’t been over me. Then I notice a hand tap on Robert’s shoulder and we look. Tony’s handsome face is there smiling so big I can see his sweet dimples at either side.

“May I cut in?” he asks politely and Robert smiles and nods handing me over to Tony.

“Hey Beautiful,” he says as he closes in on me. Holding me close, I press my cheek on his chest. Why couldn’t I have fallen for someone like Tony? He has it together. He is a single dad. We get along. He isn’t broody and difficult. He is like Sean. Familiar. I know how to handle familiar.

“Hey,” I whisper. I can feel the tears of embarrassment starting to threaten. “I’m sorry about the scene, I hope I didn’t embarrass you,” I whisper.

“Not at all,” he says and I lean my head on his shoulder, his hand on my back softly. “I’m sorry that old hag did that. One thing money can’t buy Sabrina is class. Gail Crown is in a category of bitch all on her own,” he says softly as his hand does lazy circles at the center of my bare back, in a motion that brings comfort. “I still remember all the problems she caused Holly and Robert. She’s horrible.”

“Do you think…” I start to ask, but Tony interrupts me.

“That Crown heard? Yeah, last time I saw he was outside yelling at her,” he says. “And FYI in case Crown can’t get his head out of his ass about you, I want you to know that my mother would adore you!” he says with a charming smile and flirty wink, and I laugh.

I actually laugh in spite of the fact that people are talking about me, and that my heart’s broken; in spite of the fact that the man I have fallen in love with doesn’t love me, I actually laugh. And it feels great. Tony is genuinely a good guy and I really hope he will find someone worthy of him, and I really hope that we can be friends.

“Thanks,” I say.

“I’m serious, she really would. I’d like us to be friends if we could too,” he says and looks at me with kind eyes making me want to sigh. Why couldn’t I have met him first?

“I’d like that too… Plus our kids are new BFF’s, so I think us being friends is a good idea.”

We silently dance for three more songs. He pulls my chin up with his finger and asks if I am ready to go and I nod just as I step back from him, bumping into someone behind me. Hard and hot body, I look up as I start to apologize.

“Oh my God I am so …” I start to say as I look up into Mike’s serious pale blue eyes. I can feel Tony’s body tense up behind me.

“Dance with me,” he says, his voice gruff and hard, but his eyes, his eyes are holding so many emotions that it hurts to look at him.

“We were just leaving Crown,” Tony says protectively.

“I wasn’t talking to you Garibaldi,” He snaps and then looks at me. “Please Sabrina, one dance,” he says, almost pleading with me. His eyes are filled with his own inner turmoil, and my heart aches.

I look at Tony then back at Mike and nod. Foolishly letting myself believe its so he won’t cause a scene. His hand quickly goes to mine dragging me into the center of the crowded dance floor as Rhianna’s Stay starts to play.

He gently pulls me in, and I try to keep some space between us, but he only pulls me in closer. The heat of his body makes me ache for him. His familiar scent makes my mind feel foggy. There’s so much I want to say, yet at the same time I am so furious at him I don’t even want to look at him. Even torn, I can’t seem to resist. I must be a glutton for punishment, because I look up at him. His pale blue eyes on mine makes something deep inside me tighten. God there is something about his eyes that mesmerize me. Entrance me. Like a snake charmer, he holds my gaze, not able to look away. His eyes tell so much, yet nothing at the same time. I search in his eyes for something, any kind of hint of why he would make it a point to dance with me. But like always he gives nothing away and it hurts.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath and immediately regret it. He is wearing the cologne I loved. Mixed with the scent of his own skin mixed with the soap he used, was potent stuff. It immediately makes me ache for him. The need for him surprises me, makes me angry at my inner bad girl, so I open my eyes and look at him.

Mike’s pale blue eyes are filled with something I just can’t place.  He is serious, and I remember what it is like when he smiles. How I wish he would smile. But that isn’t my job anymore, not that it ever really was.

“Are you having fun?” I ask thinking how lame I sound. He is the one who had wanted to dance, he should talk to me. But I always gave him an out, and the big old idiot took it.

When would I learn that it shouldn’t surprise me. That he will never have this huge declaration of love. No he doesn’t love me, he has said just as much to my face none the less. My mom had been completely right. It is time to make a decision. I have to let him go. He doesn’t want me.

“Everything came out great. The committee is talking about working with Ritz Events again,” his voice is gruff almost strained, and I wonder if he is worried I won’t just go away.

“Laney will love the account,” I say with a small smile and he frowns.

“Wouldn’t you be the one…?” I know what he is asking and I shake my head.

“No. I told you Mike, after tonight you don’t have to worry about seeing me… I spoke to Laney…”

“Sabrina… don’t do this,” he says his eyes pleading and sad, almost like he is afraid?

Part of me hopes that he is asking me what my heart wants him to ask me, but I know better. I know better than to hope for something that won’t happen. For the first few months after Sean’s death, I would stare at the door and hope to see him walk in, but that was as impossible as hoping that Michael Crown would somehow declare he cared.

“I got a job offer,” I share, trying to sound excited about it. His eyes are serious almost scowling. “Perk Events in Seattle, it’s a great opportunity.”

He looks like he is thinking about asking a million questions. He clears his throat, “what about the kids?”

“I haven’t told them yet. Perk is flying me up for an interview this week, I leave Monday. If what they are offering is as interesting as what they have been hinting… who knows.”

It was true, it is a great opportunity. I would get to do the events I wanted, and with what I had saved, and with the cost of living lower over there and the sign-on bonus, financially it made sense. The thing was the drawbacks were huge. I wouldn’t have my family or my friends nearby. The kids would hate another move, plus my heart wanted to stay. My stupid silly heart. I can only think that maybe starting all over would be a good thing.

“I messed it all up didn’t I?” he says whispering into my ear and I can feel my eyes start to water as I feel a twitch at my nose, blinking away the burn at my eyes, and I sniffle.
Don’t cry!
The bad girl in me yells at me:
make him think you don’t want him anymore.
If only it were that easy.

“You just didn’t feel it. I get it,” I say trying to push him away but his huge arms just hold on to me tightly around my waist, my hands on his chest. Will this be the last time I touch his chest? I loved his chest, the hardness of his body, the heat that somehow was always radiating from it, the comfort it gave when I would lay my head on it and we’d fall asleep.

“What if I told you I did?” he says as one hand holds on tightly to the small of my back and the other at the base of my neck. I can feel his hard body so close to mine, his warm breath on my ear. Between that and his words, I suddenly feel like I am holding my breath, expecting to hear him declare his feelings. How could this man shatter my heart, but I can almost forget it all when he holds me this close?

“I stopped playing the what-if game a long time ago Mike.” My voice is shakey after waiting to hear the words from him I was dying to hear, but they never came. I can hear him sigh.

What was he trying to say? Pulling my head back so that I look into his eyes I notice the dark bags under his eyes, the sadness embedded deep in them.

“I also think I told you once, that playing that game didn’t seem like your style,” reminding him of when all his lies had come to light.