Crushed Seraphim (17 page)

Soon enough they were standing on the smooth sand of the beach. It was still early evening, but the winter demanded the sun’s decline almost before night had properly begun. Jason handed Emma her parcel.

“Please, open it. It’s from a friend.” Jason put his hands in his pockets as he set Emma at ease.

The brown paper was easily torn and not magic in any way. The white box’s lid slipped off as well. Emma gently touched the contents. She’d been a vampire for mere weeks, and aware of it for only hours, and yet the trappings of angels now looked foreign to her. Extraordinary to her.

The paper was almost transparent and had the consistency of spider web. She lifted the note out and tilted it toward the setting sun’s warm show.

The writing was very masculine and terribly messy, but the ink was lovely. Angels wrote notes with quills dipped in liquid diamonds, and their scribed words were wondrous to behold. Emma’s vampire eyes missed not one facet in the letters.

It was from Jack. She could feel his concern soaking through her fingertips. Her mind’s eye saw him again: illuminated seconds before he ceased to exist.

Emma read his words, feeling tremendous hope that he might still be somewhere in the universe, experiencing joy.

Pretty child,

It will be over for me soon, this tenure of evil. I wish you the best. Tell him to bite that lovely bottom lip of yours — it makes you pant.

- Jack

The box was heavy. He’d given her a gift.
Another
gift. When Jack was able to accomplish this, she didn’t know.

Jason quickly gave her an answer. “I was listening to a lot in those final moments, and he did create something during his alone time behind his wall of flames. He was doing
this
instead of fighting back.” Jason inclined his head respectfully toward the box.

Emma pictured Jack in the middle of the chaos creating the delicate note now in her hands, tapping into his latent angel powers to make something beautiful for her. She lifted the tissue in the box and smiled. The gift was another remote control. This one was gold and its buttons were onyx.

He must have been a Christmas Angel, once upon a time,
Emma thought, smiling at Jason.
And he never pressed his pause button. I’m not surprised. He seemed like a full-steam-ahead kind of guy. But to save it? To give it to me? For us?

Emma’s words morphed into feelings. Compassion, thankfulness, and loss.

Jason lifted the controller from the box. It looked sensual in his strong hands.

“I was going to bite your lip before he asked, so he wasted time and words choreographing my plans for your passion.” Jason’s eyes told her he was remembering the last time the world had stopped just for them.

He read her teary thoughts and changed his approach. “Emma, sometimes a soul is forced to continue beyond its vessel’s desire to live. Jack’s stint as the Devil prolonged his agony much longer than he wanted. He was ready to go.”

Tears welled up in Emma’s eyes as she listened to Jason’s words.

“I do know he had compassion again in the end,” he continued. “He cared for someone besides himself, even when he was disappointed by his Claudette. Just a little time with you changed the Devil.”

Emma smiled and put her hand to his face. “And yet
you’ve
taken
so
long to realize your worth. Even the Devil changed his mind more quickly. You certainly play hard to get, Jason Parish.”

He chuckled. “Yes, I think I’ve been too harsh. For an angel to choose me over Heaven? For you to want to stand next to me at all should bring me to my knees. This beach should be the church where I beg forgiveness from God for taking even one breath for granted. Every second I’ve been given has led me to this. To you.”

Jason set the box gently on the ground. He put one hand behind her neck, buried the other in her hair, and kissed her.

Emma felt the soaring perfection of two souls connecting. Belonging. She melted into his chest. He pulled away from her lips, his face full of intention.

Emma looked down and watched the note as the wind caught it and cartwheeled it away. The transparent scrap landed in the surf and melted. The seawater tinted red for a heartbeat before the message was washed away, clean and clear. The pang of loss pinched her heart, she turned and faced the man in front of her.

Emma took the remote from the box and handed it to him. “Press pause, Jason.”

Jason kissed Emma again as his long finger pressed the pause button. They could feel the Earth grind its endless rotation to a halt and laughed out loud when their heartbeats sped up as they became human again.

They looked around, alone together with no eyes above or below to judge how thoroughly they wanted to bless each other’s bodies.

Emma stepped away and twirled. “Look, Jason! You paused the snow!”

The flakes that had been gearing up to add another cold layer of nature to the soil now hovered like beautiful jewelry in the sky. As each flake melted on Emma’s warm body, she created a tunnel with her twirling.

“Emma, you have to see the sunset.” Jason caught her quickly and motioned to the sky as if he’d painted it himself. The gathering clouds were painted deep purple and red with the very tip of the sun still peeking above the horizon.

It’s amazing. Perfect pause. I do believe we have some love to make.
She raised one eyebrow with her taunting thought.

Jason gave her a wink. “Remember, by reading your mind I can learn just which touch you like best. And then I will do it over and over and over.”

Emma gulped and smiled. He promised lovely luxury, and her body responded. Emma stepped away from his tempting mouth and walked backward toward the surf.

He watched her playfully, but as she got closer to the water, his expression grew concerned. He ran to catch up and wrapped his arms around her waist. Her heels were just a hair’s breadth from the edge of the hushed water.

“You’re human in the pause. You might get cold if you get wet.” Jason kept her firmly in his grasp.

“Half-breed, you worry too much. We could be mostly naked by now.” She touched his lips, and he kissed her fingers.

She pictured her intentions, and Jason bit his lip. He watched carefully as she freed herself from his hug.

Emma stepped back and when her feet met the water, instead of sinking she was able to walk along the surface.
Everything’s suspended, lover. Come get me.

Emma spun on her heel and ran toward the sunset. Jason fully expected to sink when he tried, but his shoe behaved as if it was touching ground and supported him in the usual way. He couldn’t help laughing as he trotted out behind her. He stopped laughing when he almost stepped on her discarded jeans. His eyes traveled from the pants to a trail of Emma’s clothes, each item a little miracle on the sea.

She had her back to him, and her beautiful shape was silhouetted against the sky, completely naked. She was framed in snowflakes as she peeked over her shoulder and looked shyly at his face. Her eyes were startlingly emerald. Her unlikely food source had colored her eyes to match the leafy green she drained.

Jason took a slow, deep breath.
Wings or no wings, she’s still an angel.

Time was already stopped, so the only noise Jason could hear was his own temporary heartbeat. As he caught up to Emma she turned her face to the sunset, which seemed impossibly close.

She had a chill — he could tell from the small bumps on her perfect skin. He put his warm hands on her hips. He felt his way to her backside, smoothing her skin as he went. She leaned her head back against his chest, and her hair tickled his hands.

He was too much of a man not to look down at her breasts. They were perfect and cold as well. He let his fingers travel to her shoulders and turn her around. He tested the size of her waist and skimmed her belly button with his thumbs.

She shivered.

Jason was fascinated at her response to his thumbs’ pressure and used them to trace a line to her nipples. She hissed a breath in through her teeth, and Jason had to stop so he wouldn’t take her right then.

I promised slow. I promised slow.

His mantra almost failed him when Emma wrapped her arms around him, kissing him deeply.

In his arousal, he was sorely aware of the fabric between her sex and his pleasure.
She’ll be so warm inside
.

Her lips still tasted like angel cake, and Jason couldn’t blame the Devil for wanting to keep her.

She began unbuttoning his shirt, and every inch of his chest revealed was treated to a caress from her hands.
When you just breathe on me, I want you. Being in your arms will melt me. Being naked with you might kill me.

Emma’s thoughts made him growl. She fumbled with the buttons on his pants, and he quickly unfastened them for her.

Kill me, Jason.

He kissed her and scooped her into his arms. There was no bed, so the water would have to do. It molded to her gently, and its cool was a gasping contrast to her hot skin. He made sure to kick off his shoes and socks. The water below her was so clear he could see his reflection as he covered her body with his own.

She was still shivering.

“Are you cold?” He began to mentally dress her out of habit.

He started with her feet because the rest was too pretty to cover. He gave her stiletto heels and white, fuzzy leg warmers.

She shook her head.
Not cold. I just want you so much.
Stop putting clothes on me and get inside me.

“Your wish is my command,” he said

He had wanted to take more time. He wanted to outline every part of her with his tongue. He wanted to sink his fingers inside her and hear her thoughts as she came. But the pause wasn’t endless, and the whole world had halted so he could enter this woman right now.

Jason lined up his hips and pushed inside. He looked at her face, and her eyes had a sheen of tears. She batted her lashes and smiled at him as he began a rhythm that could bring only joy.

You are with me, Jason.

The stilled water was the perfect surface for lovemaking, and Jason used it to his advantage. He touched her everywhere he’d dreamed he might someday, and she rewarded him with gasps of pleasure and moans of delight.

She climaxed first, and he could feel her legs tremble. Then his brain turned white and even his teeth tingled when he was spent. He remained inside her, staring at her flushed skin — so alive, so sated. She reached up and pulled him down for another kiss. He hugged her and kissed her cheek.

The beeping of started, and this time Jason knew it signaled the end of their pause.

“Are we going to…” He looked up at the stationary snowflakes and grimaced when they began twisting and swirling again in the wind.

Fall? Go in the drink? Hell, yes!

Jason watched as the waves freed themselves and began their endless swaying climb to crash on the beach. He grabbed Emma and tossed her over his shoulder, the water already feeling less solid by his feet. He ran as fast as he could, but gravity claimed them when they were still a few steps from Emma’s jeans.

The vampires were swallowed into the sea with a splash. Underwater, Emma laughed and swam away from Jason.

He loved her mischievous smile and realized she’d planned the impromptu swim when she chose to tempt him on the water. He saved her clothes and swam to her, a pair of vampires once again. They swam until they could stand, but when Jason tried to offer Emma her pants again, she swatted them away and pulled him closer.

Make love to me again, half-breed.

As the months progressed, Emma blended easily into the family. The
close-knit threesome found they enjoyed having another personality in the mix. Emma gave them the opportunity to interact with someone beyond themselves without any of the danger relationships with humans could bring.

Despite this closeness with the siblings, Emma stayed in the guest room at their home — a bit distanced from Jason. He insisted she spend her nights alone, kissing her sweetly at her door each evening when it was time for bed. He wanted to make her new life as “normal” as he could, he’d explained. He wanted her to find her own way. So he was being a gentleman — as much as possible — and giving her some space.

But tonight they had a date. Emma pulled her hair into a high, sassy ponytail, and walked down the stairs to find him waiting.

He looked up, and his eyes climbed from her heels to her smile. When she stood before him he pulled a bouquet of daisies from behind his back.

“You make every room the place I want to be,” he said with a welcoming smile. He held his hand out to her.

“You’re smooth, Mr. Parish. You
do
know we’re living together? No need to court me.” Emma took the flowers and winked.

“I disagree. A lady deserves to be wooed.” He leaned down to kiss her cheek.

Emma found a vase in the kitchen and added the blooms to water. “So are you going to tell me where we’re going tonight,” she asked. “Or is it still a surprise?”

Jason motioned for her to step into the living room. Emma reached for her jacket hanging in the foyer, but he beat her to it and held it open for her arms.

He slowly fastened the buttons, littering her neck with small kisses. “It’s still a surprise,” he said, his words tickling her skin.

From the couch Dean and Seriana rolled their eyes and pointed to the exit in unison.

Jason laughed as he opened the door for Emma. In the driveway was a perfect red convertible.

“Where’d you get this?” Emma spun to face him.

He shrugged. “I rented it for us.”

After walking her to the passenger side, he held open the door as Emma slid into the comfortable seat.

“I’ve never had a ride in a topless car.” Emma traced the edge of the windshield with a finger.

It was standard transmission, and as they took off, Jason’s forearm rippled when he shifted gears. Emma lifted her face to the deep night.

The air sped over the car, and Jason drove just fast enough to give her a thrill, but conscientiously enough to keep her feeling safe at the same time. When they came to a stop, it was at the top of a beautiful cliff overlooking the ocean.

Emma turned up the radio and slid her seat back so she could only see stars. Jason mimicked her actions and reached for her hand. The stars were outdoing themselves. The slight chill in the atmosphere had polished them to a high sheen. Jason’s hand in hers was warm.

She broke the silence. “I didn’t get a lot of time under these stars before I was walking among them,” she said, thinking of long ago.

Jason turned his head to look at her, and she met his eyes. “I know,” he said.

He was thoughtful to want her to experience the simplest of Earthly pleasures, but she needed to change the subject. Emma felt slightly claustrophobic at the unknown of her future.
Will I be an angel again?

“So, you guys are endlessly running from your grandfather, right? That must be tiresome.”

He looked away from her and at the sky. “Sometimes it feels pointless. We’ve been here longer than we’ve been anywhere, and it just doesn’t seem worth working up the fear to move on. I have a nagging sense he’ll find us eventually — like when we run we’re only postponing the inevitable.”

Suddenly Emma could feel Everett’s eyes boring into her back from his place in Hell. “Yeah. I think I know what that feels like.”

They were quiet again, easy with each other.

“You’ve got to enjoy the moment you’re in,” Emma added. “That’s what my father always said. If you’re not having a good time, it’s your own damn fault.” She sat up.

Jason tucked his hands behind his head. “And how would you suggest we make this moment any better?”

Emma pretended to think, raising one eyebrow. “Well, we could count the stars. Or even skip some rocks from the cliff.”

“I hate to rain on your parade, but you have to be closer to the water to get a stone to skip.” He gave her an adorable smile.

“Well, then I’m all out of ideas.” Emma flipped her ponytail, pretending to be stumped.

Jason sat up and touched her face. “I could kiss you.” He placed his lips gently on hers and breathed into her. “And kiss you.” He removed the tie from her ponytail. Her hair blew all around them. Jason touched his forehead to hers. “And kiss you.”

Emma straddled him in the driver’s seat. She turned her face so the wind blew her hair out behind her like a flag. He was so perfect, so handsome and ready to be hers. She closed her eyes when her traitorous memory called up Jack’s deep eyes, his sinful mouth.

She kissed Jason deeply, determined to replace her every memory of Jack with the reality of Jason.

A good man was right in front of her, not perished in a burst of white light. The right man, she told herself, despite the ache lurking just below the surface that told her otherwise.

Over time Jason had found that his ability to read thoughts — his gift from God, or at least one of them — was diminishing. After a few more weeks of random flashes in the silence, he was once again alone with just his own silent musings. Emma always smiled at him, for him, but he had concerns.

There were days when she stared at the sky for great chunks of time. She was fascinated by the birds, whose wings were so reminiscent of the ones she seemed to covet. Jason was afraid to ask if she missed being an angel. There was nothing he could do if her answer was yes, so he avoided the topic altogether.

It was summer when he found her sitting by the creek, turning a stone over and over in her hands.

“Hello, beautiful. Thinking about rocks as an appetizer before the trees?” He sat next to her.

“You’re hilarious.” She smiled, but the sparkle never quite made it to her spectacular green eyes.

Avoiding the topic of Heaven wasn’t a solution. Jason knew that. It was easier, but all the things that went unsaid built walls. He picked up a stone of his own.

“Can I help you?” He didn’t need to be specific. The issue she was contemplating left no room for anything else in her mind.

She sighed. “I really love being here with you. I do,” she said. “But I have trouble getting Jack out of my mind.”

Her words were a knife in his chest. Before he’d lost the power to read her mind, he’d seen much of Jack and Emma’s time together in her memories.

“Are you reading my thoughts?” She put her hand on his.

“I can’t. I mean, I haven’t been able to for a while. That power seems to have worn off.” He grasped her hand and felt her smooth skin.

She took the information with a nod. “Well, I just can’t stop the guilt I feel about not trying harder at the end. At his end.”

“There was nothing you could’ve done differently. You did speak to the angels, but for the most part you were behind the fire wall. Why was protecting him your responsibility?”

She was quiet for a bit before she answered. “I believe people are put in our paths for a reason. I can’t believe I was destined to pull Jack out of Hell just to protect what was important to me.” She dropped his hand and stood, hugging her arms. “I should have spoken up more. I should have demanded to be heard.”

Jason stood as well. After a moment, he hugged her.

“I feel like you’re not remembering the incident correctly,” he said. “Don’t forget, you were human at the time. And there wasn’t a moment where you were given the floor to deliver a speech. The angels were whipped into a frenzy — like cats with catnip.” He rubbed her arms. “They didn’t want to listen.”

She nodded. “You’re right. I have to quit thinking about it. Maybe I’ll pray instead.”

She opened her arms and returned his hug. He breathed a sigh of relief.

Emma tried to throw herself into the vampire lifestyle. Dean, Seriana, and Jason complimented her often, and they were thrilled that she was able to accompany them on feedings. Blood didn’t call to her, so helping
them
sustain their lives was easy. She could count to five and pull the predator away from the prey without having her lips curl around her teeth in anticipation. Eventually she went out with each family member alone, so the others were not tormented at all.

In spite of all this, one of the siblings had seemed tentative around Emma for a while now. As she walked home with a rosy-cheeked Seriana one evening, Emma found out why.

“Do remember anything about the souls in Heaven?” Seriana looked sheepish.

“Did Jason tell you not to mention Heaven to me?” Emma asked, wondering why Seriana was so unsure.

The half-breed let her long brown hair cover her face like a sheet, embarrassed. She mumbled, “I’m sorry. He did. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Emma stopped her with her hand. “It’s okay. I’ll tell you everything I can remember. Do you have a question?”

Emma led Seriana to an empty park bench and they sat together.

“Do half-breeds go to Heaven?” she asked and without pausing for Emma’s answer continued. “Stupid question, never mind. Of course not.”

Emma looked into Seriana’s eyes as she registered the importance of her words.

“Wait. Please don’t jump to conclusions like that. I’m actually not sure about half-breeds. When angels arrive in Heaven they’re sort of washed of their previous identity. I could only recognize those I’d known in life if they crossed my path. I need to emphasize how big Heaven is. Some angels are merely collections of positive energy, not recognizable as their former selves at all. That’s how they’re happiest.” Emma waited as Seriana looked down at the street.

“I mean, we drink blood. I would’ve killed many times if it wasn’t for my brothers — and now you.” Seriana shuffled her feet.

“I don’t have all the answers, but I do have my compass.” Emma tilted Seriana’s chin so she’d look her in the eyes. The former angel placed her hand on her chest. “When I think of you my heart feels warm and bright and refreshed. You’re so very important, Seriana. I trust my heart, and I believe half-breeds can live a true life. I know that’s what your mother wanted for you.”

“Do we die? I mean, do you know that?” Seriana bit her lip.

“I can tell you that half-breeds cease to exist when their spirit gives up the will to live.” Emma had to be honest. She was providing Heavenly advice after all. “Sweetheart, a half-breed vampire’s life can be very long, but they don’t usually have a bond with other half-breeds to help them navigate the world. Many sort of become mindless, endless animals.”

Seriana looked toward the sky and took a step away from Emma, gathering herself. “I guess I knew that, deep down. We’ve been like this for a while, and we haven’t come across many others like us. And the ones we met, they weren’t, they weren’t capable of much more than feeding anymore.”

The two sat in silence, absorbing this information. Emma thought perhaps the conversation was over when suddenly Seriana spoke again.

“Was my mother in Heaven?” The words bubbled out of her like they’d been resting on the edge of her tongue for a while.

Emma adopted the comforting demeanor she’d once used when she returned to Earth as an angel to collect souls. “Oh, sweetheart. There are so many souls up there. I wouldn’t be able to tell you that.”

Seriana’s hands clenched one another. “Of course not. It was silly of me to ask.”

Emma grabbed her hands. “Seriana, look at me.” She waited until the woman’s childlike eyes were on her face. At times it was hard for Emma to believe how many years Seriana had been on earth. “I have a sure-fire way for you to find out if your mother’s in Heaven.”

Seriana looked at Emma eagerly, clearly expecting a magic trick or some hidden tool.

“Close your eyes. Good. Now, I want you to picture your mother. Try to remember her touch, her smile.”