Crushed Seraphim (18 page)

Emma gave the image a few moments to form in Seriana’s mind. Finally, she nodded, eyes still shut tight. Emma touched the center of Seriana’s chest. “Tell me what you feel in your heart, right now.”

Seriana replied, “Love. The strongest love. But I miss her so much.” She opened her eyes.

“Your heart is your compass. It will always tell you about someone’s true nature. If your heart is soaked in love at the thought of your mother, she’s in Heaven — if she’s no longer on Earth. But I have to tell you, mothers always leave their love with their children. Always.” Emma pulled her in for a hug.

Seriana wrapped her arms tightly around Emma. “Thanks. I’ve wanted to ask you that forever, it feels like.”

When the women resumed their walk, Seriana had a little skip to her step. Emma decided she’d ask Dean if he had any questions as well. Jason was trying to protect her, she knew that. But helping Seriana just now had given her a phantom tingling where her wings used to be.

Their conversation had opened a floodgate of questions from Seriana. “Do you guys wear clothes up there? Do you really walk on clouds? Are pets in Heaven?”

Emma laughed out loud before answering. “Yes, we wear clothes — usually of a soft, white material. You can walk on whatever you fancy. If you like clouds, that’s what will be under your feet. And are pets in Heaven? God loves all his creatures. Could you imagine a Heaven without fuzzy, four-legged fur balls?”

“Wow. Is it hard to be down here?” Seriana walked more slowly now, trying to prolong her alone time with Emma.

“I love being with your family, and the Earth is so beautiful — truly God’s favorite masterpiece. But I do miss Heaven. My job there was satisfying, and I did it well. I just think I needed a break.” Emma looked to the stars, remembering how she’d once seen them from the other side.

At that she was lost in her thoughts, but eventually they drew her back to what was now her life. The present. How scary it must be for the Parish siblings to face this unknown and try to keep their partial humanity around them like cloaks.

Emma and Seriana finished their journey home quietly, though Emma rubbed her new sister’s back from time to time.

A few weeks later, Dean was absorbed in the evening news when suddenly he rocketed off the couch and began pacing the living room. When he’d calmed down enough to explain, the others learned he thought the details of a recent murder sounded like the work of half-breed vampires. The deaths of humans at vampire hands always set the Parishes on edge. Their mother’s lessons ran deep, and they took every instance of vampires killing as almost a personal attack. While Jason, Dean, and Seriana gathered around the computer to see if they could track down more than a brief, bone-chilling description, Emma let herself out and went for a walk in the woods.

Her feet took her to the clearing where she’d begged for her wings in the heat of battle. Temperature didn’t matter much now that she was a vampire, but as she looked around, she could smell the snow in the air.
Winter again.

Emma felt restless and unsure of her purpose. Her little half-breed family needed guidance, and she was doing her best, but was that it? All there was for her in this life? She decided to pray. Emma pictured God in the form He’d last taken: jolly old Santa.

Dear God,

I’m trying to find pieces of you everywhere here on Earth. I’m worried I’m not doing my best because I’m longing for Heaven. And I feel unfulfilled about Jack. I know it’s not my job to know the outcome of every event — but he had hope, he was caring. To see the angels end his existence has really shaken me. I don’t even know what I’m asking for here. I just miss You.

Love,

Emma

Her prayers were met with silence. No wonder it took such faith for humans to believe. Asking and never knowing if you shall receive was a hard thing to do.

Emma bent down and picked up a charred rock. This part of the woods was a testament to Jack’s power, how he’d protected her and didn’t retaliate against the angels who attacked him.

My impulses have always sucked. I lived a quick life as a human because I ran into a burning building after my horse.

But she couldn’t find it in her heart to regret her decision to try to save Feisty. The huge brown eyes and sweet smell of her horse friend were still more things she missed.

Emma tossed the black rock into the center of the clearing. She should be getting back. Dean was up next for his feeding. Then the scent of crystallized rain halted her, and she smiled into the sky as the tiny flakes began dancing from the clouds. It looked a bit like angel-wing glitter, and Emma stuck out her tongue to see if it would have a taste.

Her mouth stayed open as a swirling white tornado fell as gently as the snow. It could only be an angel. The smell of cleansing rain and honesty made Emma take a knee. Her prayers were being answered in a very solid way.

Emma rose when she’d recovered her wits, curious about the angel who now stood before her.

“Former Seraph Emma, greetings,” she said.

The angel was gorgeous, of course. The draping on her angel gown was elaborate and simple all at once. Emma knew wearing it was like an elegant hug.

“I’m Claudette,” the angel added, hoping Emma would make the connection.

Raising her eyebrows, Emma accepted the welcome with a nod.
Jack’s Claudette?
Must be.
She certainly didn’t have to use the title “Seraph” to refer to Emma now that her wings were long gone. It was a sign of respect…and flattery.

“Angel Claudette, greetings.” Emma tried not to let her gaze linger on the glorious wings. Her back hurt briefly, remembering her own feathers.

Emma let the silence build between them and noticed Claudette seemed anxious.
Hmm. That’s a wonder. What does she have to be worried about?

“Emma, I shouldn’t be here. Gabriel will be furious, but I couldn’t think of anyone else who could help.” Claudette’s wings fluttered as if she might take off.

Gabriel was a good seraph, but he was very rigid in what he believed was right and wrong. There was no gray area for him.

“Claudette, I’m no longer in possession of any powers that can help you, though I would gladly give advice.” Emma held out a hand.

Angels were a close-knit bunch in Heaven, quickly forming friendships. Emma took the same approach here on Earth, hoping to set Claudette at ease.

“During the battle, we had much debate amongst ourselves about the fate of Jack.” Claudette bit her lip, taking Emma’s hand.

She had regrets as well. Emma could see that much from the position of her wings.

The angel’s corkscrew curls ruffled with the gentle breeze. “I was against ending him. I love Gabriel, but Jack had changed.”

“Are you convincing me or yoursel
f
?” Emma tried to stifle the anger that suddenly flowed through her like lava. For Jack’s sake, she forced herself to continue holding hands with Claudette.

“Both of us, I guess.” Claudette met Emma’s eyes briefly, and Emma drew a breath to pronounce that
she
needed no convincing, when Claudette abruptly continued. “There have been developments recently. I went to confession and told God of my regrets. He became chatty and explained that Jack was in Purgatory.” Claudette now looked deeply into Emma’s eyes.

The angel was trusting a vampire. Angels never revealed what went on in confession. It just wasn’t done.

“Jack still exists? How is that even possible? I saw him leave.” Emma dropped the angel’s hand to pace with this new information.

“I wanted to go to Purgatory to find him, to find out about his condition.” Claudette began pacing with Emma, but she hovered just above the snow-speckled ground. “So I went to August and asked to see the book.”

Emma pictured the skinny, serious angel in charge of Purgatory. August always seemed disgusted with her job of keeping track of the souls there. Emma was willing to bet she was smiling now, with the former Devil in her charge. The prestige must be heady.

“She’s quite proud, as you can imagine.” Claudette seemed to feel the same dislike. “So she let me see it.” Claudette stopped her pacing and caught Emma’s hand again. “August told me Jack has to decide the state of his own soul, and he’s just not doing it. I’m sure Heaven has little appeal after we attacked him, and Hell is, well, Hell. Purgatory isn’t doing him any favors. He trusts no one. Not even God. The only thing I could think to do is bring you to him.”

Her cards were on the table now, and Claudette waited. Emma tried not to let having power over an angel overwhelm her. It felt a little like her old job. She shook her head to clear it.

Jack still exists.

He was the heartbeat of so many of her regrets.

Jack.

She already knew she would go. God wouldn’t have let Claudette get this far if Emma wasn’t supposed to face this challenge. Emma was about to nod, giving her assent to be transported, when she heard the crackle of a leaf behind her.

Jason.

He watched as Emma whirled around, surprised. She’d been wholly involved in something, or she would’ve heard him before he was standing so close.

The snow behind Emma had an unusual pattern — almost as if an umbrella blocked the flakes.

“Are you okay? I heard you speaking.” Jason stepped closer again.

Hearing her thoughts would have come in handy once again. He saw indecision in her face.

“You can’t see her.” Emma motioned to the snowless space.

Jason shook his head. He hated how happy the pronoun “her” made him. Why he had an irrational fear it would be Jack, he wasn’t sure. Emma closed the distance and hugged him. He kissed her hair, and it smelled like Heaven again.

“Is that an angel?” Jason tried to hold Emma closer.

“Yeah, that’s Claudette. She has some good news and some bad news.” Emma looked in his face, and he was trapped by her beauty — and by the determination he saw in her eyes.

He nodded and tried to appear encouraging.

“Turns out Jack still exists! But he’s in Purgatory and needs my help.” Emma had her hands on his chest.

Jason’s jaw tightened at the Devil’s name.
He’s back again. God, I just can’t be rid of him. He’s in her memories and maybe in her heart.

Jason knew he was supposed to be sympathetic. Jack did seem to have some goodness there in the end. Now he was supposed to encourage Emma and wait patiently as Jack needed her, yet again.

Instead he clutched her tighter and spoke words he was afraid were too selfish. “I don’t want you to go to him. Stay. Stay here with me.”

At that, a door shut somewhere in her head. He could almost hear it. It wasn’t just Jack. He knew she’d always be the first to rush in when someone needed help. He thought of her horse, her eagle, himself.

“Please tell me you understand. I can’t just ignore Jack.” Emma tried to pull away.

Jason wanted to keep her close. He knew the inevitable outcome. She would do what she thought was right. That might even be the reason she chose to stay with his half-breed family in the first place. Surely an angel would never be allowed to fall for the Devil.

He blew out a frustrated breath. His embrace now felt like he was trying to hold an unwilling cat. He would wait for her. He knew he would. But he wasn’t quite ready to give in.

“I
don’t
understand,” he said. “I say someone as old and experienced as Jack can help himself. But I know you’ll go, and before you do I need you to know I love you.” He opened his arms, but she didn’t step away.

“Jason?” She seemed shocked.

“You know I love you. And I’ll pray that you come back to me, and I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever if I have to.” He had spoken his truth.

Emma reached up and touched his check. She smiled, but her eyes were sad.

“Are you sure you’re talking about me? Emma? Not the angel left in me?” Her doubt was louder than her words.

“Yes, it’s you. Just you I love.” He put his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t grab her up and run far away from the floating temptation he couldn’t see.