Damaged (4 page)

I’d never experienced anything like what just happened with Jack. He made Brett look like a teenage boy that didn’t know what he was doing. Jack was so in tune with me and what I needed, it was mind blowing. I didn’t know what to do now that it was over. Would he send his driver to take me home? Would he call a cab? Did he want me to stay? I was unsure about what we were doing, how he wanted our affair to go. I didn’t think this was just about sex, but I was well aware that men didn’t think the way women did.

I was deciding what to do, when Jack made the decision for me. He got up and removed the condom and then got back in bed. He moved me so that I was under the covers and pulled them up. He curled his arm around me and kissed my forehead.

“Go to sleep, Lily. You’re going to need your rest.”

I grinned in the dark.

“Goodnight Jack.”

Chapter Six

Jack woke me up several times during the night and every time we had sex, it was more passionate and powerful than the time before. I went home after breakfast with Jack that morning with an ache between my legs and a smile on my face. I knew I wouldn’t see Brett at all during the day so I took a long bath and read a romance novel on my ereader. I had a lovely day made even better by the texts that Jack sent me.

Jack: How is it after spending half the night inside of you, I already want you again?

Jack: I wish I could take you to lunch and then bring you back and fuck you on my desk.

Jack: What are you wearing, baby?

I responded to his texts grinning and wanting him just as much as he wanted me. I wasn’t sure when we’d be able to see each other again but I had a feeling by the time we did I’d be more than ready to go straight to bed.

A few days passed before we were able to see each other again and when I hopped into his car we jumped on each other mouths melding together and clothes coming off. By the time we made it to his house I’d already had two orgasms and Jack had one. I didn’t have as much time before Brett made it back home this time so we made the most of it by spending it exploring each other and talking about ourselves and our likes and dislikes.

Our affair had become a relationship of sorts. It was unconventional but so were we. I knew that I was sleeping with a man who frequently broke the law and he knew that I was married. Our circumstances were different and challenging but they were no match for the desire we had for one another. Jack didn’t kill or hurt people, he just used the system to his advantage to make more money. I didn’t care what he did as long as he kept making me feel the way I did when I was with him.

He liked to be in control in the bedroom and out but I didn’t mind. He took charge in a way that wasn’t abrasive or offensive. He could talk his way into anything. I’d grown to trust him.

We talked a little about me leaving Brett. I told him that I had a plan and had been collecting evidence to blackmail him into leaving me alone. Jack wasn’t sure that it would be enough to get him to leave me alone. He thought that when I tried to leave Brett he would get violent, but I told him that we’d known each other forever and that I didn’t think he would hurt me. Jack changed the subject after that, agreeing to disagree.

Jack was like that though, he liked that I had an opinion even if it was different from his. Our arguments turned into sex and there was nothing like having sex with Jack when he was feeling combative. It was rough and primal but I enjoyed every minute of it. He liked to tie me up in various creative ways and we explored more positions than I knew were possible.

Throughout all the sex I felt myself growing closer to Jack. He was surprisingly open and honest with me about what he did during the day and about how he felt about me. I knew that he wanted me to leave Brett but that until I did we would keep our relationship the way it was. He mentioned once that when I left Brett I could live with him, and he would protect me from him. I liked the idea of living with Jack but I wasn’t sure that it would be a good next step for us. I didn’t want the pressure to break us apart, but I also didn’t know if I wanted to go from living with one man to another. Jack was different and he liked my independence but that didn’t mean that he would always be that way. Brett had changed over time, Jack could potentially do the same.

I didn’t want to give away anymore of myself than I already had. Jackson wasn’t Brett, though. He didn’t want to use his knowledge against me, he wanted to use it for me. He loved to make me fall apart so that he could put me back together. He left me breathless and weak. I was addicted to the pleasure he gave me. I waited for his texts like a junkie waiting for the next fix. With every tryst I grew more careless, I didn’t care about anything else anymore. Jackson Hart consumed every thought I had during the day and he filled my dreams at night. In the back of my mind I knew that I couldn’t keep going this way, but I kept meeting him anyway. I made up any excuse I could think of for my absence not even noticing the dawning suspicion in Brett’s eyes.

I’d arranged to meet Jackson at his house during the day a few weeks later. We usually met at night because that was when Brett went out and sometimes he stayed at the office or went on overnight trips. Initially I’d been nervous about getting caught but Brett didn’t seem to suspect anything and he’d stopped paying much attention to me at all.

I drove to Jackson’s house at lunch time on Friday. He texted me and said he’d been thinking of me all morning and couldn’t go another hour without having me again. It was sexy and sweet and I wanted to see him again too. We’d been supposed to meet on Wednesday and Brett had come home unexpectedly when I was getting ready to leave. He’d seemed a little suspicious about why I was getting dressed up but he bought it when I told him I just wanted to go out. We went to dinner at an obnoxiously expensive restaurant and when he tried to have sex with me I lied and said I was on my period. Jack had gotten pissed off about the missed rendezvous but I knew it was anger at our situation and not at me.

When I walked in the house I was surprised to find that Jack had cooked us lunch and bought me flowers. I smiled and kissed him getting distracted by his touch, as usual. It took us a minute to break apart and eat the meal he’d prepared.

We ate quickly laughing at each other for being so eager to go upstairs. I hadn’t been this happy in a long time and I felt like I was glowing from the inside out.

When we finished eating we raced up the stairs crashed through the door, collapsed on the floor, and pulled at each other’s clothes. The fervor we felt for each other hadn’t waned and had only grown since that first time.

Once our clothes were finally out of the way we kissed, touched and caressed one another, building the tension and testing our control. We stayed on the floor, unable to wait to make it up to the bed. He positioned me on my knees and entered me in one quick thrust from behind. We groaned in unison, overwhelmed by that first thrust. We moved frantically unable to deny ourselves and go slow. I wasn’t in the mood to tease or be teased and Jackson picked up on it. He didn’t deny me or try to prologue it. The sex was fierce, both of us moving without any need to be gentle or sweet. The slapping sounds our bodies made echoed in the room and so did the sounds we made as we got closer to coming.

I felt wild and out of control as I dove into my climax, I shouted uncaring about the noise I was making. I said his name over and over, giving myself over to the pleasure he evoked in me. He came with a choked groan and pounded into me a few more times before rolling and falling to the side taking me with him. We laid there panting and sated while our breathing returned to normal and our heartbeats slowed. Would I ever get enough of him? Would I go to meet him one day and suddenly not want him anymore? I couldn’t imagine a world where I didn’t want him constantly. I was addicted to Jackson Hart and I didn’t care if he knew it.

I didn’t have much time left with him today and as usual I hated when the moment came that I had to leave. I’d begun to push the envelope, delaying leaving until the last moment, racing home to be there before Brett got back. A few times I’d been too late and stopped to grab something at the grocery store to use as an excuse. I had to pray he didn’t notice that we already had sugar, or that I never actually baked the cookies I’d said I was craving.

Every time I ran off to meet Jackson I got a little more careless and I was in complete denial about it. I pushed away Jackson’s worry about Brett catching on and kept doing the same things. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that he did find out, but it was.

Chapter Seven

I was so caught up in my affair with Jack that I didn’t notice when Brett followed me to Jackson’s house. And I still didn’t notice the car idling by the curb as I left hours later sated and smiling.

I walked into the house in a fog of contentment with Jack and our relationship. We hadn’t said anything about feelings but we both knew what we had. It was in our eyes and in the way we came together. When I was alone I imagined what it would be like to be with Jack after I left Brett. Would he want me then?

Suddenly I was pushed, forcefully into the wall, my head banging against a picture sending it crashing to the floor. I gasped at the pain of the glass cutting me as it flew past on it’s way back to the floor. My head was yanked and I was pulled by my hair into the living room. Brett shoved me onto the couch and yelled.

“You dirty slut! Did you think I wouldn’t find out? You’re such a stupid cunt. I only had to follow you to find out who you’ve been fucking. I should have known it would be him after the way he smirked at me in court. You’re going to pay for this. I’m going to beat the shit out of you and then you are never going to see him again. Do you hear me?”

He lashed out at me again, punching me in the stomach. I cried out in pain, coughing and gasping for air. I knew better than to argue with him. He’d never been violent like this before, but I knew that things would only get worse if I made him madder.

“You won’t tell anyone about this either. Everyone in the police department is on the take and no one will go against me, not if they know what’s good for them. I’ve made some powerful friends by turning a blind eye and I can do whatever I want to you and never see a day of jail time. So keep your mouth shut and stay at home. If you’re a good girl I may let you get pregnant. I know you’ve always wanted to have a baby.” He bargained.

I couldn’t believe he would ever imagine that I would have a baby with a cold bastard like him. I would never risk having a child that was at his mercy.

I nodded and let the tears flow down my cheeks. I wanted him to think I was repentant.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

I wasn’t sorry for finally finding happiness for myself. I was sorry for the boy he’d been before the world changed him and turned him into someone else. I was sorry that I married him when I was still a child, too naive to see that there were other options for me and for my life.

“I’ll believe you if you do what I’ve asked. I never wanted to hurt you Lily. I love you. I’ve always loved you. We can move passed this and be better. I’ll come home in time for dinner and be around more. I’ll stop seeing other women. It’ll be like it used to be. Be a good girl, Lily.”

He knelt in front of the couch and ran his hand over my hair, smoothing it like you would for a child. I could barely stand to have him look at me, much less touch me. I felt sick, thinking about how he came to be so twisted and unstable. How could he think that things would ever be OK after this? It would never be OK again.

Hours later I laid in my bed, staring at my phone. I knew what I needed to do, but that didn’t mean that it would be easy.

I dialed his number and waited, holding my breath.

“Hello? Lily? Is everything alright?” His voice was concerned and scratchy from sleep.

“No.” I whispered into the phone. “He knows.”

“How? What did he do Lily?” I could hear the worry in his voice, we’d talked about Brett’s volatility. He’d warned me about something like this.

“He grabbed me as I was walking down the hall.” I paused, unable to continue. Even now, hours later it was still terrifying to remember. I thought he was going to kill me.

“Baby? Did he hurt you?” Jackson sounded angry now.

“Yes.” I whispered breaking off into sobs.

“I’m coming to get you, right now. I’m going to kill that sonovabitch.” I could hear him moving around his bedroom.

“NO!” I said as loud as I dared. Brett had drank himself into a stupor but I couldn’t risk him waking up.

“I’m fine right now. He passed out an hour ago.”

“You can’t possibly be thinking of staying.” He sounded mystified.

“I’m not, but I have to make sure that when I leave he won’t come after me. He was so angry. I thought he was going to kill me. I can’t risk him coming after me again.” I didn’t want to endanger anyone else in my attempt to get away.

“I’ll take care of it, baby. Just come to me and I’ll make sure you never see him again.” I knew what he meant, but I didn’t want him to get his hands dirty in this. I didn’t want him to risk being caught doing something illegal. He was always being watched but they’d never been able to connect him to anything before. I didn’t want him to become a murderer, not for me.

“No. I’m going to do this myself. You’ve said before that I’m strong. That he’s never been able to break me. He hasn’t broken me. But I swear to God I am going to break him. I’m going to ruin him. He’s going to be sorry he ever met me.” I was angry, uncontrollably angry. I was not going to bring Jackson into this mess I’d made. I wanted to prove to him that I was strong and that I could take care of myself. The next time I saw him, I was going to be free.

I hung up the phone and laid there in the dark, planning and plotting. I’d gathered evidence of all the crimes I knew he’d committed. I was going to take him down, once and for all and he’d never threaten me again.