As Nick held an ice pack to his eye, I
wished he was back at my place. We’d take a hot shower then I could
soothe the pains he must be feeling. I couldn’t imagine him
returning to the cage to bleed again. Yet he’d agreed to fight
twice tonight. Nick didn’t value his safety. I had to protect him
if he wouldn’t protect himself.
“
If you want me, you have
to give up fighting.”
“
You’re kidding,” he
balked. “You’re doing this now?”
“
If you’re going to have
your face bashed in every night, I don’t want to be with you. I
want a normal guy with a normal job. So it’s me or
fighting.”
Defiantly, I crossed my arms and waited.
Nick stared at me for what felt like an eternity. Then he cupped my
face with bruised fingers.
“
I love you,” Nick said in
a rough voice. “I also hate you for making me choose. If you loved
me, you’d know I can’t do what you want. If you knew me at all,
you’d already know the answer. Fuck you for not
knowing.”
Nick let go of me and stormed out of the
locker room. The moment he disappeared out of the door, I burst
into sobs.
Sitting on a bench, I didn’t understand how
he could say he loved me while choosing to fight and lose what we
had. I didn’t understand him. He was right about that part. I
thought I made him happy, but apparently getting battered a few
times a week mattered more.
“
Are you okay?” a chick
asked from behind me.
I had to wipe my eyes a few times to realize
the blonde girl was Harlow. Her cheek was red and her knuckles
bled.
“
You’re fighting here?” I
asked, hiccupping as my tears ended. “Does Winnie know?”
“
Yes, but no one
else.”
Harlow sat next to me and handed me a paper
towel.
“
I won’t tell anyone,” I
said. “Did you hear what happened between me and Nick?”
“
Yeah, but I wasn’t trying
to eavesdrop. I was back here resting and I didn’t know how to
leave without interrupting you two.”
“
That’s okay. I’m not going
to beat you up for listening in especially now that I know you can
fight back.”
Harlow smiled tightly then glanced at the
door where Nick disappeared.
“
Do you think I was wrong?”
I asked her. “Or did it not matter since we were always going to
break up anyway?”
“
I’m not really one to give
dating advice since I’ve never even had a boyfriend.”
“
He never told me he loved
me before. It seems cruel to tell me right before he dumps
me.”
Harlow gave me a sideway glance. “I don’t
want to be a bitch, but you actually dumped him, not the other way
around.”
“
I gave him a chance to
pick between me and beating on assholes. He picked the assholes. He
dumped me.”
“
I guess.”
“
No guessing.”
“
Like I said, I don’t have
any experience with dating or love. I do know something about being
pushed around and controlled. I know when I got free of that life I
didn’t want to be controlled again.”
“
I’m not bossing him
around.”
“
He pays for school by
fighting. I don’t know much about Nick, but I know he doesn’t come
from money. Doesn’t seem to have a family supporting him. He
probably has more money now than he’s ever had and that gives him
freedom. You’re asking him to give that up. To maybe even give up
college.”
“
I’m not asking that. I
would make sure he got to go to college. I have money and I can pay
for whatever he needs.”
“
Would your brother want a
woman taking care of him?”
“
Nick isn’t my brother.
That’s why I want him.”
“
Look, I don’t know you or
Nick. I know me and I don’t like feeling cornered. You made him
feel like you were ripping away his choices and he rebelled. That
doesn’t mean he dumped you. It means he thought you were saying he
had to be your bitch or you were done with him. I know you didn’t
mean it that way, but that’s what he heard. If you want him, you
should make sure he hears what you meant before it’s really
over.”
I stared at my hands for a few minutes then
sighed. “I wasn’t saying I wanted him to be my bitch.”
“
I know. You just want to
protect him. It’s why I don’t tell people I fight here. My family
wouldn’t like it. Vaughn either. They want to protect me, but I
don’t want to be protected. I doubt Nick wants to be protected even
if you are just watching out for him.”
“
I hate seeing him all beat
up. Is that so wrong?”
“
No.”
Sighing, I blew my nose and tossed the paper
towel in the trash. “I’m used to bossing people around. I guess I
did that with Nick.”
“
Nick might not be used to
nice things and people sticking with him. You can make things okay
by telling him why you want him to stop. Help him understand and
let him choose. I think he’d choose you if he didn’t feel cornered.
He’s more relaxed since you guys got together.”
“
How do you know so much
about me and Nick?”
“
Win has a big
mouth.”
I smiled. “I might have ruined the best
thing I ever had.”
“
Or you had your first big
fight with the best thing you ever had. Only one way to find
out.”
“
I’m going to hug you now.
Try not to get addicted to it. I give great hugs.” Harlow grinned
and hugged me back. “Thanks for the pep talk.”
“
Thanks for giving Winnie a
job. She was losing herself again after the bastards took us.
You’re helping her get back what they stole.”
Leaving Harlow, I walked outside to wait for
Nick next to his Harley. I didn’t know what exactly to say to him,
but I would make it right. Losing him wasn’t an option.
After Bailey gave me the ultimatum, I was
filled with both rage and fear. Maybe I shouldn’t have been
surprised by her temper. I couldn’t believe she asked me to choose
her or my freedom.
As I walked into the cage for my second
fight, my fear overwhelmed my rage.
I walked away from Bailey.
For a year, I imagined us together and the
reality was a million times better. She made me feel like a normal
man. With Bailey, I didn’t need to hide, but I’d lost her.
My opponent noticed my distracted mood and
took full advantage. Punching me in the face then gut, the guy
quickly shoved me onto my back. The crowd roared in enthusiasm at
the unexpected turn in the fight. They loved surprises and I was
getting my ass kicked when I shouldn’t.
Looking up at the guy, I was exhausted in a
way a nineteen year old should never be. My life pounded me down
like this guy and I’d chosen to walk away from the only good thing
I’d ever known. I was born into shit by no fault of my own. Now
with one mistake with Bailey, I’d chosen to embrace shit
forever.
This guy wasn’t the reason I was miserable,
but I hated him. He was my enemy who kept me from happiness. If I
could get past him, I might catch up to Bailey and make her
understand. Maybe I’d fucking beg her for another chance. Whatever
it took, my future wasn’t in this cage with this loser.
Rolling onto my knees, I wobbled to my feet
before he could knock me down again. The guy waved his arms around,
encouraging the crowd to cheer. I didn’t blame him for the pride in
his eyes. He beat Dragon so easily and must have felt like a true
badass. Unfortunately for his surging ego, he was standing between
me and my woman.
Blood gushing from a gash over my left eye,
I could barely see. My head hurt and I think he’d sprained my wrist
when he stomped on it. Physical pain was something I could survive.
The desperation for Bailey was something new.
My fist met the guy’s jaw, striking a
shocked expression across his face. Diving for him, I used my body
weight to pin him to the ground. My fists smashed down at anything
I could see through the blood in my eyes. Finally, Axel pulled me
off the guy.
As the crowd roared, he forced me into the
locker rooms where I grabbed a towel. I tried to wipe blood from my
eyes, but only made more of a mess. Once Axel brought me a wet
towel, I cleaned up enough to see Bailey was gone.
“
I don’t know where she
went,” Axel said. “Just let the doctor look at your eye. You’ll
need stitches then you can chase down Bailey. It’s not like you
don’t know where she lives.”
Waiting grudgingly, I struggled for the
words to make Bailey understand. By the time the doctor finished
stitching my eye, I couldn’t feel past my fear. Life was better
with Bailey. I slept when I knew she was nearby. She made me happy,
but I’d walked away from her.
A long hall led to the back parking lot
where my Harley waited. Axel offered to drive me home, but I waved
him off. Still parked next to my Harley was Bailey’s SUV. When I
approached, the door opened and she slid out.
Freezing at the sight of her, I didn’t know
if the guy knocked me out and I was dreaming. Bailey looked
beautiful in the moonlight and I smelled her in the breeze. While
she was perfection, Bailey’s expression told the story of my
battered face.
“
I was bluffing,” Bailey
said as her lower lip trembled. “I just wanted to protect you, but
I shouldn’t boss you around. It was a bluff though. I can’t give
you up because I love you too.”
Staring at her through my swollen eyes, I
saw everything I needed to be happy. Yet I had given her up for
less than an hour and the pain was unbearable. Since no words could
express how I felt, I erased the space between us and cupped her
face. She looked delicate and angelic next to my battered
hands.
Kissing her softly, I felt such relief when
Bailey returned my affection by wrapping her arms around my tender
ribcage. With every kiss we shared, my fear eased and our future
brightened.
After driving Nick to my apartment, I forced
him to take a shitload of pain medicine. Even after swallowing a
few pills, he watched me with the haunted expression of a man on
the brink of giving up. I hated the jagged stitches over his eye
and his lip kept bleeding no matter how much I pressed a washcloth
against it.
“
The trailer I grew up in
had only the one bedroom,” Nick said as we rested in my bed. “As a
baby, my crib was in the kitchen. When I got older, I slept on the
couch. I didn’t mind that because I had a roof over my head and
most days I didn’t go hungry. There were kids worse off than me. I
saw them sometimes living in cars or in tents by a nearby
river.”
I didn’t dare speak as Nick continued
sharing. “Then my mom went away and Dad got meaner. He kept me
around to keep the food stamps. I learned at a young age there are
people who hated their lives, but won’t change. They want more and
resent everyone else for keeping them from being happy. It’s easier
to punish a kid for your shitty life than to work harder. My dad is
lazy. Never wants to work. Never finished high school because he
wanted to sleep in. He used people to pay for his shit. My mom, me,
other women. When I was in junior high, he faked an injury at a
store and got a paycheck every month for his disability. Even with
all that shit handed to him, he hated life. There was never enough
money. Women weren’t easy enough. They always wanted stuff from
him.”
Nick glanced at me for only a second before
returning to his past. “Women are important to my dad. He’s vain
and needs sex to prove he’s not getting old. Growing up, there were
always women around and I never knew their names. They weren’t
girlfriends, as much as regular hookups. When he’d have them over
to party, I was expected to sit outside. If it got late or the
weather was bad or, God forbid, the police were hanging around the
trailer park, he shoved me into a little closet. I spent a lot of
time locked in there until I was old enough to kick the door open
and get out.
“
How could no one help
you?” I said, caressing the scars on his shoulder. “They had to
know.”
“
The town I lived in was
small and people minded their own business. They thought everyone
had a tough life, so whining made you weak.”
“
That’s bullshit,” I
muttered, struggling against my temper. “When someone crosses lines
in the club, we don’t go to the cops, but handle it
in-house.”
Nick glanced at me, but I doubted he would
see well with such swollen eyes.
“
I was locked in the closet
the first time I saw the dragon. It was the middle of the summer
and I was so hot I thought I would die. I ended up hallucinating
that the dragon destroyed the trailer then the whole park. It was
the only way to cleanse the evil there. To destroy the violence and
sickness everyone suffered from. The dragon would free them by
destroying everything and everyone. Sounds crazy, huh?”
“
If I knew where it was,
I’d burn the fucking place to the ground right now.”
An exhausted Nick smiled at my anger then
kissed the palm of my hand. “Whenever I felt trapped after that
day, I imagined the dragon freeing me. When my dad made me bleed, I
imagined the dragon punishing him. I relied on the dragon to
believe my life would get better. I saw kids in the park and our
town who didn’t believe their lives would ever improve, so they
grew up to be like their shitty parents.”
“
You did amazing, Nick.
Coming to Ellsberg and studying so hard, you’ve already made a
better life than your fucker dad ever did.”