“
I know I don’t need to
fight. I mean the money makes life easier. Having extra cash can be
pretty addictive. But it’s not the money. I just can’t give up
being Dragon. I feel like I found myself when I got here. Like he
finally came alive in me and I’m afraid I can’t be strong without
him. It sounds stupid, but I was nothing when I arrived in this
town. I only wanted to fit in, but I was the same guy growing up. I
couldn’t get close to or trust anyone. Then a miracle happened.
Your brother beat me unconscious.”
“
Asshole.”
Nick grinned even though it caused him pain.
“Yeah, but people kept saying how I should fight in the Thunderdome
because I lasted so long with Cooper. I figured it was worth making
a few bucks. The first shot to my face made me feel the way I did
when I was a kid when I wanted the dragon to destroy everyone. I
became him in the Thunderdome and life got easier. I didn’t care
about fitting in or doing what people wanted. I felt free and I’m
afraid to give that up, but I’m more afraid to lose you.”
Nick stared at me in the dark room like I
imagine he sat in the dark closet. That poor little boy was beyond
my help, but this man needed me to calm his fears.
“
I’m not going anywhere,” I
whispered, cuddling closer. “You and me are the real thing. I’ll
wait until you’re ready to stop fighting. No more
bluffing.”
Eyes barely open now, he mumbled, “I
shouldn’t have said that to you in the locker room. I shouldn’t
have walked away like that.”
“
It’s okay. Just sleep and
we’ll talk tomorrow. I’ll take care of you and you’ll take care of
me and everything will be better.”
Nick watched me as his breathing slowed and
his eyes struggled to remain open. Finally, they closed and I knew
he was asleep.
Watching him rest, I thought about how wrong
I’d been. When I imagined having a man, I wanted him to worship me.
I saw him needing me more than breathing. In my head, only that
kind of love was special.
Life wasn’t a dream though. Reality came
with pain. Nick was better than I imagined, but remained lost in a
way I didn’t know how to fix. When he kissed me in the parking lot,
I only hoped for a second chance. My focus was my pain at losing
him. Now I focused on his pain at losing me.
Nick grew up with nothing and I couldn’t
even imagine his life. Where he went hungry, I never did without. A
childhood without love from amazing parents wasn’t something I
understood. Seeing the pain in Nick’s eyes, I understood on a basic
level how he suffered and needed more for me than I did from him.
Logically, it made sense. In my heart, I was confused.
Leaving Nick to sleep, I walked outside to
where the dogs followed Cooper around in the darkness.
“
What are you doing?” I
asked.
Cooper frowned. “You shouldn’t be out in the
dark.”
“
Fuck off. I do what I
want.”
Grinning now, he tugged at my ponytail then
returned to playing with the dogs. “Farah wasn’t feeling well after
dinner, so we’re staying here tonight.”
“
Is she sick or is it a
preggers thing?”
“
Preggers, but I didn’t
want to drive her home. All the bouncing would make her
puke.”
“
She eats too many
corndogs.”
Cooper threw a ball and the dogs scrambled
after it. “Corndogs are out. She’s really into Eggos now, but I
think it was the seafood salad at dinner that made her want to
barf. She went to town on it.”
“
Will you still want her
when she’s super fat?”
Cooper rolled my eyes. “You’re so shallow. I
feel sorry for Nick.”
The tears came quickly, startling us both.
He moved quickly, hugging me to him.
“
What’s wrong? Is Nick
being an asshole?”
“
No, he’s messed up, Coop.
Like Farah and Tawny. All broken inside from a shitty childhood.
Mom warned me, but I don’t know how to help him. I feel stupid and
selfish to want anything from him.”
“
What does he want?” Cooper
asked, caressing my head.
“
Besides me, I don’t
know.”
“
I’m confused about the
problem. You want him, right?”
“
Yeah, but I hate him
fighting. I gave him an ultimatum and…” When Cooper rolled his
eyes, I pushed him away. “I was trying to protect him. You put him
in the hospital to protect Farah and she didn’t even need
protecting. You’re an asshole.”
“
Old news. Let’s go back to
how you fucked up recently.”
Wiping my eyes, I kicked him in the leg.
Cooper just laughed like when we were kids and I tried to kick his
ass.
“
I love him,” I said when
Cooper kept laughing.
His expression softened.
“You’re cute when you have feelings.
Lady
and the
Tramp
kind of cute.”
“
How do I make him
happy?”
“
How the hell would I know?
I’ve talked to the guy three times.”
“
You suck,” I said, walking
away.
Cooper threw the ball in my direction and
the dogs went running. The stampede stopped me and I turned to find
Cooper grinning.
“
Does he love
you?”
“
Yes.”
“
Then you’ll figure it out.
Just relax and listen to him, but not to what he says. If he’s like
Farah, sometimes he won’t say what he means. He might not even know
what he means. Be patient because they’re fucked up and we’re not.
Or at least they have reasons for being fucked up while we’re just
arrogant shits.”
“
What do you mean by ‘we?’
Speak for yourself, douche.”
Sighing like a put-upon bitch, Cooper
retrieved the ball from a slobbering Rottweiler’s mouth.
“
Nick said you were his
first choice. That was after you were probably a bitch to him a few
times…” Cooper paused when I glared at him. “Lucky guess. Anyway,
even after the shit with me, he waited for you. The guy isn’t going
to bail the first time you fuck up. Or by now, the hundredth time
you’ve fucked up.”
“
Eat shit, Coop the
Poop.”
My brother laughed as I stormed up the
stairs to the apartment. When I got to the top, I smiled at him to
say thank you. He responded by flipping me off.
Leaving my brother to be an asshole, I
slipped inside and tiptoed to the bed where Nick was still out
cold. I joined him in bed and decided to listen to Cooper. Even if
my brother was a jerk, he knew a little something about love.
Besides, his advice couldn’t any worse than what I’d tried
already.
Age was relative. My ID might read nineteen,
but I felt like an old man while stumbling out of bed and into the
bathroom. I emerged wearing sweats and a long sleeve shirt. A long
drug induced sleep left me cold and sore. My eyes remained swollen,
but I saw Bailey jump up from the couch where she sat with Jodi and
Sawyer.
“
How are you feeling?” she
asked, rushing to my side.
“
Like shit, but the
medicine helped.”
My head throbbing, I still basked in the
beauty of Bailey’s upturned face. I knew she needed reassurance and
I really wanted her in my arms. My lips met hers and a minute
passed before Sawyer made gagging sounds.
Bailey glared back at her sister who smiled.
“Jealous that I have a man?”
“
I’m seven, so
no.”
I couldn’t help laughing. Even Bailey
grinned a little while Jodi walked to me.
“
You got your ass handed to
you, but still won the fight. I like that about you,
Nicky.”
“
Thanks,” I sighed. “My
dream is to win the fight without getting my ass handed to me. Less
painful that way.”
Jodi grinned. “Want coffee?”
“
Sure, but I
can…”
Waving me off, Jodi walked to the kitchen
and returned with a cup of coffee. By then, I was on the couch with
Bailey on one side caressing my aching head and Sawyer on the other
side examining my busted knuckles.
“
Not used to being babied,
are you?” Jodi asked, handing me the coffee.
“
No.”
“
We take care of our men,”
Sawyer said, kissing my hand. “You’re so brave and
strong.”
Bailey hissed at her little sister who
laughed so hard she snorted. I grinned at them then focused on
downing the coffee and waking from my druggie fog.
“
When he’s feeling better,
you’ll come down for lunch,” Jodi said as Sawyer stopped teasing
her sister and joined her mom at the door. “Leftover pulled pork
sandwiches and whatever seafood salad Farah didn’t eat last
night.”
Bailey smiled at her mother then flipped off
her sister. Once the door shut behind them, my girl studied me.
“
If there was a fire and
you could only save one person, would you pick me or
Sawyer?”
“
I’d save you and not just
because you put out either.”
Laughing, Bailey kissed my bruised cheek.
“Are we okay?”
“
You tell me.”
“
I do love you. I wasn’t
just saying that last night to make things better. I know you and I
love you.”
My fingers explored the delicate curves of
her tanned face. I still couldn’t believe Bailey offered me a
chance at her heart.
“
It’s not your money or
family,” I said, my voice raw. “It’s not even your beauty. I love
everything about you. I love the way you see things and how you
react to them. Other people might think you’re nuts or rude, but I
think it’s all perfect. I want to be enough for you.”
“
You are.”
Seeing the worry in Bailey’s blue eyes, I
didn’t respond. She wanted so much to believe in us. When I didn’t
say anything, Bailey cuddled next to me.
“
Farah has gotten super
fat.”
“
I wouldn’t know since I
haven’t seen her in months.”
“
Well, she has.”
“
She’s pregnant
though.”
“
I’m not looking to make a
baby until I’m a year out of college,” Bailey said then added, “At
least.”
Wrapping her in my arms, I said the words
she didn’t want to hear. “I don’t know if I want kids.”
Bailey immediately squirmed out of my hold
and frowned at me. “Why the hell not? You’d make a better father
than my loser brothers.”
I shrugged. “Your brothers know how to be
part of a family because your parents showed them the way. I don’t
know if I have it in me to be any better than my dad.”
“
Bullshit. You’re wrong.”
When I said nothing, her expression softened. “Nick, you’d be a
great dad. It’s why you can tolerate Sawyer when she’s so
awful.”
I grinned slightly. “I don’t want to be like
my dad, but maybe he didn’t want to be like him either. Maybe it’s
something inside us that keeps us from being good parents. Like a
genetic thing. I mean it’s so easy for me to hurt people in cage
fights. I never feel bad. Maybe I’m too damaged to really care
about anyone.”
“
You care about
me.”
“
And I still mess that
up.”
Studying my face, Bailey smiled. “This is
what’s going to happen. You and I will finish college. You’ll get
your teaching career settled and I’ll manage the hell out of the
family business. When things are right, we’ll try having a baby.
I’ll want it and you’ll give me what I want because you love
me.”
Staring at her, I didn’t react to her plan
because my greatest fear was ruining someone like my father did to
me.
“
Okay,” I finally
said.
Bailey straddled me and rolled her hips
gently. “I don’t know anything about kids either. We don’t need to
know anything right now. When it’s time, we’ll have my mom and pop
to help us. My brothers and their gals will help too. Hell, by the
time our kids come along, the crew will have popped out a dozen
babies. We’ll let them make all the mistakes and tell us all the
good stuff.”
Even unconvinced, I nodded. Bailey ran her
fingers through my hair and nipped at my earlobe.
“
I come with an entourage,”
she murmured. “You spent your life alone, but we’ll never be alone.
With me, you’ll have a family and the crew. You’ll have Ellsberg
and a school and students. You’ll belong here. One day, we’ll have
children. I know that seems like a lot, but it won’t happen all at
once. Right now, we’re college sophomores. We don’t need to worry
about kids, but the day will come and you’ll be ready.”
“
Promise,” I whispered as
she slid her hand past the waistband of my sweats.
Bailey looked me directly in the eyes and
promised, “We’ll have a perfectly amazing life, if you just let me
be in charge of everything.”
The next two days, Nick and I played house
in my apartment. For lunch and dinner, we joined the family. On
Sunday, Nick came along for the club’s weekly family dinner at
Longhorn Steakhouse. I knew he felt like an outsider, but Vaughn
and Judd entertained him with their bromance.
“
Hard to believe they like
the ladies,” I said to Nick who just grinned as the enforcers
argued about who was a shittier friend.
“
Tawny never lets you play
videogames.”
This comment from Vaughn caused Tawny to
roll her eyes. She looked at Raven who shrugged.