Damaged and the Outlaw

If a hundred guys
were in a room and only one of them was a two-timing, money-stealing, back-handing
piece of shit, I’d find him in the crowd. Not only find him, but promptly fall
head over heels in lust.

I wasn’t
purposely stupid. Never would I admit my men were losers. They were just misunderstood
or rough around the edges. If their fuckups were too obvious for me to ignore,
I embraced the time-tested lie women like me cherished.

I’d change him.

People called me
a bitch. Hell on wheels. Scary even. If anyone could whip a man into shape, it
should have been me. In the end, nobody really changes. They might train
themselves to pretend, but inside their flaws remained.

My mom had gone
through every kind of bad man. For her, Larry was the best she could manage. He
didn’t drink, do drugs, or live in a trailer. He was a great man in her mind
and no amount of punishments for her mistakes would change her view of him.

One day, I might
become desperate enough to settle for a guy like Larry.
Probably not.
While I wanted kids, sperm was free at any bar in any town. I didn’t need a man
to survive. With my sickness, I shouldn’t have one. So I returned to Ellsberg
with the plan to swear off men from my life, my heart, and even my bed.

In Ellsberg
lived the only person who really mattered to me. My mom was shit in my eyes. My
dad was a fucking loser too. My little brother Phoenix drowned when he was
three. All I had left was Lark. Fortunately, she was the best person I’d ever
met.

Somehow, despite
the Hancock women curse, Lark found a good man who adored her. She met Aaron,
fell in love, got knocked up, and was married within months. This usual recipe
for disaster turned out to be the most beautiful relationship I’d ever
witnessed.

Everywhere I
turned, people were in love. Cooper Johansson who was a poonhound in high
school had married Farah. His enforcer married her sister. All these happy
couples were constantly sucking face, so I avoided spending too much time with
the group. Girl time was more my thing especially with my abstinence plan.

Fortunately, I found
a new sidekick once Lark was married with babies onboard.

In high school, Bailey
Johansson annoyed me, so I avoided her as if she was a cootie machine. Now, the
fellow blonde chick was my copilot.

Before Bailey
joined my abstinence plan, we tried hunting men for her. Her attempts at
romance were more pathetic than mine. The poor shit couldn’t get a nice guy to
give her the time of day. Meanwhile, assholes were lining up around the block
to get a chance to hang and bang her.

As a result of
her empowered decision to copy me, Bailey was in a constant state of horniness.
This led to her being in a constant state of crankiness.
I knew how she
felt.

More than
missing sex, I missed having a man. The way the stubble felt on my skin, the
heat of their breath on my neck, the way their hair stuck up in the morning
after a good night of fucking. Unfortunately, those fun parts came with
cheating, beating, and leaving. Men always treated me like shit and I really didn’t
miss that part.

Preparing for my
fight in the Thunderdome, I wanted a cigarette. Ever since I was seventeen and
my then stepdad told me smoking was for losers, I had been a smoker. He might
as well have shoved a cigarette in my mouth and said inhale. Giving up sex was
harder than giving up the company of a man, but they were both easier to ditch
than my smokes.

Sitting in the
locker room, I hoped the fight was really violent. A good wild battle would
distract from smoking and fucking. I’d be tired and sore and nothing else would
matter.

My first fight
in the Thunderdome was against a black chick on a winning streak that I ended
for her. As we applied ice to our swelling noses, Cecee thanked me. She said
the pressure to keep winning was too much, yet people were sick of her beating
everyone. She was stuck in a cycle of stress and I’d freed her.

The next time we
fought, Cecee kicked my ass.

Bloodied and
grateful for all of my teeth, I had wondered if the money was worth taking a
beating every few nights at the Thunderdome. Once the cash was in hand and I
considered my other employment options, fighting seemed like an easy paycheck.

In theory, the girl
fights were more for show. We weren’t expected to hurt each other. Just make it
look good, Axel said the first night. The girls only needed to look hot and give
off a lesbian vibe. No one expected them to really fight. If Axel wasn’t my
boss, I’d have punched him in the face for saying that to me. More than hot, I
was tough as nails and stubborn like a mule.

While Cecee and
I were real fighters, most girls did what Axel suggested. They yanked hair and gave
nip slips, so the crowd got a show. When I fought those girls, I played along.
No way would I bash in the face of a girl who wouldn’t fight back.

I invited Lark
to watch me fight on a night I knew would be lame. She hated me fighting. The
bruises freaked her out and she cried when I came home with a black eye. Of
course, she had all those hormones filling her tiny body as she fostered not
one life, but two.

Twins!

Feeling dizzy to
the point of becoming bedridden, Lark and Aaron had visited the doctor early. I
tagged along, already accustomed to being the third wheel. An ultrasound up
Lark’s hoohaw later, I learned I would be an aunt twice over. I decided right
then to move out of their small Craftsman house.

Taking up the
offer to stay at Cooper’s old apartment at the Johansson place, I left a crying
Lark behind. She cried less upon realizing I would still be at her house every
day. I think this fact made Aaron cry though.

Lark avoided my
fight nights now. She just didn’t have the energy to deal with the crowds and
seeing her big sister get bloodied. Tonight, I looked forward to bloodying
someone else.

“Excuse me?” a
quiet voice asked behind.

Spinning around,
I came face-to-face with my opponent. Tiny like Lark, but curvier, she was
decked out with teased hair and too much makeup. Looking like a hooker, she
appeared around thirty, but was likely in her late teens.

“What?”

“I’m Lise and
I’m fighting you tonight.”

“Come to beg me
not to make you bleed?” I growled, feeling grumpy in a way only a smoke would
satisfy.

“Yes, please,”
Lise squeaked. “See, I have pictures scheduled tomorrow with my family and I
really don’t want to look all messed up.”

“How is that my
problem?”

I was very proud
of my bitchiness. In fact, Bailey and I had bitch contests and she was the only
chick who ever came close to defeating me. I adored my cranky attitude. Even
more than my C-cup boobs, great hair, and ability to eat an hour after barfing,
my bad attitude was my favorite quality. “No mercy” was printed on more than
one of my shirts. I hated pity and would crush anyone except Lark. My only
weakness?

Crying.

Lise’s over made-up
eyes moistened and I knew she would be bawling in less than a minute. Her sobs
would be loud and gross and snot would get everywhere. So I showed mercy,
mainly for my ears, by stopping her from crying.

“We’ll just make
a show of it,” I said and Lise hiccupped. “Little cat fight stuff. No bruises
or anything to ruin your pictures, okay?”

Lise nodded
wildly. “Thank you so much. You’re amazing and I totally owe you.”

“Whatever. I
just don’t want to ruin your day with the family and all that,” I said, ducking
her attempt at a hug. “It’ll be fine. You’ll see.”

Lise looked up
at me and smiled like I was amazing. I smiled back at her and realized the nice
route had its benefits. I even felt a little surge of pride in showing kindness
to someone.
Look at me!
Turning over a new leaf like Bailey. I might
even let Lark and Tawny train me to be a good person.
Why not?

Twenty minutes
in our fake fight, little Lise bit into my hand like a starving zombie. How the
hell she went from playfully tugging my hair to eating me, I wasn’t sure. I
know it ended when I punched her in the face. The crowd roared when Lise went
sprawling. I looked up at them and frowned because my fucking hand hurt.

Storming out of
the cage, I doused the wound with peroxide, wrapped my hand, shoved a few
pieces of Nicorette into my mouth, and decided I needed a stiff drink. Having
given sugar, spice, and everything nice a try, I admitted I wasn’t a fan.
Mercy
was for suckers.

Chapter Two - Vaughn

Funny how life
could change in a split second. One moment, I had a solid life with as close to
a family as I’d ever managed. The next moment, a temper tantrum caused me to
ruin the known and forced me to embrace an indifferent world.

What I found in
Ellsberg was better than indifference, but I wasn’t truly part of the Reapers
Motorcycle Club. I was an outlaw they allowed in their territory. Of course,
I’d made friends in this small town and I’d take a bullet for many of them.

Despite a sense
of friendship, a man with a bounty on his head couldn’t afford to trust anyone.
One of those friendly fucks in my club might need extra cash for a house
payment or a vacation to Dollywood with the kids. My life was shit when money could
be made.

Fear forced
people to pretend I belonged. I was as good at scaring people as Judd. We were
killers and a knock from us in the middle of the night usually meant someone
wasn’t seeing their kids in the morning. That was my life now. It had been my
life before I made the split-second decision to ruin everything I had in Tucson. Didn’t matter where I lived, my job was spilling blood.

Killing was all
I knew how to do. No sense in crying over my choices, even if they led to my
empty life in a place full of possibilities.

Even under
threat, I had a decent life in Ellsberg. Shacked up in a good sized bachelor
pad with a gym and pool, I also bought a patch of wooded land from Kirk where I
built a cabin. The area was secluded and I’d often think about making my last
stand against the Devils in my cabin. More likely, I’d get killed taking a leak
at a bar.

There were
things a dead man walking shouldn’t have and that included a pet. I’d wanted a
dog, but felt weird about what would happen to it once I was killed. Judd was
too lazy for dogs. Cooper had so many that mine would get lost in the mess. I
figured I shouldn’t get a pet anyway. Attachments made men soft. This fact was
made obvious lately by my buddies.

I blamed Tucker.
A little over a year earlier, the idiot strolled over to a table filled with
college girls. Each one shot him down until he was left with Maddy. For
whatever reason, she thought he was funny. Or maybe just hot enough to overcome
his lack of brain cells. They hooked up and he quickly handed his balls to her
with a ribbon tied around them. He acted like he was still his own man, but the
guy was whipped to the point of being fluffy.

Once he lost his
way, the others fell like dominoes. Cooper and Judd were family men now. While
my fellow enforcer wasn’t ready for kids, our boss had a baby on the way.

Cooper hadn’t announced
this fact. No, apparently, it was a secret couples kept until some magical point
in a pregnancy when it suddenly became everyone else’s problem. Even though
Cooper and Farah didn’t tell anyone she was knocked up, it was pretty damn
obvious.

A three feet
radius, maybe more, existed around Farah now. Cooper got psycho pissed if
anyone entered the bubble around his woman. While he’d always been territorial,
he was now like a junkyard dog protecting his bone.

Even as we
bowled, Cooper glared at anyone stupid enough to wander near Farah. For her
part, she looked about the same. Well, hot dogs now made her nauseous. Clearly,
the hormones were already giving her bad taste.

Bailey and I sat
eating foot longs by ourselves. Nearby, Maddy and Tucker were busy announcing
how they were free to party since Scarlet was with the Johanssons for the night.
An hour later, they made this announcement drunk off their asses.

I just kept
eating my hot dogs and bowling by myself. Bailey sometimes rolled a ball into a
gutter. When I had them put up the bumpers for her, she managed to roll the
ball into another alley and land in that gutter.
The girl had a talent.

“I’m so bored,”
she whined. “Why do you bowl? Are you lame?”

“Probably. Why
are you here anyway?”

“Fuck you,” the
redneck princess growled. “I’m part of the crew.”

“Yeah, but why
is the crew here? Cooper is hovering around his woman like she’s the Hope
diamond.”

“The what?”

Rolling my eyes,
I continued, “Judd and Tawny bailed to fuck somewhere. Maddy and Dipshit are
drunk off their asses.”

“So true.”

“Lark and Aaron
are at home so she can gestate her litter. I’m essentially alone.”

“I’m here, dummy,”
she growled again and this time the anger inspired a hot dog smelling burp.
“Way not to appreciate me.”

“You hate
bowling.”

“I know, but I’m
here.”

“True. Sometimes,
I think I should just fuck you and make you my woman until I’m dead. I’m lazy
enough for it to work.”

“I don’t want to
fuck you.”

Giving her a
wink, I rolled the ball. “Whatever you need to tell yourself, princess.”

“I’m going the
abstinence route. It’s my new thing.”

“I thought
studying was your new thing?”

“That was when
school was in. It’s summer break, idiot.”

“Why abstinence?
Do you think playing hard to get will make some guy chase you?”

“No, Raven and I
are giving up men. She’s doing it forever. I’m just doing it until I get
bored.”

“Lark’s sister.
The blonde one with the nice tits.”

“How would you
like if people called you Judd’s friend? The blond one with small balls.”

“I wouldn’t mind.
I’m really easy-going that way.”

Bailey grinned.
“Do you think I’m pretty?”

“You’re fucking
gorgeous. Just like the last time you asked.”

“I’d fuck you if
you had a better personality. Why must you suck?”

“I wasn’t raised
well,” I said, mussing her hair. “I’m finishing my game then ditching you with
the drunks.”

Glancing around,
Bailey realized Cooper and Farah had left. “Bummer.”

“Go hang out
with Raven. You two can not have sex together.”

The idea of the
two blondes naked gave me a moment to daydream. Bailey woke me up by punching
my arm.

“I thought you
were nice now?” I asked, admiring her right hook.

“Oh, yeah,
sorry. I’ll try to remember next time you piss me off.”

“You don’t have
to stay while I finish my game.”

“Raven is
working tonight. Lark is sick. Tawny’s busy getting fucked. I have so many
friends, yet I’m alone. I blame you.”

“Sounds about
right.”

“I guess I’ll go
to the Thunderdome and watch Raven.”

Having seen
Raven a few times in passing, I knew she was hotter than hell. I also heard she
was a ball-busting bitch. Those were two of my favorite qualities in a woman.

“I’ll go with
you.”

“You’re not
hooking up with her,” Bailey said, giving me her tough chick duckface
expression. “She’s abstaining from fucking losers like you.”

“I’m not looking
to fuck her. I just want to watch her fight another girl. Let her get me riled
up then I’ll find another chick to give me a happy ending.”

“Won’t be me.”

“You keep saying
that,” I muttered, rolling my final strike. “I think maybe you’ve got fucking
me on your mind.”

“No way. I like
someone else. He’s hotter than you and smells like bacon.”

Grinning, I
hugged Bailey to me. “Baby, aim higher than bacon stink.”

“You’re not the
boss of me.”

Based on her
grumpy tone, I realized Bailey would cockblock any chance I had with Raven.
Even if I got my happy ending from another chick, I was looking to play a
little with the icy blonde. Bailey though would ruin it with her hot bacon guy
talk.

“Someone needs
to take care of the drunks,” I said, gesturing towards Maddy and Tucker. “I
guess that someone is you.”

“Why me?” she
balked.

“He’s your
brother.”

“That’s not my
fault.”

“Well, it’s even
less my problem.”

“But I want to
go to the fight.”

“You only wanted
that starting five minutes ago. You’ll recover from the disappointment. The
winos over there can’t drive themselves home.”

“No,” she
whined. “I won’t do it. I’m nice, but not self-sacrificing nice.”

I wrapped an arm
around her shoulder. “If you take them to their place and keep them drunk, you
can get them to do stupid stuff while you videotape. Just think of the
blackmailing possibilities.”

Bailey’s blue
eyes lit up then she sighed. “I’m nice now. I can’t do stuff like that because
of my kind heart and shit.”

“Dumpling, you
can’t be nice twenty four seven. If you don’t act like a bitch every once in
awhile then you’ll burn out. Look at Tawny. She’s nice most of the time, but
she also won’t let Judd come out and play with me. That’s a bitch move right
there.”

Bailey rolled
her eyes. “You’re so immature. Get a new friend.”

“Think of it
this way. I’ll be dead sooner than you will, so I need to have more fun than
you do. Tonight, I’ll have fun not babysitting drunks while you suffer by
making them doing weird shit while taking pictures. I bet you could get Maddy
to draw on Tucker’s face again.”

Bailey sighed.
“Okay, but Raven won’t fuck you. She’s sworn off losers. You’re not her type.”

“Stop calling me
a loser. I have feelings, you know?”

Bailey laughed
at my feigned hurt feelings. She continued laughing as she herded the drunks
out the door. When I walked to the parking lot, she was still laughing. As I
drove away, she had the drunks pointing and laughing too. Nice might be tricky
for Bailey, but she had the bitch thing down pat.

Riding to
Thunderdome, I doubted Raven would be much fun. I’d avoided her because of her
reputation as a man-eater and I didn’t need another chick hassling me. While
Bailey was obnoxious, she was like a kid sister.

Raven would give
me something pretty to look at and I was bored. One cool fact about Ellsberg
was the college. Every year, new girls arrived and most were looking for a wild
time with a guy riding a Harley. No strings, no expectations. They wanted to
fuck a bad boy then go steady with some dork in their Trig class. This setup
worked just fine for me.

Summer meant
most of the college chicks had returned home and it’d be months before new
freshman arrived looking to ride me and my Harley. Until they came giggling to
town, I needed a diversion. Hell, with the Devils making trouble lately, I
suspected I might not be around for those curious freshmen anyway.

Tucker was an
idiot and he ruined the foursome boys’ club by losing his balls. Even though I
resented him, I had to applaud the Thunderdome idea. He turned an old
equestrian arena into a cage fighting stadium. One of my favorite activities on
the weekends was watching fights break out in the bars. I always found professional
bouts too scripted and the fighters too talented. I wanted to watch chumps
beating each other in random stupid ways. Tucker gave me just that sort of
mayhem.

Every time I
came to the Thunderdome, it was packed. Even with so many of the town’s
population home for the summer, the stands remained filled. People came from
around the state to bet on fighters. I never wasted my money, since I was only
there for the spectacle.

So far, I’d been
to one girl fight and that was enough for me. I had no issue with combining
women and violence. In my job, I could be a cold fuck. Besides, these chicks
were paid to smack each other around. No, I was more freaked out by the guys
around me and their reaction to the violence. Being surrounded by horny men didn’t
interest me, so I stayed away. Tonight, I would endure the aroused freaks in
the stands.

The first fight
was lame. An uncoordinated chick fighting the black girl I saw from before. It
was clear how one could fight and the other couldn’t which resulted in a play
fight. They danced more than fought. Finally, the black chick knocked the other
one down and the uncoordinated chick stayed on the ground.

Next, Raven
appeared in gym shorts, a wife beater, and blonde hair wild around her face. Taller
than little Lark, she was curvy in the right places, toned in the others. Pouty
lips turned into a frown, she looked bored maybe. Even from my spot in the
stands, I could see how fair her eyes were. I found myself wondering how she
looked when smiling.

Her opponent was
a tiny redhead with raccoon eyes and teased hair. She wore what looked like
superhero pajamas. I didn’t think the fight would last long.

I wasn’t wrong
either.

What started as
another lame girl fight turned violent when raccoon eyes bit into Raven’s hand.
The blonde nailed the hungry chick in the face and the crowd went wild. After
Raven stormed off while the redheaded chick was dragged out by two guys, I
tried to catch up with my target.

Tucker’s guy
said she was changing. When Axel came back, he said she was gone. Maybe I
looked pissed and close to violence because he got babbly. Axel said she went
for a drink and the fight girls liked Tequila Jodi’s.

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