“For what?”
“For whatever
you think you did wrong,” she said, stepping closer. “You always have this
guilty look on your face when you see me. I don’t understand why. I want you to
know if you think you did something wrong to me that I forgive you.”
“Thanks, but go
inside.”
“Why?”
“You need to
stay safe while I need to do my job and finish this shit.”
“Do you regret
saving me?” she asked, crossing her arms as if cold. “Is that why you feel
guilty?”
Studying her young
battered face, I realized there was no avoiding this conversation any longer.
“Yeah, sometimes,”
I admitted, feeling like an asshole saying it out loud. “I think about how
different my life would have been if I hadn’t done what I did that night. It does
make me feel guilty to consider how I might be happier if you were dead.”
“You gave up a
lot to help me.”
“No, not
really,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “That’s the thing. I missed my
old life because it was what I knew. The new one is unknown. I didn’t leave
anything worth holding onto though.”
Harlow
took my hand.
“I heard about your mom. I remember you calling her when we got to the first
hotel. You sounded scared and I could tell you were worried you wouldn’t see
her again. You did lose a lot helping me.”
“You got things
wrong, kid. You’ve got this idealistic view of what happened that night. I
wasn’t your white knight. I killed those fuckers because I was pissed. I’d
hated them for a while, but that night was the last straw. You need to stop
viewing me as a great guy.”
“You were an
avenging angel,” she said, ignoring my anger. “You could have looked the other
way and did your job. I know that better now. I didn’t realize how much you
gave up back then. I know now and I’m sorry you never saw your mom again. You
didn’t deserve to be punished for helping me and hurting bad men. You deserved
a reward, but you were exiled and hunted instead.”
“You’re putting
me up as a hero and I’m not.”
Harlow
stared at me
with her tired eyes. “You saved my life. Not only that day, but by bringing me
here. You gave me a chance to have a new family and grow up. You can say you’re
not a hero. Hell, you can say anything you want, but you are my hero.”
Sighing, I gave
her a grudging smile. “You killed a guy?”
“Some people
need dying,” Harlow said, letting go of my hand. “You know that and I know it
too. It was either Winona and me or that man. It wasn’t a hard choice. The
first time I hit him with the tree branch was the hardest part. Once I hit him,
it got easier. My anger made it easier and I just kept hitting him. Winona had a rock…”
Harlow
’s gaze
unfocused, she remembered taking a life.
“It’s weird
really. How one second the guy was strong and in charge. He was a threat and we
were the victims. Then, he was weak and begging. He laughed when we begged, but
I didn’t laugh when he begged. I just kept hitting him until he shut up. Winona did too. We weren’t going to be his victims.”
Shaking off the
memory, she sighed. “I was angry today like you were that night. Being pissed
off doesn’t make what we did wrong. My anger gave me the fire to get the job
done. I think your anger back in Tucson gave you the fire to kill men you were
expected to protect. You went against your training and did what your heart
said was right. That takes balls, Vaughn. I’m proud of you.”
I chuckled. “You
sound like a mom talking down to her kid.”
“You didn’t grow
up enough,” Harlow said, giving me a little smirk. “I think you stopped growing
in your head at some point and still need to find your way.” Harlow kicked at
the ground then gave me a big smile. “I heard you’re getting married. Guess you
can’t really be an outlaw anymore then. Can’t be on the outside when you belong
to something. Maybe you’re finally growing up.”
“Look at you,
Little Miss Know-it-all.”
“I wonder about
you a lot,” she said, glancing at the approaching Harleys. “I make myself think
about that night. I try to face it because it’s my weakness. I want to be
stronger than my mother who couldn’t face her weaknesses. I want to be powerful,
but that night makes me scared again. I force myself though and I remember how
you were. I wish you could see you the way I do, but I guess life isn’t like
that.”
Seeing Harlow so confident, I felt a sort of fatherly pride in her. “No, it’s not, darling. I’m glad
you killed that bastard, but I wish it hadn’t happened. I wish those ugly times
were long ago.”
“Our past
doesn’t want to let us go. You’ll finish it though. I know you will because
you’re not one of the Devils anymore. You need to end that part of you and be a
new man. You can finally stop being an outsider or an outlaw. It’s important to
belong.”
“It is. Are you
okay?” I asked, running my finger over the gash on her head. “Did those
bastards hurt you?”
“I was scared
when they first came,” she said, fighting the fear in her voice. “I saw them
shoot Dylan in the chest and thought they killed him. Then, they shot at Tad.
When they grabbed us, I felt like I was a little kid getting tossed around.
Like I wasn’t real and only existed to do what others wanted. When I made
myself stop thinking like that, I stopped being scared. I know people say no
one really changes, but I don’t believe that. I know I’ve changed. You can too.
Be happy with your woman and have a family. I bet you’d be good with kids. You
were really sweet to me when we traveled. I was really scared of you, but you
were patient.”
As much as the
answer might tear me apart, I had to ask. “Did Caleb hurt you like Playboy
did?”
Harlow
shrunk away a
little when I said Playboy’s name. “No, not Caleb. The guy we killed tried. His
eye was messed up and he thought we owed him for that. Well, not really with me.
I was necessary to keep around. He saw Winona as the spare girl, I guess. They
were rougher with her and that guy wanted to use her.”
When Harlow paused, her fear shifted into a dark anger. “I saw this look on Winona’s face like
she was back in the ugly time of her life. She wasn’t my Winona from the Todds.
She was someone’s whore and that pissed me off. We’ve worked hard not to live
in the ugly past and that bastard wanted to take it away. I got angry and my
anger made me strong.” Harlow wiped a single tear from her cheek. “Caleb didn’t
try to rape us, but he let his guy go after Winona. I know he was your friend,
but he’s not you.”
Touching her
chin, I lifted her gaze to mine. “I’m going to kill those fuckers and we’ll
both be free.”
“I believe in
you. I always did. I was scared, but not really of you. I don’t know how I
knew, but I did and I was right. You’re a good man who does an ugly job. You’ll
fix this.”
Studying her, I felt
the old wounds open up a little more. “I wish I had gotten there earlier and
saved your mom and brother and sister. I feel guilty about that too.”
Tears filling
her eyes, Harlow nodded. “I think about how I might have saved them. When I was
with Playboy, I always thought about running away, but I couldn’t go to the
cops. The Devils would have killed me for snitching on one of their guys. If I
stayed on the street, I would get pimped out. I just figured it was easier to
stay with Playboy and his old lady. The hell you know thing. If I had run off
though, my mom might have been okay. If my mom hadn’t freaked out and
threatened Playboy, she might have gotten us all out. We all could have done
things different, but we weren’t the ones who decided to take their lives that
night. It wasn’t my mom or Stacia crying too much or me not running off or you
getting there too late. It was Playboy and his sick friends. They were evil and
you stopped them from hurting anyone else. You avenged my family and you
shouldn’t feel guilty.”
“Fuck, darling.
You sure know to pep talk a guy.”
“I’ve been
wanting to say this for a long time. All my babble had been sitting in my head
waiting.”
Cupping her
face, I stared into her fair eyes and swore, “Once I end Caleb and his friends,
we’ll be free.”
“I know. I’m
glad you know too. Sometimes, you seem insecure.”
Laughing, I
hugged her to me. “Smartass.”
Harlow wished me
good luck then hurried back inside to check on Winona. I promised myself what I’d
promised her. Today, the evil from Tucson would end. Harlow and I would finally
be free.
With Lark curled
up in a spare room, I waited with the other chicks in the family room. Vaughn,
Judd, Cooper, Tucker, Kirk, and the club were headed into the woods to hunt
armed men. I should have trusted they would be okay. On some level, I did trust
it. Another part was me worried I’d jinxed Vaughn after all.
Cuddled with
Farah, Tawny kept a gun on her lap and a dark stare on the door. She looked so
much like Judd that I nearly laughed. A little jealous of her cool, I needed
that strength too.
Bailey braided
Sawyer’s hair while Jodi braided her oldest daughter’s. It was the Johansson
women relaxation exercise apparently. I watched them and waited for news.
Just after four,
the phone rang and Jodi answered immediately. She said very little before
hanging up.
“Killed the
fuckers. One of them turned coward and left town. Some guys are chasing him
down. Our men are safe.”
Everyone smiled
and laughed and acted like they weren’t worried at all. A crying Farah waved
off concerns and claimed it was all hormones. Until the guys walked through the
door, we would worry.
Vaughn even
texted me to say he was heading home and I should be ready to soothe his anger
with lots of vigorous sex. Technically, he wrote, “Man angry, want caveman sex.”
I got the message.
After checking
on Lark, I took a gun and walked to the apartment to prepare for Vaughn’s
caveman needs. Just the thought of him doing his grunt talking made me laugh.
He was finally free of the threats from the Devils and no longer an outlaw. Entering
the apartment, I imagined ways to celebrate this fact. Caveman sex was just the
beginning.
“You’re the
secretary,” a voice said from behind me. Before I spun around, I felt the gun
against my temple. “Don’t pull your gun or I’ll pull my trigger. Do you want
your pretty face splashed on the walls?”
Struggling
against the urge to fight back, I relaxed my body. I didn’t even flinch when he
pulled my gun from my pocket.
“The secretary
wants to live. That’s good. Now, sit on the couch and we’ll wait for Vaughn.”
Giving him no
reason to feel threatened, I moved slowly to the couch and sat down. When my
back was to him, I slid my engagement ring from my finger and shoved it into my
pocket. Once on the couch, I sized up the asshole. He was tall and tatted. With
a shaved head and mean eyes, I sensed he would kill me without blinking.
“You’re Caleb?”
He gave me a
cold smile. “Did Vaughn wax poetic about how we’d bowl and bang chicks? You
know, the good old days.”
“He just said
you were friends and now you aren’t.”
“Did you tell
him what I said on the phone that day when his mom croaked?”
I remember how
Caleb said Michelle begged to see her son at the end. Even if this was true, I
would never tell Vaughn. He suffered enough without knowing she asked for him.
I planned to take Caleb’s words to my grave.
He smirked when
I shook my head. “Protecting the pretty fucker. Well, I don’t think you’ll
protect him today.”
“It’s not too
late to just leave.”
Caleb ignored my
comment and glanced at the door. “You people are so arrogant. Don’t even lock
your damn doors,” he grunted, giving me dark glare. “You think you’re so safe
here because the Reapers are tied to Memphis. Fucking Kirk always thought he
was so special.”
“If you leave
now, you can get away. Go back to Tucson. Help your club.”
“My club?” he
sneered. “Your fucking prince got my uncle and dad killed. The Reapers laid
waste to my club. Now, the fuckers in Tucson are feasting on the leftovers.
There’s no club left, bitch.”
“You could still
run. I have money.”
“I don’t want to
run. I want to kill Vaughn. I want to watch him die and you’re going to help me
by sitting here like a good little secretary. If you start shit, the last thing
Vaughn will see before I blow his fucking head off is his woman splattered on
the ground.”
“I don’t want to
die,” I mumbled, trying to seem weak to a man who wouldn’t have been
intimidated if I acted strong. “I don’t want Vaughn to die.”
“Too late for
that,” he said, glancing out the shades while keeping his gun pointed at me.
“You’re a hot bitch. No doubt you’ll have a new dick inside you quick enough.”
We remained
silent while I imagined going for his gun. In my head, I already saw my love
dead. Vaughn would die with his eyes open then Caleb would kill me next. I saw
in his eyes how he didn’t care if he lived. Caleb would take us all out with
him. Might even walk into the Johansson house where my sister rested. How many
people might he kill before someone put his sick ass down?
Building my
courage, I waited until the last possible moment to make my move. A part of me
was certain I would die. My mind imagined him firing the gun. There’d be no
fixing the hole in my head, but the shot would alert the others. One death was
better than two or a dozen.
Whether God was
real or not, I remembered what Vaughn said about faith. Believing my prayers
would be answered, I prayed for God to protect the ones I loved. If I also
managed not to die, that would be great too.
The sound of
Harleys was the starter pistol my courage needed. His excitement and fear
written on his face, Caleb turned his attention to the window and his
approaching target. He didn’t even see me anymore. It was all about Vaughn.
The next few seconds
were a blur. Overwhelmed with fear and desperation, I wasn’t even thinking. I simply
reacted to the sound of the Harleys by jumping up and running for Caleb. He
turned as I lunged at him. As we landed against the wall, I reached for the
window. I hoped to make enough of a noise to warn the arriving men. Instead, I
felt the sharp blow of his elbow against my jaw.
Seeing stars, I hurled
my body against his and grabbed for the gun. For the slightest second, I had
the momentum. As the gun loosened in his grip, I thought I might actually stop
him. I could win. Caleb would die and everyone would be safe and…
When Caleb
headbutted me, the pain nearly caused me to pass out. Stumbling back while
holding my bloody nose, I looked at him for only a second before realizing it
was over. Caleb was going to kill me now.
With no other
way to warn the other before I died, I screamed as loudly as I could. My cry
lasted until Caleb’s fist hit me hard enough to knock my head back. Finally, my
balance gave out and I tumbled flat on my back. Anger overwhelming his revenge
plan, Caleb straddled me then threw one punch after another.
Every time I
tried to block him, he held my arm away. Caleb even laughed at my attempts to
protect myself. Laughter full of hate, he sounded like a monster.
After the first
three punches, I couldn’t see through the blood and pain. I couldn’t think
either. I was suddenly a little girl again hiding from the monsters my mom
brought home. Terrified of those evil men, I would hide with Lark and Phoenix in the closet and tell them stories. This time, I told myself my hero would save
me. Even when the monster stood up and began kicking and stomping on me, I
imagined I would be okay because my knight was coming.