Shadows and clouds danced across her face. “Yes.”
“Put one on. Put on one of your CDs. I want to see you dance ballet again, Ellie.”
He didn’t know where any of it came from, just that he needed to watch her dance. What she did at the club was appealing to the eye—among other things—but it wasn’t Ellie. She was elegant, graceful as a swan, agile as a gymnast. It had come out of left field, but he suddenly knew he couldn’t leave without watching her be a ballerina again.
“I can’t.”
She rose from the sofa and walked across the room, pausing in front of one of the bookshelves. Aimlessly running her fingers over the spines of the hard covers, she let out a shaky breath, her back to him.
He stood up and approached her. “Why not? Don’t you want to dance again? You love ballet, you always have.”
Her lips tightened in a firm line, her jaw tense. “I still do, Luke.”
“Then dance for me.”
“I can’t.”
He took a step toward the CD rack and pulled out the first case he saw. “Come on, Elenore. Here,
Swan Lake
. Just one song.” He held out the CD.
She stared at the disk as if it were a bomb. Breathing deeply, her chest contracting, her blue eyes darkening to cobalt. Then, to his shock, she grabbed the CD and threw it across the room. The case shattered against the wall, breaking apart then falling to the hardwood floor. A dull silence descended over the room, save for Ellie’s ragged breathing.
Her eyes were wild, angry, and all he could do was stare at her in utter disbelief.
“Get out, Luke.”
The sharpness of her voice shocked him. “I’m sorry I asked you to dance. I didn’t think it would be a—”
“I can’t!” She nearly roared at him, her brown hair flying in all directions as she stalked past him. She began to pace, quickly, desperately, while her dress swirled like a tornado over her thighs. “Don’t you get it? I
physically can’t
.”
He’d never seen her look this volatile. He watched as she stopped pacing and stood there shaking in front of him. Her hands balled into fists, her mouth twisted in a bitter smile. And all he could say was, “What?”
“My foot, Luke.” She looked at him as if he was a complete imbecile. “Remember the foot I broke in the accident?”
“But it healed.”
“Healed, yeah.” She gave a harsh laugh. “But it’ll never be strong enough again. You know that thing we ballerinas do, standing on our tiptoes and fluttering around? That’s called
en pointe
. And I can’t do it anymore. I can’t dance ballet. So if you think I’m going to put on a tutu and lunge across the room in graceful pirouettes, you’re a fool.”
She finished with a long, trembling breath. Slowly, she uncurled her fists, her fingers falling limply, hands dangling beside her hips. Shock filled his entire body as her revelation swarmed his brain like an army of bees. She couldn’t dance? Like the pieces of a puzzle fitting together, he understood. That’s why she’d left the ballet company. Not because she didn’t want to be there. But because she couldn’t.
The pain in her eyes cut him to the core. The spark in there had burned out, leaving deep blue pools laced with sorrow and…shame? Staring into her pain-filled face, his heart squeezed and ached. He knew how important dancing was to her. Since she was a kid, all she’d talked about was how she would be a prima ballerina someday. He imagined her devastation at learning that could never happen, and suddenly felt like a complete jerk for what he’d done.
Dance for me.
I can’t.
“Ellie, I’m sorry.”
When she didn’t answer, he walked toward her, eliminating the distance between them. Her cheeks were red, flushed from her outburst, and he could feel the heat emanating from her body. Stepping even closer, he cupped her face with his hands, ignoring the way her eyes widened again.
“Is that why you left San Francisco?”
She swallowed. “Yes.”
“You should’ve told me. You should’ve told Josh.”
She shrugged his hands from her face. “What would that have achieved?”
“We could have helped you.”
“How?” Sarcasm dripped from her voice. “Can you fix my foot? Make it all better? Amazing, because I went to three physical therapists who couldn’t do a damn thing for me.”
His nostrils flared. He didn’t like the way she was talking to him. Cold, sarcastic, as if she’d given up, as if not being able to dance implied her life was over.
“So please, don’t patronize me.” She huffed out a breath. “In fact, just go. I want you to leave.”
He set his jaw. “No.”
“Yes. You know why I’m here, so now there’s no reason for you to stick around.”
A part of him knew she was absolutely right. He’d finally figured out what was wrong, why she’d taken off and left her old life behind her. He could leave, tell Josh the truth, and be on his way. But another part refused to go. Rooted to his feet, he stared into her blue eyes that still glimmered with anger, bitterness and regret. How could he leave when all he wanted to do was take her into his arms?
“Go, Luke.”
“No,” he said again.
And then he pulled her toward him and captured her mouth with his. He pried her lips open with his tongue and plunged inside. In the back of his mind, a voice told him to slow down. Not to push her. Be gentle.
His mind swam in a sea of desire, and it wasn’t until her soft hands wrapped around his neck that he realized she was kissing him back. Fervently. Desperately. Their tongues dueled, greedily taking and demanding.
Still devouring her mouth, he slid his other hand down her small, warm body, crumpled the hem of her dress with his fist and shoved it up to her waist.
She wasn’t wearing panties.
He managed a strangled “Jesus Christ” as heat rushed through his blood. Then he rubbed his palm over her slick folds.
The air grew heavy with tension and sexual promise. Stifling a groan, he dropped to his knees and started kissing her smooth thighs. He dragged his tongue over her clit, enjoying the soft moans that exited her mouth. He wanted to bring her over the edge, make her come with his tongue, but his erection was too hard to ignore. After a few more licks, he rose to his feet and kissed her again.
Moaning again, Ellie unzipped his jeans, shoved them down and stroked his cock. A guttural groan choked out of his throat.
“I want you inside,” she murmured.
She didn’t have to ask him twice. He grabbed his jeans off the floor and pulled out the condom he’d stashed in the back pocket. He tried guiding her toward the hallway leading to the bedroom, but she shoved her tongue in his mouth again, making it difficult to breathe, let alone walk. Finally he stumbled forward and pushed her against the wall, and then he was back between her thighs, entering her with a quick thrust that had them both gasping.
“Oh fuck,” he groaned.
It was all going too fast, and yet too damn slow. Unable to control himself, he gripped her firm ass and pounded into her, fucking her hard. He held back, miraculously, until Ellie shuddered with release, and then he joined her over the edge. His orgasm ripped through him, searing every nerve ending and making him dizzy with pleasure.
Breathing heavily, he slowly pulled out, then chuckled when Ellie gave a small disappointed whimper.
A moment later the chuckle died in his throat. As his eyes regained focus, the sight of Ellie smashed into his chest like a sledgehammer. Her back against the wall, her dress hiked up, one breast exposed. Goddamn it, was he a Neanderthal? He’d just taken her standing up and screwed the hell out of her as if she was nothing more than a toy for his own pleasure.
Jerking back, he hissed out a breath. She’d told him her career was over, and instead of comforting her, he’d jumped her without once thinking about her feelings.
“God, Ellie, I’m sorry.”
He awkwardly rolled the condom off his dick and knelt down to pick up his jeans. He hadn’t even taken the time to remove his boxers, for fuck’s sake. What was the matter with him?
Shame coursed through his veins as he pulled his jeans up and zipped them. He wanted to say something more, apologize once more, but he lost his capacity for speech again as he watched Ellie gently push her breast back into the bodice of her dress and smooth the skirt down over her legs.
The questioning look in her blue eyes caused something inside of him to squeeze. Damn, she was beautiful. Achingly beautiful.
“Ellie.” His voice was hoarse and tinged with regret. “I’m sorry,” he said again, swallowing. “I should go.”
Chapter Ten
Twenty-four hours after Luke ravished her body, Ellie wondered if she’d simply imagined the whole thing. Maybe she’d fantasized it, or maybe she’d accidentally poured a couple of tabs of LSD in her tea last night and hallucinated everything that followed.
It happened. Deal with it.
Ellie sighed and rolled her stocking up to her thigh. God, it would be so much easier believing it didn’t happen. At least then she wouldn’t have to wonder why he’d deserted her like that.
“You coming?” Marlene’s voice startled her. With a tilt of her head, she saw Marlene lingering near the dressing room door.
“I’ll be out in a sec,” Ellie answered. “Go on out.”
Marlene’s heels clicked against the floor as she left the room, and once the sound faded Ellie sank into her chair and welcomed the silence. She studied her reflection in the mirror then lifted her hand to her lips. Swollen. Still swollen from Luke’s mouth crushing them.
God, would she ever be able to understand that infuriating man? Every time she came into contact with Luke, whether they were bickering or kissing, her body felt like a Mack truck had hit it. No other man got to her like that. Irritated the hell out of her and made her crazy with lust at the same time.
How could he just walk out on her last night? Since he’d come to town, it had become almost a habit—kissing her, touching her, and then hurrying off like a dog with his tail between his legs. But scampering away after giving her the best sex of her life? That was unacceptable. Not to mention insensitive.
What was the matter with that man? She’d just revealed her ballet career was over, she’d given her body to him, and he’d left. He’d
left.
A part of her still couldn’t believe she’d told him the truth. Well, some of the truth, anyway, since she’d refrained from mentioning the hysterectomy. But telling him about that…well, it wasn’t an option.
Every time she thought about their conversation up on that Ferris wheel her chest tightened with disappointment. But damn it, why did she feel that way? She and Luke weren’t a couple. They never would be. He didn’t want to settle down, especially with his best friend’s sister.
And besides, how could she get involved with someone when she didn’t even know who the hell she was anymore? The accident had taken so much from her. Her career. Her fiancé. Her ability to have children. Who exactly was she, without all those things?
Definitely not the same person she’d been before she lost them, that’s for sure.
“You shouldn’t have come in tonight.”
The sound of Vivian’s brisk voice broke through her troubling thoughts, quickly bringing on a new set of troubled thoughts. Ellie still hadn’t questioned Viv about the dark-haired younger man Marlene’s cousin had spotted her with, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that it had been Luke. She hadn’t bought Luke’s explanation about his conversation with Viv last night—the two of them looked too serious to be discussing a carnival—but Ellie hadn’t wanted to push him then. She’d been too focused on turning up the heat and turning Luke on.
Well, she’d turned him on, all right.
And he’d rushed off like a coward.
“Why shouldn’t I have come in?” Ellie asked with a glance to Viv’s reflection in the vanity mirror.
As usual, her boss looked absolutely gorgeous in her work attire—a pale-blue silk shirt, tan slacks, and three-inch heels. But the look on her face wasn’t the usual one of excitement and encouragement she normally wore before a show. Right now she just came across as weary.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since our talk yesterday,” Vivian replied.
“What about it?”
“I think giving you this job at the club might have been a mistake.”
A wave of panic crept up her throat as she saw the serious look in her boss’s eyes. Was she firing her? Her panic doubled at the thought. She couldn’t lose this job. It was all she had left, the only thing that made living in San Valdez worthwhile. And Vivian. She couldn’t lose her either. These past two months, Viv had been her saving grace, the one person she could count on.
“What are you saying?”
“Yesterday I realized you’re here to escape. To hide. And, honey, I think you’re hiding away for the wrong reasons.”
“I’m not hiding away.”
“Yes, you are. Your jerk of an ex fed you a line of bull about your life being over, and you bought it. I’m beginning to think…” Vivian took a breath. “That your brother and Luke are right, that you should be at home.”
Alarm spilled over her. No, not Vivian too. She should’ve never told her boss the real story behind the car accident.
“Ellie, I can’t stand by and watch you waste your life away.”
“How am I wasting my life away?” she protested. “And what does that say about you? You live here too.”
Vivian smiled softly. “Honey, I may be forty-four, but I had some life. I raised an amazing kid, worked my ass off and took a few trips to Vegas that one day I’ll tell you about. I chose to retire here, to run this club and enjoy the relaxation this small town has to offer. But you, you’re still young. You have the rest of your life ahead of you. Don’t waste it away here.”
“I like it here.” She swallowed back a lump of pain, knowing deep down that there was some truth in her words. She did love San Valdez, but a part of her missed her life in San Francisco. Her condo. Her friends. Even her annoying brother.
But she wasn’t going to tell Vivian that. She wasn’t ready to go back yet, if she ever would be, and right now leaving this little beach town and going home to face the world terrified her.
Vivian reached down and ruffled her hair. “I know you do, but I won’t be the one to hold you back. There’s so much you can do with your life. Not being able to dance ballet doesn’t mean your career is over. You can become an instructor, open your own ballet school. And you should think about getting involved with a man again.”
“I will. One day I’ll do all that.” She steadied her voice in an attempt to keep the desperation out of it.
“And when is
one day
? A year from now? Two?”
“I don’t know.” Her throat suddenly felt tight and in the mirror she saw the sheen of unshed tears in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, honey, but I think you should go back to San Francisco.”
A single tear spilled out and slid down her cheek. “Are you firing me?”
The obvious look of regret on Viv’s face didn’t make her answer any less hurtful. “Yes. I won’t let you hide out here, so I guess that means I’m letting you go.”
As the full significance of her boss’s words settled in, Ellie clamped her mouth closed to keep a sob from slipping out. How could Vivian look so calm? How could she fire her without even blinking?
She sat there, waiting for Vivian to smile and say “gotcha” but it didn’t happen. It was only when Vivian uttered a soft, “I’m sorry” and headed for the door that a startling question hit her.
“Just answer one thing,” Ellie burst out. She twisted in her chair and watched as her ex-boss turned to face her. “Was this Luke’s idea?”
“No.” Vivian didn’t even hesitate.
Despite the relief filling her stomach she still wasn’t soothed. “Then why were you having dinner with him yesterday evening?”
“What?” Vivian furrowed her brows in confusion. “I didn’t have dinner with Luke. I was—” Her sentence came to an abrupt halt, bringing another wave of suspicion to Ellie’s gut.
“You were what, Viv? Marlene’s cousin saw you with a dark-haired guy. Who was he?”
Vivian opened her mouth then snapped it shut.
In a tone dripping with bitterness, Ellie managed a low taunt. “Come on, who were you with?”
It seemed like an eternity before she finally got her answer. “I was with Josh.”
Her spine stiffened. “Josh?” she echoed. “As in my brother, Josh?”
“Yes.”
Not even the guilty look on Viv’s face and the apologetic tone of her voice could stop the rush of red-hot betrayal that sliced through Ellie’s chest. Vivian and Josh? Her best friend, the one person she’d leaned on all these months, was in cahoots with her brother?
“How long has he been in town?” she asked through clenched teeth.
“A few days.”
“I see.”
Vivian stepped closer, her green eyes swimming with regret. “He just came here to make sure you were—”
Ellie held up her hand and shot the other woman a silencing—and icy—stare. “I don’t need your explanations.” She locked her jaw in an attempt to stop its trembling. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get ready for the show. It’s my final curtain call, after all.”
“Ellie—”
“I. Need. To. Get. Ready.” Each word emerged as a ragged gasp.
“All right. We’ll…talk later then?”
The fury clogging her throat prevented an answer from coming out so she simply fixed a cold expression on her face and waited. Waited for Viv to leave the room. Waited for it all to sink in. Waited until she was alone before finally allowing the tears to fall.
“Don’t go in there.”
Luke stopped in his tracks at the sight of Vivian’s red-rimmed eyes and pale face. He’d been on his way to Ellie’s dressing room after finally working up the nerve to see her. He knew he and Ellie needed to talk about what happened between them last night and he didn’t appreciate Vivian intercepting him. No matter how distraught she looked.
“I really need to speak to her,” he answered, reaching for the doorknob.
Vivian stopped his hand. Her grip felt cold. “Now is really not the time, Luke. She’s upset.”
“Why is—” He stopped suddenly as the answer dawned on him. “You fired her, didn’t you?”
The older blonde’s small nod and dejected expression caused a wave of cold regret to swell in his chest. Damn. When he’d asked Vivian to fire Ellie yesterday he hadn’t known what would happen at the bungalow. His despicable behavior had no doubt hurt her, but add to that the loss of her job and…well, he now understood why Vivian seemed so devastated. Though her devastation probably didn’t even compare to Ellie’s.
“Did you tell her I asked you to do it?”
“No. She was angry enough as it was. Especially when I told her Josh was in town.”
Luke resisted from slapping his forehead with his hand. This was just wonderful. “I should go in there.” He rested his hand on the door handle and this time didn’t get any resistance from Vivian. She moved past him. Her high heels made soft clicking noises as she walked toward the end of the hall and disappeared through the doorway leading into the main room.
Luke closed his eyes briefly, suddenly regretting he’d ever asked Vivian to take away Ellie’s job. The fluorescent lights overhead hissed and crackled, making his head hurt. A part of him wanted to turn around and leave the club, leave this goddamn town and forget he’d ever come here, but he knew he couldn’t do that. He owed it to Ellie to stick around a bit longer. He also owed her a whopper of an apology.
Not only that, but it was time to end this insanity. He’d fulfilled his end of the deal and he planned on collecting.
Opening his eyes, he released a long breath and entered the dressing room.
“Ellie.”
The sound of Luke’s whiskey-rough voice from the doorway startled her. With a quick gulp, she wiped her eyes with the handkerchief on the vanity table and blinked back her tears. Oh God, she didn’t need this. Not now. Not when she felt so vulnerable and exposed.
“I, uh, just ran into Vivian in the hallway,” he added, crossing the room with measured strides until he stood only a few feet away.
“I suppose she told you she fired me.”
“Yeah, she told me.”
“Did she tell you my brother is in town?” She narrowed her eyes. “Or did you already know that?”
“I found out yesterday. Apparently he’s been laying low at Vivian’s house.”
“I can’t believe she lied to me. I thought she cared about me, that—” Ellie stopped as a wave of sickness crept up her stomach and burned its way up to her throat. She didn’t want to think about any of this right now. Despite the fact that she was out of a job, she still had one more show to put on, and the acid searing her chest and the pain pulsing through her head wouldn’t help her do that.
She rose from the chair and kept her expression cool and detached. Luke didn’t move closer but she saw his gaze sweep over her corset and skirt. It irked her that his eyes didn’t have that spark of lust in them, the way they’d gleamed the first night he saw her in this costume. Now he just looked remorseful.
God, she didn’t want to have this conversation with him, didn’t want to hear his half-assed apologies. Last night he’d fled, left her half-naked, aroused and confused, and it would take a lot more than
I’m sorry
to make her forget that.
“What are you doing here?” she finally said with a sigh. She picked an imaginary spot of lint off her skirt, refusing to meet his eyes.
“First, apologizing.”
No kidding.
“And what could you possibly be apologizing for?” she returned with a scowl.
“I’m sorry about last night.”
“No, really? This seems to be a running theme with you, Lucas. Kissing me, running off. Screwing me, running off. And then, of course, the sincere apology the next day.”
He ignored her sarcastic tone. “I was out of line yesterday.”
She let out a frustrated breath. “Why do you say that?”
A look of confusion crossed his handsome features. “Because of the way I acted.” He coughed. “Treating you like that. Mauling you like some kind of animal.”
She just stared at him. He really was an idiot. Had he been completely oblivious to her arousal? She’d been wet for him, she’d come apart in his arms, she’d had a body-numbing orgasm. He was a fool if he thought the desire, the raw need, had been one-sided.
“Did you hear me complaining?” she burst out, surprised by the harshness of her voice.
“I just thought…”
Her frustration only increased at the bewilderment flickering in his eyes. Planting her hands on her hips, she marched toward him. “You thought that you were taking advantage of me? Having your way with Josh’s poor little sister?” She gave a groan that bordered on a growl. “For God’s sake, Luke!”