“No reason?” he echoed. “What about us? Isn’t that reason enough?”
“There is no us. We had a nice dinner, shared a few kisses, but that’s all. What did you think, that we’d get married?”
He remained silent.
“The bottom line, Josh, is that I’m too old for you. Not only that but I don’t have time to screw around. I have a club to run, and you have a law practice to go back to. We’re in different places in our lives. Truth is, we always will be.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s reality. Marriage aside, what about kids? You can’t tell me you don’t want children.”
He chuckled. “You’re not that old, sweetheart. Women far older than you are still having babies.”
“But I don’t want to have any more babies.”
“Then we won’t have kids.”
Frustration seeped into her body and swirled down to her gut. “What’s it going to take to make you realize it won’t work between us?”
“A hell of a lot more than flimsy excuses.”
Her temples started throbbing. Damn it, why did he have to be so stubborn? Why couldn’t he just accept it wasn’t going to be?
Before she could open her mouth to speak, the sound of the telephone rang out, muffled through the closed patio door. Vivian’s frustration instantly transformed into alarm. It was nearly four in the morning. Nobody called her this late unless it was an emergency.
Without another word she spun around and entered the house. The phone was sitting in its cradle and she snatched it up quickly. “Hello?”
“Mom, it’s me.”
Her alarm deepened. “Tanya, is everything all right?”
“Everything is great!”
To Vivian’s relief, excitement poured out of her daughter’s voice. “Jeez, sweetie, you had me worried. Do you realize what time it is?”
“I knew you’d be working so I waited until I was sure you were home.”
She sighed, wanting to scold her daughter for giving her such a scare but at the same time touched that Tanya had stayed up to the wee hours of the morning to call her. Obviously she had some big news to share. “So what’s so urgent you had to lose sleep over?”
“I got into law school!”
A balloon of pride inflated in Vivian’s chest, causing her heart to soar. “Oh my God! I thought the letters weren’t being sent out for another month.”
“They’re not. But I got a personal phone call from the head of admissions at…” Tanya paused for effect, “…Harvard Law!”
As Tanya’s words sunk in, Vivian resisted the urge to let out a loud shriek of joy. God, she’d worked so hard for this. Scrimping and saving to pay for Tanya’s college tuition, pouring over those applications with her for a week straight, and it had all paid off. Her baby girl’s dream had come true.
“I can’t tell you how happy I am, sweetie.” She clung to the phone tightly, wishing Tanya were standing in front of her so she could give her a big hug.
From the corner of her eye Viv saw Josh enter the room, still clad in swim trunks. For a moment all she could do was shoot him an excited smile, her happiness over her daughter’s news taking precedence over everything else. Her smile soon faded at Tanya’s next words.
“I think I’m going to give Josh Dawson a call.”
The phone shook in her hands. “Oh. Uh, Ellie’s brother?”
“Yeah, you remember him, right, Mom? He’s a lawyer so I thought I’d arrange to get together with him, you know, get his advice and ask for tips about making it through law school alive.”
Vivian swallowed. “That’s a great idea, sweetie. I’m sure he’d love to help you.”
Tanya giggled. “Even if he doesn’t, it’ll be worth it if only to see him again. The guy is seriously hot.”
A wave of sickness splashed over her like slap to the face. Hearing her daughter call Josh “hot” made her feel like a…like a cradle-robber. What the hell was the matter with her? Josh should be dating her daughter, not her. If she’d doubted it before, she sure as hell didn’t doubt it now.
“So anyway,” Tanya continued, still sounding as if she was on cloud nine, “I’ll let you get to bed. But I’ll call you tomorrow morning with all the details, okay?”
“Sounds good, hon.”
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too.”
Vivian’s eyes were stinging as she hung up the phone. God, she was such a fool. Bottom lip trembling, she turned to Josh and said, “My daughter thinks you’re seriously hot.”
A look of understanding softened his features. “That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Yes it does. You should be dating someone your own age. Someone like my daughter.” She let out a breath. “God, imagine what she’d think if I told her about us?”
“Vivian—”
She held up her hand. “This is ridiculous, Joshua.” She placed emphasis on his full name, knowing she sounded like his mother and wanting him to see it. “I’m putting a stop to this. Right now.”
He tried to speak but she cut him off again. “Whatever was happening between us is over. I want you to leave.”
“You don’t mean that.”
She ignored his rough plea. “Tomorrow morning I want you to go see your sister and explain why you’ve been lurking around. When you get back you’re going to pack up your things and get on the next plane to San Francisco. I’m serious, Josh. You have no reason to stay here. I’m making it clear, right here and right now, that nothing will ever happen between us.”
“Luke, are you awake?”
Ellie nudged his bare arm, the only part of his gloriously sexy body not tangled in the bed sheets. He made an unintelligible sound and rolled over, providing her with a very nice view of his bare ass. God, he looked cute when he slept. Gone was the take-charge, I’m-always-in-control bodyguard. His features softened in slumber, making him appear younger. Sweeter.
She bit back a laugh. If he knew she was calling him sweet, he’d have a fit.
Climbing out of the bed, she fumbled around the dark room, looking for her robe. It was nearly four in the morning, but she wasn’t tired.
She slipped into her robe and glanced at Luke again, resisting the urge to jump on him and splatter kisses all over his chiseled face. Why had she never known how good sex could be? It amazed her to think about what she’d been missing out on all these years.
Her bare feet tingled, suddenly longing for a pair of ballet slippers. She wanted to dance, wanted to shout out from the rooftops how utterly happy she was.
Leaving the bedroom, she padded down the hall. She paused in front of the living room sliding doors and looked out at the ocean, midnight blue waves rippling under the silver moon. A full moon, she noted. Maybe that explained what had happened tonight. People often credited full moons with eerie events. Not that making love to Luke had been eerie. It had been…right. But unexpected.
Six months ago, the thought of going to bed with Luke would have been preposterous. Inconceivable. Yet it had happened.
Unlatching the door, she slid it open and stepped into the backyard. The sand beneath her feet was soft. And warm. So was the air. Breathing in the salty humid air, she took a step forward, her eyes focused on the water as a thought slipped into her mind.
They hadn’t used protection.
She wondered how long it would take before Luke realized it. He hadn’t brought it up, but she knew he would.
She absently reached down and stroked her stomach, a motion she’d repeated constantly during the three months she’d been pregnant. Just a tiny bump. She’d lost the baby before it became a protruding bulge.
She’d never realized just how much she’d wanted to be a mother until she’d gotten pregnant. All she’d wanted since she was a kid was to dance, but that had changed once that home-pregnancy test had turned blue. She’d been ready to give up everything for her child. Speed up the wedding. Sacrifice her ballet career, which had just started to take off.
A bitter laugh escaped her throat. Well, she hadn’t had to make any sacrifices. She’d lost the child she was carrying. Lost her career. Her fiancé. The future she’d never realized she’d wanted.
“Ellie? Why are you out here?”
But she had Luke. She turned to see him at the door, wearing a pair of boxer-briefs that clung to his lean hips. Bare-chested, with his dark hair tousled from sleep, he was the most appealing sight she’d ever encountered.
Her gaze swept over the rippled chest that moments ago she’d been nestled on, the powerful arms that had embraced her, the talented mouth that had driven her over the edge time and time again. The erection that appeared the second she laid eyes on his groin. Yes, she had Luke. For now, at least.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she admitted.
He wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing the top of her head, and she let herself sink into his warmth. Silent, they watched the water lap against the sand and listened to the crash of the waves and sleepy wailing of the gulls.
When he spoke again, what he said didn’t surprise her. “I didn’t use protection.”
“I know.” Her voice quiet, she turned and pressed her face against his chest, inhaling the scent of him. “It’s okay.”
He lifted her head with his hands and forced her to look at him. “You were protected?”
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she said, “Yes.”
She expected to see relief in those gray eyes. Maybe even pleasure. But he remained emotionless. A thousand questions bit at her tongue but she held them at bay. She didn’t want to ruin anything. This night had been too wonderful to destroy with after-sex questions. What’s going to happen? What does this mean? Where do we go from here?
Tonight they’d all go unanswered.
“The ocean is beautiful at night,” he murmured, holding her tighter. “Peaceful.”
She rested her cheek against his shoulder. “That’s one of the things I like best about living here. God, I love the ocean.” She sighed. “My parents did too.”
The heat of his hand seeped into her back. “Do you still miss them, Ellie?”
“Every day.” She tilted her head to look up at him. “Do you miss your mother?”
His eyes grew cloudy, a swirl of black and gray tinted with pain. “Yes.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “It’s her birthday next week. The day I dread year after year.”
“Dread?” she echoed, confused.
“My dad,” he explained in a hoarse voice. “He calls me every year and invites me to spend Mom’s birthday with them.”
Them? Ellie’s confusion deepened but she couldn’t find a tactful way to voice her questions. Though he rarely talked about her, Ellie knew Luke’s mother had died when he was in college. Since Ellie knew what it was like to lose a parent, she’d never pushed Luke to talk about his mom, but now she had to wonder if the loss had affected the surviving Russell men more than she’d thought.
“He still hasn’t accepted the fact that she’s dead,” Luke said, sparing her from coming up with a way to ask about it. “He acts like she’s still alive. He cooks dinner for two every night, for Christ’s sake.”
“I’m sorry, Luke. I didn’t know.”
He pinned her down with a harsh look. “Oh no, don’t say it like that. I know what you’re thinking.”
She slipped out of his embrace. “Excuse me?”
“My father isn’t crazy, Ellie. I won’t send him away.”
Shock spilled into her bloodstream. “That’s not what I was thinking at all.”
“No?” Sarcasm sliced through his tone. “That’s what Robin suggested I do. She couldn’t stand the fact that I refused to cut him out of my life. Apparently a loony father-in-law put a damper on her plans.”
Ellie grabbed for his arm and dug her fingers into his skin, gluing her gaze to his. “Well, I’m not Robin. I would never ask you to cut off your own father.”
She dropped his arm and hugged her chest tightly, trying to keep her anger at bay, but the very fact that he’d compared her to his ex made her want to spit nails. Didn’t he know her by now? She’d lost both her parents, for God’s sake, she’d never advise someone to shun the only family they had left.
“You know what I was thinking when I said I was sorry?” she shot out. “I was thinking how long it’s been since I’ve seen your dad and how I’d like to visit him again.”
Luke blinked. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“Why would you want to visit him?”
She erased the distance between them and touched his cheek. “Because I remember him being a wonderful man and it breaks my heart knowing he’s in pain.”
“You’d really want to see him like that?”
“He needs human contact, Luke. The more he’s alone the more he’ll start to slip away. I don’t think you should ever stop seeing him. It’s your job to show him he’s still got something to live for. Your job to keep him connected to reality.”
The side of Luke’s mouth lifted in a smile. He drew her into his arms and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m sorry I compared you to Robin. I know you’re nothing like her.”
Ellie pressed her face against his collarbone and breathed in the spicy scent of his bare skin. “It’s okay.”
She felt his warm breath on her hair. “It’s just…I feel so bad for him, Ellie. He’s just wasting his life away. He won’t even let himself mourn the woman he loved.”
With a ball of emotion lodged in her throat, she leaned up and pressed her mouth to his in a slow, soft kiss.
“What was that for?” he asked when she pulled back.
Tenderness reflected in his gray eyes, stealing her breath. She tried to speak but all that came out was, “I just…I…”
Love you.
The thought should have shocked her, but it didn’t. Instead it filled her with a sense of tranquility. She thought about the first time she’d met him. He’d driven Josh home in his beat-up old Volkswagen, dressed in a denim jacket riddled with holes, his dark hair cut in a sexy, shaggy way that made her heart thump. Maybe she’d fallen in love with him then, that very first day. Or maybe it had happened when he’d held her in his arms tonight like she was a fragile piece of china. She couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment but she didn’t need to.
All that mattered was the burst of love and tenderness that overflowed in her heart right now.
“Dance with me,” she murmured, twining her arms around his neck.
He chuckled. “There’s no music.”
“Yes there is. You just need to listen.”