Dangerous Dreams: A Novel (92 page)

She stared at the drawing. “Really fits, but what triggered me to dream about Emily the first time, and why do I always go back to her?” She thought back to when the dreams began. “Erik! It was right after the fight with Erik.” But what triggered me to Emily instead of some other ancestor? She
stared at the wall for moment. “I know. He wanted me to move in with him, like Tayler wants Emily to do. And when I refused, he said something like,
Damn it, Allie, you’re not back in colonial times when premarital sex was a big deal and condemned you to a life of shame and misery
. I’ll be damned. That’s gotta be it! But . . . but how does the gift know the right software to activate, and how does it make it happen? Jeez, the plot gets thicker by the second, and my head hurts again.”

Her mind flashed back to Erik. Haven’t thought of him for a long time . . . haven’t thought of partying, or friends, or the ranch, or anything but the dreams for a long time. Kinda scary. Liked Erik, wanted to get back with him, then totally blanked him, completely immersed in Emily. She shook her head, sighed, looked at her watch. “Focus, Allie. How does the gift work?”

She squinted at the desktop, glanced at her sketch, tried to wrap her mind around her thoughts. Seems kinda like the internet cloud, where we access information by logging on with the right username and password . . . and in my case, my dreaming gift provides the right username and password to access a specific story in the individual and collective memories. But there might be a different username and password for each ancestor. So again, the only way this could happen is if something— probably genetics and/or a mutation—gave me the dreaming gift . . . the specific usernames and passwords . . . to download and play ancestral and connected-person stories as if I’m experiencing them myself. But what makes the gift do that? She smiled. I know. A trigger does . . . a trigger like the fight with Erik . . . a trigger that stimulates the gift to send the right username and password to the mind-brain. That’s gotta be it! Wow! I’ll bet Sheldrake never encountered anyone like me, so maybe he never even thought about this part of the process. Anyway, enough on that for now.” She penned another note:
Make sure Steve talks genetics
.

“Now, what about the
personal
memory? Sheldrake implies it’s in the
collective
memory, but convention says it’s in the mind-brain; but if that’s true, how could I access Tayler’s thoughts, or Waters’, or Baylye’s? Makes sense that it’s in the brain, but it must
also
be in the
collective
memory along with a copy of everyone else’s
personal
memory. How else could individual
memories live on when a person dies, like the TV set analogy? And oh, by the way, memories ain’t memories unless of them experiences the personal memory if it’s also in the later, Allie proofed her drawing, made a couple changes, reviewed it again.

Good. “So in summary, dear PhD committee: a rare dreaming gift I inherited via my genes and DNA, and possibly a mutation, gets triggered by some stressful event and sends the right username and password to the mind-brain to activate and run the right software to access the collective memory, find Emily Colman and people associated with her, and send their
story to me via movie-like dreams. Wow again! My personal memory then goes out into the greater collective memory and connects to the individual memories of all the people who interacted with Emily in that story.” She looked at the wall, nodded, smiled a philosophical smile. Can’t see how it could be otherwise! “And, ladies and gentlemen, morphic resonance is the enabler because it puts all the individual and ancestral memories into the collective memory, which lives forever.” She suddenly frowned, slapped herself on the cheek. Don’t forget. Steve said much of this is at the organism level, and we’re extrapolating from that. She stared thoughtfully at the desktop for a moment, shrugged. “So what? It’s a start, and it feels right. So onward.” She checked her watch again. “Okay, let’s look at Hobson versus Solms.”

        
4.
G. William Domhoff, “Refocusing the Neurocognitive Approach to Dreams: A Critique of the Hobson Versus Solms Debate”

                
-
Talks about activation synthesis, which, without focused inputs, makes the best of random inputs, which Hobson thinks often results in bizarre dreams

“But in my case, the random synthesis doesn’t happen, because my brain immediately goes to the real stuff in my personal memory and then to the collective memory.”

                
-
Good theories on where in the mind-brain commands and signals come from

                
-
Dispute centers on the definition of “bizarre,” the number of bizarre dreams people have, and where the brain’s commands and signals come from
.

                
-
Author says bizarre dreams are rare
.

“Not so for Allie O’Shay! I had
mostly
bizarre dreams before I started dreaming about Emily; only occasionally did I have an organized one— same with Steve. So except for the part on the origins of commands and signals, I’m hard-pressed to agree with the author . . . especially since I don’t see any indication they’ve ever considered anything like what’s happening to me. Need to press Steve to get on with more theory-specific
data gathering focused on the parts of my brain where we think the signals and commands come from, as well as on where and how they’re activated. “Okay, now on to my dream characteristics.”

Allie examined each dream characteristic, logged her best guess at a theoretical explanation, and noted where none existed. When she finished, she decided the twenty-three characteristics and explanations drove the document to an unwieldy length for a lunchtime discussion, so she took an inverse approach. She listed the three applicable theories, including
unknown
, tabulated all the appropriate dream characteristics below each theory, combining characteristics where appropriate, then reviewed the completed chart.

Dream Characteristics Attributable to Formative Causation/Morphic Resonance

        
-
Historically accurate

        
-
Play in real time when dreaming, like movies, but keep playing when I’m not watching (see next) as if once activated, they must play to completion

        
-
Same story from dream to dream

        
-
All dream characters initially unrecognized, but recurring thereafter

        
-
Several mutual dreams with Emily—she’s in my personal memory, and the Vikings are in hers and mine because if they’re her ancestors, they’re also mine (I think)
.

        
-
Hear & remember dialogue—all dialogue sensible—in my personal memory & collective memory—easier to remember orderly things

        
-
Understand different languages and hand signs—if ancestors knew them, I would know them from personal memory

        
-
Feel emotions and thoughts

        
-
Emily’s the conduit—gift takes me to her place in my personal memory (also see genetics)

        
-
Lifelike—real history (I think)

        
-
Emotionally attached & close to characters (ancestors, I think)

        
-
Detailed breadth and depth of recall—can recall scenes from a movie far better than from disjointed, bizarre dreams

Dream Characteristics Attributable to Genetics/Mutation—the Dreaming Gift

        
-
Stimulated by stress

        
-
Subject-matter-selection methodology—content new and unfamiliar (1
^st
time)

        
-
Emily’s the conduit—genetics/mutation are the reason why
.

        
-
Butterfly birthmark—Ian and me—what about Emily and Tryggvi’s English girl? TBD, but know they were both dreamers

        
-
Frequency is every time I sleep—once activated, the movie doesn’t stop, plays to completion
.

        
-
Mom says dreams happen every 4 or 5 generations—mutation? Do men carry the gift dormantly?

        
-
Ian said that when a story ends, another follows, but not necessarily right away—do they wait for a new trigger event?

        
Unknown

        
-
Dreams cover several scenario days—seem to fast-forward between REMs and when awake—maybe think you’re not interested in that part because you’re not watching
.

        
-
All dreams lucid—know I’m dreaming, but can’t will anything to happen—maybe because you can’t change history (good argument for why dreams are true history)

        
-
Ian said dreams were true, but Mom doesn’t know how she knew
.

        
-
Mom knows more than she’s told me—she’s scared—probably of depression, insanity, and/or suicide for me
.

Okay. So where are we? She studied her PowerPoint drawing and dream characteristics for a moment, pressed her lips together, nodded several times. “I think, via formative causation and morphic resonance, everyone’s personal and ancestral memories and experiences are out there in the collective memory. But since they don’t have the gift, which allows me to repeatedly access
and dream that information, they don’t know it’s there, and they can’t find it and dream it. So our two tasks are first, to validate formative causation and morphic resonance, and second, to determine the genetics that carry and activate the gift. We do the first by using advanced measuring techniques focused on tracing the sources, directions, and magnitudes of the information flow in the richly active mind-brain of the test subject . . . Allie O’Shay. And I have no clue how we do the second. Steve will have to figure
that one
out. And that’s it, team.” She smirked. “Piece of cake, right? Wrong!”

Allie looked at her watch. “Time to go.” She gathered the data CD, the recorder, her notes, diagram, and
Dressler
list; put them in her backpack; then glanced into the mirror, flipped her hair a few times, and started for the door. Got a lot done, kept my mind off Emily and her sucky life . . . and my own shaky character. An immediate wave of sadness enveloped her as she walked out the door. Gotta get back to her. A chilly sense of foreboding swept her mind as she locked the door and walked toward her car. She’s going to Tayler; I know it.

During the drive to lunch, Allie replayed her dreams, felt her emotions swell like an inflating hot air balloon. Feel so close, so involved, but utterly helpless. Her eyes teared; she thought of her dishonesty and deception, grabbed a tissue with her free hand, dabbed her eyes and cheeks, then shook her head. Between my own guilt and Emily, I feel like crap—sad, empty, tired, sluggish, fatalistic. Nothing’s going right for her
or
me. No wonder Mom’s afraid; it probably shows. Steve’ll see it right away. She sighed. Come on, kid. Dry your eyes, perk up, smile.

When she entered Reed’s Bar and Grill, Allie’s mind was deeply immersed in Emily’s world: her pregnancy, Tayler’s un-ignorable threat, his demand that she become his mistress and satisfy his sexual desires, her loss of Isna, her father’s death, her devouring despair at what her life had become—all of it tormenting her young, nineteen-year-old mind like a possessive demon.

Allie didn’t see the man walking out the door as she walked in, bumped squarely into him, dropped her folder of notes on the floor. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry. What a klutz I am, didn’t even see you. Sorry, Sir.” She shook her head apologetically.

“No problem, young lady. Must have something heavy on your mind. Here, let me help you with your papers.”