Authors: Bec Botefuhr
“Well, you must be Elise?”
“Yes,” I say in a strong British accent, yes, it’s one thing I can do well. “I am. Are you Mick?”
“Yes, little lady, I am.”
“Good, then can we get this done with? I have plans.”
He raises a brow. Breathe Willow, you can do this.
“You’re betting for the fight on Saturday night? Am I correct?”
“Yes.”
“How much?”
“Ten thousand dollars.”
His eyes widen and he actually straightens.
“Is this some sort of joke?”
I straighten too. “No, I am struggling to get more cash for something important. I have seen this man’s fights and I know he’s the best. I am going to risk my money, in hopes that it will triple.”
Mick rubs his chin and
I feel my knees tremble. When he leans his heavy frame against the wooden door, I panic that he’s going to say no and send me on my way with a bullet…or penis….in my back.
“Fine, you want to give over your money, that’s up to you. I take the cash, when the fights are won I deliver the proceeds to the winners. If the fight is lost, the proceeds remain with the club.”
Lying piece of shit.
“Fine by me.”
“Very well, hand it over.”
I dig through my bag and hand over a bundle of cash. Mick counts it and my nerves grow as he flips every note, calculating it all in his head. When he’s satisfied, he stands straight and
smiles, it’s that sick smile I remember so well.
“Very well Elise, you’ll hear from me.”
“I’ll be watching the fight, so don’t you try to fuck me over.”
His brows
rise again. “Now why would I do that?”
“Consider yourself warned, good day.”
I turn on my heel and walk off into the darkness. When I hear the front door of the house close, I sag against a tree and suck in a pained breath. I did it, I did it and he didn’t recognize me. When I hear the door open again, I quickly rush forward. Jagger? Someone else? What if he doesn’t send Jagger after me? What if he sends someone else and this plan goes to shit real quickly?
I rush into the darkness and when I feel my shoes hit the sand, I reach down
and toss them off so I can run faster. I can hear footsteps behind me, so I pick up the pace. Angel said to get to the rocks. Every second I rush towards those horrible rocks, I wonder if a gun will sound out and take me down. The footsteps behind me grow quicker and I know I have only seconds left. I have to do this now. I stop when I hear a gun being cocked. Go Willow, god dammit, go.
“That kinda thing makes a man go hmm hmm, you’re lookin’ so good in what’s left of those blue jeans…”
I sing softly but loud enough that the person can hear me. If it’s Jagger, he will know the song and he will know my voice. I hear silence for the longest moment and my voice hitches when I try to sing again.
“Willow?”
It’s a rasp, a deep, scratchy rasp but I know that voice. I hear it every night in my dreams. Relief floods me and I feel my legs threaten to give way. I can’t see him, but I can her him approach.
“Willow?”
“Jagger…” I whisper.
I can’t see him and oh g
od, I want to. I step forward until I can hear his breathing. He’s so close. All this time all I have wanted was him and now he’s so close and I’m speechless. I don’t know if I can reach out and touch him, or if I should just stand here and try to explain. I step forward and slam directly into his chest. Hot tears stream down my face when I breathe him in.
My cheek is pressed against his chest and I can hear his heart pounding. My body is
molded against the hard plains of his, but he’s not touching me. He’s not speaking. He’s not doing anything at all. He’s just standing there like a statue. Our bodies are squashed, and yet I have never felt such distance between us.
I lift my head and I bump foreheads with him. His head is lowered. Like someone in mourning. I reach up and go to stroke his cheek, but his hand lashes out and stops me. He grips it so tightly I yelp. I hear him suck in a deep, ragged breath. It’s like he doesn’t believe I’m real. God Jagger, what has happened to you?
“Jagger…”
“Why?” he rasps, “w
hy are you here?”
“We…want to help and…”
“No.”
“Jagger…”
He shoves me backwards and I fall on my ass. I whimper, not only from shock but from the forceful landing. I can hear Jagger panting. Is he angry? Emotional? I just don’t know.
“Leave,” he says in a voice
so void of emotion it burns me. “Don’t come back. Don’t try anything. Don’t involve yourself. Go to the boys, tell them to stay the fuck out of my life. That goes for you too. If I see you back here…”
His voice trails off for a long moment and it’s like he can’t bring himself to the say the next words, but eventually he does and they shock me to my core.
“If I see you back here, I’ll kill you.”
“Jagger,” I whisper.
“Don’t, I don’t want you here. Leave Willow, do you hear me? LEAVE!”
Tears stream down my face. “You don’t mean that, we can help you.”
“I don’t want your help,” he roars, “I don’t want it. I want you to fucking leave. We’re done. I don’t want you. I MOVED ON!”
I
force myself to my feet, and I feel my knees buckle. I reach out to steady myself with a nearby tree. He doesn’t mean it, he doesn’t. He cocks the gun again.
“Walk away now, or I’ll end you.”
“Jagger…you don’t...”
“FIVE!”
“Jagger...”
“FOUR!”
“Please…”
“THREE!”
“PLEASE!”
“Fuck Willow, don’t make me do this. TWO.”
I turn and I run. I stumble over and my hands land in the grainy sand. I cry out and whimper as I get to my feet and stagger forward. He didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean it. Oh god. He didn’t mean it. Did he?
~*~*~*~
JAGGER
Fuck, fuck, fuck. It was her. It was her and I threatened to kill her. I listen to her whimpers fade into the darkness and I drop to my knees. I press the gun to my temple. End it. It’s the only way. It’s the only fucking way. I just told the love of my life that I didn’t want her, that I’d kill her. I listened to her fall apart and I kept going. I’m a fucking monster. Just end it.
I push the cold metal into my temple further and my hand shakes. Her fuckin’ cries, they broke me. The way she touched me. Her scent against my skin. Her body against mine. She fucking broke me and I just broke her. I drop the gun and pummel my fists into the sand, roaring curses. I stand, spinning to the nearest dark tree and I punch it until my knuckles are bruised and raw. How could I be such a fucking coward? She wanted to help me. I knew she would and I broke her. I fucking broke her.
“Jagger?”
Fuckin’ Sharleen. Always the fuckin’ hero. I hear her footsteps on the sand as she approaches. She stops in front of me and shines a light over my panting form.
“What happened?”
“The woman that made the bet got away, I didn’t get her in time.”
“Oh, I’m sure it won’t matter. Mick’ll sort it out.”
“Whatever.”
I stand and walk towards the house. When I get inside I stare down at the blood dripping from my knuckles. Sharleen notices and her eyes widen.
“You’re bleeding.”
“Who fuckin’ cares Sharleen? I bleed every fuckin’ day. Don’t pretend to care about
me, it’s because of you that I’m here.”
Her mouth drops open. “I never meant for you to get hurt
, Jagger.”
“What did you think would fuckin’ happen? I gave you my life, you knew how dangerous my father was and you went ahead and involved him anyway. Because of you, I’ll never feel love again.”
“I loved you Jagger, I never wanted bad things to happen, I…”
“DON’T!” I roar. “Don’t you fuckin’ open your mouth and try to make this better. You had a chance and you picked him. I hope he fucks you until you can’t walk, I hope you rot…”
“Jagger,” she whispers.
Fuck, FUCK! I spin around towards her and grip her shoulders. My blood trickles down her top but she doesn’t move.
“I know ok? I know you fucked up, but while you were fucking up, you fucked me up too. I never asked for that. I gave you everything I had. I loved you.”
“I loved you too, please believe that.”
Great now she’s crying. Always my weakness.
“I can’t believe that, but I didn’t mean what I said. Just let
me be, please?”
She nods and I let her go. I turn and disappear into the darkness, yet again, but in the darkness, I get an idea to keep Willow away from me for good.
I’ll do whatever I need to make sure she stays out of this, even if it means breaking her heart.
CHAPTER 5
WILLOW
I walk through the door when I arrive home, soaking wet and numb. Jagger’s words play over and over in my head. If you come back, I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you.
I don’t want you. I don’t love you. The pain in my heart is far beyond anything I’ve ever felt. My heart is clenching and I can’t swallow the lump in my throat. When I step into the living room, everyone gets up quickly and rushes over. I know how I look, I feel just as pitiful.
“Willow, what happened?” Ace asks, touching my cold, wet cheek.
I don’t answer. Like a zombie I walk down the hall, forcing each foot to go in front of the other. Forcing my body to move when all I want to do is crumble to the floor and cry until there is nothing left.
“Willow, honey!”
Ava’s voice trails down the hall after me, and slowly I turn. My eyes meet a lot of very confused, worried sets. I have to tell them, might as well get it out while it’s playing like a bad song in my head.
“I saw him. He doesn’t want help. If I go back, he said he’d kill me.”
The shocked gasps that follow me down the hall and into my room. I shut the door quietly and walk over to the crib where my son is sleeping, thumb in his mouth and looking peaceful. That’s when the wall breaks. My tears begin flowing in a steady stream and before I know it they’re running out and horrible, pained noises are coming from my throat. I feel arms go around me.
“Oh honey, shhh,
” Jenny whispers.
I can’t speak, even if I wanted to, I can’t. Jenny rocks me while I continue to bellow like a wounded animal. Cody doesn’t even stir. Soon more arms are around me and Ava has joined the group hug. They both hold me so tightly I can hardly breathe, but that doesn’t stop my breakdown from continuing. It just slowly rips me to pieces inside. Bit by bit, it tears me down.
“Hey, come on, you know he only said that to scare you off.”
I stop crying and pull back, staring at them through blurry lashes.
“No, he meant it.” I whisper, my voice broken.
“Willow, honey, he didn’t. He doesn’t want you to get
involved, if you get involved you’re risking your life. Jagger loves you, he is going to do whatever it takes to make sure you don’t involve yourself and if that means making you think he would hurt you, then he’ll do it. Don’t you see that?”
I fall silent. I think back to the conversation, and how he paused for a long while. Maybe they’re
right, maybe he was trying to scare me off. The pain in my heart is all the same though, and I don’t know if I can continue on and find out if he was protecting me or if he truly meant it.
“Honey, come on, it’s going to be ok.”
“I felt him, he was so close.” I whimper.
The tears start again, and the girls just hold onto me as I breakdown over something entirely different this time.
“Baby girl, I’m sure he is feeling the same right now.”
“I didn’t tell him about Cody, he doesn’t know.”
Jenny strokes my hair. “We will fix this, ok?”
“Knock knock.”
The soft voice comes surprisingly from Bull. I raise my eyes to see him standing at the door with a weak smile on his face.
“Mind if I talk to Willow?”
The girls look to me for confirmation. I nod my head and Jenny rubs my shoulder before taking Ava’s hand and they leave the room. Bull walks over and stares down into the crib at Cody.
“He’s really something.”
I smile. “Yeah, he’s everything.”
“Listen Willow, I know what happened out there tonight. I can’t make you believe anything else, but I can try. Jagger loves you, if you saw how he was when you got taken
, you would understand. He vowed he would do anything to make sure you lived a safe life. I know what he said, but I know him. I’ve known Jagger a long, long time and I know when he cares. He loves you and I know he is just trying to scare you off because he doesn’t want you involved.”
I smile weakly and nod, tears form in my eyes. Bull sits down beside me and takes my hand. “Did he ever tell you how we met?”