Dearest Clementine (25 page)

My nerves are about to combust when the elevator doors finally open, and I step out. Part of me wants to sigh with relief… until I see who is leaning in his doorway.

Angelique looks like a predator as she arches herself into a come-hither stance and laughs provocatively. I hear Gavin’s voice briefly before she tosses her long red hair over her shoulder.

“Thanks for all your help this weekend,” she purrs. “You’re a lifesaver. As always. You should stop by my room later, and we can talk about that other assignment.” Turning around, she sees me and stops. Her eyes tighten. “Why, Clementine, it’s nice to see you again.”

I’m so sure.

“Same here.”

Not
.

In a flash, Gavin is behind her, his expression difficult to read, but then his features smooth, and he smiles at me.

It only takes that fraction of a second for a familiar image to come flooding back to me, the one that had me gasping for breath when I saw it. As though transported through space and time, the only thing I can see right now is Daren and Veronica, tangled together on his bed. Before that moment, I had never doubted their intentions with each other. Veronica complained Daren was too cocky and rude, while he always called her a spoiled brat.

And like a fool, I bought it all.

I swallow, trying to push that thought back. I stammer out the first words that come to mind. “I… I didn’t mean to interrupt. Clearly, you’re busy,” I say, turning back toward the elevator. When confronted with a major emotional trigger like this, I have two modes—fight or flight—and right now, I want to sprint. Actually, I’d like to shove Angelique’s face into something hard, perhaps a brick or maybe a shoe, and
then
run. I’m too rattled to stake any kind of claim to Gavin, my brief bravado yesterday morning lost in a whirlwind of past pain. So I push the elevator button repeatedly and close my eyes.

“Hey, baby,” Gavin says as he comes up behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. I stiffen at his touch and fight myself not to shrug him off. “Angelique was leaving. Come on.” He takes my hand, and he pulls me past her and into his room.

The door closes behind me. I turn slowly to face him.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his forehead knitted as he studies me.

What do I say? I had a flashback of something that wrecked me, and I’m scared as fuck to relive it? I lick my dry lips and decide to be honest. Because if he wants me, he should know what he’s in for.

My heart pounds desperately in my chest while the little voice in my head screams to play it cool. But I can’t. I can’t play it cool. Not when he holds the power to rip me apart. I take a deep breath.

“Look, Gavin,” I say, my voice like ice, “I’d love to be kind of girl who is trusting and secure and doesn’t bat an eye when her guy hangs out with his stunningly beautiful ex-girlfriend who still clearly wants to screw him, but I’m not. I used to be those things, but it didn’t work out so well for me, so that,” I say, pointing out the door to where Angelique was standing, “that is going to be a problem for me.” Anger starts to course through me, the blood beating in my ears. “You should know that I’m not a low-maintenance girl, and if you’re under some delusion that I am, maybe you need to reconsider whether you want to date me or—”

Before I can finish, his mouth is on mine. “Shut up,” he growls against me as he pulls on my hair, making me gasp so he can deepen the kiss. His tongue licks and strokes mine, forcing my body to betray me with a dark desire for him that’s overwhelming. “She means nothing.”

He reaches down to my thighs and lifts me up to his waist, and I wrap my legs around him. We slam into the door, his hardness pressing against me, which makes me desperate for him all over again. As he kisses me hungrily, my worries start to melt away. I can’t be angry at him when he kisses me like this, when I feel his need for me as intensely as my own. I reach up and grip his powerful shoulders and kiss him back.

“Baby,” he says as his mouth travels over to my ear and down my neck. “You’re all I think about. You’re all I want. You have nothing to worry about.”

He flexes his hips, and I moan as he presses into the delicate part of me that is aching for his touch. I’m sure it’s a terrible idea to use this as a coping mechanism because I know I still need to talk through my issues, but I’m trembling with my need for him, eager to push thoughts of him with another woman out of my head.

“I’m sorry,” I pant. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Don’t apologize,” he says, pausing to look at me in the eye. “You don’t have to explain yourself. I choose you. I want you.”

* * *

When I wake up a few hours later, Gavin’s arm is wrapped around me tightly beneath the covers. His room is dark, the only light coming from the moon outside his window. I’ve never slept naked before, but having his strong, warm body fitted to mine without any barriers except his boxers is heavenly. I love being enveloped by him and the masculine scent of his skin.

I got so close to going all the way with him tonight, but I don’t want our first time together to be angry makeup sex. I want it to be purposeful and trusting and not have a damn thing to do with his ex-girlfriend.

I scoot slightly out of his grasp to roll onto my back. His hand reaches for me again.

“Clementine?” His voice is groggy and scratchy and sexy as hell.

“Yeah.”

“I miss you when you’re not here.”

My heart melts at his words because I feel the same way. I have that same void. “I miss you too.”

“I think you should stay over more often. We don’t have to do anything physical if you don’t want to. I just want to be with you.” He brushes my hair out of my face.

I’m overwhelmed by his admission, by his willingness to be vulnerable with me, because that kind of honesty is so difficult for me. Before I know what’s happening, big, hot tears are streaming down my temples.

“I’d like that,” I sniffle.

“Darlin’, are you crying?” He leans up, resting his weight on his forearm.

“No.” I wipe my face with my arm and laugh. “Well, maybe a little. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I literally haven’t cried in years. I don’t know why I am now.” I look down sheepishly.

He tilts my face up. “You’re so fucking adorable.” He’s quiet while his thumb strokes away the wetness on my cheek. “I’d like to amend my earlier statement.”

I raise my eyebrows.

“The part about not doing anything physical. We should totally get physical, and you should always sleep naked in my bed.”

I laugh, smacking him playfully before he leans down to kiss me softly.

“Can I ask you something?” he says, his lips still on mine, his breath on my skin warm and tantalizing.

“Sure.”

“Are you on the pill?”

The question makes me pull away slightly. Were it not so dark in here, I’m sure he’d see the blood rushing to my face. I clear my throat. “No, I’m not, but I… I have an appointment on Wednesday.”

“It’s not that I want to have sex with you or anything.”

“No, of course not.” I grin at his playfulness. “That’s actually the last thing on my mind too.”

“Right. Because sex is so…”

“Passé,” I say, reaching up to tangle my fingers in his thick hair.

“Exactly. And your hot-as-fuck little body does nothing for me,” he teases as he presses his hard length against my thigh.

“Well, obviously,” I giggle.

* * *

With an hour left before I need to get to class, Gavin and I duck into the student union to grab some coffee and bagels and do a little homework. I think we need to be in public more because the only thing I want to study is him.

I curl up on a cushioned bench as he crosses the cafeteria to talk to one of his buddies, and I enjoy the opportunity to watch him unnoticed. He has such an easygoing way about him as he talks to his friend. Where I’m uptight and anxious, he’s cool and collected. Where I often feel lost and aimless, he’s focused and driven.

He’s the shore to my tumultuous waters.

Realizing I have a big, stupid grin on my face, I try to read my assignment even though I want to cross the dining hall and throw my arms around him, but I don’t want to let myself be the clingy girlfriend. Last night was bad enough.

But Gavin totally put me at ease, convinced me of his commitment to me, his affection for us. I let out a contented sigh as I glance up again only to flinch because someone is standing right in front of me… smelling of clove cigarettes.

“That was quite a look on your face, love.” Jason Wheeler stands above me with a calculating expression that cuts me.

Instantly, I’m out of breath.

“You… you need to leave me alone.” I try to sound steady and firm, but the words come out barely above a whisper. I’m not as brave when I’m by myself. “The police said—”

He laughs. It’s a haunting sound that turns my stomach. “I’m done with the games, Clem. You know you’re my muse. Nothing will change that.” He reaches down to stroke a lock of my hair. Leaning in close until his lips graze my ear, he whispers, “And don’t think that you don’t need me just as much as I need you.”

My vision blurs, my pulse a tornado raging in my ears, and as a full-on panic attack is about to set in, Wheeler jerks away.

“Don’t You. Fucking. Touch Her.” Gavin grips Wheeler by his shirt and glares down at him. Wheeler’s eyes bulge with surprise for a nanosecond before that snide look slips into place. People around us stop moving and stare, but Gavin doesn’t seem to care. An angry vein pulses in his temple as Gavin clenches his jaw.

After several heartbeats, he releases the professor.

In an eerily cold voice, Gavin says, “If you ever touch her again, if you ever threaten her, I will fuck you up.”

I’ve never advocated violence, and nothing about Gavin has ever suggested even the hint of violence, but the look in his eyes is deadly. Wheeler has a smaller build. He’d never stand a chance.

As Wheeler takes a step back, Gavin stretches his hand out to me. “Come on, baby.” I place my hand in his, and he pulls me to my feet.

We walk to my apartment in silence, his arm around my shoulders. My legs are shaky, and were it not for his support, I’m not sure I’d be able to move.

When the door to my apartment closes behind us, I start sobbing.

All I can see are flashes of Wheeler trying to hold me down, grabbing me, wanting to hurt me. He grips my neck to slam me against the brick wall, my teeth vibrating from the force. His knee forces my legs apart, and bile pushes up the back of my throat as his hand disappears beneath my skirt to rip off my underwear. I writhe against the wall, the rough surface cutting into my skin. I beg him to stop, beg him to let me go, but he pauses only to smile before he backhands me, and darkness presses in against my vision.

I hear the sound of whimpering.

“Baby, it’s okay,” Gavin whispers.

I’m shaking uncontrollably when he reaches down and scoops me in his arms to carry me to my room. He gently places me on my bed and reaches down to take off my shoes before he kicks off his own and crawls in next to me.

He hugs me as I cry into his shoulder. I can’t stop. Shivering, I huddle closer. Gavin pulls a comforter over us and holds me until I fall asleep.

* * *

Several hours later, I wake, still nestled next to him. He kisses my forehead. It’s dusk outside, our plans for the day shot.

“You missed your class,” I whisper, my throat sore from crying so much.

His palm squeezes my waist. “I don’t care. I wasn’t going to leave you alone.”

I lift my hand to rub my swollen eyes when I notice I’m trembling. I need to pull it together. I don’t want Gavin to see me when I’m such a mess.

Sitting up, I tuck my legs under me and tilt my head down, my hair cascading around me, creating a curtain to hide behind.

“Thank you.” I grab the drawstring on his hoodie. “No one… no one has ever stood up for me like that.” I’m choked up saying those words, but I want him to know I’m grateful.

He slowly laces his fingers through mine. “I wanted to rip his heart out through his goddamn throat.”

Gavin’s eyes look black in the dimly lit room, the planes of his face cast in shadow. My heart lurches in my chest when the impact of how he stood up for me sinks in.

“How did you know he was the one who hurt me?” I swallow, hard, because it’s still so raw. Hearing Wheeler talk to me like that, with that smug tone, has images of him on me, clawing at me, rising to the surface.

“That look on your face. I’ve never seen you afraid before, so for you to look like that… I just knew.”

Gavin’s words, like the key for a locked box, open me. I’m not sure how it happened, but suddenly, I want to share all the secrets I’ve tucked away.

I twine my fingers through his. “I’ve had a lot of bad luck these past few years, but having you in my life now kind of makes up for it. You make me feel safe.” I don’t know if I’m saying too much, but the words burst out of me. How this man gets me to confess some of my deepest emotions without trying still surprises me.