Authors: Elaine White
There was nothing on the TV. The boys were all doing their own thing and he was trying to avoid Lachlan. Konnor was cracking up. He couldn't understand why Lachlan was acting up. It seemed, more than ever as if he was the only person he could count on to act like a normal human being.
He lifted the control and flicked over to the other side again, back to the Music channel. He was bored, annoyed and confused. Things were changing without his say so and they were doing it far too fast.
There was a strange banging noise coming from behind him, but when Konnor turned to glance over his shoulder he didn't see anything except the front door. He figured he might have the music up too loud, so he turned it down a bit and listened to the door knocker. He swithered about answering it or not; he wasn't exactly in the mood for company.
Reluctantly, he got up from the sofa, dragged himself over to the front door and braced himself before opening it. He didn't expect to find Lachlan standing there.
“Dude, do you ever fix this door? I tried opening it and it wouldn't budge,” he complained as he walked in and sank onto the sofa as if it were any other day.
Normally, he would laugh it off and claim he was a weakling because he couldn't get the stubborn hinges to work long enough to get him into the house. Normally, he would have reminded Lachlan that the door refused to open from the outside, which was why they always used the back door. But frankly, he wasn't interested. Nothing was normal anymore.
“What are you doing here?” he asked. Why was he in his living room, facing off Lachlan in anger, rather than being pleased to see him?
“I wanted to talk to you. I called Matteo and told him I was too hungover to work tonight
, so he let me off for the weekend. You're coming home with me for dinner so I can talk to my folks and then I would like it if you dropped me off at Cormag's around six,” Lachlan explained his plan for the afternoon, sounding more polite than usual.
“
And why would I do that?” he asked, frustrated that Cormag kept creeping into the conversation.
“Because I'm here to apologise.” Lachlan sighed and leaned forward over his knees.
He seemed serious, so Konnor walked over and perched on the arm of the chair he'd been sitting in. He didn't want to sit down and let him think he was comfortable.
“I want us to be friends and I get that for you to understand how I'm feeling I need to have a part in that. You can't read my mind and I was wrong to suggest you could. I want to save our friendship and to do tha
t I have to help you understand,” he admitted.
“You're going
to have to be really convincing,” Konnor warned him. “I don't understand any of this. And I won't let you screw up your entire life because Orion cheated on you and you feel like shit,” he argued gently.
Lachlan hung his head and rubbed his forehead.
“I'd love if you would come home with me, so that I can talk to you and my folks together. My dad won't get home until late, so I'll have to tackle him later,” he said, choosing to avoid acknowledging his argument.
He would let him for now, but he wouldn't let it stand forever.
“I'm going to stay with Cormag tonight and tomorrow he's invited everyone to a rugby game in Briarwood,” Lachlan explained.
“Why Briarwood? I thought there was a competition this weekend.” He frowned.
Konnor couldn't help wondering if Cormag knew that he and Lachlan were going to college in Briarwood. He'd hoped that even if the relationship did last that long, the distance college and work would put between them would soon make Cormag jealous or frustrated with how little they would get to see each other. He was hoping for a break up, not for the guy to be willing to travel back and forward.
“There is. He's in it.” Lachlan shrugged, looking upset. “His old fire station is having a charity match and he's been asked to fill in for someone. He's getting tickets for all of us; you, me and the boys. I called and invited them on the drive ov
er, but the girls aren't coming,” he explained.
It seemed he had everything organised. But he was so caught up in one thought that he never noticed anything else.
“You drove?” he wondered, raising a curious eyebrow at that information. Lachlan had learned to drive early on, taking to it well. But he hated it. He hated road rage, other drivers, inconsiderate people parking next to him. He was an outside guy who preferred to walk everywhere he could. He thought Cormag was the same.
“Cormag dropped me off. He doesn't normally use the car because he lives so close to work, but he's got this beaut of a Cherokee Jeep hidden away in the garage behind his house. Who knew.” Lachlan laughed and gave a shrug of surprise.
Konnor didn't want to hear any more about Cormag so he changed the subject. “So the boys have agreed to go to the game?” he wondered, a little surprised there hadn't been a phone call or an uproar about it.
“Yes. I called Coly and told him what was going on. I asked if they could deal with it. They agreed to meet Cormag before judging him. We'll go to the game and all go out for dinner to
gether. That's if you're coming,” he tried one more time.
Konnor heard an unspoken reproof in his words; that Coly and the boys had agreed not to judge Cormag until meeting him, as if he hadn't kept to the same promise. But he didn't see why he had to. “I could.”
“But…?”
“
Not a but…an if,” he said. Konnor decided to come right out and admit that he had a condition. If he was going to go to this stupid rugby game and have to see Lachlan and Cormag together again, then he wanted to put up some boundaries while he had leverage. He knew he was supposed to give Cormag a chance, but he didn't want to. So he took
his
chance to have an impact in their relationship, before he lost him completely.
“I will come to the game and go to dinner if
you agree not to sleep with him,” he explained his terms and watched the colour drain from Lachlan's face.
“I'm sorry?”
“I'm serious. I want you to promise me you won't have sex with him. You know nothing about him. You've only known him a day. You were with Orion for six months and you barely even wanted to kiss her. Now you're all over this guy you don't know.” Konnor found his temper erupting as he talked about his 'boyfriend'.
It made him so mad to think that Lachlan was letting a stupid spiteful girl get inside his head and screw with him. Because he was convinced that was the only reason Cormag had been able to get his grubby hands on him in the first place. Orion had messed with his head and broken his heart, so he'd gone looking for a solution in alcohol and fallen for the first person to show him some interest. He wanted it to stop.
Konnor took a step back as Lachlan got to his feet, curling his hands into fists at his side.
“No!” Lachlan shouted. “I came here to talk to you, not to be talked down to. If you're going to talk trash then I'll leave.” He threatened to go, which was the only thing that spurred Konnor into action.
“No. I'm sorry,” he apologised, getting to his feet slowly and burying his hands in his pockets. “I don't understand how you can suddenly be with this guy,” he said.
“So that's your big problem? If I was suddenly all over some girl you wouldn't care. But because it's a guy you're freaking out.” Lachlan threw his hands up in frustration. “Look, I like Cormag. He's the only guy I've ever been attracted to, but even though I noticed how hot he was straight away
, our connection is more than physical. It's not about how he looks or anything superficial. We're on the same level in everything; intellectually, emotionally. Even when we disagree it's natural. We don't have to be the same in everything to get along.”
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Konnor knew he was losing him. If he kept opposing his new relat
ionship he was going to lose him. But how could he tell him that was the whole problem? His head was screaming at him and he needed to make it stop.
“I won't let anyone tell me whether I can or cannot have sex with someone. Cormag or not. I have no problem being with a guy instead of a girl, so why should you? It's my life and my body…I'll do what th
e hell I want with both of them,” Lachlan explained, with a look that said he was one argument away from not caring about his opinion any more.
“So do you still want me to come tomorrow?” Konnor asked, looking at his shoes as he offered an olive branch.
“That depends if you can keep your homophobic shit to yourself,” Lachlan grumbled.
“I don't have
an issue with Cormag being gay,” he responded instantly, shaking his head. “I have an issue with how physical you've been with him after one day. I'd be pissed even if he was a girl. The fact that he's gay and you're not is what turns my stomach. You're my best friend. I won't let you get pushed into something you're not ready for by some guy that let you get drunk.” Konnor made the best argument he could.
Lachlan shook his head. “He didn't
let
me do anything. He knew I was going to do it anyway, so he set me up with some cheap vodka that gets you drunk quickly, but gives you a faster recover and a tame hangover,” he said, surprising him a little with that information. But it didn't make a difference. “Cormag was trying to take care of me. Even before he thought there was a chance for anything to happen between us. And for your information, all we've ever done is kiss. But you'd know that if you took the time to listen to me.”
There was a long, tense silence between them as they each thought about how badly this conversation was going. If they weren't careful it might be the last conversation they ever had. Neither of them wanted that, but Konnor hated Cormag with such a passion that he couldn't even bear to hear his name. Which was frustrating because it seemed like Lachlan mentioned him in nearly every sentence.
“Fine. Let's agree that I've been a shit and you're moving too fast then?” Konnor offered the only compromise that he could stomach. It didn't seem to solve anything, but it was either that or he lost Lachlan. He couldn't let that happen. Cormag was not walking into their lives and stealing Lachlan from him in one day.
“If that makes you feel better I can agree to that. If you can agree to keeping your opinions to yourself?” Lachlan asked in compromise.
“Agreed. So what are we having for dinner?”
“Cormag and I did some shopping. I bought fajitas, chicken and salad. The
n there's ice cream for dessert,” Lachlan said the words, without realising what it did to him.
At the mention of Cormag's name, again
, Konnor had to grind his teeth to keep his comments to himself. “Chocolate chip?” he asked, as if it were any other conversation, on any other day.
“Mint chocolate chip.”
“Sounds fine,” he lied. Mint chocolate chip was his favourite, but it was also Lachlan's favourite. And instead of being relieved that they had come to a compromise, all Konnor could think about, as they left the house and climbed into his car together, was Cormag.
Cormag had been shopping with Lachlan when he picked the ice cream. So now
Cormag
would know that mint chocolate chip was his favourite ice cream. Bloody irritating, always there in the conversation, Cormag would probably know why it was their favourite.
He would know that Lachlan's mum had a strong craving for mint chocolate chip ice cream while she carried him. He would know that it had been a family joke for years that it was Lachlan's favourite food because of that. And he would know that it filled Lachlan with joy to eat mint chocolate ice cream with his mother late at night, when they would have their personal conversations about life and love. Cormag would now know that the one person Lachlan was the closest to in the whole world was his mother.
Those were things only Konnor had ever known. Knowing someone else would now be privy to that information made his blood boil. Cormag was trying to take over his role in Lachlan's life and he wasn't going to allow it.
Lachlan had settled on giving Konnor a few weeks to get used to his new relationship. It couldn't be easy going through his whole life believing he was straight only to find out that it wasn't necessarily true. But he was happy with how he'd put himself across during their argument.
He hadn't told Konnor yet, but he'd already admitted his newly realised pansexual orientation to Cormag while they were shopping. He'd admitted everything to Cormag, about how he'd once read an article on asexuality and thought that it described him perfectly because he wasn't interested in even the smallest physical expression or attraction with either gender. Then, when Cormag had opened his eyes to
why
he has such a disinterest, he had to admit that it wasn't true.
Lachlan could understand himself so much better since he'd made the connection in his head. It was like a light bulb going off in the darkest recess of his mind and suddenly everything made sense. It wasn't that he didn't have any interest in sex or attraction or the physical expressions that came with relationships. The problem was that he'd never found anyone who could tick all the boxes to the kind of attraction he was looking for; intelligence, humour, a serious disposition, solid, dependable, fun, kind, thoughtful, selfless, exciting, invigorating.
Cormag was all those things and more.
That
was why he suddenly felt so different. He'd suddenly found someone who was everything he'd ever wanted. And unfortunately for him, Orion had none of those qualities. He actually felt quite guilty about his relationship with her. He understood what had gone wrong now. He'd wrapped himself so tight in her eagerness to be with him that he thought that was enough. But it wasn't. It was never going to be enough for him to be with someone who desperately wanted to be with him. He knew that now.
He needed to feel that same desperation, that same need to be with them that they had for him. And now he
felt guilty because he'd let himself down. What did they ever share? A brief kiss now and then? He held her hand, but he’d never felt comfortable doing it. Whenever she wanted serious make out time, he suffered his way through it, waiting for a spark.
Now Lachlan saw the light. It wasn't Orion's fault there was no spark; it was his. He hadn't been honest with himself. He had agreed to date her to keep her quiet and the whole time he'd been, if not uninterested, then certainly complacent. It was still wrong of her to sneak off behind his back; she shouldn't have cheated on him or played games with him. But Konnor was right. He should never have been with her in the first place.
“Are you asleep darling?”
Lachlan blinked away from where he'd been blindly staring at the TV and turned to look at his mot
her. “I'm sorry. I was thinking,” he apologised, before getting out his seat and giving her a hug. She was about the only person he was so tactile with until Cormag and she beamed quite happily when they pulled apart. He'd called her on his way home with Konnor to let her know he was taking the night off work and coming home for dinner. He wasn't at all surprised that she'd taken that as a reason to come home early from work.
“
You look so content,” she whispered to him.
He couldn't help but laugh. It was true after all.
“I am, Mum. I've finally realised something really important. Can we talk while I make dinner?” he asked, offering to take care of everything for her. The moment he saw her surprise, he offered her a knowing smile and decided to be honest. He was more of an eater than a cook, but he was willing to put some effort in for his mother. “I bought all the stuff myself and I'm making it while you sit down. But I do need to talk to you,” he confessed.
Stella nodded and let him lead her into the kitchen. He sat her down and went about the kitchen prepa
ring things. “Where's Konnor?” she wondered.
“No idea. I kind of zoned
out while we were watching football.”
“I'm here. Pardon
me for nipping to the bathroom,” Konnor complained from the doorway.
Lachlan could tell he had been hovering, not that he'd admit it to anyone, waiting to see what he would tell his mother when he wasn't there. “All right
, grumpy. Get your butt in the kitchen so we can have a real discussion,” he ordered as he started preparing things on the counter.
“Do I have to?” he whined.
“Yes!”
Once he had everything organised, the chicken in the oven, the salsa sauce ready to pop in the microwave at the right moment and all the salad and wraps laid out ready to put together, Lachlan sighed. He gave everything a last look over, only to realise he'd left his phone in the living room. He didn't want to miss a text or call from Cormag so he dusted his hands off and turned to the door. He wasn't deaf though; he heard every word that was exchanged when no-one thought he was paying attention.
“Why is he so tense?” his mother wondered.
He peeked around the doorway to see Konnor giving her a shrug.
“I wish you never had to know, but he's about to tell you,” he confessed unhappily. He planted his elbows on the table, rested his head on his hands and waited.
Lachlan pushed his lips together, trying to keep himself quiet as he fought off the anger he felt. He needed a few deep breaths, some patient eager listeners and he would explain everything. He had to keep telling himself that.
Lachlan took his seat at the table once he'd retrieved his phone. With his mother and Konnor sitting there, waiting to hear what he had to say, he took a deep, calming breath. He had no idea how this conversation was going to go, only that Konnor didn't want to be there and didn't want to listen. It wasn't exactly the encouragement he needed when planning to change the course of his future.
“Mum, you know when Konnor couldn't find me yesterday? Well, I
'd gone to work…and I got drunk,” he began with the place where things had changed so much. He didn't consider his relationship with Cormag to begin with what Orion had done, but with his decision to go to work. He was bound to meet Cormag there at some point, if it was his new hiding place to wallow in his loneliness. It so happened that his shifts had all been either when Cormag was working or when he was at home.
“I see. Was it because of your break up?” Stella asked, understandingly.
“Yes. I was hurt, pissed and feeling like crap. I wanted to stop thinking for a while. I remembered what Konnor said, about alcohol drowning your feelings and that's what I wanted.” Lachlan had no problems admitting the whole sorry situation to his mother. He knew she wouldn't scream at him or kick up a fuss about his getting drunk for the first time because she understood him the way no-one else had ever done before. She would know why he did it.
“I'm hoping that Mat
teo took care of you, though?” she asked. He was about to answer her when Konnor scoffed and sat back in his seat, arms folded across his chest. He decided to ignore that outburst, well aware of what it meant and what he was dying to say about the whole thing.
“Yeah
, Mum, he did. And there was someone else there too, Cormag Brody. He didn't want me getting drunk because I said I'd never had a drink before, but it was all getting a bit much and when he saw me crying he took care of me.” Lachlan wanted his mum to know that.
He wanted her to know that Cormag had tried to stop him from drinking; he had even tried to stop him from getting drunk. But he'd noticed the need for oblivion and he guaranteed that he was safe. Instead of letting him get blind drunk on hard liquor he eased him in with something he would hate, but which would help him in that moment. They both knew that after that experience he never wanted to drink again.
“There's this cheap vodka that Matteo's been buying, because of the recession. No-one told me until later, but it gets you drunk fast and you get sober quickly afterwards as well. It only takes a few coffees and some fresh air. And although my head hurt like mad this morning, it didn't last. Cormag told me it was on purpose. Because he didn't want me suffering a hangover as well as a broken heart,” Lachlan explained.
“That was considerate of him. I seem to know his name,” Stella recalled thoughtfully.
“He's the new manager at the War Museum. He also does military art work on the side, painting and drawings and stuff. He sells them at the Museum shop.”
Lachlan was pleased that his mum remembered Cormag, after their talk that morning about how he remembered her. They'd only met briefly, when she was helping out the special needs class during the winter. She was normally a nurse at the local hospital, working in the Paediatrics department. Because of her experience of working with children who had special needs she had been called in as a favour to cover for a sick teacher.
He wished he'd been there, to see Cormag in that environment, seeing him working with the kids. He could tell he loved it when they talked about it. He had a feeling he would be doing it again soon.
“That's right. Brody. He came to the school last year for Remembrance Day. He did a few
craft things with the children,” Stella said.
“Yeah, that's him. He did say you might remember him.”
“He did?” Stella and Konnor asked the same question at the same time. One was happily surprised, the other shocked. Lachlan knew that Konnor wasn't pleased that Cormag had met his mother at all, never mind that he'd made an impression with her.
“Yes. He did.” He couldn't help the added bite to his voice, in response to Konnor's shock. He was fed up of dealing with him. He was fed up of the wise cracks, the judgement, the insults.
“He was a nice young man. He has a brother…no, two of them. He was very good with the children.” She seemed to remember.
“Yeah. Harper lives in Briarwood and works as a Fire Fighter and his other brother, Monroe is younger. He's just turned sixteen and he's starting his second semester at MIT in the autumn.” Lachlan couldn't help but beam at his mother for even knowing that much.
Cormag had admitted to talking about his two brothers in passing, but he hadn't expected her to remember them. It only told him that she liked him more than she was letting on. Or at least she had liked him when she met him.
“Monroe is super smart, but he
's had his struggles. He's got Aspergers and bipolar so Harper and Cormag have had to learn to understand both conditions. That's probably what makes him so good with kids; he's got patience and understanding.” He didn't mean to wax lyrically about all of Cormag's lovable personality dispositions, but his mother knew that. He was being honest and babbling a little because he was nervous. He always did that.
“Not much o
lder than you, if I recall,” she hinted.
“Yes
, Mum, he's twenty.” He laughed as he realised that the look she was giving him was one of approval and teasing. She knew that he was going to admit they were dating, but she was giving him a chance to say it. In the meantime she was trying to let him know that she didn't disapprove, to encourage him.
Lachlan could tell Konnor was angry. He probably wasn't thrilled with the way his mother was so accepting of the news that he'd got drunk for the first time in his life and been flirting with a complete stranger in a bar. He would hate it even more when he went on to tell her that he was dating Cormag and that he was going to be spending the night with him. He could tell without having to ask that Konnor wanted to lash out; probably at Cormag or himself.
“Well…you certainly got to know quite a lot about him while getting drunk.” Stella reached out and patted down his hair.
He smiled shyly as he realised what a mess his hair must have been in, as if he'd been running his fingers through it. But he didn't do that. When he was nervous or stressed he tended to mess with the hair behind his ears. From the way his mother looked at him as she fixed his hair he could guess where her thoughts were heading.
“We did a lot of talking.” Lachlan shrugged off her words. He was so embarrassed that he didn't know what to say. Especially when he saw the frown Konnor was sporting, as if he disapproved. He seemed to hate the very thought of him getting up to anything with a guy he'd already told him he was dating.
“Yeah. And that's not all,
” Konnor snapped at him.
“Will you shut it a minute?” Lachlan sighed. He could see his mum was confused as to why they kept arguing, but if he was honest he didn't know wha
t was going on between them anymore. Whatever it was, it seemed to be spurred on by any affection implied or shown to be for Cormag.
Konnor was going to have to grow up. If he got pissy every time he said something about him or was all mussed up from being with him he was going to be in one hell of a mood for the foreseeable future.
He sighed and leant his elbows on the table and his head in his hands as he thought back to how his hair had got all out of sorts. It had started out so innocently, talking about Cormag's work schedule for the rest of the week so they could put some kind of plan together as to when they were going to see each other.
He'd said something about looking forward to having dinner with his mum and going back to Cormag's for the night. He had liked that, apparently, because the next thing he knew he was being kissed until there was no air. Lachlan guessed that maybe he liked doing that too much because he'd lost track of time and his senses. Fingers, he could clearly remember, were fastened to the ends of his hair, at the base of his neck and everything after that was a blur of sounds, tastes and feelings.