Decadent (9 page)

He wished that it was so easy to talk to Konnor. A few gestures; a frown, a wave of the hand or a shake of the head was all it took for Cormag to know exactly how he felt and what he wanted. Even after everything he'd said to Konnor, pouring out his most intimate feelings and thoughts, he still had no clue what was happening to him. The thing that made Lachlan sad was that he knew Konnor may never understand.

When the tour was over Cormag said goodbye to the group of students and, without a single word, Lachlan found himself being taken by the hand back to his private office. He didn't know what to say so he stood there, waiting as he closed the door, shut the blinds and guided him to sit on the edge of the desk. He felt strangely like he was being taken care of; something which Cormag seemed to like doing. And he didn't really mind.

Normally he wouldn't like it and he would think he was being treated like a kid because he was the youngest of the two of them. With Cormag that didn't even seem a possibility. He knew that if he was being mollycoddled it was because he was worried and wanted to see him cared for. How could he be mad about that?

“What happened?” he asked, standing in front of him and staring in a very appraising way.

Lachlan felt like he was being assessed to see if he'd lost his mind. When he shrugged, not sure what to say or what Cormag was talking about, he sighed.

“An hour ago you and Konnor left the tour to talk. Ten minutes later you come back and you're alone. I haven't seen him since I moved the tour on. What happened?” he demanded.

“It was nothing.” He passed it off only because he didn't want to hurt him with the truth.

“
Look-”

Lachlan found himself being closed in on.

Cormag put his hands on his knees with a soft, understanding look in his eyes.

He just about folded and told him everything.

“I get that this is going to be hard for you. Your friends can't possibly understand what it feels like to be betrayed the way you were and I know that they won't understand us. Especially so soon after everything that happened with Orion. If you need some time, some space to work this all out, I'm okay with that. I'm not going anywhere.”

“You promise?” Lachlan was a little scared that he was only saying it to be nice.

“Yes, I promise.” Cormag crossed his heart cheekily.

“No,” he said, shortly.

“Sorry?”

“I don't need space or time or breathing room. I am more than okay with how things are right now.” He promised that he didn't need Cormag to take a step back. He didn't need space or anything to happen that would make things easier for his idiotic best friend who had judged him. He could see he was surprised, but he knew what he felt.

“But Konnor,” he queried.

Lachlan lay his arms over his shoulders, wanting to bring them as close as they could be without distracting either of them from the conversation.

“Is an idiot. If he lets our relationship get between us, after twelve years, then he's not my friend and he never was,” he explained with a one shouldered shrug. He meant every word.

If Konnor was a real friend through thick and thin and all the worst times he would get over his own insecurities and accept that he was moving into a new chapter of his life. He would have to accept that things changed.

“He'll come round eventually; he can't live without me. And my friends will give in at some point, once they realise that this is not a phase I'm going through.” Lachlan smiled with his words, positively convinced that he was right.

“Wow,” Cormag said, surprising him with the look of utter surprise on his face. Lachlan offered him a smile, wondering what that meant. “Um…okay…you've
really been thinking about this,” he continued, slightly flummoxed.

“
Yeah, I have,” he admitted it freely. Why was that so shocking that it rendered him nearly speechless?

“So…what is it exactly if it's not a phase
,” he asked.

“Damned if I know. But it feels too good to be one of those flash in the pan relationships.” He gave a shrug and watched Cormag carefully for his reaction.

For some reason Cormag thought the same as Konnor. He thought that he was just a phase, an experiment, a trial run to see if being with a guy was any easier or better than being with a girl. Cormag probably thought that his experience with Orion had made him wonder if men were any more faithful. But that wasn't what he was doing or thinking.

He could understand Cormag's worry. Konnor's came from jealousy and frustration that he couldn't control him anymore or be the only one to know his secrets. Cormag was insecure because he had been made to feel worthless so often before.

Cormag bunched the fabric of his t-shirt in one hand and drew him in. Lachlan moved willingly, meeting him halfway until they were close enough to kiss. Then Cormag stopped shy of actually letting them touch.

“You're s
omething else, you know that?” he said, looking happier than he had seen him all day.

Maybe there was something to this whole 'saying what he was thinking' thing he was trying out. Normally he only thought about the consequences and the pros and cons, he never thought that actually admitting his feelings would help anyone else. It hadn't worked on Konnor.

“You're…I can't get over you. You don't have any hesitation about this, but you're willing to give up a twelve year friendship for me. All because you know that eventually Konnor would come round to accepting us.”

“Is that wrong?” Lachlan wondered why no-one else would do the same. Cormag made him feel things he never thought he would get to feel; why should he give up a chance at happiness and being normal because one person didn't approve?

“No. It's…what you're doing is real. You have a genuine, unfailing trust in Konnor. You value your friendship, but you also value me. I love that you think and feel that way and you're mine. I've never been with anyone so caring and selfless before,” he confessed, his hand drifting over his jawline to gently caress his cheek.

“Cormag, you've been with terrible people who had no clue how to treat
you. You deserve so much better,” he promised him, touching his hand to his shirt.

Lachlan couldn't explain in words why it made him so sad to think of those three boyfriends Cormag had been with before. Knowing how they had disrespected him, how they had used and hurt him made his blood boil. No-one should ever be treated like dirt, but that was what they did to him. He hated it. He hated
them
.

“You already treat me ten
times better than they ever did,” Cormag said, with a smile that was far too bright considering what he was saying.

“
Shut up and kiss me already,” Lachlan whispered, hoping that he would be kissed before he started crying or got too angry. He didn't ever want to talk about Cormag's old boyfriends again. And if he ever saw one, he dreaded to think what he might say or do.

He leaned in and pressed his lips to Cormag's so that he couldn't refuse him. His guy – insecure as he was – kissed back instantly. For some reason he continually wanted to call him his boyfriend, but they had agreed not to. So for now, he was his and he would have to be happy with that.

Lachlan knew he wasn't exactly experienced in anything relationship orientated, but for some reason when Cormag kissed him he never suspected that he was being polite whenever he acted as if he enjoyed it.

“
I love the way you kiss,” Cormag said, making him want to laugh because they were both thinking about the same thing.

“
Why?” he asked. He was a bit of a loser when it came to these things; he had never once enjoyed kissing anyone before Cormag came along and now he barely knew how to act on the thoughts he was having.

“Because you lose yourself in how you feel. It's not about being the best kisser or showing off; you kiss how you feel. When you're sad you give these adorable sad
kisses that make me want to cry.” He cupped his cheek as he put a little distance between them.

Lachlan didn't know what to say in response to his words so he kept quiet.

“When you're elated and playful, so are your kisses. Right now you're unsure. You don't know how to react to what I said, so your kisses are uncertain, with a touch of demand and a whole lot of raw emotion that makes me quake in my boots,” he teased.

Lachlan didn't know why it sounded like a good thing, but then Cormag leaned in and kissed him again, trailing a few kisses over his jaw. He decided at that point that he didn't care to evaluate what he'd said.

“Most of all, I love that when you kiss me-” Cormag continued.

Lachlan rolled his eyes at the way he always insisted on finishing their conversations, no matter what else they could be doing.

“I can feel how much you like me. That you want to be enough for me…that you want to prove to me that I'm enough for you. I feel so special when you kiss me,” Cormag said, kissing his way back to Lachlan’s lips.

Lachlan kissed back, refusing to hear such sad words and not respond to them somehow. He hated the way Cormag talked about himself as if he was lesser than everyone else. The way he thought he was so expendable and temporary.

“You know why I like kissing you?” he asked, laying his arms over his shoulders.

Cormag shook his head, eternally clueless about the fact that he
was
special; he just couldn't see it.

“Because I've never had anyone look at me the way you do. No-one has ever kissed me for me. Only for themselves. No-one has ever wanted me for me, for my peace of mind. But I don't have to prove that you're enough for me…you already are. I
want you to see it for yourself,” Lachlan admitted everything, brushing his fingertips over the back of his neck as he waited for some sign of understanding.

Cormag's neck flushed, but he didn't say anything. In fact, his confession had the detrimental effect of making him avoid eye contact and take a step back. He refused to allow it; his hand were still around his neck so he used them to draw him back in. Lachlan stepped forward, from leaning on the desk and met him in a kiss before he could put any more distance between them.

When he got a gentle response instead of the one he wanted, he moved closer and fastened his lips to the sweet spot he'd discovered on Cormag's neck the night before. The one that had him shivering in delight. He sucked and nipped until he got the reaction he wanted.

“
Take me home with you,” Lachlan whispered in his ear, kissing his neck lightly. Cormag didn't react right away, but he didn't expect him to. From what he knew he had never had anyone who understood him the way he did. And he knew that they hadn't agreed to be boyfriends, that they weren't putting pressure on each other by using that label, but it felt real. It felt like they were boyfriends. It felt like there was something magnetic holding them together, something that made it possible for Lachlan to feel so comfortable with him.

The ways that made him continue the affectionate touches and kisses. The ways that told him how content Cormag was to stay there and not move for a while. The ways that made it possible for him to know him mentally, physically and emotionally, to such an extent that they barely had to say a word to know what the other was thinking.

“You are…I don't even know the word for it,” Cormag finally spoke.

Lachlan hadn't expected him to be like this. Back at the bar he had been so playful and carefree. Now he was sad and content sometimes; he hoped that it wasn't Konnor's reaction to them that had made him that way. He liked the change; he liked to see the softer side of him, but it made it difficult to function when he went all wounded and sensual on him.

“You don't know the half of it.” Lachlan chuckled as he kissed his jaw and slowly worked his way to his mouth. He planted a brief kiss on his lips before smiling at him, trying to go for innocence rather than the thoughts that were going through his head. “So…lunch? I'm starving,” Lachlan announced, as if they hadn't had a real 'moment' together. As if it was normal for them to be loved up and sensual with each other one minute only to jump back into ordinary day-to-day life again the next. But he had to; his mind was swirling with thoughts that were far too ridiculous to cater after one day with the man.

“
Yes, lunch,” Cormag agreed, with a look that said he didn't know what to say to him.

Lachlan took his hand, his heart fluttering at the thought that had permeated his brain. He had realised that being with Cormag was going to be the biggest adventure of his life. He never knew what was going to come out of his mouth next.

By the time they left the museum and headed out to a nearby café for lunch, Cormag was acting like himself again. Or, at least as much of himself as Lachlan knew. There was still so much about him he didn't know and wanted to discover, but he figured that was normal. Wasn't that the point of dating someone? To get to know them better?

“I mean it, you know. I've never met anyone who thinks and acts like you do. Once you decide something, that's it. There's no doubt or hesit
ation or anything,” Cormag returned to their previous conversation.

Lachlan guessed that was partially true. Two days ago he'd been in love with his girlfriend. Now he was walking along a street that was unfamiliar to him, with a guy he had only known a short while. Cormag had his arm around his shoulders, while he reached up and played with his fingers. As if it was a nervous habit he indulged in regularly. Yet he was completely unfazed by the ways his life had changed in the last few days.

“Not always. I trust you, that's all.” Lachlan shrugged it off as they reached the café. They went in and got a table by the window, while they talked.

“I haven't felt like this before. And I know how it sounds, but I don't w
ant anything to come between us,” Cormag said, with that guilty look that said he thought he was getting needy and possessive again.

Cormag had
already told him that he thought that was the reason most of his relationships ended and why his boyfriends treated him like crap, but Lachlan wasn't buying it. He was pretty attached to him already and it eased his mind to know that the feeling was reciprocated, even at such an early stage in their relationship.

“And it won't. You'll see…this whole thing with Konnor will either blow over or blow up. Either way he'll see
sense and apologise,” Lachlan promised, as he reached out to the grab the menu and gave it a look over.

Cormag picked up his own menu and silence descended for a moment as they read; he hoped that meant he had decided to trust him in this.

“Hmm, well it might help things along if you stopped asking me to take you back to my place,” he admitted.

Lachlan laughed, since he couldn't help or contain what came out of his mouth at the moment. Had Konnor spotted them together or heard the way he said the words, in that pathetically pleading tone, he'd have kicked the crap out of him. “What can I say…I like your bed. The company's not bad either.” He winked, for good measure. He couldn't help it. As far as he saw it, whenever Cormag put his hands on him
, he became ridiculously single-minded. He wanted a whole bunch of things he had never even imagined doing before. He wanted to kiss every inch of him.

The bare truth of it was th
at ever since their first kiss, Lachlan couldn't keep his hands off him. He was actually grateful to Konnor for stopping him from kissing Cormag in the bar. It would have been really embarrassing to let his boss and his best friend see him get so turned on by a single kiss that he couldn't walk straight. But that's what Cormag did to him. He turned him inside out and upside down with just a look; the minute any part of him made contact with his skin he turned to jelly.

“Yeah? Well I was thinking I might ban you from my bed for a while. U
ntil things settle down for you,” Cormag claimed, innocently.

Lachlan was not pleased about that. Before he could say a word the waitress came over and took their order, fluttering long eyelashes at him. Cormag made his order, apparently approving of the way he blatantly ignored her and absently made his own order. All he cared about was that Cormag wasn't flirting with her either; he half expected him to do it just to cement his little threat.

“That's not fair,” he whispered in protest, before she had even walked away.

“No, it's not,” he agreed. “But it's also not fair of you to throw our relationship in Konnor's face when he's already struggling to understand it. I think you should spend the same amount of time with both of
us so he doesn't feel abandoned,” he explained.

Lachlan was more than annoyed that he couldn't think of an argument. He was right; Konnor was struggling to understand and he wasn't helping. He understood what Cormag was doing, so reluctantly he gave in and sat back in his seat in defeat.

“Fine. I'm working tonight and I'm having a chat with my mum. I'll come back tomorrow and spend the day with you. Then I'll go round to his for a while at night.” He came up with a new plan there and then. He wanted to spend as much time with Cormag as he could, since he made him feel appreciated and that the choices he'd made were right for him. But he did get that he would have to make an effort to understand what Konnor was going through as well.

“
Actually, I have plans tomorrow,” Cormag apologised.

“Oh.” Lachlan sighed and tried to think reasonably. He knew that he'd been having trouble settling into a new town after his move, that he didn't have many friends. It would make sense to fill every moment of spare time, outside of work, so that he didn't have to feel so alone. But it didn't stop him from being disappointed.

“If you promise to behave yourself,” he began.

Lachlan met his gaze again, hopeful there would be a loophole.

“I think I could get my hands on a few extra tickets,” he offered.

For a minute Lachlan was confused, which must have shown because Cormag explained.

“My brother is a Fire Fighter two counties over. They're having their annual rugby match, but one of their team has a back injury. Since I used to volunteer there before I got my job at the museum, I'm subbing in. It's a charity match so I'd need to get you a ticket to get in.”

“
That explains a lot,” Lachlan commented.

Cormag appeared clueless, raising an eyebrow at him and waiting to hear what he had to say for himself.

“You play rugby
and
you were a volunteer Fire Fighter. It's no wonder you look the way you do. Cormag…do you realise you're a super hot fireman without the outfit? And you play my favourite sport?” He laughed at the unexpectedness of it all.

They hadn't talked about sport
s or old jobs yet; they'd been too busy talking about the museum and literature so far. Now Lachlan could see why Cormag had the incredible physique he did. He'd kept himself fit with his job, with his hobbies and he probably still went to the gym as much as he said he did. Unsurprisingly he laughed off the compliment, his neck flushing in embarrassment. He decided to change the subject before he became completely incapable of speech.

“I've got plent
y of money to pay for my ticket,” he offered.

“No. I get special privilege
s being a last minute sub so I'll get the tickets,
if
you invite your friends along.” Cormag changed the subject.

“Ah. The deal breaker. To get to spend time with you I have to spend time with them?” Lachlan guessed, nodding his head as he considered it.

The waitress returned with their order, putting down the tray and fluttering her eyelashes every time she put something from the tray to the table.

Normally he'd be embarrassed and flattered; she was around his age, pretty in an understated way and she had that shy look that said she was trying not to be obvious even though she couldn't stop smiling at them. Apparently she thought it was her lucky day, serving a table of two attractive guys because she couldn't seem to focus on either one of them. She spent as much time ogling Cormag as she did fluttering her eyelashes at him. The problem was that he wasn't embarrassed or flattered. He was jealous.

It was such a new sensation, such a raw shock to find that he
could
actually be jealous in that way, that he didn't know what to do. When she brushed her fingers over Cormag's hand as she lay his coffee cup down and he instinctively moved his hand away, Lachlan lost his cool.

“
Sorry.” She giggled to Cormag.

He nodded it off and looked away, so he let his stupid hormones do the talking. He deliberately reaching over the top of the table, out of her way and held out his hand for Cormag's. He took it, smiling absently as the waitress looked between them with a confused frown.

“The boys love rugby as much as I do, so consider it a date,” he said, finally answering his question with a mischievous wink. The waitress gaped at him so he smiled back at her, knowing it was cruel and petty, but unable to explain away his jealousy. She banged his plate down and stormed off. He was, surprisingly, okay about that.

“I will.” Cormag laughed, shaking his head as he let go of his hand. “I'll call in tonight to get the tickets organised. I'll have t
hem waiting at the desk for you,” he promised, digging into his fry up.

It was heartwarming to have a regular conversation with someone without there being a fight for control. Cormag had told him that all his previous boyfriends were the dominating type, rude, obnoxious
, but sexy as hell and completely irresistible. He'd fallen for all the wrong men, who only treated him like crap. They made out he was weak, but he really wasn't. He and Lachlan were equals, each with their own strengths and weaknesses that made them balance each other out nicely.

“I head off around eight so I can get there early for the warm up, but you don't have to
come until twelve,” Cormag explained, as he pulled the plate with Lachlan's plain roll forward and removed the three slices of bacon from his plate to put beside it.

“So a long lie for me then.” Lachlan pulled his plate back, cut open his roll and dug in. He couldn't help but approve of how Cormag had insisted on sharing his breakfast when he found out he was only going to order a bacon roll. It was simple and sweet. It felt like they were already moving together as if they had a routine. It let him know that he wasn't the only one to feel comfortable in their new relationship. In fact, he was as comfortable with Cormag as he was with his own friends, that he'd known for years.

“I thought you'd appreciate that.”

“I might see if I can get out of working tonight. I could go home, have dinner with my mum and come back to yours?” Lachlan decided to be a little cheeky and see if he could break some rules. He saw the curious look Cormag gave him, so before he made an argument he reaffirmed that he was using a loophole not blatantly ignoring his 'rule'.

Lachlan took a bite of his roll, watching him for the first sign of agreement. At first he stared as he ate his breakfast, then he got a little smile that it seemed he was trying to hide. He guessed he had him convinced that it was a decent compromise. That twinkle in his eye, the quirk to his lips; it was giving him visual images of what he had planned for that night.

“I guess I could be okay with that. If your parents
agreed. And I mean both of them,” he bargained, with a meaningful look that said he was ready to reinforce the issue if he had to.

Lachlan focused on taking a drink of his coffee, trying not to meet his gaze. That bargaining chip was more difficult to work around than he'd hoped. His dad was going to flip, and he didn't doubt that if Cormag suspected he didn't have both parents approval he would walk him back home again.

He took his words as agreement and went back to focusing his attention on his breakfast. He would talk to his dad and make him understand. He had to. Lachlan wanted to spend some time alone with Cormag to get to know him better.

It was so much easier being with Cormag than it was being with anyone else. For the first time in his life
, being in a relationship with someone wasn't hard work or an effort. Being with Cormag came so easily to him and he still didn't quite understand why, but he was going to find out.