Decadent (11 page)

“Konnor's pissed because I didn't ask his permission,” Lachlan explained, for his mother's sake. He was trying not to lose his focus on the discussion by thinking too much about Cormag and what retaliation he might face when he got back there tonight. Whatever it was he was certain he'd love it.

“Permission for what?” h
is mother asked softly.

“I don't know. To get drunk? To talk to someone new? To like some
one?” he complained, glaring at Konnor as he made the accusation. He hated that it didn't even make an impact. His mum brushed her fingers lightly over the back of his neck, watching him carefully as he and Konnor stared each other out.

“Like, is that what
you call it?” he asked gruffly.

“Yeah, that's what I call it. What is your problem any way?” Lachlan responded in anger, fed up of being treated like a criminal because of how he felt. He wasn't doing anything wrong, but no-one would know that from the way Konnor was acting.

“You know what my problem is,” he threw back, hunched down in his chair. “Go on, tell her!” he insisted.

“What Konnor is trying to say is that he's a selfish, homophobic shit. He went all crazy when he walked into bar to find me talking to Cormag.” Lachlan decided to go ahead and admit it all to his mother.

He wasn't going into detail about the things he and Cormag had done because that was no-one's business. He didn't see what was so wrong with kissing him; he was of age, he was a consenting adult and it wasn't as if they'd had a one night stand or some reckless fling. They were dating. Properly.

“Talking,
” Konnor scoffed.

“Yes, talking!” Lachlan found himself shouting and he only realised it when his mother placed a hand on his arm to calm him down.

He felt terrible. He felt like crying from the stress and frustration of it all. He wasn't listening to him, he was making unfounded accusations and he was beginning to wish that he'd gone ahead and had sex with Cormag. So that Konnor's arguments would at least make sense. But he hadn't and they didn't.

“We were having a good time and yes, Cormag w
as flirting with me. He's gay, Mum, and he fancies me. He told me that upfront before we even got drunk. Konnor's problem is that I flirted back,” he admitted everything to his mother, because he knew she was the one person outside of the whole mess who would get it.

“Oh?” s
he wondered, trying to let him see she was on his side.

“Yeah. I happen to like Cormag. I think he's hot, fun, smart. We were really close to kissing and instead of letting me make my own decisions Konnor dragged my ass off my seat and let me fall on the floor. Understandably, Cormag was a bit pissed off.” He was too frustrated to stop now. It was all flowing out of him like a steam of pent up frustration. The words kept coming, but the more he said the angrier Konnor looked. Lachlan knew, even without him having to say anything, that their friendship was over.

“We started getting coffee forced on us and it became clear that if I wanted any peace at all from the constant nagging I was going to have to leave. So I asked Cormag to walk me home,” he confessed, glad to see that his mum didn't look at all angry. She actually gave his arm a little squeeze of reassurance and he felt so relieved he didn't know what to say.

“No.
You asked him to take you home,” Konnor objected.

“I asked him to
walk
me home, you idiot. So we left,” he continued, beginning to feel that heart-pounding, tear-forming sadness coming over him.

He had lost his best friend. And for what? Because he was attracted to a guy who happened to be attracted to him? Because he was dating so soon after his break up with Orion? What was he to do, be a hermit his whole life because some girl had cheated on him? It was as if Konnor remembered nothing of their conversation from earlier, about how he felt and what he was thinking.

“Go on, Lachlan. Tell me,” Stella encouraged him to keep going.

“I knew he liked me and I liked him, but the minute Konnor showed up
, Cormag barely spoke to me. So while we walked the long way to sober us up, I told him how unhappy I was,” he confessed everything because he didn't see any other way out. He hated admitting that he had never realised how unhappy he was before, but that wasn't anyone's fault. If he didn't know how unhappy he was then it couldn't have been too bad.

“I told him how it felt like no-one knew me or wanted me to be myself. I always had to be perfect, straight A, do-good Lachlan. I could never be anything else without someone jumping down my thro
at about it or making fun of me,” Lachlan went on, only because his mum asked him to. What he wanted to do was run up to his room, lock the door and cry for an hour or two. His head felt like it was going to explode.

“Cormag told me how he saw me. I…I kissed him
, Mum. I kissed him and he wouldn't even kiss me back because he's too selfless to let me get myself into something I can't handle. I asked him to kiss me since I knew it was something we both wanted and he did. Because I asked. Because it made me feel better.”

His mother reached out and brushed away the tears that were now falling from his eyes.
“He was trying to protect you, by not kissing you?” she asked, hoping to help him out.

Lachlan nodded with a sniff and wiped at his eyes.

Konnor was sitting with his gaze averted, looking guilty.

“I knew he lived round the corner and I didn't want to come home and have Konnor in my face. So I asked him to take me to his house.” He sighed and shook his head, trying to push away the things he was feeling until later. When he could be alone and not let anyone see the mess he was in.

“We talked for…I don't even know how many hours. We kissed and we had dinner. He was going to walk me home when I saw how bad it was raining. To be honest, Mum, I didn't want to leave him; I wanted to stay a little longer. I asked him to let me stay the night.” Lachlan had no trouble admitting to his mother where he'd been all night. In fact, she wouldn't care as long as he was sensible about trusting Cormag and not getting himself into trouble. She didn't even blink.

“Te
ll her what you did to yourself,” Konnor piped up.

“God, will you stop talking!”

Lachlan hated seeing that Konnor barely looked affected by how this whole argument was messing him up mentally and emotionally. He'd never had to fight so hard for anything in his life and when he thought he was winning, Konnor went and fucked it all up again. It was so infuriating. The fact that he was quite obviously crying didn't even seem to bother him.

“I don't know what's going through your sick head, but I've already told you nothing h
appened! We did not have sex!” he argued, hoping that maybe an increase in volume would get the message through.

“Well, I'm glad to hear that.” Stella used a casual, soft voice that made both boys turn to stare at her. Lachlan's spirits faltered.

“You are?” they asked in unison.

“Yes. One night stands can be heartbreaking. I wouldn't want either of you to go into that kind of thin
g without knowing what it meant,” she explained gently.

Trust his mother to be more relieved that he didn't break Cormag's heart with a one night stand than she was about the fact he was still a virgin.

“Mum, we're…dating, I guess. Seeing how it goes,” he said, putting it plainly. He wanted her to know that they were going to see what happened. They were dating, for real. He felt like he'd always known him.

“I can see that, Lachlan. But I'm saying that these things should be thought through properly.” She patted his knee.

“Exactly. Which is why we both agreed that we're not having sex yet.”

“Excellent.” Stella nodded. “Now, is that all you had to tell me, dea
r? That you have a boyfriend?” she asked.

“He's not exactly…whatever.” He decided not to argue that point. It was a minor concession considering everything. “You see, Konnor has been trying to stick his nose in where it doesn't belong. I've tried to help him understand how I feel, but he keeps making accusations and calling people names. So I was forced to find some kind of label that he could give me, to help him get it in
to his thick skull,” Lachlan explained, finding it hard to believe the extremes of what he was feeling. From crying a minute ago, he wanted to laugh at how considerate and thoughtful his mother was. Just like he'd told Cormag she would be. It was such a relief.

“Wha
t I really wanted to tell you, Mum, was that I've been thinking a lot about things and I finally understand what's going on. I could never connect with Orion because she wasn't the right personality fit. I dated her to please everyone else. But what I see now is that I'm not straight…but I'm not gay either. I'm pansexual. Do you know what that means?” he wondered. Had his mother, with her Facebook and Twitter pages and her weekly blog, come across the word before?

“I believe I've heard the term, yes. It means you don't decide who you're attracted to
based on sex, is that right?” she asked.

“Right. It's a con
nection and a personality thing,” he agreed.

“Hmm. It sounds intriguing. You will have to tell me more some other time. But right now, dear, your chicken
is burning,” Stella explained, gesturing behind him to the oven.

“Oh shit.” Lachlan jumped out of his seat and rescued the smoking chicken pieces from the oven. By the time he'd wafted the smoke away with the oven gloves he was able to let out a sigh of relief. “No…it's okay. It's only well done. This one, howe
ver, will have to go in the bin,” he decided, sadly scooping off the one completely incinerated piece of chicken from the middle of the tray into the bin.

Once the main discussion was over, with no thought to how he felt, Konnor was mostly ignored for the rest of the night. Stella tried to create casual conversation by bringing up mutual interests to get them talking, but it didn't work. Lachlan didn't feel like talking and it became clear that every other sentence was going to contain the name Cormag, which seemed to cause a rude, unwanted reaction from Konnor. So they decided not to talk while they were eating.

Lachlan was enjoying himself, sitting in front of the TV with his mother and Konnor, trying to pretend that things were how they used to be. It was so hard to think that everything about their friendship had been pretty much perfect a few days ago, before the whole thing with Orion happened.

“Stella…” He heard his father shouting through from the hallway and turned to stare at the door, nervously chewing his lower lip. This was the part he was dreading.

“In here, Ron,” s
he called back, barely looking away from the textbook open on her lap.

Lachlan was glad to see that she was developing an interest in her coursework for a management course her boss had signed her up for. But he also wished
that she would put it aside for a minute because he needed her support to tell his dad what was going on. He had no idea how he was going to react to the news that he was now dating an older boy. And it didn't help that Konnor had been shooting him daggers all night from across the room.

“So yo
u finally came home, did you?” his dad said, as he walked into the room a moment later.

Lachlan looked up at him, speechless. He shrugged and waited for him to take a seat. He perched on the arm of his mother's armchair, laying his arm over the back of it.

“Cat got your tongue?” he asked, with a distinctly angry tone. He didn't need to ask if he'd had a bad day or not; it was written all over his face.

“I…uh…stayed with a
friend. I'm sorry I didn't call,” he apologised, still trying to work out how to break the news. He'd been racking his brains all night looking for a way to do it, but still nothing came to him.

“Hmm. Too drunk to remember the number, or unable to remember what a phone did?” Ron asked, arching an eyebrow at him as he waited for an answer.

Lachlan swallowed nervously and glanced at his mother. She was still engrossed in her textbook and Konnor was waiting with an equally expectant stare.

“It wasn't…I mean-
” He didn't know how to admit that he'd been too caught up in Cormag to remember to let anyone know he was okay. “I forgot,” he admitted.

His father nodded and looked down at Stella for a moment, before pinning him down with a piercing gaze again. “Except you weren't with a friend, were you? Because Konnor was calling here looking for you. And if you'd been with a friend they would have had the courtesy of telling someone where you were,
while we panicked,” he claimed, angrier than he had seen him in a while.

“I didn't
…I never meant for you to worry,” Lachlan admitted the truth; he hadn't meant for anyone to worry about him. But his apology wasn't enough and he didn't know how to handle this situation.

“Th
at was my fault. I over-reacted,” Konnor chipped in, suddenly.

Lachlan turned to stare at him at the same time his dad did. Konnor was locked in that intense stare for a moment, before it turned back onto himself. His dad didn't look at all convinced.

“Did you? Well, where were you then? Who was this 'friend' you were with?” Ron asked him, clearly in no mood to give up on the subject easily.

“His name's Cormag.
”

“Never heard of him,” h
e snapped, stopping him from going on.

“Ron,” His mother used that tone, the sing-song one that said he was to cut it out. He knew that voice well, but this time it wasn't directed at him. Lachlan knew better than to think it would work on his dad; it never usually did.

“No. I want to hear this. Where the fuck were you?” he demanded.

Lachlan bit his lip and looked at Konnor again. He took a deep breath and thought
logically about it. How could he claim he was adult enough to be with Cormag and know what he wanted if he couldn't even talk to his dad about his new relationship?

“His house is on the other sid
e of town. Not far from the bar,” he answered, trying to buck up and not look or feel so scared. It seemed to work.

“I see. A house, is it? How old is he?” Ron asked, his brow creasing into a frown as if he didn't like the fact that he was being honest.

“Twenty.”

“And how long have you know him?”

“Ron, lay off,” Stella cut in, this time using the tone of voice that made Lachlan momentarily lose his nerve. He hated that tone; the one that said one more word would have him grounded for months. Even Konnor raised his eyebrows at him and sank into his seat.

“No. This is our house and he lives under our roof. If he wants to dick around with idiots then he had better have the decency of letting us know instead of having us up half th
e night not knowing where he is,” his dad argued, his voice getting louder the more he said.

“Cormag is not an idiot,
” Lachlan protested, feeling angry himself. Why was it that no-one was willing to listen to him? So fine, so far he'd been cowering like a kid in his seat afraid of what his dad would say, but he wasn't going to let him talk shit about Cormag. He wasn't even there to defend himself.

“No? Then why d
idn't we know where you were?” he shouted at him.

“I'm eighteen. I don't have to tell you what I
do with every second of my day,” he argued, sitting forward in his seat as he opened his mouth to say more. He was going to explain; to try to talk some sense into his dad so that he understood. Before he could, Konnor opened his trap.

“He's got a point.”

Lachlan turned to glare at Konnor. The last thing he needed was him opening his pie hole and saying stupid things to his father. He was in a bad enough mood as it was and he hadn't even got round to the whole pansexual thing yet, which he knew was the hard part.

“What? It's not as if you were sleeping on the couch. You were in his bed!” Konnor said. Lachlan let out a sigh and drop
ped his head into his hands. That was the worst thing he could possibly say and there was no glossing over it now.

“What did you say?” Ron barked at him. When he lifted his head he caught his dad getting to his feet and taking a step towards him. He curled his hands into fists and took a step back, as if he was desperate to hit something
, but he wanted to keep enough distance between them that it wasn't him he ended up hitting.

“What Konnor's big mouth said
was that…I'm dating him. Cormag,” he confessed, swallowing hard as he realised how terrible this was. His dad was furious and he didn't know if any reason would calm him down.

“What? What happened to Orion?”

“She cheated on me, Dad.”

“And that makes you tu
rn to bat for the other team?” his dad roared at him.

He took a deep breath and got to his feet. Ron backed away a step and held his hand out to keep him at a distance. But he wasn't an idiot; he knew his dad would never hit him.

“Dad, I'm…” Lachlan took another step forward and took a moment to breathe. He was absolutely terrified of doing this, but he had to. It didn't matter what he tried to say about Konnor or Cormag or anyone. All that mattered was how he felt and he hoped that was enough for his dad. “I'm not gay. I'm finding out things about myself, that's all. I like Cormag. He's sweet and he's amazing for so many different reasons,” he promised. He didn't want him thinking this was all about Cormag because it wasn't, no matter how much Konnor tried to make it out to be that way.

“And yes, I was in his bed, but nothing happened. He refused to let me sleep on the sofa and I didn't see why he should get kicked out of his own bed. It was big enough to share.” He gave his reason and watched the fire in his father's eyes fade a little. He didn't like what he'd said, but it wasn't a reason to e
xplode. Not yet. “Please listen,” he asked him to wait, as soon as he saw him opening his mouth to speak.

Ron unfurled his hands and licked his lips, but he didn't know what that meant. He waited as he backed over to the living room window and leaned back against the sill. It was low enough to sit on and when he nodded for him to go on he took a step forward.

“Stay there,” he ordered.

Lachlan was hurt to see that his dad was putting so much physical space between them. He hoped he could close the emotional gap with what he was about to say. He felt the tears welling up, at the thought of his dad not being able to support him, but he tried to hold them back as long as he could.

“I know it's coming completely out of the blue. But I was attracted to him right from the minute we met.” He tried to be as honest as he could be as he began to explain. “After talking to him and thinking about it – for myself, not listening to his theories – I realised that I'm not someone who chooses who to love based on whether they're a boy or a girl. I want to be able to be with who I choose to be with. Gender aside,” he confessed, letting out a sigh as he watched his dad. He was staring at the floor, gripping the window sill so tight that his fingers were going red.

“Can you support that? Can you accept that this isn't a phase I'm going through? This is how I feel…it's taken me a hell of a long time to realise it.” Lachlan took a step forward as he talked and this time his dad didn't ask him to stop.

“This isn't just about him?” Ron asked, finally looking at him and not the carpet.

“No. Yes, Cormag is brilliant and he ticks all the boxes for someone I'd be attracted to. But I promised him that I would think about it seriously and I did. We went shopping and…an
d he made me look at other guys,” he said, admitting the part he hadn't told anyone else. He had hoped to avoid having to say it, but he had to. When he saw the way his father frowned and stood up, he realised what he'd said and laughed it off.

“Not made, exactly. But he encouraged me to see if I could have a physical attraction to a guy who wasn't him. And I did. I realised that there are some good looking guys out there.” He shrugged as he confessed. It was awkward admitting it to his own dad, but it had to be done. He needed to know that even if he'd never met Cormag, one day he would have been attracted to another guy and had to deal with it.

“But this is the one you're…dating?”

“Yes. He's so nice, Dad. I swear, you'll like him,” h
e promised as he took another step forward. As soon as Lachlan managed to get close enough, he held his hand out to his father and waited. He wanted him to make the choice himself. They both knew what it meant; they had been using it as a signal of loyalty and love ever since he was a baby. This time, however, his dad didn't take his hand right away.

For the longest time Ron stared at his offered hand and Lachlan had no clue what choice he would make. He tried to keep talking, hoping that he would understand at least something about what he was feeling. He knew it was hard and it was so difficult for everyone else when they couldn't feel what he felt, but he trusted himself. He
knew
it was right.

“I want to see how this could work. I haven't been making the right choices lately. I only went out with Orion because
everyone at school told me to and once you and Mum met her, you thought she was perfect. I know now that she was never my choice, not really,” he promised that the whole thing with Orion had been blown way out of proportion by his far too traditional brain.

He'd spent so long listening to reason and weighting up the pros and cons that he'd forgotten what it was to listen to his heart. He had talked himself into a relationship he never wanted and let his hormones do the rest. Now that he was actually listening to his gut instincts he could see where he'd gone wrong so clearly.

“Cormag
is
my choice. And I need you to be okay with that.
He
needs you to be okay with that.” Lachlan was honest about that too. He didn't want anyone to think that Cormag didn't care what they thought. He was the most thoughtful, selfless person he knew; of course he cared.

“What do you mean?” Ron took his hand and asked the question at the same time.

Lachlan couldn't help but smile in relief. He held his hand tight and refused to let go.

“Mum said I could stay with him tonight. He's invited the boys to a rugby game tomorrow so that they can meet him. They're going to pick me up at his place. He swore that he wouldn't let
me stay unless you both agreed,” he explained the situation, well aware that his future relationship with Cormag was in the hands of his parents. It was mortifying and somehow reassuring at the same time.

“I want to. I know it seems reckless and stupid. Believe me, I know.” He laughed as his dad wiped his tears away the moment they made an entrance. “But I'm finally sticking up for what I want. I'm finally letting go of the rules and the things I
should
be doing and saying to live how I want to live.” He sniffed back his tears and tried to ignore the shadow that moved out the corner of his eye. Konnor was leaving the room and right now, he was too busy worrying about how his dad was taking his news to wonder why.

“And you want this…man?” h
e asked.

Lachlan nodded and stood his ground the moment his dad got back to his feet again. He looked over at the doorway where Konnor was slipping
out of the room. “Yes. Please, Dad…Konnor and I are falling apart because of this. He can't accept that this is how I feel and I might lose him. I can't lose you too.” He fought for what he wanted. He wanted his family, his best friend
and
Cormag. It shouldn't be so difficult to get what he wanted, but it was and he wasn't going to give up until he had it.