Deep Surrendering: Episode Four

Deep Surrenderings, Episode 4

Copyright © 2014 Chelsea M. Cameron

www.chelseamcameron.com

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are use fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, business establishments or locales is entirely coincidental.

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. All rights reserved.

Cover Copyright © Chelsea M. Cameron

Edited by 
GreatImaginations.com

Interior Design by 
Novel Ninjutsu.com

For the very first time, I was in control of sex with Fin. Myriad emotions flitted through my mind as Fin stared at me, waiting. I’d asked for this, and now I was terrified to go through with it. I mean, God, people had sex face to face all the time. There were probably millions or even billions of people facing each other and having sex. Right now.

But those people weren’t Fin. No one was like Fin.

He was dark and sweet and funny and commanding, and I wanted him more than I wanted any other person. More than I knew you could want a person.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“I think that’s supposed to be my line,” I said. The tension radiated off him in waves, but if he wanted to get out, all he had to do was say the word. Just one word. Red.

Stop. Do not pass Go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. You shall not pass.

“Are you scared?” I asked, and he nodded his head slowly, his hair swinging across his forehead.

“If I said no, I’d be lying,” he said.

I could tell. For someone who was about to have sex, he didn’t look like he was anticipating it with anything but dread.

“We don’t have to do this. I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to.” I’d told myself I wasn’t going to back down from wanting this, but it was hard not to when he was clearly upset. Reluctant, sad sex under duress definitely wasn’t something I wanted to be a part of. Second only to pity sex.

“I want to do this for you. You’ve done everything I asked, so this is the least I can do. I can do this for you.”

My heart twisted, and I wanted to kiss him. So I leaned forward and up, hoping that he would get the hint. When my lips met nothing but air, I opened my eyes and found him looking down at me.

“It’s just a kiss, Fin. We can start with a kiss.” His eyes were dark and liquid, and I sensed I was meeting yet another side of Fin. I didn’t quite know what to make of this Fin yet.

“I think I can kiss you,” he said, and I sensed he was half-joking. Well, if he could joke a little, then he must be relaxing a little more.

“We can do this. We’ve done it before. Just picture my ass if you get nervous.” That made him laugh for a second, and then he pulled my face up and pressed his lips to mine. It was a chaste kiss. Probably the most simple and sweet kiss we’d had. He pulled away before I could turn it into something more.

“You call that a kiss? That was just mean,” I said, wanting to smack him in the chest. “I kind of want to punish you for that.”

“Is that so?” He shifted closer so my chest brushed against him. Just that little bit of contact flipped my sex switch, and it was all I could do not to attack him and throw him on the bed.

“Yes. Now go and stand by the bed.” I tried to make my voice as commanding as possible, channeling my inner dominatrix. I needed a whip or a crop or something. Maybe Fin had something like that hanging around. He probably did, or he could call down to the front desk and have one sent up, along with some more of that cherry lube.

Fin hesitated for just a moment and I thought he’d refuse, but then he walked over to the bed and stood by it, awaiting further instructions. Who was in charge now?

“I kind of want to ask you to hop on one foot to see if you’ll do it.”

“Whatever you want, Marisol.” His shoulders were still tight, but he wasn’t backing down. Something told me he liked a challenge and he’d see this as one to overcome.

“I
want
to undress you. And I
want
you to undress me. Slowly. And I
want
to stare at you for a little while before we do anything. But you’re already crossing some of your boundaries by agreeing to do this face to face, so I won’t make you take off your clothes. Not this time. But I do want you to undress me. I want your hands on my skin. Right now.”

I walked toward him, hoping I looked seductive. The way he watched me, hungrily, made me feel like a sex goddess. When I stood in front of him, I was fully confident that this was going to work. That this could happen. That he could give this to me after all I’d given to him.

His hands rested on my shoulders, skimming down my arms.
Just take off my shirt. That’s all you have to do. Take off my shirt!
I screamed the words in my head, begging him to hear me. There wasn’t much to my top; he could probably tear it right off me with his fingers.

“Fin,” I said, making him meet my eyes. “Stop thinking. You’re getting wrapped up in your head. This is just you and me. We’re on the dance floor again.” I’d told myself I wasn’t going to touch him first, but I moved his hands to my waist, and then put my hands on his shoulders like an old-fashioned junior high slow dance. I swayed and he moved with me, our motions seamless and completely together.

“See that? See how we move together? Feel it?”

“Yes,” he said, his voice soft and low.

“That’s all this is. We’re going to dance. You and me.” I wished we had some music, but we’d have to do with the sounds of the city below us.

At first, his sway was rigid, as if he was just tipping back and forth like a rocking ship, but then I felt him melt into our movements, and we shifted together.

“See?”

“Yes,” he said, and then leaned down to rest his forehead against mine.

We swayed for a while, and somehow our bodies were drawn toward one another. The hardness in his pants teased and pressed against me.

I drew away from him and his eyes opened, taking a moment to focus. Like he’d been in a trance.

“Are you ready?” I asked.

“Yes.”

Before we got any further, I left him to fetch a condom from his bedside table. I reached in to grab something off the top, but I pulled the drawer too hard, and it tumbled to the floor.

“Shit,” I said, bending down to pick up the contents. But before I could, large hands snatched the scattered items out of my hands.

“I’ve got it,” he said in my ear. I tried not to look at what he was picking up, but I couldn’t help it. There weren’t just condoms. There was also the bottle of cherry lube and a few bottles of similar substances. A coil of silky rope. A blindfold. A roll of black tape. And a rod with fringes at the end.

Bondage tools.

Fin shoved me out of the way and desperately tried to get everything back in the drawer, but it was too late. I’d already seen everything. Or maybe just what was in that particular drawer.

“You weren’t supposed to see that,” he said under his breath.

I put my hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s not like I was unaware of this part of your life, Fin. Look at me.” He turned his head away from the scattered items on the floor and gazed at me. His eyes were wide with fear.

“I’m not running away. I’m staying.”

“Why?” Well, wasn’t that the ultimate question? Why did I stay with him? Even after he bailed on me twice, even after I found out some of his secrets and knew there were more. Even though he was leaving.

“Because something in you needs something in me, and something in me needs something in you. I can’t explain it any better than that. No matter what else stands in our way, I knew that the first night I met you. Sometimes you just meet people and you
know
. You know that they’re going to impact your life and you theirs. So until that feeling goes away, I’m going to be here.” I reached for his hand and he let me take it.

“Would you like to just sleep tonight? I can take the couch if you want to be alone,” I said, but he shook his head.

“No. I’ve been wanting you all night. I want you so much sometimes I can’t breathe.” I was familiar with the feeling. Slowly we rose together, forgetting about the items on the floor. I didn’t want to think about them right now. I just wanted to think about him inside me. Nothing keeping us apart.

We’d been building toward this moment for hours. It was a wonder we didn’t both spontaneously combust.

“I know, I feel the same way,” I said. It looked like I was going to have to make the first move here. As much as I wanted him to undress me, he seemed too fragile. So I slipped my fingers under the edge of my silky top and tugged it over my head, letting it fall to a heap on the floor.

“Do you want to do the skirt, or should I?” I said.

“I can.” I turned and presented him with my back. His hands started at my shoulders and dragged down my spine, and I was reminded of the last time we were together and he used the ice cubes. The mere memory of it sent a bolt of desire shooting through me, and I almost told him to hurry up.

With hands trembling a fraction, he pulled the zipper of my skirt down and it joined my shirt on the floor.

“There. Now that wasn’t so hard.” That was perhaps not a good choice of words.

Fin exhaled and looked me up and down, drinking me in. “There are a million different things I want to do with you.” His eyes snapped to my face. “What do
you
want to do?”

I answered by taking one of his hands and putting it on the side of my face and taking the other and placing it on my lower back. Then I rose on my tiptoes and whispered two words:

“Kiss me.”

He did.