Deep Surrendering: Episode Four (6 page)

“
Pushing Daisies
? What’s that?”

“Are you kidding? Only the greatest show on television that was brutally cancelled. Well, other than
Firefly
, but let’s not talk about that.” He shuddered at the mention of
Firefly
. Still a sore spot for him, too.

“We’re totally watching it,” I said, shoving the first DVD into the player.

“What’s it about?” Fin asked as I settled on the couch next to him.

“I’m not going to tell you. I just want you to experience it. Soak it in. You only get to watch this show for the first time once.” I was kind of thrilled I got to be here to watch his reaction to the show. It was one of those brilliant pieces of television that had never been appreciated by the masses that begged for more shitty reality television programming. Cretins. Didn’t know good television when it bit them in the ass.

I curled up against Fin, resting my head right where his heart was, listening to its steady beat. His arm wrapped around me, and I thought about closing my eyes and taking a quick nap, but I loved this show and wanted to watch Fin love it too. He had to love it. I was going to have a serious problem having sex with him if he hated it.

“This guy looks familiar, but I can’t figure out where I’ve seen him before,” Fin said as the opening voiceover played and the brilliant colors of the show lit up my crappy television.

“He’s one of those guys who’s in a bunch of stuff. When you see him you say, ‘Oh, there’s that guy from that thing.’”

“You’re right. I’m going to have to look him up because that’s going to drive me crazy. You know how you see someone but can’t place them? It’s one of my biggest pet peeves.” That drove me crazy too.

“It’s a good thing we already ate, because there’s so much pie in this show,” I said, moving my head so I could get more comfortable.

“I could actually go for pie right now,” he said.

“Great. You’re one of those guys who has a bottomless stomach. And I bet you don’t even have to work out.”

He stroked my head. “I had a chubby phase.”

I sat up so I could give him a look. “Shut up, you did not.”

He laughed and paused the DVD. “It’s true, I did.”

“Pictures or it didn’t happen,” I said.

“I’ll get you a picture. Promise.”

I lay back against him and he restarted the show.

Against my will, I fell asleep and only woke to Fin kissing my forehead.

“Damn. Sorry. It was the tacoma. You know, the coma you go into when you eat too many tacos.” I sat up and winced. Falling asleep against someone’s chest sounded like a good idea at the time, but it was inevitable you’d wake up with aches and pains.

“It’s okay. This is a really good show. You were right. Fantastic sets, acting, and good storyline. I can’t understand why it was cancelled. All the good things get cancelled, and yet shows where talentless people sit and blink live on and have millions of watchers. It’s part of the reason I love books.”

“You sounded a little ranty right there, Fin. I like it.” My shoulder popped and I winced. Fin grinned at me. “What?”

“You have a mark from my shirt on your cheek. It’s cute.”

I blushed and rubbed at my cheek to get rid of the mark. He might think it was cute, but I didn’t.

Fin stopped the DVD and then there was a moment of silence.

“I think I’m ready now,” he said, standing up and holding out his hand. Not very romantic, but if that was how it was going to go, then I was okay with that.

He pulled me up and leaned down to kiss me, but I had an idea.

“Wait! Just wait a second. There’s something I need to do first.” I dashed to my bedroom where I’d put the box of my candle samples. I couldn’t have planned that any better if I’d tried.

I cleared off as much space as I could on my dresser and windowsill, and hastily set up some of the candles and lit them, making sure they wouldn’t set the apartment on fire and ruin the moment.

Once I got everything arranged, I quickly put on a silky tank top, lacy underwear, and a matching set of shorts. Not too sexy, but just sexy enough. I hoped.

I opened the door to my bedroom and leaned on the doorframe.

“Hey.”

“Hello, Marisol,” he said, stalking toward me. “You look lovely.”

“Thank you,” I said as he stroked my sides, making my top ride up and expose my stomach. Slowly, I put my arms around his neck and he leaned his face down to kiss me. It took a while for his lips to meet mine, but I waited patiently, letting him set the pace.

Patient. I had to be patient.

While we kissed, Fin started backing me into the bedroom. He broke the kiss when he saw the candles.

“Thought I’d set the mood. I also happened to have a bunch of candles kicking around,” I said as he watched the flickering light. The light licked at the shadows and hollows on his face.

He shut the door behind us, and then the only light in the room was from the candles.

“We could pretend we’re from a different time period.” I’d never thought about roleplaying before, but something told me Fin would be good at it.

“I could be a colonial girl, and you’re the town clergyman, come to absolve me of my sins.” I twisted my fingers in the hair on the back of his neck.

He chuckled low.

“Or you could be a beautiful, sweet girl that I met at a bar. Who puts up with me changing my mind and makes me laugh and always looks sexy no matter what. Could you be that for me?”

I pushed myself up on my toes and gave him one soft kiss.

“Yes. I think I could be that girl for you.”

He smiled and pulled the tank top over my head. Why had that been so difficult last night?

His hands stroked down my front, swirling around my nipples that were instantly hard from his touch. My back arched toward him, but I made sure I stayed silent.

He pinched my nipples, but his eyes didn’t leave my face. Yes, this was happening. We were doing this.

And then he faltered for a moment.

I opened my mouth to say something, but he stopped me.

“No, I’m fine. I just needed a second. I’m fine. I’m fine.” Running his hands over my nipples again, he repeated himself. “I’m fine.”

I stayed quiet as he got down on his knees, making him almost level with my chest.

Not sure what I was supposed to do, I waited for his next move. This not talking wasn’t easy. It was like performing in a play without getting to see your lines beforehand.

And then his tongue was in my bellybutton, and I didn’t give a shit what my lines were. He licked and kissed across my stomach, setting my skin aflame. With that one kiss, he’d flicked my sex switch to the on position. God, I wanted him so much.

“You taste so good, sweet Mari Cherry.” His mouth moved lower, and he inched the silk shorts down my hips and let them fall to the floor before helping me lift my feet out of them.

He had another moment, but shook his head and started kissing me again, this time moving along the band of the lace undies.

I nearly screamed in frustration when he stood up.

“Lay back.” His voice was so soft, so gentle, I was unprepared for it, only used to him commanding me.

I did as he asked as he loosened his tie and bent down to remove his socks but kept everything else on. Someday I’d get to really look at him naked. Someday.

He climbed on the bed next to me, caressing my face. “Do you have a condom?”

I nodded and grabbed the one I’d left out on the nightstand, just in case he didn’t have one. He took it and put it in his back pocket.

I wanted to ask if there was something I could do, but I didn’t want to talk. It was a conundrum.

“I can feel that you want to say something. Go ahead,” he said, walking his fingers across my stomach.

“Is there anything I can do for you? To make it easier?” With a normal guy, I’d suggest a handy or a blow job, but touching him was probably the last thing he wanted. That would definitely take him out of the moment.

“If you could stay quiet and not touch me and maybe stay really still?” That didn’t sound that great, but sometimes you just had to get through things to get to something better. This felt like one of those times.

“Okay. I’ll shut up starting now.” I sealed my lips together, and he gave me a brief smile before propping himself above me.

He closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose, as if gathering himself.

Then his eyes snapped open and his mouth crushed mine. All my instincts were to wrap my arms around him and moan and pull him closer. But I had to slam the door on all of those things and stay still. It was easier said than done.

I kissed him back though. Did I ever. He slipped his tongue into my mouth, and it danced with mine, saying what I couldn’t in words.

Somewhere along the line my underwear vanished, and then I heard the zipper on his pants. I kept my eyes on his face as he sat up and rolled on the condom. Here we go. Moment of truth.

Fin positioned himself and entered me slowly. So slowly. He grunted with the exertion and squeezed his eyes shut.

I held absolutely still, balling my fists and digging my nails into my palms. He got all the way in and paused for a moment. His eyes snapped open and he looked down at my face.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Good.”

He closed his eyes again and pulled his hips back until he was almost out of me before pushing back in again. There was another pause, and then he started to pick up the pace.

It was the most excruciating way to have sex ever. I understood now why he put me on my back. To be able to see him, to feel him above me and not be able to touch him or say anything to him was awful.

Like the sex was happening to me and not with me.

Not that it wasn’t enjoyable. Fin and I had been together enough times that he knew what places to hit, and I was so built up that it didn’t take long before I was shuddering around him and biting my lip to stay quiet.

His climax took longer. Much longer.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he thrust into me, eyes still closed.

Whatever we were doing wasn’t working, so I decided to take another risk.

“Look at me,” I snapped, reaching up and grabbing his chin. He stilled and froze, his eyes opening at the sound of my voice and my touch.

“You, Fin Herald, are going to fuck me, and you’re going to fuck me right now. Got it?” I dug my fingers into his chin and then wrapped his tie around my wrist and brought his mouth to mine. Maybe this would get his attention.

I closed my teeth on his bottom lip, biting down. He liked to spank me for not obeying him in the bedroom. I was going to give it right back to him.

It was evident that no other girl had ever done this to him before. At least probably not the ones he paid.

He tried to pull back, but I wouldn’t let him. I put my lust, all my frustration, all my anxiety over him leaving into that kiss. Let him resist that.

I kept waiting for him to stop me. For him to pull away and use his safeword. But he didn’t. He growled into my mouth and thrust into me so hard, I thought he was going to rip me apart.

I would have let him.