Defiance at Werewolf Keep (Werewolf Keep Trilogy) (10 page)

'You just about tore the bars out of the walls last night
, Will McManners. I don't think Byron will be agreeing to adjoining cells for you two tonight. How are you feeling, Lily?' She cheerily ignored their naked state and handed them each a pile of clothes through the bars.

'Then we've got a
problem because my beast is no goin’ to want her out of his sight,' Will replied with an edge to his voice.

'
I am very well, thank you,' Lily said at the same time. 'It was not nearly as bad as I expected. But I fear Will is right. My finger nails are all broken. I must have tried to dig my way out to get to him.' She indicated the bloody scratches in the marble on her side of the cell.

'Hmm... There has never been a
problem quite like this before,' Phil said as she unlocked each of their cells. 'When you're sure you're back to yourselves, meet us in the study.'

Ph
il left them to dress.

Lily was strangely reluctant to cover herself. It felt so natural to be naked and to have Will naked beside her. Clothes seem
ed such an artificial barrier between them now. But as she had no desire to have anyone else see her unclothed, she gave in and quickly put on her undergarments and her cotton dress.

'I prefer you naked, Lass,' Will said
, eyeing her with a cheeky grin. He'd replaced his own clothes and was enjoying watching her do the same. ‘Though that's a pretty dress.'

Her hair was
loose and down around her shoulders and she made a half-hearted attempt to tidy it. She knew it would be a wasted exercise until she could get a brush to it. She couldn't remember ever being this dishevelled before. Yet she didn’t care at all.

Hand in hand
, they left the Dungeons and headed for the study.

* * *

'We have to share a cell,' Will announced as soon as they were all seated in the study. Three sets of eyes looked at him in astonishment.

'Will, my friend, you can
not even consider such a thing. Your wolf will take her. It is very apparent after last night's fiasco that that is exactly what he had in mind if he had reached her.'

Lily blushed. It seemed odd to be talking about animals wanting to mate and yet really be talking about them.
Such a conversation should never take place in genteel circles. But this was not a normal social setting, and neither she nor Will was a normal person.

'I know it. But Lily did herse
lf damage last night. I think she'll handle bein’ separated from me as poorly as I will from her.'

Byron and Phil looked at their new
est resident. Lily held out her hands so they could both see her broken and bleeding fingertips. She wasn’t sure what she thought of Will’s idea. What she did know was that her wolf would not stand being out of his sight tonight. The idea that they separated into the male and female wings was impossible.

'I don't remember a lot of what happened last night
, but I do remember wanting to get to Will, or wanting him to get to me. I don't know much about all this yet but, instinctively, I sense that she...I... won't handle being away from Will.'

'Let us assume that your wolf
didn't hurt Lily’s if we put you in the same cage,’ Byron said slowly, as if speaking to a dangerous imbecile. ‘Let us assume that all you did was mate. Lily is a virginal, unmarried lady, Will. A lady who, up until the last month, has been an invalid all her life. We are looking at all manner of complications . What if she were to find herself in the family way? What would she have, a child or a litter of whelps?' Byron glanced at his own pregnant wife, who looked down at her slight bulge.

'The same
could be said for Jasper and Dee!' snarled Will in frustration.

'No
, not the same at all. They cannot be together when he is turned. And we know from our research that any child they might have will be fully human. You two are a very different conundrum.'

'Then you'll have to drug us,'
Will said with another snarl. ‘We've done it before when we couldn't get back here in time.'

'I think that is the last resort,' Byron's voice was getting louder
to match Will’s, and both men were edging off their seats in readiness for a more aggressive confrontation. ‘Repeated drugging leads to dependence on the sedative. And getting the dose right is always difficult, given the discrepancy between the size of wolf and man.’

'Byron, l
ove, let us take a step back for a moment. They have only just returned. Let them go and clean up, and then break their fast. We can come back to this when everyone is calmer,' Phil spoke up, but kept her distance. She clearly had no desire to get between two men ready to throw punches. And Lily felt her own terror spike at the thought of Will exchanging blows with his friend.

Byron and Will both seemed to come to their senses as they heard the fear in Phil's voice. They sat back in
their chairs and took deep breaths.

'May I say something?' Lily asked, once everyone was composed.

'Of course, please do, Lily. We have been talking in a way that must bemuse you greatly,' Phil said.

'I know that Will and I need
to be together. We are going to be married as soon as the full moon is passed and I can have my parents at the ceremony. I have read that there are ways that a woman can ensure she does not bear children. '

Three mouths fell open at her words. Lily blushed again. She wondered if it was the wolf that was making her so forward. But she knew as well as Will that trying to keep their wolves apart was going to prove more than difficult. If last night was any indication, it was going to be dangerous
. Her virginity seemed unimportant, although she cringed at what her mother would say if she overheard them all talking this way.

'
Are you sure you want to do this, Lily? I know you said you preferred his company to that of the other women, but there is a big step between sharing adjacent cells and sharing the same cell. Just because your wolves are...attracted, does not mean you have to let that side of you have its way. Do not be rash. Your innocence, once taken, can never be returned.' Phil frowned.

'On the train
, Lady Horton …Dee, spoke of
Grand Passion
that you felt such a thing for Byron as she did for Jasper. I would not describe what I feel for Will that way. It is more a slow burn, a need to be with him, to have him touch me. It is not just my wolf that needs to be with him. And it may be fast. I have no knowledge of such matters beyond what I have read in novels. But it seems to me that there is no set time for one to know when one has found one's partner in life.'

She looked across at Will and felt her heart turn over when he pulled at the collar of his shirt and looked uncomfortable. Was this her wanting more than he was willing or able to give? Had he changed his mind about marrying her? After the closeness they had shared in the cells
, it seemed the most natural thing in the world to talk about their plans to marry, and ways they might circumvent the risk of a dangerous consequence of their being together.

'I remember cautioning Dee
about rushing in, hypocrite that I was, considering how fast Byron and I found love.'

‘This isna love.’ Will’s strangled words stabbed straight into her heart. ‘It is a marriage of convenience t
o meet the needs of our wolves.’

Phil shot him a fierce glare. ‘You are such a ba
stard sometimes. You really are.’

'Let u
s take a few hours and come back to this when emotions are more settled,' Byron interrupted.

'Excellent idea. I'm famished,
' Will snapped as he surged to his feet.

CHAPTER TEN

As Lily washed the grime of the cells from her body, she thought about Will’
s angry refutation of love. It was like an infected wound that seemed to get worse every time she thought about it. How could he shame her so? Maybe Phil was right. Maybe she was taking the easy path because the rest of her life had become so hard. Maybe accepting the crumbs a man, who so obviously and loudly proclaimed his lack of affection for her, was offering was not her best course of action. It had seemed enough. But now…

There was a loud rap on her door and before she could ask whoever was on the ot
her side of the door to wait a moment while she finished redressing, the door burst open and Will stormed in.

‘Phil is stickin’ her nose in where it doesna belong,’ he
yelled at her as soon as he slammed the door behind him.

Lily felt her back straighten and the fury that had begun to boil since he’d shamed her began to overflow. ‘Get out!’

He stared at her in dumbfounded silence, his mouth gaping open.

‘Don’t just
stand there. I said get out. I’m tired of your rages and your hurtful ways. I do deserve to be treated better than this. I do deserve a man who would support me, not shame me in front of others so blatantly. I am going up to one of the crofts Phil told me about. I don’t care how much my wolf hates it, I am still in control.’

His mouth remained open but his shoulder slumped. It was as if the air had been sucked right out of his body.

‘What has the wee termagant said to you now?’ he managed to get out with barely a touch of bluster.

‘Phil has said nothing. It is what
you
said. How could you, Will? Is it not enough that you rub my nose in your lack of feeling for me in private, but then you have to turn my declaration of love into a farce by denying any feelings for me at all in front of others? I…I thought your caring and protection was enough, but now it seems that your caring is a superficial, self-serving thing. All you want to do is to keep your wolf happy. That is not enough for me.’

‘You told them what
we have is not their romantic Grand Passion. I was just confirmin’ that,’ he said uncertainly.

Lily couldn’t find the words to argue further with him. The wildness of the wolf was being replaced by the sanity of the human, and with it came exhaustion and defeat. He had never
claimed to be more than he was; he’d never claimed to feel more for her than he did. It was her own fault for giving it the romantic elements her childishly infatuated heart required.

‘Go away, Will,’ she sa
id tiredly, turning her back on him to walk to her picture window. The moorside was bleak this morning. Once again the sun had been hidden behind a barricade of tumultuous grey cloud. She had been so excited at the prospect of seeing the heather covered moors. How wrong she’d been. They were as picturesque as Will was loving.

She felt him come up behind her, the heat of his body w
arming her, even without contact. As she shrunk away, he leaned down and placed a kiss on her neck.

‘I didna mean to hurt you, lass. I panic when words of love are spoken. If I could love you
, I would. You are like no one I’ve ever known before. You make me happier than I’ve ever been. I think about you all the time and feel restless when I’m away from you. I get jealous if another man looks at you and I would protect you with ma life.’

She listened to his description of his feelings and she couldn’t see any difference between what he described and what she’d read love to be. How could he claim he didn’t love her if he felt all that for her?

‘How do you know you cannot love?’ she asked tentatively, trying not to let her senses be waylaid by his kisses.

‘Does it matter?’ He wrapped his big arms around her then, drawing her in close. Did he think he’d won her over? It wasn’t that easy.
She stayed stiff in his arms, giving no indication she was swayed by his attentions.

‘Yes, it matters. I need to know.’

He groaned and stood up straight, but didn’t release her. She could see his reflection in the window pane. So sad, he looked so sad. Was getting an answer worth his sorrow? With monumental effort, she stopped herself from telling him to let it go because it so obviously upset him to think about it. But having answers was too important. If she couldn’t understand him, how could she ever consider linking her life with his?

He started slowly, tentatively feeling his way, each word considered and r
econsidered before being spoken, his brogue almost too thick to be understood. ‘When I was a bairn I was verra emotional. I felt everythin’ intensely. Ma dah was kilt in a bar fight when I was just a babe and ma mither had to raise me alone. She wasna well. I can remember feelin’ so much love for her that it hurt – watchin’ her lay there, tryin’ to draw breath, fightin’ to stay alive for me. It hurt in my chest.’ He pressed the centre of his chest as if it still hurt. ‘I would ha’ preferred havin’ somebody beat me black and blue rather than feel that painful kinda love.

‘Then
, when I was ten, she finally gave up fightin’. I’d been caught stealin’ bread for our table and she was beside herself ov’r it. It felt like I broke her that day, and she just gave up. It felt like I wasna worth the effort it took to keep goin’ anymore. I was a hopeless waste o’ effort.

‘
I was so angry with maself for being such a bad son that she would choose death rather than stay with me. I was so angry wi’ her for abandonin’ me. And bein’ angry was better than feeling the grief of her loss. I donna know how I survived it, Lily, lass. I think back on that time and I feel it afresh, and it’s as if I’m drownin’ in agony with no chance of relief, no reprieve from the incessant soul-deep ache.

‘Bein’ angry
was how I did survive, and fightin was easier than feelin’. I was on ma own, livin’ on the streets of Glasgow, and I did anything I could to survive. I stole, I fought, I… And somewhere in there, I realised the pain was gone. Because I didn’t give a fig aboot anythin’ anymore. Ma heart had turned to stone in ma chest and I was glad o’it. Being numb was better’n feelin’ such pain.

‘I was a ba
d man and I did things I was no’ proud of. When I finally stepped over a line I knew my mither would nev’r condone, I joined the army and went to war. It seemed a fittin’ place to work off my bitterness and fury.

‘They called me a hero and I was
promoted each time my superiors fell by the way. I survived when better men died by the drove.

‘Becomin’ a monster seemed a fittin’ end for me
. I had become a monster long before I was turned.’

He had released her as he talked, the words falling like bitter pebbles from his mouth. She ached to hear him, would have given anything for him to stop. But she had to hear him through. Had to stand witness to his pain. When he’d run out of words and his shoulders drooped with the exhaustion she had felt only a short time before, she turned around to face him.

‘I know what pain is,’ she said softly, cupping his cheek in her palm and lifting his head so that their gazes meshed. ‘I lived with pain every day of my life until I was turned. But I have never felt the kind of pain you experienced. I understand why you wanted to turn off your feelings, why you chose anger instead of grief. I understand why you can’t love me.’

His dark eyes looked a question and he seemed to be holding his breath. He made no attempt to touch her.

‘You
are
a good man. Maybe you weren’t back then, but you are now. The people in this place would not respect you as they do if you weren’t. Whatever you did back then is gone. It’s what you do every day of your life now that matters. That’s what makes you good or bad. That’s what makes you a monster or not.

‘
I love you, Will, because you aren’t a monster. And if you can’t love me, then that’s all right because I can love enough for both of us.’

* * *

It took everything Will had left inside him to meet her gaze. Even though her words spoke of love and acceptance, he knew that unless he could see it in her eyes, the words would be meaningless. But rejection was his greatest fear, and he was a coward when even a hint of that rejection was in the air. Having her tell him to get out, telling him he had hurt her so badly, had cut as deep as his mother’s rejection, all those years ago. He would do anything to keep her, even share his deepest secrets, his deepest shame.

But now he had to face her judgement, so he dragged his gaze up as she lifted his face. And what he saw in those violet depths was redemption and the love she had spoken of. She loved enough for both of them, she said. And it was written there
in those gentle eyes.

His mouth was as dry as a desert. Swallowing convulsively, he tried to work out what to do.
Never in his life had he felt so helpless, so unsure of his actions. He knew what he wanted, what he needed – Lily. But all he did was hurt her. Having what he wanted would only hurt her further, in the long run.

When she leaned up to p
lace her inexperienced lips on his, something cracked open inside him, something he’d kept locked away, dammed up, for twenty-seven years. He choked on the sob that wouldn’t be denied.

And he kissed her back with a desperate need that had him shaking and b
lubbering like a child. He scooped her up against him so he could feel her thin body pressed against him, and her arms wrapped around his neck, kissing him with the same kind of desperation he felt.

Lily’s sweet mouth opened under his and he accepted the welcome heedlessly. His tongue invaded, seeking hers, dancing with hers, tasting her as if for the first time, as if she was ambrosia from the gods. The moan that escaped her, he swallowed down. His moan
, she took as her own. Hands were everywhere, frantically tearing at fabric that kept their bodies apart.

It was a kind of madness that overtook them both. A madness that
could not be stopped or redirected. There was only one goal and they both knew it. Finally, their clothes were gone and he had her flesh pressed against the full length of his own. It was like those last moments in the cell the night before, but better, because there was no cold, unyielding bars to separate them. And she was no longer cold to the touch. Her skin burned as his did.

Somehow
, her hair had come loose from the braid she had neatly tied up. It fell like a fragrant curtain around them. Will combed his fingers through it, revelling in the sensation of silk sliding across his caroused palms and fingers. Breaking from another kiss, he buried his face in her hair, breathing in the smell of roses and sweet woman. It drove the last of his sanity away.

He pushed her backwards onto the bed, letting himself drop with her. In the last moment before her back met the soft mattress, he used his arms to break their fall. Then he buried his face in her neck, kissing and licking and biting her shoulder and neck as his painful arousal pressed hard against her maidenhair.

The small grunt of pain had the passion-fog lifting enough for him to remember she was still little more than an invalid. He could break her if he wasn’t careful. Even claiming her as he knew was their eventual destination, their inevitable destination, might harm her if he didn’t keep control.

R
eluctantly, he hauled back, breaking contact enough to lay at her side, pressing his head into her shoulder as he fought for control. He gasped with the effort, his limbs shaking, sweat cooling on his fevered brow.

Lily turned to face him, her swollen lips so seductive he could barely look at them. Her eyes were dark pools of desire and confusion and she was panting as hard as he was.

‘What’s wrong? Have I done something wrong?’ she asked on a whimper, reaching out to stroke his damp shoulder.

He shook his head, unsure whether words would form in his mind in that moment. All he knew was desire and fear.

She leaned in and kissed his neck just below his ear. The sound of her breath sent his senses reeling. The tingle of air against damp skin pushed at his sanity.

‘Don’t stop,’ she whispered as she licked the edge of his ear.

With a growl of both defeat and victory, he rolled on top of her again, but more carefully this time, not willing to risk causing her further pain. There would be enough of that when he took her maidenhead.

Shouldn’t
he wait? Hadn’t she wanted to be married before she gave that to him? But his wolf would not wait tonight, and unless she went to the croft on the moor and spent the night alone there, his wolf would have its way. Any thought that they could wait was irrelevant now.

‘Are you sure you want this, lass?’ he growled out between pants as his hands cupped her small breasts in his hands and lifted them toward his hungry mouth. ‘Say nay now while I have the strength to stop.’

She arched her back and moaned in pleasure as he clamped his mouth around one small, hard nipple and sucked. Her hands clawed at his hair as she writhed beneath him. How could such an innocent be so responsive? Every move she made seemed designed to push him closer and closer to the edge.

‘Don’t stop,’ she gasped out as she arched beneath him again, pressing her breast into his face for more attention. He laved the nipple with pleasure. So sweet, it tasted so sweet.