Defiance at Werewolf Keep (Werewolf Keep Trilogy) (8 page)

Later in the day
, she found herself caught up in a sad tale written by the mother of a victim.

Lochloman

3rd Day of August, in the year of our Lord 1865

My Dear Sirs,

It is with a heavy heart that I write to you about my only child. Duncan went to war for Her Majesty in the Crimea and, in late 1855 at the Battle of Great Redan, was injured unto death. Somehow, he survived and returned home, missing both his legs.

That was not the worst of his burden, dear sirs, because shortly after his return he transformed into a fearsome creature. We kept his plight a secret for many years, my husband and me. But last spring my husband died.

At my husband’s death, I sought information about my son’s condition without his knowing, hoping there was someone who might help. I eventually found out about you. Unfortunately, by that time, my dear boy had done the unthinkable and taken his own life so I would not be burdened with him alone.

I do not know why I write to you now. It may well be that I want to share his story with others who know and believe in such creatures. I do not want his life and struggle to go unrecorded and forgotten. Duncan was a good lad, loyal and kind. He bore his burden with dignity and grace, and would have continued to do so if not for his love for me.

If there is anything I can do to help others likewise burdened, please write to me. I have little enough left in my life to live for. Being useful to you would help to heal my heart.

Yours sincerely,

Margret Mc Millan

Lily blinked back the tears that stung her eyes as she finished the sad letter. Her heart went out to the wounded
ex-soldier who had not wanted to burden his mother further with his life. And it went out even more so to the mother who was desperate to have her son’s life recognised. To have lived in secret all these years, with no one to talk to about what it meant to be a werewolf, must have been horrendous.

She thanked God for Byron Carstairs for continuing Phil’s father’s work. If not for him, she might have killed her parents at the full moon, or been locked away like Duncan had, never knowing anyone who shared her burden. But now
, surrounded by people like her, each with wisdom and experience to help her deal with her lot, she had a chance at a fulfilling life. It humbled her.

* * *

Ten days after Lily had come to stay, Will was prowling the stable-yard in a foul mood. He blamed it on lack of sleep, but that was only the physiological reason for his temper. It was the reason for his sleepless nights that was the real problem.

‘Do you want to fight
me?’ Byron asked, appearing at the entrance of the stable and leaning against the doorframe.

‘Why would I want to be doin’ that? I have no
issue with you,’ Will snarled back.

‘I
f you do not hit something soon, you are likely to take out your mood on some hapless soul who cannot handle it. At least I might have a chance.’

‘You know full well I’d wipe the floor with you, man. I co
uldha’ done it when I was human. I would have no trouble doin’ it the noo as a werewolf.’

‘Then if you will not fight me, find some other way to work off this temper. It is coming up to the full moon and you know everyone will be
on edge. I do not want you causing anyone harm if you lose control.’

‘I have never lost control!’ Will
snapped, slamming his open palm into Byron’s shoulder, throwing him backward out the door.

‘Look at yourself
, man! Is this about Lily? You have not been yourself since she came here.’

‘Leave Lily out of this. She has nowt to do with this.’
He shoved Byron in the shoulder again and he fell back several more paces.

‘You follow her around like a love-sick puppy, but growl at her the moment she pays you any attention. The girl has enough to deal with, what with her first full moon coming up.
She does not need you making it worse,’ Byron went on, bracing for the next physical assault.

‘I’ll set myself up in a shepherds
’ croft. It worked for Bobby last year,’ Will said desperately, putting in to words what he’d been thinking about for days. He was more than aware that the full moon was coming. And the idea of being near Lily at that time was enough to send his heightened emotions into turmoil. The only answer was to be away from her for the three days of the full moon. If he was locked up in a secure space for three days he would be able to handle it.

‘You are not Bobby. You are twice his size. And if your wolf wants her, he will come for her, and damn anyone who gets in his way. Remember what Jasper was like? Distance means nothing.’

Will rubbed at his head until he almost pulled out his hair. ‘Aghhh!’

‘
You know this is just how Jasper was. You need to stop denying it. Your wolf wants her. The man probably wants her, too. How does she feel about you?’

‘She’s a poor wee thing who’s dealing with enough already, as you so rightly said. I donna want to take out my lust on her. Lily isna that sort of woman.’

‘I know it. But your wolf does not. He will take her if he gets the chance. Is she strong enough to handle it, emotionally and physically?’

Will punched the wooden beam of the doorway and barely felt the pain. ‘How do you think she’d handle being ravaged by my wolf? Not well. Her wolf will be small and fragile, as she is. He’d probably kill her.’

‘You have to do something, man. This is not going to go away. Your control is tissue-thin right now. It will be non-existent in a few days. You have to find a solution now before the wolf takes over.’

Will swore black and blue as he contemplated slamming his shoulder into the st
able. But the building had shaken from the force of his fist. The whole place could likely come down if he used his shoulder on it. And there was a barn full of horses inside.

In the end
, he simply screamed out his fury until he was hoarse. Then he collapsed against the side of the barn and buried his head in his arms.

‘Will, it is not the end of the world.
Look at Jasper and Fidelia. He did not think her capable of handling his strength and passion. But even his wolf was gentle with her. You have never so much as raised your voice to that girl, so do you really think your wolf would hurt her?’ Byron said, coming to crouch at his side, resting his back against the wooden wall.

‘I canna risk it. I have no control when I’m with her.’

‘Neither did Jasper, at times, but once he admitted his feelings, once he let the wolf have his way… He does not even mind being locked away from her for three nights a month, even when she is in the keep and he can smell her. He was worse when she was away this last full moon, of course, but – ’

‘She deserves better than an old war-horse like me. I canna even love her the way she deserves.’

‘You are a good man, William McManners. She could do a lot worse than you. And how do you know you cannot love her? Have you tried?’

Will growled. ‘No one tries to love someone. They either do or they donna.’

‘And you know you do not love her, even though you follow her around and are behaving like a love-sick fool?’

‘Lust. It is just lust. You do remember what that feels like?’

‘I know that lust and love are not so far apart. I lusted after Phil long before a realised I loved her, too.’

‘I am not the sort of man to be anyone’s husband, especially no
t someone like Lily. She’s more’n ten years younger than me and so tiny I could break her without tryin’.’

‘All I can tell you is that, one way or the other
, you are going to have to come to terms with your feelings for Lily. Sooner rather than later.’

* * *

‘You are encouraging this bond between them?’ Phil demanded in surprise after Byron had filled her in on his heart-to-heart with Will in the stable yard.

Byron slumped into his smoking chair beside the unlit fire in his study
and stared moodily into the dark coals. ‘I am encouraging a resolution to this impasse that is threatening the smooth running of the Keep. You know how Will has been since we brought her back. He is as grumpy as a bear and he cannot concentrate on his job. People are avoiding him. I would send him away if I thought it would do any good. But if Jasper is anything to go by, he would come back, and leave a trail of bodies in his wake to get here.’             

‘Lily is getting stronger with each passing day. But she will never be a strong woman, nor will she be a strong wolf. His con
cerns for her safety are well founded.’ Phil sat in her husband’s lap and rested her head on his shoulder.

‘You did not see how he was with her that first day. He was as gent
le as any man could be when she struggled against him. I do not think he would hurt her, in wolf form or out of it. I know the man. What I do not understand is his insistence that he does not love her.’

‘Maybe it is more that he does not
want
to love her. We both know what that feels like. But love cannot be kept at bay just by denying its existence.’ She nuzzled his neck until he took her face in his hands and drew her up to kiss her mouth. For several long minutes they enjoyed the kiss. Then Byron drew back and rested his hand gently on her expanding waistline.

‘Some men see love as a weakness,’ he admitted as he stroke
d his child.

‘Some men are fools.’ Phil’s tone was disparaging and Byron could only chuckle at it.

‘In this case, I am forced to agree. Will is acting like a fool, but nothing I say will make any difference. All we can do is prepare for the worst.’

‘You think you might have to shoot him?’
Now her tone was one of horror and she drew back in shock.

‘I cannot rule it out. If he makes the wrong choices… He would be the first to agree with me.’

‘I hope it does not come to that. I have come to hold Will in high regard. This place would never be the same without him.’

‘I agree. But our choices are limited. It will be up to Will what come
s next.’

CHAPTER EIGHT

Defeated
, Will went in search of Lily. No matter which way he looked at the situation, there seemed to be only one choice for him. His wolf wanted the fragile woman and he would not be denied. The only thing he could do to minimise the damage was to ease the way so that Lily wasn’t frightened when the wolf got loose and came for her.

Because he
would
come for her. The urge to find her and make her his was becoming harder and harder to resist. That Lily had no say in it was the hardest part for him to contend with. She wouldn’t be allowed to reject him. Better if he could woo her into accepting her fate.

He found her in the corner of the
vegetable garden that had become her special place on warm days such as this. That she could have chosen the rose garden, which would have been far more pleasant a place to while away the hours, had more to do with Charlotte than her own preferences, he guessed. Lily was not the type of woman to confront conflict. He imagined that her total lack of experience with any kind of clash of wills left her wary of them. For her, it was easier to avoid any possible situation that might lead to bad feelings.

Yet hadn’t she been the one to put Dee
repeatedly in her place when Lily felt she was the object of pity, or even worse, when she thought Dee was critical of him? Where had that fragile bloom found the backbone for such encounters?

Maybe he was right when he told the others that she was stronger than s
he looked. She would have to be to get through this next full moon unscathed.

As he approached
, he heard her crying, deep raking sobs that she was trying to smother in her handkerchief. His heart gave a sickly turn and he increased his pace. Who had hurt her? Was it Charlotte again, determined to drive her from the whole garden, not just her domain? That woman needed taking to task in a more forcible way. She’d had too much freedom for too long.

‘What’s wrong? Who’
s made you cry?’ Will barked at her as soon as he was close enough.

Lily’s head jerked up from the sheet of paper in her lap and stared at him, her huge violet eyes awash with unshed tears. ‘Oh
, Will, you startled me.’

‘I’m sorry
, Lass. But tell me what’s amiss. I willna let anyone hurt you!’ He almost snarled the words in his fury.

‘What? Hurt me? Oh
, no, you mean my tears. I’m reading a letter that came from Papa today. He is quite beside himself with worry over me. I wish… I want…’ A loud sob broke free and she buried her face in her hands again.

‘What do you want?’ Will sat down beside her on the patch of warm grass next to the herb garden. The smell of rosemary
, closely followed by lavender, assailed his senses. He took her hands gently in his and turned her to face him. Everything in him wanted to pull her against him, but he curbed the excess and focused on calming her.

‘I want to go home. I don’t want to be a werewolf. I don’t want to stay in this big
, old castle anymore. I want my papa!’ The last word was said as a wail and Will had no alternative but to draw her into his arms and rest her head against his chest.

‘Now, n
ow, wee love, donna take on so. It’s only to be expected that you’re homesick, after a lifetime with your parents. It’s only natural that you’re afeared of what’s to come. But you donna have to be afeared. I’ll take care of you.’

‘No
, you won’t.’ The words came out in a rush and Lily pulled away to glare up at him. ‘You think I’ve set my cap for you. You can’t stand to be in the same room with me without growling at me like a bear with a sore paw. I don’t know what I’ve done to give you this idea. I have no romantic expectation of you. I wish you would believe me.’

Will closed his eyes and took several deep breaths as he tried to get his emotions under control. It was a useless exercise.

‘Lily, lass, you have it all wrong. I donna think you’ve set you cap for me. I simply said you wanted something I couldna give you. But ma wolf is making it impossible to keep ma distance. You deserve better than me, but I doona think you have much choice in the matter.’

‘
What do you mean?’

‘My wo
lf wants you. I want you. If it was just me, I could keep my desires to maself…’

Lily frown
ed as if she found his garbled words impossible to make sense of. In truth, he was having trouble making sense of them himself.

‘You have been treating me like a pariah because you want me?’ Her astonishment would have been funny if the situation wasn’t so severe.

‘I doona ken this pariah. But if you mean how moody I’ve been –’

‘
Moody, bad-tempered and rude. You turned on your heel and stormed out last night, without a word. I was left not knowing what I said.’

Will rubbed at his
head and groaned. ‘You said nowt wrong, Lass. It was me. James was too attentive to you and I wanted to smash his face in. I couldna do it, so I left.’

‘Professor James? You were jealous of Professor
James? But he’s…He’s like a father to me. He’s old enough to – ’

‘He’s no’ much older than me. Do I seem like a father to you?’

Her eyelashes batted several times in astonishment. ‘No, of course not. He seems much older than you.’

‘Five years. Maybe a few more. I
told you I was an old war-horse.’

‘
What does this have to do with your wolf, and me not having a say? I become more confused the more I try to make sense out of your words…’

At least she was no longer crying, Will realised with some relief. He hated to see her upset, wanted to hit something hard in his frustration at
not being able to ease her sorrow. A woman needed a man who could staunch her tears and say the right words, make her feel loved and precious. Not a rough, hard-bitten rogue like him who knew only one way to be with a woman: Throw up her skirts and take her until she forgets everything else. That wasn’t what Lily needed.

She seemed to be
waiting for him to say something more, but when he didn’t, she started again, slowly and patiently, as if talking to an imbecile.

‘
What don’t I have a say in, Will?’

‘Being with me.’

‘But I have said I don’t want – ’

‘And I’m sayin’ the wolf won’t be denied. You have to be with me.’

‘Oh,’ she bit out, as she started to understand. ‘As your doxy?’

‘Nay
, Lass. I will marry you, of course.’

‘Marry? But you have made it abundantl
y clear that you do not love me.’

‘But I want you. My wolf wants you. A lot of marriages are forged
on far less. If you donna agree, I canna promise I can keep control. I would go away, but my wolf would bring me back. He’s no’ civilized. He doesna think in terms of love and marriage. He wants you. He will have you.’

* * *

Lily wished she felt offended by this unromantic declaration. The trouble was, she felt the same way. Her wolf, if that was what this growing wildness inside her was, wanted him, too. And it didn’t care about love and marriage, either. But she did. And she had spent the last week trying to talk herself out of her silly infatuation with this man. An infatuation she had been sure he didn’t return. Now the waters were muddied. He had told her before that he desired her, but couldn’t give her love. But now he was offering her marriage. Could being wanted be enough? It was certainly more than she had ever thought she’d get from a man.

From the sound of it, as far as Will was concerned, it would
have
to be enough. His wolf would have it no other way. Just as her wolf would have it no other way.

‘I will marry you,
Will, after the full moon, when it is confirmed that I am a werewolf. Then I will need my parents to attend the nuptials.’

He looked at her as if she’d hit him. ‘You will?’

She nodded her head. ‘Yes. My wolf, if I have one, wants you, too. I will not give myself to you without … I could not live with myself if I did that.’

He jumped to his feet, lifted her to hers as if she weighed nothing at all, and spun her around in a circle. The first grin she’d seen on his face since that first day split his face. Her foolish heart beat faster at the sight.

‘Good, lass, good! I’m so glad you see the sense in it. I’m no’ the man for you, but I’ll try to do ma best by you. I’ll be gentle.’ He stopped grinning as he considered the possibilities. 'I’ll speak to Byron about an idea I have. As you ken, we have completed new extensions to the dungeons. The existing cells are divided into male and female areas. The new area will be utilized by the overflow from either gender.

'This first change is goin’ to be shockin’
for you in so many ways. The dungeons themselves are frightening enough, as you've already discovered. Then there’s the nakedness. It always takes the women some time to adjust to that. Then, of course, there’s the first sight of what you will become, if others change before you. Then there is the change itself.' Will spoke quickly with his head down. Lily realized he was nervous.

'Yes, it is
all rather overwhelming. I haven’t slept the last few nights worrying about it,' she said slowly, waiting to hear where the conversation was going.

'I will suggest
to Byron that you and I be the only ones in the new wing for this full moon. I’m always one of the last to change and the first to come back. If you only had me to deal with, and the change, it might go easier for you.'

'I wo
uld have to be naked before you?' She stuttered in her mortified surprise.

'Aye,
that you would. But I would promise not to look. We all tend to protect each other's privacy that way.’

'I must admit the idea of only having you there is a relief. As yet
, I am not comfortable with any of the women. They are all rather frightening, or distant like Mary. The thought that I would be alone with them at such a time is...unnerving. I would be very grateful if you were the only one present during this first change.'

Lil
y looked at him with such trust that Will felt light-headed with delight. He’d been so sure she’d balk at the idea of sharing such a vulnerable time with just him. Not just the issues of nakedness, but the fear of seeing the beast for the first time. Although he was assuring her that he would change after her, neither of them could be certain this would be the way of it. Her nightmares of her attack were still so fresh. It might destroy their tentative relationship if she were to see him in his other form. This must have crossed her mind as he told her of his idea, and yet she didn't seem concerned about that aspect.

'Are you sure? I canna be certain I willna’ change a
fore you. I would hate it if you were afeared of me.' Now that he had raised the subject, he was almost ready to convince himself that it was a bad idea. He was caught between the desire to make the change as easy as possible for her and the thought that he might lose her forever if she associated him with the beast that had terrorised her.

'I have been told that the personality of the beast is not so different from the human. In which case
, I would not fear you, even in werewolf form. I have come to trust you implicitly in the very short time I have known you. I feel better knowing it will only be your beast who will be near me at the change.' She smiled at him, and his heart lifted. It took so little to turn his world from a cold, unyielding existence to a place filled with sunshine and joy. Lily's smile gave him that.

'Then that will be the way of it.
It willna be as bad as you think...And I’m lookin’ forward to seeing the kitten that is the other you.'

'I hope she won't disappoint,' Lily said with a nervous nod.

'Never! As you say, our wolves are like our human sides. Your wolf will be beautiful to me.'

* * *

‘No, absolutely not!’ Byron declared furiously as he stabbed at his desk with blunt fingertips.

‘It was you who said I had to sort the problem. Now
that I have, you’re tellin’ me nay?’ Will snarled back as he paced the small study.

‘She is a lady, Will. A fragile, over-protected Victorian lady. You cannot expect her to disrobe in front of a male. It will be bad enough for her having to do such a thing in front of women. She probably does not even know what hangs between a man’s legs!’

Phil choked on his last words as she sat quietly in the corner sipping her tea.

‘I apologise for the crudity, Beloved, but that is the reality of this situation.’ Byron pulled at the collar of his shirt.

‘It doona matter. She is unlikely to look at me. Her embarrassment will have her eyes glued to the floor.’

‘Regardless. I promised her father that I would care for and protect his daughter. Handing her over to you goes against that in a hundred different ways!’

‘She is terrified of you, Will,’ Phil put in as she placed her china teacup and saucer on the side table. ‘Every time you come into a room of late, I see her cringe away like a dog that has been beaten too often. You cannot expect her to agree to this.’