Defy (21 page)

I stopped and stared at her, but she looked at me in perfect

innocence, smiling cordially.

“Hungry?” she asked brightly. “I believe your prince saved

you some food.”

And with that, she turned and walked away, disappearing into

the darkness beyond our fire.

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I looked at the fire, where Rylan, Damian, and Lisbet sat,

watching me, waiting for me to join them. And it was suddenly all

too much. I couldn’t face them. Or maybe it was that I couldn’t

face myself.

Tanoori’s words rang in my ears, making my cheeks grow hot.

I wasn’t pretty and I knew it. Maybe if I grew my hair and dressed

like a girl. Maybe if I didn’t have hands callused from sword prac-

tice, or well-muscled arms and shoulders from training. I wasn’t

soft, I wasn’t feminine. I barely even knew how to talk like a girl

anymore, after years of purposely lowering my voice.

And yet when Damian and Rylan looked at me, I felt like they

were looking at me the way a man looked at someone he found

attractive. It was thrilling — and confusing.

I turned around and went back into the tent and lay down on

my bedroll, curling into a ball on my side. I stared at Rylan’s empty spot next to me, and tears suddenly burned my eyes. I wanted

Marcel to be here with me. I longed for my brother. Even more

impossibly, I wished Mama were still alive. If my parents hadn’t

been killed, none of this would have happened. I would have met

a boy who liked my hazel eyes or my long, dark hair. It had been so

thick and shiny — the one thing about me that had truly been

beautiful. I reached up to finger my short hair, then I remembered

Damian doing the same thing, and I shoved my hand into my

armpit instead.

When I heard someone approaching, I rolled onto my other

side. The f lap to the tent opened, and I felt someone standing

there, looking at me. But I kept still, made my breathing even.

After a moment, whoever it was left, leaving me alone with my

regrets, my impossible wishes, and my foolish heart.

164

 twenty-three 

W
e traveled for days the same way. Each morning, we

had to wake at dawn, force down the little bit of tasteless,

dried food our captors gave us, pack up our tents and bedrolls, and

be ready to march out of camp before the sun had even risen above

the trees. We had no pack animals, so we had to take the tent poles

apart and roll them up in the canvas, then strap all of it to our

backs. Rylan and I took turns, alternating days to carry the tent.

He tried to do it every day, but when I got upset at him for treating me like I was weak, he backed off.

I mentioned to Lisbet that I should just take off the binding,

since everyone knew I was a girl anyway, but she f latly refused.

“You must keep up the pretense of being a boy for all of the hidden

eyes watching you.” I wasn’t sure what she meant, but the look on

her face made me shiver. I kept the binding on.

We weren’t given any weapons, but I wasn’t as frightened of

the jungle with at least one powerful sorcerer nearby. I was
pretty
sure he’d save me if some jungle animal tried to make me its meal

again.

Prince Damian alternated walking with Lisbet and Jax, and

staying up front where I couldn’t see him. He did eat with us

once or twice, and though he was cordial to Rylan and me, and

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surprisingly friendly with Lisbet and Jax, he didn’t try to speak to

me alone again. I buried my disappointment and told myself I

didn’t care. But deep down, I knew I was lying. I’d actually let

myself start to believe he cared about me.

Lisbet hovered close by most of the time. I often caught her

watching me surreptitiously, and it made me nervous. Once, I

dared ask her about her ability to heal, but she’d ignored me and

dropped back to walk behind me for a while. Jax had decided he

liked me, though, and would often walk next to me when Damian

was gone, chatting about the different types of plants or animals

we saw. I didn’t have to say much to keep him going, which was a

relief. He’d just talk and talk as long as I nodded and agreed every

once in a while. Rylan walked next to us, piping in now and again.

The only good fortune I had was that Tanoori decided to keep

her distance. It was a relief not to have her popping up, threatening me with arrows one minute, trying to gossip with me the next, and

accusing me of being a harlot the minute after that.

This went on for more than a week, and every day I grew more

tired, more worn down, and more worried. We pressed on through

rain, heat, mud, and humidity. We were definitely heading toward

Blevon. We’d been traveling for so long, I couldn’t imagine it

would be more than another day or two before we crossed down into

the lowlands, then reached the border and left our nation behind.

On the eighth day of traveling since I’d woken up, the sky

above us grew cloudy once again, threatening rain. I’d actually

come to enjoy the rainstorms. The deluge of water was at least a

relief from the constant, cloying heat of the sunny days, and it

washed away the sweat and grime of the long trek through the

rain forest.

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Rylan and Jax were both next to me as we trudged down a hill

toward a small stream, talking about different types of monkeys.

From our vantage point at the top of the incline, I could see Prince

Damian a little ways ahead of us, almost to the stream. As I

watched, he adjusted his bedroll on his back so that he could

stretch his arms high overhead. For some reason, my heart beat a

bit faster as I watched him. It was difficult to believe that only two weeks ago, I’d practically hated him. And now . . . I didn’t know

what I felt. I thought something had started to happen between

us, but now I was afraid I was wrong. I remembered the way he’d

smiled at Jax, how they’d laughed together when Damian carried

him on his shoulders, and my stomach tightened. Would he ever

smile like that at me?

“Are you going to stand there all day?”

I shook myself from my thoughts to realize Rylan and Jax

both stood a little way below me, waiting. I fought to keep myself

from blushing and moved forward to follow them when some-

thing grabbed my attention. I froze and squinted, trying to make

sure I wasn’t seeing things. And then I broke into a dead run.

“Damian!”
I screamed as I rocketed down the hill toward the

prince.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. He turned to

look at me, his eyes widening. I screamed his name again, pointing

behind him, at the trees on the other side of the stream. The archers hidden in the shadows loaded their bows as I frantically shouted

at everyone to take cover. But I wasn’t fast enough. I had almost

reached the bottom when a volley of arrows f lew out of the trees.

I screamed Damian’s name once more and jumped toward

him with every ounce of strength in me. I collided with him a split

167

second before the arrow would have hit him, crashing so hard, we

both tumbled to the ground. He landed f lat on his back, and I was

on top of him, our faces only inches apart. Almost every part of

our bodies touched as he stared up at me in shock. And then

Damian pushed me off him and, rolling with unbelievable grace,

rose to a crouch, grabbing the sword out of the scabbard of a man

who wasn’t as lucky as he was. An arrow protruded from the man’s

throat, leaving a pool of blood beneath his head.

There wasn’t time to be surprised at his agility or the comfort

with which he held the sword. The men who’d shot at us were now

rushing toward us through the stream, swords lifted. They wore

the tattered uniforms of the Antionese army, attacking their own

prince unknowingly. We were at the far reaches of the kingdom,

too far for them to have received word of Damian’s abduction.

And few outside the palace knew what he looked like. There was

no hope they’d recognize him and retreat. We would have to fight

our own people if we wanted to live.

“Aim to injure, not kill!” Damian shouted as I leaped to my

feet, desperately searching for a weapon to use. Bodies littered the

ground, but I didn’t have time to make it to another one to grab a

weapon. I was defenseless.

Where was Eljin? Where was his power when we needed it?

Those with weapons raced forward to meet the soldiers, and

the sounds of blades crashing together rang through the forest.

A man rushed directly at me, sword raised. I turned to run for

my life, only to collide with someone — a tall, handsome prince

who shouldn’t have been in the middle of this battle.

“Alex, get behind me.
Now!
” Damian barked when my eyes

widened in panic. Why hadn’t he run for cover?

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“Give me your sword!” I shouted back over the sounds of

fighting.

Instead of listening, he shoved me behind him, blocking the

soldier’s attack just as his blade would have cut me through.

I stumbled back, and watched first in horror, then in growing

amazement as Damian not only held off the man’s attack, but

fought back with surprising skill.

“Alex!”

I turned at the sound of my name just in time to lift my hand

and catch the sword Rylan had tossed to me. Armed at last, my fear

dissolved. As I gripped the hilt of the sword, my mind calmed and

my body filled with purpose.
This
was who I was —
this
was what I knew how to do. I was a fighter.

Damian had disarmed the soldier who’d rushed at me, swiped

his sword arm so that he couldn’t pick up his weapon again, then

moved on into the thick of the fight. I plunged in after him, my

sword arcing through the air, carving a path through the army

that obviously had no idea it was attacking its own prince. I did as

Damian had asked, and struck only to injure. These were our own

people. It made me sick to have to fight them, but our lives

depended on it. They obviously believed we were rebels or part of

the Blevonese army, and they
were
striking to kill.

I stayed as close to Damian as I could, in case he needed help.

But as the fighting continued, it became very apparent that my

help was not needed. He was an incredible swordsman.

He twisted and lunged, spun and parried as though he’d been

born with a sword in his hand. It was all I could do to keep fight-

ing and not stop to watch him.

And then Eljin finally showed up.

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“Enough!” he shouted and swung his fist through the air, as

though he was trying to smash something in front of him. A huge

boom reverberated through the forest and the ground began to

shake. “If you wish to live, you will retreat this instant!” His voice carried over the horrible sound of the earth threatening to tear

apart beneath our feet.

We all froze, Antion’s army and Eljin’s own men alike.

“Sorcerer!” someone from the army shouted in fear.

“Retreat!”

The cry was repeated, and all the soldiers who remained unin-

jured rushed back across the stream and melted into the forest

they’d emerged from only minutes before.

Eljin released his fist and the shaking stopped.

Breathing hard, my heart still beating rapidly, I gazed at the

bodies on the ground in dismay. There were casualties from Eljin’s

group and the Antion army. Most of the men from the army were

only injured, not dead, just as Damian had ordered. I marveled

that Eljin’s men had followed his command, even though he was

their prisoner.

Damian stood a few feet away from me, holding his sword

loosely in his hand. I stared at him, half in astonishment and half

in anger.

“You can fight,” I finally said.

He remained silent, watching me. I couldn’t tear my eyes away

from his. Why had he kept this from his guard — from
me
? I

remembered seeing him in his room, how I’d wondered at the

sheen of sweat on his well-muscled body. I clenched my jaw to hold

back everything I wanted to say to him in that moment. I was mad

at him. Mad and confused and amazed.
He’d
saved
my
life.

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“Alex! You’d better come here!”

I spun around to find Rylan crouching next to a body on the

ground. I could only see the person’s legs, those of a smaller body,

definitely not one of Eljin’s men. My heart stopped as I rushed to

his side, praying it wasn’t Jax.

When I reached Rylan, he moved aside to show me my prayer

was answered. It wasn’t Jax.

It was Tanoori, lying in a puddle of blood, an arrow protrud-

ing from her chest.

171

 twenty-four 

I
s she dead?” I dropped to my knees beside Rylan.

“Not yet. She’s breathing, but just barely.” He had his hand

pressed around the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. “We’ve

got to get this arrow out.”

It was embedded on the right side of her chest, closer to her

shoulder than her belly. All we could hope was that it hadn’t punc-

tured her lung. At least it was far away from her heart.