My hands balled into fists. “Absolutely not. You promised you wouldn’t tell him.”
His jaw muscles twitched and he threw his hand up in a frustrated gesture. “If one of us doesn’t say something to my dad, then he’ll accept the offer.”
“Yes, but that price is way better than what I can pay. I’ve been offered my old job as a customer service rep, and I’m going to take it.” My heart cracked as I said it, but I knew it was the best thing for Bernie. “This is your dad’s retirement money. He’s worked hard his whole life and he deserves the best price for his building and his business. I’m not going to guilt him into selling everything to me for less money.”
“I can’t just stand here and watch while you throw away—”
“You’re not going to have to
watch
anything,” I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest as adrenaline coursed through my veins. “You’ll be in Peru. Won’t you?”
His mouth opened slightly, then he tucked his chin. “How did you hear about that?”
“What does it matter?” Shaking my head, I moved around him to go back to the condo.
He stepped in front of me, blocking my path. “I planned to discuss this with you, but I just received the offer this afternoon.”
I tilted my head. “What’s there to talk about?”
A hurt expression crossed his face. “Do you think I’m going to take a job in South America? I told you I’m here for good and I meant it.”
My heart flipped in my chest. “So you turned down the offer then?” I watched the guilty look cross his face, and he avoided my gaze. I let out a slow breath. “If you’re so set on staying in Sac, then why wouldn’t you decline the job?”
He thrust a hand through his hair. “Look, it’s not as easy as that. This is exactly the kind of opportunity I would’ve taken two weeks ago. And, yes, it was fun to think about for a day. But I’m not going.” He reached for me, but I took a step back. His brows furrowed, and he kept his gaze intent on mine. “When I saw you again that was it for me. I’m not leaving you.”
My eyes burned suddenly, and I turned away. “I-I can’t think.”
Hiking the Inca Trail in Peru. Visiting Machu Picchu. This was the Nate I knew, and also the man I loved. I would
never
want him to change. But I also didn’t want to be the woman waiting at home for the dreaded phone call, telling me that a fun adventure had ended in a body bag. I couldn’t bear that.
“You should take the job in Peru. That’s who you are . . .” My mouth had moved, but I felt numb everywhere. Bile rose up my throat as I lifted my gaze to his. “I’m not cut out for this kind of life. I need someone who’s more stable, who I know will return home each night.”
“There are
no
guarantees in life.” He bit the words out, the muscle in his jaw pulsing. “You have to seize each and every day, because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Haven’t we both learned that by now?” He lifted my hands, squeezing them between his own. “All of my travels have led me back here. The
only
adventure I want to take is spending the rest of my life with you.”
My heart flipped. I wanted to believe what Nate was telling me, but then my chest tightened with doubt. I didn’t know if someone like me belonged with someone as adventurous as him. He could get bored with me, and take off to live in another country just like his mom had done. Maybe Nate was right that his mom hadn’t truly loved his dad, though. It was hard to know what to believe.
I
wanted
to be with Nate, but the likelihood of getting hurt seemed so incredibly huge it was beyond scary. So, just like when my dad had invited me up in the hot air balloon when I was young, I shook my head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.” I squeezed his hands one more time before releasing them. “You belong with someone who’ll rough it with you in Peru at a moment’s notice. Not someone who will keep you from your dreams.”
“Melinda—”
“No.” My voice was firm and final. “We don’t belong together.”
“If you would just listen to me . . .”
I held my palm up to stop him from saying anything more. “This is for the best.”
His breath caught in his throat, then his eyes darkened. “You’re wrong about what you and I need. One day you might even realize that, but by then I’ll be gone.” He stared at me a moment, his cold look sending a chill down my spine. Then he stepped back. “Bye, princess.”
“Good-bye, Nate.” I held my breath as he walked away so I wouldn’t fall apart. Closing my eyes, I heard his motorcycle rumble to life, then he sped off.
A stabbing pain speared my heart as I turned and wobbled back to my condo. All of the sorrow from my youth came rushing back to me, but as I’d done for many years I tried to convince myself I was fine. At least Nate and I had said good-bye to each other this time. At least I’d had a choice. But no matter how many ways I tried to spin it, the pain kept increasing at lightening speed, threatening to knock me over.
I made it to the front porch, but then a sharp pang struck my chest. I grabbed the doorjamb for support as the hurt and loss I’d ignored for the past fourteen years rushed at me. Bending over in physical pain, I clutched my hands to my chest as an animal-like sound escaped me.
I’d lost the bakery, and I’d lost Nate. I missed my dad so much, but why had he giving me his horrible
Carpe Diem
list? For so many years, I’d kept a tight seal around my heart in order to avoid the exact kind of unstoppable pain shooting through my chest right now. Another sob escaped as my face crumpled in defeat, and I’d never felt so hopeless.
So
alone
.
Then the front door opened, the squeaky hinges startling me. I glanced up to find Mary Ann and Avery staring down at me, their eyes large with concern. My immediate reaction was to hide or pretend everything was fine. But I didn’t have time. Within moments, Mary Ann’s arms came around me and she pulled me against her, murmuring all kinds of sweet things about how she was here for me.
Her compassionate words didn’t change me losing my dad, or the bakery, or Nate, But as I cried into her shoulder the pain lifted just a little bit, knowing she cared about what I was going through and knowing I had friends to lean on.
Maybe a girls’ night had been a good idea after all.
****
Early the next morning, I arrived at Bernie’s Bakery feeling like a zombie, going through the motions on automatic baker-mode. After I’d cried for an embarrassing amount of time last night, I finally confided to the girls about what had happened. With Nate. The Bakery. The
Carpe Diem
list. Everything.
They’d listened attentively, then plied me with lavender oil and facial masques, sharing their own tragic break-up stories. Mary Ann even told us about the guy who’d broken her heart in college, prompting her to create her two-strikes-and-you’re-out dating policy, which she felt I should implement immediately since she claimed life was too short to stick around for a third strike.
Her rules wouldn’t have helped me with Nate, though. He and I were just too different.
I’d given in last night and let Avery dye a lock of my hair purple. I’d chosen the chunk behind my ear so the color would display nicely when I pulled half—or
all
—of my hair up, but I could easily hide it when I wore my hair down if I wasn’t feeling so daring. The flash of color had almost made me smile when I’d put my hair up in a twist this morning, but I was still too depressed about losing the bakery.
I was even more devastated about losing Nate.
After I’d prepared all of the delicious delicacies at Bernie’s Bakery, Wendy brought the second buyer to the bakery hoping she could top the first offer. Man, that woman was driven. The sight of the second buyer pinched my heart and I was beyond exhausted when my day at the bakery was over.
When I arrived home, Fudge greeted me at the door with a hundred licks. Then I strode into the kitchen and was surprised to find Mary Ann. She sat at the barstool with a plate of leftover angel hair pasta marinara in front of her. A fresh slice of pain stabbed my heart as I stared at my favorite pasta dish that Nate had brought over last night in addition to assorted appetizers. The coldness in his eyes flashed in my mind, and I shook my head to try to clear all thoughts of him.
“Hi,” I said, fighting to ignore the green eyes that popped into my head again. I should definitely avoid the pasta marinara for dinner and have a sandwich instead. No bad memories in a turkey on rye. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Eating dinner,” she said, her tone lacking its usual pep. Instead of eating like she claimed, though, she pushed the pasta around her plate with her fork.
“No, I meant . . . don’t you have something going on tonight?” My brain cells tickled on the brink of remembering something she’d told me the night we’d picked up Fudge. I snapped my fingers. “I’ve got it. You’re supposed to be at your dad’s celebratory dinner for completing rehab. Isn’t that where Ginger is?”
“Yeah.” Mary Ann slumped onto her fist, glancing up at me. “But my sister believes our dad’s truly in recovery. I’ll feel like a fake if I go and pretend he’s cured.”
I leaned on the counter. “What do you mean?”
“My dad’s been an alcoholic my entire life.” She sat up, shoving the plate away from her. “Scotch has always been his priority. It’s been one disappointment after another with him. This probably sounds terrible, but I’m just not interested in getting my feelings smashed again when he goes back to the bottle. You know?”
I gave her a sympathetic look. “I can understand how that would be scary.”
Her eyes widened. “Am I being unreasonable?”
“No, I . . .” My words trailed off. I wanted to reassure her that she wasn’t unreasonable, that she had every right to give up on her dad, but that wasn’t how I felt. She didn’t realize how lucky she was to still
have
her father, as imperfect as he might be. I’d give up anything in the whole world to have one more dinner with my dad.
She gripped my hand like she was grabbing a lifeline. “Please be honest with me, Melinda. What do you really think?”
I didn’t want Mary Ann to make the same mistakes that I had made, but I had such a hard time opening up my feelings. I took a deep breath. “The last dinner I had with my dad was when I was fourteen.” A lump formed in my throat as I remembered back to that night. “He asked me if I wanted to go for a hot balloon ride with him the next day.”
Her hand squeezed mine, encouraging me to go on.
“I’d wanted to go up in a hot air balloon, but I was scared of heights, scared of getting hurt.” The lump in my throat shifted into a boulder. “Now I’ll never get another chance to take that ride with him, and there’s nothing I can do to fix that.” I looked at her meaningfully. “So let me ask you a question. If you miss supporting your dad with this dinner, miss giving him a second chance, will you regret your decision if something happens to him?”
Her delicate features suddenly tightened and her face reddened as she finally nodded. “Yes, I’d probably regret it for the rest of my life.” A small sound escaped her. “But this is
so
hard . . .”
“I know.” I pulled her into a hug, wishing I could ease some of her pain the way she’d done for me last night. “Life’s
way
too hard sometimes. But I think the best way to fix a regret is not to make the mistake in the first place.”
She sniffed then leaned away, wiping her nose. “What about you? You said Bernie’s Realtor was showing the building to a second buyer today, right?”
I shook my head, confused at where she was going with this. “So?”
“If she’s showing to a second buyer, then it’s possible Bernie hasn’t accepted the first offer yet. Twenty-four hours is a standard amount of time to respond in the business world, so there might still be a chance to let Bernie know you’re interested.”
My brows came together as I pulled a loaf of rye from the breadbox. “You’re as bad as Nate.”
“I’m just using your own logic.” She held her hands up defensively. “Once the bakery sells, there’s nothing you can do about it. I just think Bernie should have all of the facts before he makes his decision. Maybe the buyer is going to turn his bakery into a frozen yogurt shop and he’d rather accept a lower offer in order to keep his business alive.”
A sharp pain sliced through my chest at the thought of a frozen yogurt shop replacing Bernie’s Bakery. But there was nothing I could do about that now. “I emailed the human resources manager at my old job this morning to let her know I was interested in the customer service position that became available when Ellen gave her notice.”
“But you didn’t
like
working there,” she reminded me.
“It’s a steady job, and pays the bills.” Even though I had a good paying job again to pay off my credit card, I’d never felt worse in my life. With a knot in my throat, I spread mustard over both pieces of bread, then I sliced through an onion with a vengeance. “Kaitlin already emailed me back and confirmed the job’s mine. I start in a week, after I’ve fulfilled my promise to Bernie.”
“You won’t regret that decision? Or the decision you made about Nate?” She stared at me a few moments. When I didn’t answer, she picked up her plate and set it in the sink. Then she checked her watch, and raised her brows. “I’m going to the dinner. Wish me luck.”
“Good luck.” I forced a smile, then watched her wave and disappear out of the kitchen. A moment later I heard the front door open and then close as she left.
I put the rest of my sandwich together, but I had no appetite. My mind whirled at our conversation, but talking to Bernie about the bakery was
not
the same as Mary Ann having dinner with her dad. Bernie wasn’t my dad, but I was afraid he’d sacrifice his happiness for me anyway, and that wasn’t right.
My cell phone beeped and I wondered if it was Mary Ann changing her mind. But when I checked my phone, my heart skipped a beat. It was a text from Nate:
Picking up your dad’s ashes from your mom’s at nine o’clock sharp tomorrow morning. So I’ll pick you up at a quarter til?
My heart pounded hard in my chest. What would be the point of going up in the hot air balloon to scatter my dad’s ashes? I didn’t need to finish my dad’s
Carpe Diem
list when I’d already lost the bakery. And my dad was dead. I’d turned him down and missed my chance to go up with him, which was just something I’d have to live with.