Knowing you as well as I do, I worry that you’ll see my passing on as something sad. But we’re only allowed a limited number of years on the earth and I lived mine well, so please be happy for me. If you’ll do me the honor of playing one last game, I’ve made you a Carpe Diem list:
Have my ashes sprinkled over the Sierras.
Share your art with the world.
Fix your biggest regret.
Fall in love again.
It’s my hope that this list will help you jump-start a new chapter in your life, which I’m sure will be as amazing as the chapters we spent together. I’ve left a Carpe Diem list for Melinda as well, so please don’t give her the insurance money until she’s completed each task.
My one last request is for you to walk Melinda down the aisle for me. When you do, tell her how beautiful she is and how much her daddy loves her. Then shake the hand of the man who won her heart, tell him to take care of my girl, and that I’ll be looking down on them with love.
When you think of me, always smile. I’m grateful to have shared my life with you.
Love,
Ed
“Oh, Mom . . .” My eyes watered, then I lifted my lashes. “Dad wanted you to fall in love again, and of course I do, too. I was just . . . surprised. That’s all.” Shocked would be more like it, actually. “I love Bernie, and I’m happy for you both.”
She smiled back at me. “Thank you.”
My throat tightened as I reread the letter. When I got to the part about my dad’s request that my mom walk me down the aisle, I immediately envisioned myself gliding down the white lacy runner with my mom, approaching the tuxedo-clad groom who was smiling back at me with his jade-green gaze.
Then something else happened. As I imagined my mom placing my hand in Nate’s, my veil-tinted gaze shot to the translucent man standing beside us. My dad! His worried stare shot through me as his gaze flicked back and forth between and Nate and me. His brows rose as if asking what I was doing.
My gaze lifted, and I stared at my mom. “Where’s Nate? He told me he’d be here picking up Dad’s ashes . . .”
My mom tilted her head as if confused. “He left to sprinkle your dad’s ashes over the Sierras from a hot air balloon.”
My heart rate kicked up. “Yeah, but he hasn’t driven off yet. His motorcycle is in the driveway . . .”
“He took Bernie’s car.”
I grabbed the sides of my head. “What? When did he leave?”
“Just before you arrived. Did you change your mind about going?”
“Yes!” Tears blurred my vision, which felt like all too common of a recurrence this week. “And he’s not answering his cell phone. Do you know the address of where he’s going?”
“I do.” She darted down the hall, then came back with a scribbled-on sticky note. “They’re launching from here. But I’m afraid he said they were going to take off immediately after he arrives. Something about morning winds being calmer . . . ”
Bernie popped his head around the corner from the hall. “Everything all right, ladies?”
No, everything was most definitely not all right. The man I loved was moving to Peru because I’d told him to, and I’d missed my last chance to take a hot air balloon ride with my dad.
“I have to go!” I may have sounded crazy, but I didn’t care. I gave my mom and Bernie each a quick hug, then I raced out the door. I backed out onto the street as fast as I could, then put my car in drive and stomped on the gas pedal.
I’d let fear rule my life for too long. From now on, I would seize each day like my dad had taught me. I just hoped I’d
get to Nate before he took my dad up for his last flight.
****
I merged into the fast lane and sped down the freeway toward the Sierra foothills, my heart racing. Every time I dialed Nate’s cell number the call went straight to voicemail, making me want to throw my phone. I’d been such a coward about sprinkling my dad’s ashes from the hot air balloon. This was one of my dad’s final wishes and I’d left the responsibility up to someone else because I was terrified of heights.
I couldn’t help wondering what Nate thought of my cowardice. He had to be one of the bravest people I knew, just like my dad had been, and he never let fear stop him. Not like I had. But I was
done
letting fear rule my life.
I’d wanted to go up in the hot air balloon with my dad so badly, but I’d been afraid of that little possibility of plummeting to my death. Okay, maybe that wasn’t so little. It had sadly happened to my dad. But it also wasn’t so likely and my dad had known that when he’d taken the risk. And by skipping chances to do what excited me, I’d been missing the joy those adventures could bring me, especially in a relationship that left me breathless.
I loved Nate. And I’d let him go because he’d considered a trip that of course he would find amazing? That was insane. I could fly to Peru to visit him for the next six months, or however long the job lasted. No, that hadn’t been the real reason I’d let him go. I’d been afraid of getting my heart broken again. But we all made mistakes sometimes. Hadn’t I just made a terrible one by breaking up with Nate?
My eyes flicked to the clock as I exited the freeway. What were the chances they wouldn’t have taken off already? Slim to none. I had to go faster. I slowed to make a right turn, then sped toward the address my mom had given me, imagining the hot air balloon rising above me by the time I arrived, too high, too out of reach. The tension in my body ratcheted up a notch.
Then I spotted the address on a wooden sign ahead of me. I turned down the driveway that led to a dirt parking lot and screeched my car to a halt next to Bernie’s sedan. I jumped out of the car, gaze darting around quickly until I spotted an open field. A bright yellow and red balloon lay deflated on its side next to a brown wicker basket. Two male figures stood beside it, and relief flowed through me.
I raced in their direction.
Nate glanced up as I ran toward him at full speed. A look of confusion crossed his face and he moved away from the basket, coming toward me. He wore jeans and a short-sleeved shirt that stretched across his chest in a very appealing way. I stopped seconds before crashing into that hard chest and then fought to catch my breath.
“You didn’t go up yet. Right?” I managed to get out between gasps for breath.
“No.” He started to reach toward me as if reflexively, but then he looped his thumbs into his back pockets. “Are you here to ride with us?”
“Yes.” I nodded, my heart pounding in my ears. “Well, that’s one of the reasons I’m here.”
A line formed between his brows. “What’s the other reason? Is everything all right?”
“No!” My voice echoed through the small valley, and I realized I’d probably spoken too loudly. But, whatever. “This probably won’t come out the way it should, but I have something I need to tell you.”
His green eyes peered into mine. “What is it?”
“First, I’m not going to take that customer service position at my old company. I’m going to start my own bakery.”
“What about Bernie’s Bakery? I thought you loved it.”
Pain washed through me at the mention of Bernie’s Bakery. The loss felt as real as losing family, but I knew I’d done the right thing by putting Bernie first. An offer of twenty-perfect above asking price was huge, and would help him be financially secure in his retirement. “I’m going to have to let that go, then focus on a second chance. Somehow.”
He tilted his head, and gave me a side-glance. “You know my dad turned down the buyer’s offer. Right?”
My eyes nearly popped out of my head. “What?!”
“Someone told him you were interested in buying the bakery. And before you say anything, it wasn’t me.”
“But, who would . . .?” My voice trailed off, but then the image of Bernie standing in my mom’s kitchen in his bathrobe appeared in his mind. “My mom.” I glanced at Nate, and his expression told me he thought the same thing. “Did you know about them?”
His gaze met mine. “I dropped by my dad’s yesterday to check on him. Let’s just say it was an inopportune moment for me to arrive unexpectedly.”
I shuddered, then confessed, “I saw them in their robes this morning.”
“Their relationship is definitely going to take some getting used to.” He blew out a breath, shaking his head. Then he placed a hand on my arm. “But the important thing is that he’s selling the bakery to you.”
Warmth infused my chest and I felt like my heart was rising as if it were a hot air balloon. I hadn’t wanted Bernie to sacrifice the higher offer for me, but it looked like I didn’t have a choice anymore. Ironically he was doing what was in my best interest, which was what I’d been trying to do for him. Because of him, one of my dreams was going to come true. Now it was up to me to make my other dream a reality.
“I love you, Nate,” I blurted, and my cheeks immediately heated. I couldn’t believe I’d just confessed my feelings to Nate in the middle of a dry empty field that smelled suspiciously like cow manure. So
not
romantic. “I know you’re going to Peru, but if you give me a second chance maybe I can come visit you? We can ride horses up the Inca Trail, or something.”
The corners of his mouth twitched. “You want to ride on the Inca Trail?”
“I might,” I said, even though the actual idea of dust and sweat didn’t seem as romantically appealing as it had been in my dream. “Look, you are this amazing, adventurous guy, and I’m probably the least risk-taking person out there.” I thrust my hands to my chest. “But that doesn’t mean we don’t belong together.”
Now the corners of his mouth curved upward. “Oh, really?”
“Yes!” My mouth puckered, wondering what he thought was so funny. “I’m glad you took that job in Peru, because that’s important to you. But I want us to stay together. I want to seize life and live, or whatever. I’m just not sure how to start and . . . are you laughing at me?”
“Maybe a little.” He chuckled. “But only because I already turned down the project in Peru.”
My tummy fluttered. “You did? But I thought that was the perfect job for you . . .”
“At one point in my life it would have been, but now I’m ready for a new adventure.” He slipped his hands around my waist and pulled me close to him. “With you.”
Shivers raced down my spine, and I peered up at him shyly. “Even though I’m boring?”
“You aren’t even close to boring.” He brushed his fingers along my jawline, studying my face as if taking me all in. Then he inhaled deeply as if savoring the moment. “I love you, princess. Always have, and always will.”
Then he pressed his lips to mine, sending tingles throughout my body, along with that lovely feeling of déjà vu that I had the strong suspicion would never end.
****
Taking off in the hot air balloon was more than a little scary. There wasn’t exactly a lot of room in this four-person wicker basket and the red fuel tanks took up a lot of leg space. Plus, the burner was pretty loud and the large flame startled me at first. But, I was facing my fears and that was huge.
Now that we’d reached our desired height, everything was quiet as we floated along, and I began to see why my dad enjoyed going up so much. Then I peeked over the rim of the basket, peering at the ground far below, and my stomach dropped. I squeezed my eyes shut. The earth was a
long
way down. Then I felt arms slip around my waist, my back being pressed against a warm, solid chest. Nate.
Once I was comfortable again, I stepped away from him and peered over the edge again on my own. Still scary, but not quite as bad this time. I closed my eyes, enjoying the light wind against my face and letting tranquility wash over me.
When I opened my eyes again, my view had shifted, as if I’d shrunk much shorter. Then my gaze dropped to my hand, which was smaller, and my fingernails glittered with the blue polish that had been all the rage the summer before my freshman year of high school.
A man’s familiar hand wrapped firmly around mine, and warmth flooded through my chest. When I lifted my gaze, my dad was looking back at me. He smiled, the sides of his blue eyes crinkling, and he squeezed my hand.
“Daddy,” I whispered. Every cell in my body came alive and a small sound escaped me as I gaped gratefully into my dad’s eyes, unable to believe he was here with me. He held my gaze, his eyes sparkling as if he’d been waiting for this moment as long as I had. My vision blurred and hot wetness seeped down my cheeks, but the corners of my mouth turned upward.
His eyes drifted to my smile and an expression of calmness spread across his features—a look that could only be described as pure peace. Then he turned his head, staring off into the distance. My gaze followed his and I saw beauty all around me. White clouds. Blue sky. Scattered green and brown land below.
Instead of being scared this time, I felt exhilarated . . .
filled
with all of the joy of truly living. I closed my eyes, breathing it all in. Then something shifted.
My eyes popped open and I glanced down at my French-manicured hand, which was now empty. I glanced up, but my dad was gone. Remembering the words in my dad’s letter, I searched the sky frantically. On the highest point, my gaze came to rest where the sky was brightest blue, and rush of familiar warmth flooded through me.
“I love you, Daddy,” I whispered, then turned around, taking the cloth bag Nate held toward me. I hugged the bag against my chest one last time. Then I opened the top, held the bag over the rim, and turned it upside down. I watched what almost looked like fairy dust drift away, caught in the gentle currents of the wind, until the contents were gone.