He could see bits of Alison in her—the shape of her eyes, the way she tilted her head.
“I don’t know what to say,” Lindsey told him with a shy smile. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I was glad to help.”
“Did it hurt when they took your bone marrow?”
“I was asleep. I had a couple of bruises afterwards, but they’re no big deal. You’re the one going through the worst of it.”
Lindsey wrinkled her nose. “I was really sick for a while. Chemo is totally gross. But it’s over and now I’m feeling better.”
She sat up in her bed, on top of the covers. Brightly colored sweats covered her legs and she had on a blue long-sleeved fuzzy shirt that buttoned in front. There were IV lines coming from her chest and her arm.
“We should all sit,” Tracy said as she busied herself pulling up a couple of chairs.
Cal took the one closest to his daughter. She was so beautiful, he thought. He’d seen her before, of course, but always from a distance. Now he was close enough to see the color in her cheeks and the little mole she had on the side of her neck.
“I understand you’re a senior in high school,” he said.
“Yeah.” She sighed. “I’m probably going to miss graduation. Even though I’ll be better by then, it’s a big crowd and I have to avoid them for the next six months. I’m going to UW. Um, the University of Washington.”
He grinned. “I know. I went there.”
“Really? What did you study?”
“Business.”
“Oh.” She wrinkled her nose again. “I’m going pre-law. I want to learn about a lot of different things. Then I’m going to law school to study environmental law. You know, save the planet.”
She was young enough to believe that was possible, he thought in wonder. And he was entranced enough to think she could.
“I won’t be starting until January, though. The whole crowd thing. But my mom talked to the admissions people and there are some classes I can take online, which is totally great. So I’ll have the same number of units as everyone else when I finally get there.”
“You’ll have to let me know how it all goes,” he said.
“Really? You’d be interested?”
Tracy smiled at her daughter. “Honey, he just saved your life. I think he has a little something invested in your future.”
“Right. I never thought of it that way. Okay. Sure. I can let you know. Do you do e-mail?”
He nodded.
“Me, too. I love it. And instant messaging. I would just die without that and my cell phone to keep in touch with all my friends.” She flashed a smile at Tracy. “Mom’s been great about letting me do that. Of course we got unlimited local calling and my friends all have it, too.” Her voice trailed off. “You probably don’t care about that.”
Actually, he did. He wanted to hear about every aspect of her life. He couldn’t believe he was here, so close to her. He wanted to hug her and tell her who he was. He wanted to show her New York and Europe and watch her grow into a beautiful woman. Mostly, he wanted to turn back the clock and watch her from the time she’d been born.
The combination of pleasure at her company and pain for all he’d missed immobilized him. He ached in a way he’d never hurt before. She was incredible and no matter what he said or did, he couldn’t get those years back.
Lindsey frowned. “You look kinda familiar. It’s hard to tell with the mask, but I saw you when you came into the dressing room and I thought…” She looked from him to her mom, then back. “Do I know you?”
He’d been waiting for this moment for seventeen years. Here it was—the perfect invitation. The chance to tell her who he was.
Penny held her breath. Despite being in the waiting room, she could hear their conversation and she could feel Cal’s longing to be with his daughter. Love radiated out from him like heat from a stove. He’d done the right thing over and over and this was his reward. Yet she couldn’t help wanting to stop him.
The girl was an innocent in all this. She’d never wanted to know her birth parents. Why tell her now? It would change her forever, and possibly not in a good way. But Penny knew that Cal had earned this moment and right or wrong, he would take it.
“You’ve seen me,” Cal said, his voice thick with emotion.
Penny’s eyes filled with tears. She glanced at Tracy and saw the woman trembling with emotion. No doubt she was terrified she would lose some part of her daughter. That a piece of her heart would be given to Cal.
“I’m one of the owners of The Daily Grind. My partners and I used to do the commercials on television.”
Penny blinked back tears as her heart froze in her chest. Was that it? She braced herself for more and was stunned when after a second Lindsey said, “Oh, yeah. That’s it. I knew you looked like somebody I knew.”
Then she mentioned how sad she was to miss the prom, but that her boyfriend had promised her they would go dancing as soon as she could handle the crowds. Cal asked if she had any pets and the conversation continued.
Tracy looked as stunned as she, Penny, felt. What had just happened? Why had Cal passed over the perfect opportunity to tell Lindsey who he was?
Fifteen minutes later the visit ended. Cal promised to answer Lindsey’s e-mail and she promised to keep in touch. She turned on the TV before they left the room.
When the door to Lindsey’s room was closed, Tracy turned to him. “Why didn’t you tell her?” she asked in a low voice.
Cal pulled off his protective gown. “I wanted to, but I couldn’t say the words. She’s a great kid, Tracy, and that’s because of you and Tom. But she’s still young and I didn’t want to screw with her world.”
Tracy threw herself at him. “Thank you,” she said as tears poured down her cheeks. “Thank you. I know you could have told her. You had every right. You’ve given her to us twice now and taken nothing for yourself. I don’t know how to repay that kind of sacrifice.”
Penny found herself fighting tears of her own. When Cal looked at her and raised his eyebrows, she shrugged. “Hormones,” she said with a sniff.
He patted Tracy’s back until she straightened. “I should get back to her,” she said.
“Thanks for letting me meet her,” he told Tracy.
“You’re a great man, Cal. Truly.” She wiped her face, then entered her daughter’s room.
Cal was quiet the whole way to the car. Once they were on the road, he looked at her. “I know it’s only three in the afternoon, but I need a drink. Want to keep me company?”
“Sure. Where do you want to go?”
“Somewhere quiet. How about my place?”
“Okay.”
He didn’t speak again until they arrived at his house. Penny followed him inside, then watched as he poured himself a Scotch. After he’d taken a long drink, she walked over and touched his arm.
“You did a good thing,” she murmured.
He looked at her. “It hurt like hell. All I wanted was for her to be mine. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything I’d missed by giving her up. All those years. But look at the life she has with Tracy and Tom. I couldn’t have done that. I’d be hard-pressed to do that now, let alone at seventeen.”
“What changed your mind?”
He took another drink. “I realized that loving my daughter meant wanting what was best for her. For her, not for me. As much as I might want a place in her life, that’s not what she wants. She’s looking forward to college and growing up to change the world. She has great parents. She doesn’t need me barging in and changing everything.”
He put down the drink. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Harder than giving her up, even, because now I know what I’ve lost and back then I could only guess.”
She felt his pain as if it were her own. “I can’t fix this, but for what it’s worth, I’m incredibly proud of you. You did good.”
“Yeah?”
She nodded, then moved in front of him and raised herself on tiptoe so she could kiss his mouth. “Lindsey’s a very lucky young lady. She has a hell of a father in you.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. As his mouth claimed hers, she felt his longing for both sex and relief from the pain. He wanted to find solace in her.
She gave in because she couldn’t imagine walking away. Not when she wanted him, too. But even as he ran his hands up and down her back and touched her bottom lip with his tongue, she knew she was making a big mistake.
Nothing had changed. If anything, Cal’s actions today had only reinforced what she knew to be true. He loved Lindsey enough to make the big and painful sacrifices. He was, at his core, a good man.
But that had never been the issue between them. The problems had been about his inability to love
more
than just his daughter. He hadn’t opened his heart to Penny or their child.
Had that changed or was she beating her head against an unmoving emotional wall?
“Earth to Penny,” he murmured, kissing the side of her neck. “You’re a thousand miles away. Do you want me to stop?”
Heat poured through her body. Every nerve ending begged for his touch. She wrapped her arms around him and surrendered to his sensual caress.
“Of course not,” she whispered.
“Good.”
He returned his mouth to hers. She parted for him. As he swept inside, she told herself it was a hell of a time to realize she was still in love with him.
L
OVE
.
Was it possible? Penny told herself it wasn’t and yet she felt the emotion building inside of her.
Not now,
she thought as Cal tugged at the hem of her shirt. Now wasn’t for thinking, it was for feeling.
He pulled the shirt over her head and tossed it onto the table by the sofa. After running his hands across her shoulders and down her arms, he gently cupped her breasts.
“They’re bigger,” he said with a grin, as if he’d just discovered something naughty.
“Yes, and we’ve already discussed that fact.”
“I like them.”
“Typical male.”
“That’s me.” He lightly brushed his thumbs over her nipples.
Her whole pelvis clenched as he continued to caress her. She felt herself swelling in anticipation.
“That feels great.”
“Good.”
He continued to touch her breasts as he leaned in and kissed the side of her neck. Soft, slow, damp kisses that made her break out in goose bumps all over.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured. “You always have been, but with the baby, there’s a glow about you.”
He nibbled on her jaw before moving to her ear and taking her lobe in his mouth.
“I want you,” he breathed.
The erotic words, the feel of his breath on her skin all made her melt. She trembled with need and hunger. She wanted to urge him on, to hurry him to the next step and at the same time, she wanted this to last forever.
“Oh, Cal,” she whispered as she leaned into him. “You always did know how to set me on fire.”
He raised his head and they kissed. A slow, deep kiss that made her cling to him. Tongues brushed, circled, teased. Lips pressed. He dropped his hands to her hips and urged her closer, only her stomach was in the way.
She broke the kiss, glanced down at her belly and laughed. “Okay. We have a small problem.”
“We’ll work around it,” he said. “Come on.”
With that he took her hand and led her toward his bedroom. Once there, he reached for the button on her jeans.
“Why don’t you take care of you,” she said. “I can undress myself.”
“But I like taking your clothes off.”
“I like you naked more.”
“I can live with that.”
He went to work on his shirt, while she removed her shoes and socks. In a matter of thirty or forty seconds, they were both naked.
He pulled back the covers and she slid onto the cool sheets. It was still the middle of the afternoon. Sunlight poured into the room, leaving her no comfortable shadows in which to hide. For the first time in her pregnancy, she felt large and unwieldy.
She knew that in theory she could make love until the last month, but in practice…
“What?” he asked as he moved next to her. “You’re looking scrunchy.”
“Scrunchy? What does that mean?”
“You’re thinking. Never a good thing.”
“I’m worried about this being awkward.”
He propped himself up on one elbow, then smiled. “See, that’s the difference between men and women. You’re concerned that we might have to make some changes and I won’t like that. While I’ve been fantasizing about you on top, my hands on your breasts and you having your way with me.”
He painted a very vivid image that she could totally get behind. Her insides tightened at the thought of them making love that way.
“Okay. We’ll do it your way.”
“Gee, thanks.”
He kissed her. She parted for him instantly, wanting to feel the pleasure he could bring her body. Even as his tongue claimed her, he slid his hand along her bare side, over the curve of her hip, to her thigh.
She rolled onto her back and let her legs fall open. He moved between her thighs, lightly brushed her center, then rubbed her other leg.
“You’ve completely missed the point,” she murmured against his mouth.
“No. I get the point.” He pressed his erection into her leg. “I’m taking it slow. Relax. We have all afternoon. Now where was I?”
But instead of picking up where he’d left off, which had been torturing her by not touching her, he shifted his hand to her breasts.
He caressed her curves, moving closer to her nipples without actually touching them. He circled and circled until she thought she might go mad with wanting. Finally he touched the tight tip and she felt ribbons of fire race through her.
“Good?” he asked as he kissed his way down her neck.
“Excellent.”
“I aim to please.”
He shifted so he could take one nipple in his mouth. She gave herself over to the gentle sucking, the flick of his tongue. Heat poured through her. She felt herself melting. Between her legs, her blood pulsed in time with her heartbeat.
He moved closer, touching, kissing, licking until she could barely catch her breath. Need built inside of her—a restless energy that begged to be released.
He slipped his hand between her legs and this time he slid his fingers through her damp curls and rubbed her hungry flesh. She arched against him and cried out as he found that single point of pleasure.
As he rubbed her, touching her, circling, then brushing right against that spot, she felt him press his hardness into her thigh. His need increased her own. She needed more.
“Faster,” she whispered. “Harder.”
He obliged with a readiness that earned her gratitude. His fingers moved over her slick, swollen center in a rhythm designed to send her over the edge.
She drew up her knees and parted her legs. Her heels dug into the bed, while her whole body arched in anticipation of her climax. Suddenly her mind filled with the image of her on top of him, feeling him inside of her while she came. Once planted, the idea wouldn’t be ignored. She put her hand on his wrist.
“I want to be on top.”
His mouth curved into a slow smile of masculine anticipation. “Be my guest. Take me any way you want.”
He rolled onto his back, then helped her as she straddled him. She reached between them to guide him inside as she lowered herself onto his arousal.
He filled all of her. She felt her body clench around him as he flexed within her.
“You set the pace,” he said with a groan. “I don’t need much to make me happy.”
She shifted to find the most erotically comfortable position. Her body clenched again.
“This is good,” she whispered and closed her eyes.
Slowly, she began to move. The up-and-down rhythm felt awkward at first, but she quickly found a pace that made her nerve endings quiver. She moved a little faster, then faster still.
She opened her eyes and saw him watching her.
“Come for me,” he whispered as he slipped his hand between them and rubbed her swollen center.
Every muscle in her body tensed as need built up. He rubbed a little harder, making the circling motion tighter. It was all that she needed to lose herself. Spasms of pure release claimed her as her orgasm swept through her. She continued to move, riding him, calling out her pleasure.
Up and down, up and down, claiming him, her body contracting again and again.
He grabbed her hips and began to control the rhythm. She stretched out her arms and fell forward so she could keep moving and still support herself.
This angle was even better, she thought in amazement as her release went on. He continued to hold on to her hips until he suddenly squeezed as he held her still. Only he moved. Once, twice and then he groaned.
She opened her eyes and watched as his features tightened. Pleasure pulled his mouth straight. His breath caught. He groaned again and opened his eyes. They both smiled.
“Not bad,” she said. “The whole on-top thing was very nice.”
“Yes, I liked it, too.” His smile widened into a grin, then he laughed. “We should do this again some time.”
“I think I’d like that.”
He wrapped his arms around her and gently rolled her on to her side. They moved arms and legs so they were facing each other. Cal pulled the covers over them, then touched her face.
“You okay?”
“I feel as if every cell in my body just went to a really great party.”
“Good.”
“And you?” she asked.
“The same. I was kind of sweating it there at the end. I didn’t know how long I could hold out.”
“You did great.”
“Another two seconds and I would have lost it.”
She took his hand in hers and pulled it to her chest. “That would have been okay.”
“Not if I’d come first. That would have left you hanging.”
“I trust that you would have taken care of things in another way,” she told him. “Besides, there’s something exciting about a man being so aroused, he loses control. It’s very sexy.”
“You’re very sexy.”
She stared into his dark eyes and knew that she hadn’t been wrong before. She did love him. Maybe working together had given birth to new feelings, or maybe it had simply stirred up something that had always been there.
Whichever it was, it had taken seeing his emotional sacrifice with Lindsey for her to realize how she really felt.
Now what?
The phone rang. Cal rolled over and grabbed it.
“Hello?”
He listened for a second. “Okay. I’ll tell her. Yeah. Not long. Okay. Bye.”
He hung up and looked at her. “Talk about timing. Your family just arrived at your house. Dani is there, playing hostess.”
“What? But they’re early by a day! They weren’t coming until tomorrow.” She sat up and fought panic. “I’m not ready to see my parents. I was going to use tonight and tomorrow morning to brace myself.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. They’re here now.” He leaned over and kissed her bare shoulder. “At least they didn’t get here fifteen minutes earlier. That would have been a real drag.”
P
ENNY ARRIVED HOME
to complete chaos.
“Penny!” her mother cried as she walked into the house. “I know, I know. We’re early. But we were sitting at breakfast this morning thinking there was nothing we would rather do today than drive over to Seattle. The hotel had rooms and your sisters were eager to make the drive, so here we are.”
Before Penny could respond, her mother, a petite woman with curly dark red hair and blue eyes, covered her mouth with her hands. “Oh, look at you. You’re showing! My baby’s having a baby.”
Penny stepped into her mother’s embrace. “Hi, Mom.”
“Joe! Joe, get out here. Penny’s home.”
Her father walked toward them and swept them up in his arms. “Hey, kid. How’s it going?”
“Good, Dad.”
Emily and Julie, Penny’s sisters, hurried out of the kitchen, their children running after them.
“Penny!”
Dani came out last, holding a bottle of water in one hand and a bowl of pretzels in the other. “I managed to get them fed and watered,” she said. “I’ll head out now. I have an appointment downtown.”
“Don’t go,” Fay, Penny’s mother, said. “We’ve put you out enough. We really have to get settled in our hotel.” She cupped Penny’s face. “It’s so good to see you. You’re happy. It’s right there in your eyes.”
Penny held in a wince. Hopefully her mother wouldn’t figure out any glow came from her very recent close encounter with Cal.
“I have an idea,” Joe said. He wrapped an arm around Penny. “Let’s go to the restaurant. We can have a look at that fancy place of hers, then go to the hotel.”
“Great idea,” Fay said. “We won’t keep you too long. We know it’s one of your busiest nights.”
“Don’t be silly.” Penny did a quick head count. “Sure. We can go to the restaurant now and look around, then you can come back for dinner at, say, seven.” She looked at her sisters. “Is that too late for the kids?”
Emily, her oldest sister, grinned. “No. It’s perfect. Sean’s mom lives in the area and she’s taking all the kids tonight and tomorrow for the day. Isn’t that the best? Julie and I will each have a room completely to ourselves. I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal to you—you get to be alone whenever you want. But for us, it’s heaven.”
“Unheard-of heaven,” Julie added. “I plan to close the bathroom door and not worry about anyone trying to call me or get in or need something. I may even take a bath.”
Penny grinned. “Okay, I’ll make sure to cook fast so you can have a maximum of bathroom time.”
“You don’t have to do that,” her mom said as she slipped her arm through Penny’s and hugged her close. “Your sisters are exaggerating about wanting to be alone.”
From behind Fay’s back both Julie and Emily mouthed, “No, we’re not!”
B
Y SEVEN THAT NIGHT
,
the kitchen was in its usual Saturday night pandemonium.
“Shallots,” one of the cooks yelled. “Who the fuck took my shallots?”
Penny grimaced. Stealing setup supplies was a clear invitation to be stabbed in the back. Literally.
Edouard clucked and hurried to the walk-in. He came back with shallots and made sure everyone was supplied before returning to his demiglaze.
“Thanks,” Penny told him.
“You are lucky I am in a good mood,” he said.
“Things happy at home?”
“Bliss,” he told her with a satisfied smile. “George wants to move in. We are talking about getting a cat together.”
“You can’t have Al. We need him here.”
“You’ll have to send him somewhere when the health department comes calling,” Edouard said.
“I know, but he’s worth it.” She grabbed a plate of salmon as it came past and slid on a small corn cake topped with crab.
“Order up,” she yelled.
Naomi appeared at her side. “Your parents are here. And your sisters. No kids or husbands. Should I be worried?”
“Husbands are at home, kids are with Grandma.”
“That’s the way to do it.” She picked up a second plate. “Should I offer to take them bar hopping?”
Penny didn’t want to think about her very married sisters hanging out in Naomi’s wild world.
“They’re kind of focused on having rooms to themselves and taking baths.”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of that,” Naomi said as she hurried out of the kitchen.
Penny glanced around to make sure that everything seemed in order, then she left Edouard in charge as she made her way into the dining room. She smiled at Cal, who stood by the hostess station, then crossed to the table by the water where her family sat.