With that she drew in a breath and walked into the house.
She found Dani curled up on the sofa in the living room. There was an open bottle of Merlot in front of her. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot, her face blotchy. She was misery personified.
“Oh, Dani,” Penny breathed.
Her new roommate looked up. “Tell me Cal already told you so that I don’t have to repeat myself.”
“He did. I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. Me, too.” She picked up her wine and took a drink. “Screw ’em all. What do I care about being a Buchanan? They’re all a bunch of losers. Good riddance. The same with Gloria.”
But as she spoke tears spilled onto her cheeks. Penny dropped her coat and her purse on the floor, then hurried to her friend’s side.
“I don’t know what to say,” she admitted as she sat on the sofa and touched Dani’s arm. “I wish I did.”
“Me, too,” Dani admitted. “Oh, God, Penny, this hurts so much. Way more than finding out Hugh was having an affair. That was a betrayal of trust. I wasn’t happy, but I knew I’d recover. This is different. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
“Yes, you do. You’re a bright, ambitious, hardworking, wonderful woman. You’re caring and loyal. Plus you got the looks in the family.”
Dani gave a faint smile as she brushed away her tears. “So you’re saying I’m prettier than my brothers?”
“Absolutely. Although Reid comes fairly close.”
“I agree. It’s the eyes.” Her mouth began to quiver as her smile faded. Her whole body trembled. “I can’t do this. I can’t survive.”
“Yes, you can,” Penny told her. “You may not like it and you’re going to hate how much it hurts, but you will survive. You know why?”
Dani shook her head.
“Because you’re tough. That’s the main reason. The other is you’re not going to give that bitch Gloria the satisfaction of winning.”
Once again Dani smiled through her tears. “You’re right about that. I’m so angry at her. Furious. I always knew she had a thing for power and running our lives, but I refused to believe she was deliberately cruel. But she is.”
“She’s horrible,” Penny said. “You’re doing such a great job for her, but she can’t see that.”
“I know.” Dani sighed. “And to tell me that way. I think she was almost happy to be able to ruin my life.”
“No,” Penny said. “Don’t say that. She didn’t ruin anything. Not if you don’t let her.”
“She sure didn’t make things better,” Dani said. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“That’s bullshit,” Penny said.
Dani blinked at her. “Excuse me?”
She stood and then motioned for Dani to rise. “Come here.”
Penny led the way into the hall bathroom. After turning on the light, she pulled Dani in next to her and had her face the mirror.
“What’s different?” she asked. “Look and tell me what’s different.”
Dani glanced at her reflection and grimaced. “I’m really puffy.”
“Ignore that. I mean what’s different about you? What has changed in the past twenty-four hours?”
“I don’t know who my father is. I’m not a Buchanan.”
“I know that. But your experiences are still your experiences. Your body is still your body. You’re talking about context, and yes, I’ll agree that can change everything, but it doesn’t have to. Not if you don’t let it.”
“But…”
Penny shook her head. “No buts, young lady. Yes, things are crappy now. Really crappy. This may be the worst moment of your life. But you will come out of it and you will be fine. Because the wonderful, empowered person you are hasn’t changed.”
Dani leaned over and hugged her. “Thanks for trying to help.”
“Hey, I’m not just trying here.”
Dani managed a weak smile. “Okay. Thanks for helping.”
“Better.”
She dropped her hand to Penny’s stomach. “You must be so happy about the baby.”
“I am.”
“I’ll get there someday. You’re right. This hurts so much and I don’t know how I’m going to survive it. But I will survive and I’ll go on and one day I’ll have everything I want.”
“Yes, you will. And when that happens, I’m going to be standing right next to you saying ‘I told you so.’”
T
HE NEXT WEEK PASSED
in relative quiet. Penny figured they’d all earned the break.
The restaurant did well, Lindsey was released from the hospital, and while Dani was still emotionally devastated, she was making forward progress. Even the rats were gone, thanks to a very efficient Al.
Penny sat at her desk playing with different combinations for specials for the following week. The Alaskan fishing season was well underway, giving her access to some wonderful seafood. She was already receiving produce from the WallaWalla area and parts of Oregon. When the Walla Walla onions made their appearance, she had some great ideas in mind.
“Maybe a special tasting dinner,” she murmured. “One that features whatever is fresh and special.”
She made a note. That was something she would discuss with Cal later. Right now she needed to be brilliant.
“Salmon?” She loved salmon. It was about her favorite fish. But maybe something else. Something…
“Am I interrupting?”
Penny glanced up and saw Gloria standing in the doorway to her office. Great. The rats might be gone, but now there was a snake in the kitchen.
She wanted to tell the older woman to get her ass out, but technically, she did own The Waterfront and was Penny’s boss’s boss.
“I’m working on specials for next week,” Penny said. “I’ll be putting in my fish order fairly soon.”
“Ah, how interesting. I don’t suppose there’s any chanceyou’ll be taking the fish and chips off the menu.”
Penny forced herself to smile. “It’s our best seller.”
“How unfortunate. I always thought the people of Seattle had better taste than that.”
Penny ground her teeth together. “Did you stop by just to insult me, Gloria, or is there another reason?”
Gloria moved into her office and took a seat. “Insult you? I most certainly did not. Really, Penny, what a thing to say. I was saying that I didn’t like the fish and chips and wished they weren’t on the menu. How is that an insult?” She sighed. “You’re the executive chef. I suppose it’s reasonable for you to have a sense of ownership where the menu is concerned. That’s quite commendable.”
Penny frowned. Gloria sounded so reasonable, yet she was sure there was plenty more to come.
But before she could ask Gloria why she’d stopped by, the other woman glanced at her stomach and said, “You’re showing, dear. When is the baby due?”
“September.”
“A lovely time of year. I was told you don’t know who the father is. Is that true?”
“I had in vitro fertilization using a sperm donor, if that’s what you mean.”
“Uh-huh. So you know nothing about the man.”
“I have general information on him and his medical history.”
“But not his character.” She leaned forward. “It’s very much like buying those unmarked cans at the grocery store. It’s so very easy to get a bad batch of peas or carrots and not know until you’ve already brought them home.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
“I did want to warn you, dear,” Gloria continued. “I know you have your heart set on Cal, but it’s not going to happen. He’s never forgiven you for walking out on him. He’s not interested in you or your bastard. I know. He told me.”
Penny didn’t care that this woman was in charge or that she was elderly. She stood and pointed to the door. “Get out.”
Gloria rose. “He won’t marry you, if that’s what you’re hoping. You may think he’s changed, but who really does? In truth, he gave up Lindsey and he gave you up once already. Why would he keep you now?”
“If you don’t leave, I’m going to call for the guys in the kitchen to haul you out,” Penny said, trying not to give in to the anger rising inside of her.
“We both know you won’t do that,” Gloria told her. “My words may sound cruel, but I’m telling you this for your own good. Cal’s contract with the restaurant is only for four months. He’s leaving.”
She spoke so triumphantly that Penny didn’t feel bad about bursting her bubble.
“You love to get in between people and mess around. I think it’s your idea of a good time. But here’s the thing. I already know Cal’s leaving. He told me the first day he tried to hire me.”
Gloria smiled. “Of course he did. Did he also mention that his little coffee company is expanding? They’re going to be opening stores back east. A complete waste of Cal’s talent if you ask me, but there we are. He’s heading the team. As soon as his job here is finished, he’s moving to New York. Did he happen to mention that?”
Penny didn’t want to believe her. It couldn’t be true. Cal moving? He hadn’t said a word.
“You’re a cold, calculating lying bitch,” she told Gloria. “I don’t know why you find such pleasure in hurting people, but you do. Dani only ever wanted to make you proud of her, but you couldn’t accept that. You had to run her off.”
Gloria sniffed. “Dani is hardly my granddaughter. We’re no blood relation at all.”
“Funny how worried you are that Dani’s not a Buchanan when you’re not one yourself. If I remember my history correctly, you married into this family. You were a poor nobody. What? A hotel chambermaid?”
Gloria stiffened.
Penny allowed herself a slight smile. “Oh, yeah. I did my research on you years ago. I know all about your affair with Ian Buchanan and how when that ended, you married his son. Tell me, Gloria. Were you still banging Daddy when you walked down the aisle with the son?”
“You slut,” Gloria hissed.
“You should know.”
“I’ll destroy you.”
“You can try. I’m up to the fight. But before you waste your effort on that, let me share one thing with you. You’re an old woman. You’ll be dead soon. But first you’re going to be alone because you’ve driven anyone interested in loving you away. Now get the hell out of my kitchen.”
P
ENNY SAT IN HER OFFICE
long after Gloria had left. She had to wait for the shaking to stop before she could catch her breath. That hadn’t just happened, she told herself, even though she knew it had. No one could imagine an encounter like that. At least not on purpose.
“A nightmare,” she murmured. “That woman is a nightmare.”
She put her arms on her desk and rested her head on them. It was fine, she told herself. She was fine. Gloria could scream and yell and tell all the lies she wanted, but Penny refused to believe them. There was no way that old bitch was going to drive a wedge between her and Cal.
Of course she knew he was only working at the restaurant for four months. He’d told her that from the beginning. He wasn’t the man he had been three years ago. He didn’t keep secrets anymore. She knew about Lindsey and Dani and why he’d tried to keep her out of the family business. Honestly, after Gloria’s last visit, his motivation seemed more noble than ever.
But he hadn’t mentioned anything about expanding The Daily Grind back east.
“No,” she said as she sat up. “No, no, no. I won’t let her get away with this.”
Cal wasn’t leaving. He would have told her. They’d become friends. They were lovers. Their lives were entwined in a way they hadn’t been since they were married. She mattered to him. She had to because she was totally in love with him.
“Everything is fine,” she said aloud. But the words didn’t sound right and she didn’t believe them.
Hating herself for letting Gloria get to her, she found an old phone book in her bottom desk draw and looked up the corporate headquarters for The Daily Grind. After a receptionist answered, she asked for someone in charge of their corporate expansion.
C
AL SAT
in his office at The Daily Grind and considered his life. After tallying up the wins and losses, he knew he’d come up short of even, which meant he needed a new game plan.
Dani was furious at him, and rightfully so. He should have told her a long time ago. He should have known she was tough enough to hear the truth and that however it hurt her, better that she hear it from someone who loved her rather than from Gloria whose agenda was her own twisted secret. Dani would survive, but the timing sucked, coming on the heels of Hugh’s shitty behavior.
He should have listened to Penny.
Shaking his head, he turned to his computer, but instead of the screen, he saw Penny’s smiling face. So much had happened so quickly, he thought. So much had changed. After the divorce he’d assumed she was out of his life forever. He’d resisted taking the job at The Waterfront because he didn’t want to deal with Gloria. But she’d guilted him into it and because of that, he and Penny were…
Were what? Back together? He wouldn’t go that far, but they mattered to each other. Once again he’d fallen for her smile, her brain, her talent. She was funny and beautiful and fearless.
She was strong. Having a baby on her own. He never would have guessed that one, even knowing how much she wanted children. She would be a great mom.
He stood and walked to the window. His side of the building looked toward Lake Union. As he stared out on the cloudy sky, he thought about her growing bigger with her baby. About her giving birth…by herself.
No, not by herself. Naomi would be there. And Dani. Reid. Would he? Would he want to be in the room with her, holding her hand, telling her to breathe?
The question immobilized him. What did he want with Penny?
Instantly Lindsey came to mind, but for once he didn’t think about all he’d lost by giving her up. Instead he thought about her life. How much her parents loved her. How much she was their world. They didn’t care that they hadn’t created her themselves.
It could be like that, he thought. For him and Penny’s baby. Loving a child wasn’t about biology. It was about the heart.
Seventeen years ago, he’d made the only choice that made sense. Now, with hindsight, he knew it was the right choice. He’d allowed guilt and anger to blind him to that. He’d punished himself by refusing to be happy.
He swore under his breath. That blindness had cost him his marriage, he realized.
How long had he been holding his heart in check so he didn’t get hurt? All his life? Maybe since his parents had died. Maybe since Gloria had started running his world with her twisted rules and cruel threats.
“Damn,” he muttered. “Get some therapy and move on, guy.”
He would move on, but not by himself. He loved Penny and he’d learned enough to make things work with her, if she would give him a chance.
Talk about an uphill battle, he thought grimly. If she knew he hadn’t wanted children before, children who were his, why would she believe he was willing to accept someone else’s baby?
He would convince her, he told himself. He would make her understand what was in his heart. He would tell her he’d finally learned what it meant to love someone. To love her.
He walked back to his desk and started to shut down his computer. Before it had finished, his assistant buzzed him.
“Yes,” he said.
“There’s someone to see you. Penny Jackson.”
Penny? “Send her in.”
He’d hoped to have a little time to figure out what he was going to say, but maybe it would be better to simply tell her now. The sooner he started convincing her, the sooner they could begin their life together.
The door opened. He stepped toward her, then stopped when he saw the fury in her eyes.
“You snake,” she said, her voice low and angry. “You lying, scummy, slithery snake. I consider myself a reasonable person. I’m willing to overlook a lot. I give second chances, but you are disgusting.”
He crossed to her and reached for her shoulders. She quickly stepped back.
“Don’t you dare touch me. Don’t ever touch me again.”
Cold panic slipped through him. “What the hell happened?”
She glared at him. “I defended you. I can’t believe it, but I did. Gloria came by for one of her emotional hit-and-runs. I defended you and all the time it was true.”
He opened his mouth to ask what she was talking about when he suddenly knew. He groaned.
“You’re leaving,” she said. “In less than a month you’re packing it all up and leaving Seattle. I understand everyone is very excited about The Daily Grind expanding back east. Too bad I don’t have stock in the damn company.”
“Penny, no.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t try to tell me it’s not true, Cal. I’ve already spoken to someone at your company. He was very friendly and explained the whole damn plan.”
Tears filled her eyes. She brushed them away with her hand. “I believed you,” she said. “I trusted you.”
“I’m sorry,” he said as sincerely as he knew how. “I should have told you.”
“Oh, right, but it just slipped your mind.”
“Yes,” he yelled. “I forgot! With all the crap going on lately, is that so much of a surprise? When I first hired you I told you I was the GM for four months. I didn’t think you cared what I did after that. Later, when we got involved, I planned to tell you but it wasn’t foremost on my mind. I didn’t keep this from you deliberately. It just happened. Besides, I’ve been talking to my partners. I’ve been rethinking my plans. It might be better if I stayed here.”
“Might be better?” she screamed. “That’s the best you can do? But it might not? Tell me, when do you plan to make up your mind?” She raised her hand. “On second thought, forget it. I don’t care anymore.”
She closed her eyes, then opened them. “I am such a fool,” she said, her voice back to normal, but so thick with sadness that he ached to hear her.
“You’re not,” he told her.
“A lot you know. You’re the reason. You’d think I’d learn. What’s that old saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Well, shame on me.”
What did that mean? He knew he was in deep shit with Penny, but he couldn’t help a flicker of hope deep inside.
“Penny?”
“Don’t even go there,” she told him. “Not anymore. I loved you, Cal. Maybe for the second time, maybe I never stopped. I don’t know and now I don’t care. Because the truth is, you’re no different than you ever were. You still keep secrets. You’re still holding back, playing it safe, making sure you don’t get hurt. You’re still not willing to put your heart on the line. I’m not interested in a man like that. I’m not interested in someone I can’t trust.”
“But you love me.”
She grimaced. “I’ll get over it. And you.”
“But I love you, too.”
She stared at him for a long time, then turned toward the door. “I’ve heard that before and I know how little those words are worth.”
“I
F THIS IS GOING TO
become a regular occurrence,” Naomi said from her place next to Penny on the sofa, “then we’re going to need to establish some ground rules.”
Penny used the tissue to wipe her face, although she wasn’t sure why she bothered. No mattered how quickly she mopped up her tears, there were plenty of new ones to take their place.
“A code so we can call each other on the phone,” Naomi said as she continued to rub Penny’s back.
“A schedule so we don’t all break down at the same time,” Dani said from Penny’s other side.
“T-that would be good,” Penny said as she tried to fight the sobs building up inside of her.
She’d been hurt before—mostly by Cal—but somehow this felt worse. Maybe because she’d thought she’d figured everything out. She thought she’d found the solution, only to realize she’d been wrong about everything.
Despite the ache around her heart and the sense that she would never again draw breath without wanting to scream, she knew she had to do her best to get past what had happened. At least the physical part. Her trembling, sobbing, angry state couldn’t be good for the baby.
“You guys are great,” she said, trying to focus on them instead of herself. “For being here with me.”
“Hey, I don’t have a job,” Dani said with a sigh. “Where else would I be?”
Penny did her best to smile. “Good point.”
“I work for you,” Naomi said. “You’re the boss. You say jump, I say how high.”
“Also good.”
“So we’re not here because we care,” Dani said.
Penny sniffed. “That’ll put me in my place.”
The two women leaned in and hugged her.
“I’m sorry,” Dani whispered in her ear. “I never knew my brother was such a big butthead.”
“Yeah,” Naomi said. “I’d nearly forgiven him for being a bastard the last time. I’ll never forgive him for this.”
“That’ll show him,” Penny said, then choked on a sob. “Oh, God. I don’t think I can get through this. I know wounds heal and time helps and all that crap, but right now, I don’t think I can do it.”
“We’re here,” Naomi told her.
“Not going anywhere,” Dani added.
“I just thought this time was different,” Penny said as she wiped her face with another tissue. “I thought he was different. I thought I mattered. I fell back in love with him.”
“Men’ll get you every time,” Dani said as she leaned against Penny’s shoulder. “I just didn’t think Cal…” She paused, then said. “I’m sorry. I’m fighting the urge to defend him. I want to tell you that he had a hard time, being the oldest. Gloria, trying to protect us. The usual. But I won’t.”
“You can,” Penny said. “How sick is that? I wouldn’t mind listening to you defend him.”
“Typical,” Naomi murmured. “I forgive you.”
“Thanks.” She drew in a deep breath and did her best to absorb the support from her friends. “I thought he was different. I thought he would be willing to take a chance on us. I was so stupid.”
“Loving someone is never stupid,” Naomi said. “It can hurt like hell, but it’s never stupid.”
“I agree,” Dani said. “I say that even as I feel like the world’s biggest idiot. I mean, my soon-to-be ex-husband is currently sleeping with one of his students. So I’m not just stupid, I’m a bad cliché. But there’s hope. I can still laugh at things and I have you guys.”
“I’m glad we’re together,” Penny said, putting her arms around both of them. “You’re right. This will get better. I have so much in my life. The restaurant, the baby. My family. And the good news is with Cal leaving, I don’t have to worry about running into him anywhere. I would really hate that.”
More tears filled her eyes. “I seem to be leaking again.”
“That’s okay. Things could be worse,” Naomi told her. “I’m not sure how, but they could.”
Penny laughed. “You are always a ray of sunshine.”
“That’s me.”
Penny looked at her friend. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
Naomi straightened. “What are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere.”
“Of course you are. I’ve known you a long time and I know you’re not the type of person who runs away from things. You’ve always lived on your own terms.”
Naomi snorted. “I’m the queen of running away. I’ve been on the run nearly eight years.”
“It’s time to go back.”
Naomi shook her head. “I haven’t decided.”
“Of course you have. You wouldn’t have told me about your son if you weren’t already halfway out the door.” She glanced at Dani. “Do you know what we’re talking about?”
Dani nodded. “We’ve been talking.”
Penny glanced between them. “About what?”
“About nothing,” Naomi said firmly. “I’m not going to leave. You need me.”
Penny did. She couldn’t imagine having to go through all this without her friend, but it was wrong to expect Naomi to put her life on hold because she, Penny, had been stupid enough to get her heart broken twice by the same man.
“Of course you’re going,” Penny said briskly. “Like you said, you’ve been the queen of running away for eight years. It’s time to go connect with your family. To find out what you still have there in the way of a life.”
“You might still be married,” Dani said. “Given what you’ve been doing, wouldn’t that be interesting?”
Naomi shook her head. “Sam wouldn’t have waited. Not his style. I’m sure he’s divorced me by now,” she said, but her tone was wistful, as if she wanted to believe in the possibilities.
“See? You have to go,” Penny said quietly.