Deliver Me (15 page)

Tag
threw the empty glass against the hotel room wall. The door opened, and Echo
peered in. When Tag ignored her, she walked deeper into the room. “I’m probably
overstepping here, but you wanna talk about it?”

“I
don’t get it. Everything was fine. Better than fine. Somehow Erik found out
I’ve adopted Delilah, and everything went to shit.”

“You
adopted the princess?” Echo stood in front of Tag, stopping his pacing. “That’s
wonderful, babe. Why would Erik have a problem with that? I thought he
suggested it.”

“He
did. That’s why none of this makes any fucking sense. He won’t text me back, and
he won’t answer my fucking phone calls. I have no idea why the sudden change of
heart.” Tag went back to pacing. Seven more weeks was all they needed until
they were together, and now Tag didn’t know what the future held. Before the
phone call, he had his future mapped out. Their future pretty much set in
stone. Now, he didn’t have a clue what the fuck he was going to do.

“Are
you sure he’s upset about that? What did he say?”

“He
asked when it happened. I told him right after I hit the road, and he said he
had to go. He hung up, and I haven’t heard from him since. Something’s not
right, Echo. I know it.”

“Give
it another day before you jump to conclusions, Boss. There could be a very good
explanation. For now, please stop throwing shit. We’re going to have to pay to
have that wall repaired as it is,” she said pointing to where the glass tumbler
had hit. “The reason I came to see you is because we need to hit the road. If
you feel up to it, that is.”

“Yeah,
what the fuck ever. I’m not riding with Cade. I’ll ride with Gus.” Tag hadn’t
spoken to his drummer since their fight. Other than band related issues, he
doubted he ever spoke to him again.

“Okay,
I’ll let the guys know. And Lee, it’s going to be okay.” Echo left him alone
with his packing and aching heart. He couldn’t lose Erik.

The
band arrived in New Mexico. Since they had another show to do the next night,
they didn’t get a hotel. They would leave immediately after the show, sleeping
on the bus. Tag had Gus take him to a small motel where he got ready. He
refused to be closed up on the bus with Cade while his ribs were still healing.
He was probably going to need to sit on a stool for at least part of that
night’s show.

He
tried calling Erik one more time before he went to the arena. When he got voice
mail, his heart was heavy, and his mood was dark. Tonight, he would definitely
add the new song he wrote to the set list. When he walked into the arena, he
handed the others the order of songs as he wanted to sing them. It was the same
as all other lists with the exception of that one song. When he handed Cade’s
copy to him, his friend had a funny look on his face. He almost looked guilty,
but he didn’t apologize. He took the list and nodded.

By
the time it came for Tag to sing
Deliver Me
, he definitely needed to sit
down. It wasn’t unheard of for singers to sit during certain songs. Tag was
probably going to have to sit for the rest of their show, though. At this
point, he didn’t give a fuck. He would get through the night and hopefully feel
better for the next one. He walked off the stage, his cue to the lighting crew
to dim the lights. Sloane’s bass guitar looped the opening cords of the song,
giving Gus time to bring Tag a stool. The crew had worked out signals over the
years, so whatever the band needed was easily communicated with hand signals.

When
the lights came back up, Tag was seated. Pauly’s lead guitar eased into the intro.
When Cade added the beats, Tag poured his soul into the words…

Save
me from the darkness

Cast
out all my sins

Only
you are strong enough

Deliver
me, deliver me

Come
with me into hell

Cast
temptation aside

Only
you are brave enough

Deliver
me, deliver me

Both
Sloane and Pauly stepped to their microphones, blending their voices with Tag’s
on the chorus.

Deliver
me from this place

Of
never ending strife

Take
my hand and guide me

To
the other side

Tag
did something he couldn’t remember ever doing in his fifteen years on stage –
he faltered on the lyrics. He hadn’t forgotten them, but his heart hurt so
badly, he choked up. The other members of his band were so talented, they were
able to repeat the opening notes to the next verse allowing Tag time to
recover. Tag kept his head down, pulling the microphone stand between his legs.

Go
with me into the flames

Where
my soul wants to flee

Only
you can pull me out

Deliver
me, deliver me

Help
me in these shadows

Find
the light of day

Only
you have the power

Deliver
me, Deliver me

Deliver
me from this place

Of
never ending strife

Take
my hand and guide me

To
the other side

Deliver
me from this place

Of
never ending strife

Take
my hand and guide me

To
the other side

Deliver
me

Deliver
me

Deliver
me

Deliver
me

The
crowd erupted as Tag repeated the title over and over. For him, it was a plea.
He felt his life spiraling down into the abyss of a black hole. The part that
hurt was he didn’t understand why. He composed himself well enough to finish
the show. To the fans, he was a brooding rock star, adding angst to the music
coming from the stage. They had no idea he was truly feeling every word coming
out of his mouth.

Tag
didn’t bother with the meet and greet. He headed to the bus, Echo on his heels.
He couldn’t put on a smile for the cameras when his heart hurt so badly. If
nothing else, he needed to sing to Delilah. He hadn’t seen her sweet face in
days, and he needed to know she was okay. “Echo, I know it’s late, but please
call Erik. I need to at least see Delilah. It’s Friday night, and he doesn’t
have to work tomorrow, so waking him up shouldn’t be too much of a problem.
Please.”

“Okay,
sit tight.” Echo pulled out her cell phone and dialed Erik’s number. Tag
listened as Echo apologized for calling so late. Of course Delilah was already
asleep, but Erik agreed to Skype so Tag could see her. Tag grabbed his computer
off his bunk and paced the small hallway while it was booting up. When the
connection was made, Erik didn’t speak to Tag. He kept his conversation brief,
speaking only to Echo. He also made sure the camera on his iPad didn’t show his
face. He aimed the camera at the sleeping baby, and Tag had to take a second to
calm down. His eyes were burning at the sight of the little pink bundle with
her thumb in her mouth. Echo nudged him, and he started singing. He was so lost
in song he didn’t hear the bus door open behind him.

Tag
stopped singing and begged, “Erik, please sing with me.” He started the second
verse and Erik’s voice finally blended in. When the song was over, Tag said to
Erik, “I miss you. Whatever it is, we can get through it, but please Erik, I
miss the fuck out of you.”

“Oh
God, what have I done?” Cade whispered behind him.

Tag
turned to see Cade watching the exchange between him and Erik. Echo beat him to
the punch when she asked, “What
have
you done, Cade?”

“I…
Fuck, I’m sorry.” He didn’t explain. Cade couldn’t get off the bus fast enough.

“Does
anyone know what the fuck he’s going on about?” Echo asked.

“Erik,
are you still there?” Tag asked, but the connection was closed. “Find out what
the fuck he’s done. I swear to God, if he had anything to do with why Erik
won’t talk to me, I’m going to kill that motherfucker.” Tag stalked to the back
of the bus and slid the door closed on the rear lounge. He sat down, cursing
God and every other known deity for the pain in his ribs, his heart, and his
head. Tag leaned his head back and closed his eyes. The vision behind his lids
was that sweet baby girl asleep. God, how he missed her. When he thought back
to when he contemplated giving her up… He didn’t though.

The
bus engine rumbled to life. Tag had planned on riding with Gus again, but at
this point he couldn’t move. He had no idea how long he sat there with his
computer on the seat beside him. The background picture of Erik holding Delilah
would fade, and Tag would move the cursor so it came back to life. There was a
knock, and the door slid open. Echo’s face was red. Tag had seen his manager mad,
but she was beyond pissed.

“What’s
wrong?” he asked as he sat up straighter.

“This
is my fault. I usually monitor shit better, but this one slipped by me.”

“What
the fuck are you talking about?” Tag was almost afraid for her to tell him.

“This…”
She turned her own laptop around for him to see an article in one of the
entertainment rags. He took the computer from her and stared. There was a
picture of him with one of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders at their fundraiser.
That was no big deal. He had his picture made all the time. It was the headline
that got his attention. For the first time in his career, he read an article
written about him that wasn’t in an actual music magazine. The kicker was the
grainy photo taken with Cade’s cell phone of the woman dressed as a cheerleader
in the hotel room. There was no way anyone else could have “leaked” this
information to the tabloid. He wanted to throw Echo’s computer. He wanted to
throw up. He needed to get his fucking hands on Kincade Anderson and beat the
holy fucking hell out of his former friend.

“I’ll
call the magazine first thing in the morning and have them write a retraction.
If they refuse because of Cade’s cell phone photo “proof”, I will get Gerard on
it.”

Tag
stood, but Echo got in front of him, placing her hand on his chest. “He’s not
on the bus, Lee. He rode with Mack. You need to show this to Pauly and Sloane
and then the three of you need to decide where to go from here.”

 The
only place Tag wanted to go from here was home to Tennessee so he could explain
this fuck up to Erik. Erik had seen the article. That’s what he was asking
about, not Delilah’s adoption. Fuck! Did Erik have so little faith in him that
he immediately thought it was true? He couldn’t remember the conversation well,
because he’d been medicated.  Erik hadn’t mentioned Delilah’s adoption
specifically. He asked was it true, and Tag said yes. “Oh, fuck me.”

Tag
took Echo’s hand from his chest and gave it a squeeze. He headed to the front
of the bus where Sloane and Pauly were sitting side by side, looking at their
own laptop. “By the look on your face, you’ve seen this shit,” Pauly said,
pointing to the screen.

Tag
opened the small refrigerator and pulled out a beer. He popped the top on the
can and drank it down. After tossing the empty in the garbage, he grabbed
another. “Yeah, I’ve seen it. The worst part about all of this is Erik asked me
if it was true. I thought he was asking about me adopting Delilah, and I told him
yes, that it wasn’t a big deal and wouldn’t affect us in any way. No wonder he
won’t talk to me.”

“So
what are you going to do?” Sloane asked, placing his arm over the back of the
bench behind Pauly. It was a move Tag had seen so many times he didn’t think
anything about it. This time, Pauly leaned into Sloane, and Tag had to wonder
if they were closer than anyone knew.

“I’m
going to keep calling Erik until he answers and try to explain the
misunderstanding.”

“What
are we going to do about Cade? I think this goes way across the line of
acceptable.” Pauly said, leaning his head against Sloane’s arm.

Echo
walked up the aisle and sat down across from them. This was band business, and
she wouldn’t offer her input. But at this point, she was family and Tag didn’t
mind her listening in. She kicked off her shoes and pulled her feet under her
in the seat, making her look like a little girl.

“How
many shows do we have left?” he asked Echo. Before she could answer, Carl
cursed and braked hard. The bus pulled over to the side of the road. Mack’s SUV
was parked at an angle in front of them.

Cade
climbed out of the passenger’s side door and ran back to the bus. When he
climbed on board, he looked Tag in the eye and said, “You don’t have to fire
me. I’ll quit.”

It
was one week until Halloween. Bethany had decorated the office in fall colors.
Even though they were babies, she had bought two pumpkins for the kids. “I know
she and Brady are too young to realize it’s the holidays, but when they’re older
and see the pictures, they’ll know they spent them with each other.”

Erik
was pretty sure Bethany was already planning the wedding in her head.  His plan
to go away alone was squelched when she begged him to help her carve the
pumpkins. She had been so good to him, he couldn’t refuse. The purpose of going
away was to forget about Lee for a while, but after the late night Skype
session, he knew it would be impossible, no matter where he was. So instead of
missing any time with Delilah, he agreed to spend the day carving pumpkins.

The
babies were lying on the floor on a pallet with Duke watching over them. Erik
had spread newspaper out over the kitchen table, and pumpkin guts were
scattered from the table to the garbage can. Bethany was picking the seeds out
to roast. Erik’s heart was bouncing back and forth from hurt to happiness.
While he and Lee wouldn’t have a future together, he and Bethany could make
good memories for the kids together. He would just have to convince Lee to
continue allowing him to see Delilah when he came off the road in two months.

Duke
ran to the door and barked once. Someone was coming down the driveway. Erik
washed the pumpkin slime off his hands and went to the front door. A UPS truck
parked, and the driver got out with a package. Erik took the box and thanked
the driver. He didn’t remember ordering anything, so he was curious as to the
contents. He took the package to the kitchen counter and pulled a knife out of
the wooden cutlery block, carefully slicing open the tape.

“How
cute!” Bethany exclaimed as Erik removed an infant sized t-shirt. The 7’s
Mistress logo had been altered, and Erik’s Princess was embroidered across the
front. Erik couldn’t move. He held the tiny shirt in front of him as Bethany
dug through the box. She pulled out several items, all in Delilah’s size and
all embroidered with either an altered logo or her initials. The last item in
the bottom of the box was a 7’s Mistress t-shirt in Erik’s size. Bethany handed
it to Erik, but he tossed it back in the direction of the box.

“7’s
Princess, I love this one!” Bethany exclaimed as she held up a onesie. She
turned to her baby boy and said, “Brady, you are frolicking with a rock
princess.” She laughed as she picked Delilah off the floor and swapped her
current outfit for one Lee had sent. Erik had to smile at how cute the shirt
looked on her. If Lee was sending clothing embroidered with Erik’s name, he probably
intended for Erik to remain in her life. That was something he could hold onto.

Erik
grabbed the new camera he’d bought recently and snapped a photo of Delilah in
her new shirt. He took another picture of her and Brady lying side by side. One
day he would embarrass her when she brought a date home. He sighed, thinking of
his house as her home. “Hey, Boss, chop chop. These pumpkins won’t carve
themselves.”

Just
as he placed his camera on the counter his phone rang. Lee. Against his better
judgement, he answered it. “Hello, Tag.” Silence. “Hello?”

“You
never call me Tag.”

“That’s
who you are, isn’t it?” Erik knew he was being a bastard, but he didn’t care.

“I
need to explain some things, Erik. I really don’t want to do this over the
phone, but it can’t wait.” Tag’s voice was pleading. Well, too bad.

“There’s
nothing to explain. We got your package. Delilah looks cute in her new t-shirt.
I’ll send you a picture. Take care of yourself.” Erik hung up. He couldn’t do
it. He couldn’t talk to the one man he thought he could finally give his heart
to.

“You
really should talk to him,” Bethany said without looking at him. They had
argued about the magazine article more than once. She was sure it was all lies,
even if Lee admitted to fathering a child.

“I’m
not ready.” He walked into the living room, snapped a picture of Delilah, and
texted it to Lee. Even though he called him Tag, he was still Lee deep down in
Erik’s heart. He returned to the kitchen to begin work on the first pumpkin
when Duke barked.

“Shit,
who now?” Erik at least didn’t have pumpkin guts on his hands. He walked to the
front door and looked out as a taxi pulled up in the drive. “What the fuck?” he
muttered as Cade Anderson got out. He obviously wasn’t staying long, because
the taxi didn’t drive away. Erik opened the door and asked, “What are you doing
here?”

Cade
looked at his feet and said, “I came to apologize. Can I come in?” he asked,
looking up into Erik’s eyes. Erik stepped back, making room for Cade to walk
into the house.

“She’s
getting big,” he said, seeing Delilah. Cade bent down and laughed. “Nice shirt,
Princess. And you have a boyfriend already? Wait until your daddy hears about
this.”

Daddy?

Cade
stood, and Erik introduced Bethany and Brady. Cade shook Bethany’s hand and
said, “Cute kid.”

“Let’s
go out back. Do you want something to drink?” Erik asked, his southern
hospitality always at the forefront.

“No,
thanks. I can’t stay long.” Cade followed Erik to the deck where they could
talk in private.

“Look,
Erik, I wanted to apologize for what I did. I was so jealous of you and the
baby, I couldn’t see what I was doing to Tag. I never meant to hurt him, or you
either. I just missed having him all to myself. Growing up an only child of
rich parents who spoiled me meant I always got what I wanted. When I couldn’t
have Tag, I did the only thing I could think of, and it was wrong. I didn’t see
that until I heard you two singing together. It was a beautiful thing to
witness.”

Erik
was confused. “What exactly did you do?”

“I
thought you would have talked to Tag by now. I take it you saw the article in
the magazine?”

“Yeah,
I saw it, and Tag confirmed it was true.”

“Wait,
what? What exactly did he confirm?”

Erik
was getting frustrated. He didn’t want to rehash this, especially not with the
man who wanted to come between him and Lee.

“That
he’s going to be a father.”

“Yeah,
about that. I spun the story so the tabloid would think he knocked up the girl
in the photo. When he told the hooker his daughter was back home with the man
he loved, I lost it.”

“Hooker?”
This just kept getting worse.

“I’m
screwing up here.” Cade started at the beginning with getting a prostitute to
pose as a cheerleader for Tag’s birthday and going to the magazine with the
fake story. “I don’t expect you to forgive me; I know Tag won’t. But I needed
to make it right. When I saw the sadness on his face, I couldn’t keep this from
him. No matter how much I want him for myself, I love him too much to stand in
the way of his happiness. Your happiness. You two belong together.”

Cade
walked down the steps and around the side of the house toward the taxi. Erik
called out, “Hey, Cade? I forgive you.”

Cade
nodded and continued on. Erik sat down and thought about everything Cade told
him. It was all a lie. Why had Lee said it was true, then?  He said he loved
Erik. Oh shit. Oh, holy shit. He needed to call Lee and find out the truth. He
hurried into the house and grabbed his phone, calling Lee.

“I
got the picture, thank you,” Lee said instead of hello.

“Lee,
we need to talk.”

“I
tried that earlier, and you hung up on me. Again.” The frustration was evident
in Lee’s voice.

“I
know, but that was when I thought you were having a baby with a cheerleader.
Please tell me you’re not having a baby with someone else.”

“I’m
not having a baby with someone else, Erik. The fact that you believed that shit
without talking to me about it hurts.”

“But
I did talk to you about it. I asked if it was true, and you said yes.”

“I
thought you were talking about Delilah. I filed for adoption right before I
left for Atlanta, and the paperwork was approved. That’s what I was referring
to.”

“So
you’re Delilah’s father?” Erik was stunned. Glad, but stunned.

“Yes.”

Erik
forgot Bethany was listening. He pumped his fist and mouthed, “Yes,” until he
saw her grinning. He turned his back on her and said to Lee, “I’m so sorry. I’m
so very sorry I doubted you. Can you ever forgive me?”

Lee
sighed, “I’m sure I’ll get over it at some point. Right now, I have to find my missing
drummer. We have a show to do, and Cade’s nowhere to be found.”

“I
can help you with that.”

Erik
told Tag about Cade’s visit. Afterwards, they talked. Really talked about what
had gone on in their lives the past week. Before they hung up, they promised to
keep the lines of communication open. The night things blew up, Cade returned
to the bus begging forgiveness. From the time they left the arena to the time
Mack pulled over in front of the bus, Cade had enough time to realize what he’d
done couldn’t be undone, but he could rectify the situation. He groveled in
front of everyone, not just Tag.

When
he saw Sloane and Pauly sitting next to one another on the bus, he said to
them, “I just wanted what you two have. I still want that, but I finally
realized I won’t ever have it with Tag.” He faced Tag and said, “I’ve loved you
since we were teenagers. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you, but I know
now that you won’t ever love me back. At least not the way I want you to. What
I did was inexcusable. I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me. Until then,
I hope you’ll at least give me the chance to finish out the tour as your
drummer.”

Tag
asked Sloane and Pauly for their opinion. They both agreed it was up to Tag.
They would go along with his decision. Tag didn’t forgive Cade, but he did say
he could finish out the tour. Cade nodded, said “Thank you” and got back in the
SUV with Mack. Tag had no idea Cade would actually try to make things right for
him and Erik. That went a long way to smoothing things over between them.

The
next few weeks found Tag and Erik getting back into their routine of calling
each other on nights there wasn’t a show. Erik hated not being together on
Lee’s birthday, but promised he would make it up to him when he saw him. They
did have video sex that night, and for Tag, it was the perfect gift.

During
one of their own Skype sessions, Bethany and Echo plotted to have the band fly
to Nashville and surprise Erik for Thanksgiving. Tag was all for it. He loved jerking
off with Erik over the computer, but he missed his man. They wouldn’t be able
to stay long, because they had a show in North Carolina on Saturday, but it
would be long enough to hold Erik in his arms, sleep skin to skin, and make
love to him after all this time apart. The fact he’d get to see Delilah was
like Christmas coming early.

While
Tag was still hurt that Erik believed he could have been unfaithful, Echo had
talked him around about it. When she told him to look at his track record, he
had to agree that, on paper, he didn’t look like relationship material. But he
finally was. It had taken a long time to find the right man, but Taggart Lee
Holloway was ready to settle down. Forever.