Deranged Marriage (20 page)

‘I am fulfilling my destiny.’ I told her all about Cordelia.

‘George, what on earth do you think this is going to achieve? I don’t know what’s behind this but whatever it is we need to sort it out. We need to sort you out. If you need a counsellor then we’ll get you one, but you have to stop all this nonsense. I didn’t approve when you tried to take Holly to court, and now you say you’re going to make her realise what she means to you by splashing your story all over the papers. George, this isn’t love.’

‘But it is. It took rejection by Julia to make me realise that Holly is the one for me.’

‘No, you’re doing this
because
Julia rejected you. You don’t want to be alone and for some insane reason you think Holly is the answer.’

‘No. Holly
is
the answer. But not to my loneliness; to my happiness.’ Our voices were raised and it hurt me to shout at her but I felt that her refusal to understand was deafness. I had to make her hear me.

‘George, for a lawyer you can be quite poetic. Don’t you see you’ve deluded yourself about all this. You were in love with Julia, you raved about her, and when your father and I met her in New York we both thought you were perfect for each other. You know how much I adore Holly, but I have never thought you two would end up together; you’re too different. I know Julia hurt you, I saw you straight afterwards, remember? Don’t punish Holly for what Julia did to you.’

‘Is that what you think I’m doing?’

‘Yes. I think that you are lost and lonely having split up from the most important relationship of your life and I think that you have turned to the one person who has always been there for you. Because she’s happy you’re punishing her by trying to wreck her happiness, just as Julia wrecked yours.’

‘I am not doing that! I
love
her!’ I banged my fist on the conservatory table.

‘George, when did you realise you were in love with Holly?’

‘When I came home, after Julia and I split up.’

‘Exactly.’

‘Exactly what? You don’t know everything about us you know.’

‘What don’t I know?’

‘You don’t know that when I came home to tell Holly about Julia, yes, I came to London especially to tell her that I was going to propose to Julia. Well, we slept together.’

‘You...?’

‘Yes. For the first time ever and that put doubts in my mind about Julia. Holly and I were so good together but I wasn’t expecting it; and she felt the same. So when I proposed to Julia, I was confused but when she turned me down I realised it was fate’s way of telling me that Holly and I should be together.’

‘I didn’t know that.’

‘It’s a bit ungentlemanly to go around telling everyone that I’ve had sex with her. And certainly not the sort of thing I was going to discuss with my mother. The reason I am pursuing this is because Holly is scared of hurting Joe, so she won’t admit her true feelings. I have to make her realise because otherwise, well otherwise doesn’t bear thinking about.’

‘It still doesn’t add up. Maybe Holly sees you sleeping together as a mistake. Mistakes are easy to make.’

‘No. She just doesn’t know what to do.’

‘George, I’ve been married to your father for thirty-three years. We met, we fell in love, we worked hard to stay together but there was never any doubt that we were supposed to be together. That’s how you approach marriage. Not by trying to
make
someone marry you. Not even if you have slept together. There is no way you are being fair to Holly. If you are meant to be together then she’ll realise for herself. If you loved her you’d step back and wait. You talk about fate, but it seems to me that fate is a convenience to you because you certainly don’t trust it.’

‘I am doing what I have to do. I hoped you’d understand.’

‘George, you’re my son and I love you, but this...no, I can’t understand this. I can’t understand how you can drag yourself, Holly, and both families through the press like this. It’s not fair on anyone, least of all yourself.’

‘You don’t know. No one knows. I drove for hours to get your support, but you won’t give it.’ I felt tears prick my eyes. I was getting lonelier by the second. My parents had always been there for me, I couldn’t understand why they were turning against me; that wasn’t what parents did.

‘No, George, we won’t and I know your father feels the same way.’ I glimpsed tears in my mum’s eyes as I stood up, grabbed my unpacked bag and left the house. Until it was over and Holly agreed to be my wife I knew I wouldn’t be back.

I tried not to be too upset as I drove away. My past was my future after all, it was all intrinsically linked. Temporarily, and I knew it was temporary, I seemed to have lost my grip on my past: my family and Holly, but I knew it would come back. It was my future, of that I was sure, so this was a mere blip.

Chapter Twenty

Gaining
Weight

I did what any self-respecting woman who was fast losing her self-respect would do. I panicked. I hadn’t told Joe yet and he was concerned because he thought that after the whole court thing we could put George behind us. He thought that our relationship would be fun, and it wasn’t; I wasn’t. I hadn’t broken the news to him yet that his life was about to suffer from a distinct lack of fun.
By
the
way
Joe
,
George
has
hired
a
bitch
woman
PR
to
turn
our
lives
into
a
media
circus
and
at
the
same
time
I’m
pregnant
and
I
don’t
know
who
the
father
is
.
Oh
,
did
I
forget
to
tell
you
I
had
sex
with
George
?
Well
I
forgot
to
tell
anyone
so
you’re
in
good
company
. I was really looking forward to that conversation.

Freddie persuaded me to talk to Francesca. After all, on top of everything I probably was going to be fired. George had given me warning of Cordelia’s involvement in our lives, but had omitted to tell me when she would kick off, so we didn’t have time to rest on our laurels. I tried to tell myself that no newspaper, magazine or television show would be interested in George’s story, but then I knew if that were the case then Cordelia wouldn’t have courted him in the first place. I was so angry, but not necessarily with George. He looked so dejected when he had left court and I was victorious. I watched him walk away having been rejected yet again, and I knew that he was vulnerable, hurt and probably a bit nuts, so I couldn’t blame him for being persuaded by Cordelia that this was a good course of action. She was completely and utterly taking advantage of him. I would have slapped her if I had seen her, no, I would have kicked and slapped her and pulled her hair. My thoughts were stubbornly refusing to get into line.

I wanted to talk to my old friend George, believe it or not, I missed him more now than I had in the last five years. I wanted to see him and talk and get the impostor George banished. And I would say that I understood how awful he must feel and that he must still be heartbroken about Julia, which I know is a dreadful, awful affliction. When it happens you think you’re going to die, or at best never recover. I would tell him that I’d support him and we’d work through it together as we used to when we were growing up. Because our friendship made us invincible; we could solve anything together.

But I would never say any of this because I didn’t know where George was. A stupid drunken shag, a marriage pact, a court case and a pregnancy discovery later, I knew I would never find George again.

Francesca, Freddie and I sat in the boardroom. I was tired. As soon as I’d discovered I was pregnant I had become pregnant. I craved sleep all the time and I developed the habit of rubbing my stomach, with a natural urge to protect whoever was growing inside me. I was confounded by the desire to get used to being pregnant, but at the same time trying to avoid the mess that was my life. Because no matter which way you looked at it, it was a mess.

Retribution. I am not a totally bad person, but I am quick to judge and I can be a snob. Before, if anyone had talked about a woman who didn’t know who the father of her baby was, I would have been quick to condemn. I would have immediately thought that the woman was a tart, probably a drunk, someone who was selfish and didn’t think about the life she was bringing into the world. It certainly couldn’t happen to a woman who was intelligent, who didn’t open her legs for a half shandy and a packet of peanuts, and who was on the pill and took it religiously, i.e. it couldn’t happen to me. But it had, and was this punishment? Was it because I had been judgemental? Was it because I was happy? Why was I, all of a sudden, being so irrational. I blamed it on my hormones. The other thing about being pregnant was that I had something to blame all of my emotions on.

‘Can we just get this straight? You’re three months’ pregnant, and you don’t know who the father is because you slept with George?’ Francesca asked. I nodded. ‘Which wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for the fact that George has hired Cordelia Dickens to be his PR and to get media coverage for his plight.’ Again I nodded. ‘The thing is that George knows he slept with you, but Joe doesn’t know that. So no matter how we try to cover it up, unless we do the old trick of pretending you’re not as preg-nant as you are and saying you gave birth prematurely we’re left with a number of problems.’

‘I’m not doing that. I’ve lied enough and look where that’s got me. I need to be honest. If I did pretend that I was less pregnant than I was, George wouldn’t believe it. Can you imagine what will happen? He’ll demand a test anyway and where will that leave us?’ I was getting slightly hysterical. I didn’t believe the situation could be any worse than it was, but it was sounding worse by the minute.

‘Holly, calm down, we have to look at the whole picture before we can decide what to do,’ Freddie said, sensibly.

‘Firstly, let’s look at the media side of things. There is always the possibility that the story won’t be picked up.’ Optimism was something I had already said goodbye to, so that didn’t soothe me.

‘Francesca, you know as well as I do that that is highly unlikely, Cordelia will twist it until someone picks it up, you know that.’

‘But is it enduring?’

‘Probably not as it is, but with the baby twist, that gives it another six months life.’

‘OK, so damage limitation. You have to tell Joe about the baby and about sleeping with George. I know that that is an awful prospect but you need to tell him straight away.’

‘But I’ll lose him.’

‘The only way you can guarantee not losing Joe is if you get rid of the baby and say that George is lying when he tells the world he slept with you.’ Francesca sounded harsh, but then she normally did. I still burst into tears.

‘Francesca, don’t be so hard on her, this isn’t easy,’ Freddie pleaded, as I sobbed.

‘I’m not trying to be hard, I am trying to be practical. I’m sorry if I sound sharp, but life is going to get tough.’

‘I know you’re right, but maybe we could be a bit gentler with her?’

‘Freddie do you think the press are going to be gentle once this gets out? If we’re going to implement some damage limitation then I don’t think we need to do it by being fluffy.’

I sobbed louder, which was awful because I sounded like a silly girl. I felt as if they were talking about me rather than to me, which they were because I had turned into a snivelling idiot who had probably lost her marbles. I pulled myself loosely together.

‘You’re right. Freddie, Francesca is right. I should harden myself but I think it’s hormonal. All this crying and stuff. Anyway, I would just like to say that I am not getting rid of the baby. I know that would be the easiest option, but not one I can entertain. I already love it, even though it’s partly responsible for my life becoming anything but a picnic. So, can we go from there?’ I was astounded by my composure, and by the surprised looks on Freddie and Francesca’s faces, so were they.

‘Glad we’ve established that. Firstly you need to talk to Joe. The sooner the better. We don’t want him learning of this through the newspapers. Freddie, you need to call the tabloids and find out if any have been offered the story and if so when they’re planning on running it. The only thing I can think of is to offer Holly’s side to whoever isn’t running the story, but if we do that we’re going to have to predict what George, or Cordelia, will be saying. The other option is to ignore it and hope it goes away; which I favour. If we put our side of the story across in the media, that gives ample opportunity for us to be criticised. It will be hell but I probably would vote for maintaining a dignified silence at first and then offering to put your side across to a chosen publication. What do you think?’

‘I know the media, if I put my side across they’ll probably twist everything. Also, although I can pretty much guess what George is going to say, I would rather wait and see. With the pregnancy I don’t feel that I have a strong defence and all I want to do is to keep that from him for as long as possible.’

‘Which means that you are going to hibernate for a while,’ Francesca said.

‘What? I can’t do that. What about work?’

‘You’ll work from home. And also, when I’ve found out when the story is breaking, then you will need to call our clients.’