Desperately Seeking Shapeshifter (14 page)

I ran through the woods for an hour or two, until the wolf in me was so tired that I could barely think. To my shame, I ate a squirrel and rolled in some animal’s crap in the woods. The human instinct was strong, but sometimes the beast overrode it. Ramsey followed behind at a distance, but he didn’t crowd me. He just waited at the edges of my territory, just barely in scent range, as if to remind me that he was there and I wasn’t alone. When my body began to twitch with the skin-crawling restlessness of an impending change back, I didn’t fight it. I finished my run, returned home, and began to shift on Ramsey’s front lawn. The transformation back to human was
slow, but steady. Probably because my body was so exhausted.

By the time I changed back, I was tired as hell. I crawled into the house, my clothes clutched to my chest. I smelled of sweat and . . . other things, and I needed another bath.

When I got upstairs, to my surprise, a bath had been drawn for me, the water steaming hot. A rush of gratitude swept through me and I tossed my clothes aside, slipping into the water.

The bath awoke my mind a bit more. Maybe if Ramsey helped me, I could practice the shifting more. When he’d helped me, it had been slow but not nearly as painful. He’d been in the woods tonight as well—had he been shifted? Did he have to shift often, too? Maybe we could run together.

I re-dressed in my panties and T-shirt and tiptoed into the bedroom. Ramsey was in the bed, hands underneath his head as he stared up at the hole in the ceiling. His chest was still bare, the blankets pooled around his waist.

He looked . . . impressive. I twitched my fingers, wanting to place them against that impossibly broad chest again, dig my fingers into his chest hair.

“Hi again,” I said softly.

He glanced over at me. “Feel better?”

I nodded awkwardly.

“Gets easier with practice,” he said. His gaze skimmed my form in the darkness, and then he turned to glance back at the ceiling.

“That’s what everyone keeps telling me,” I said
lightly. I moved to the bed and, after a moment’s hesitation, got under the covers. Ramsey’s new bed was big enough that we didn’t touch.

I lay stiffly for a few minutes, wondering if I should continue the conversation about shifting. Or was now the time to bring up Nikolina? I could tell he wasn’t asleep. He didn’t seem relaxed either, and his breathing was erratic. The scent of him filled my nostrils, warm and delicious and comforting, and after a few minutes of drinking it in, I rolled over to face him. His eyes were closed, but he hadn’t moved a muscle.

“Ramsey,” I whispered.

“What?” He didn’t look over at me.

“When were you going to tell me about your mate?”

He stiffened in the big bed next to me, and his frown was dark. “My . . . mate?” He said the word slowly, as if it had been foreign to him.

I rolled on my side to face him, propping my chin up with my hand and resting on an elbow. “Nikolina Aasen,” I told him. “I was doing some maintenance in the Midnight Liaisons database and noticed you both had profiles.
Linked
profiles. Linked, mated profiles.”

He sighed heavily.

My heart sank. “So it’s true?” Damn. “Is she going to be mad about this?” I sat upright, scooting away a bit. “Should we even be in the same bed together?”

Ramsey scowled. “Lie down and I’ll explain.”

I relaxed again but kept my gaze on him.

He didn’t look at me as he spoke, as if it was difficult for him to share. “You have to understand where I come from to understand my relationship with Nikolina. My family is bear clan. I was born into the Bjorns of the Ozarks. The bear clans keep to themselves. They do not mix with other shifters, nor do other shifters harass them. They exist outside of most circles, because no one wants to enrage a bear. The bear clans have several long-standing customs that ensure that the bloodlines remain strong and the clan is protected.”

“What kind of rules?” I remembered his statement when he’d claimed me.
In accordance with the bear clan and the laws of the Bjorn . . .

“You do not talk to outsiders. You are not friends with outsiders. You do not mate outside the bear clans. And always,
always,
the bear clan comes first.” There was the barest hint of bitterness in his deep voice. “Children of the bear clan are betrothed at an extremely young age so we can grow up knowing we are to be mated and grow into the idea. Nikolina was betrothed to me when she was born. I was two. It was intended that we should marry when we reached an age, and bear more children for the clan.”

My breath caught. “So it’s a . . . childhood betrothal?”

He looked over at me, his dark eyes so serious. “I have not seen her since the day I was exiled.”

My burst of relief and elation dimmed at the
weight of that word and the lines of unhappiness that creased Ramsey’s face. “Really? Is she why you were exiled?”

He was silent. I touched his arm and he sighed heavily, then began to speak again. “Twelve years ago, Beau’s father demanded that the bear clan meet with the cougar clan to speak of joining his new alliance. My father was not interested, and it took them many days of arguing and fighting to come to this agreement. While they met, Beau and I became friends despite the warring of our fathers. I was younger than Beau and he looked out for me as if he would a brother. It was a . . . unique situation for me. I did not know what to make of it. Being teenage boys, we stayed out too late one night and were discovered by my cousin. He attacked Beau, and when I stepped in, he attacked me as well.” He gave me a grave look and added, “Bears are very territorial, and we were on what he deemed bear territory.”

I licked my dry lips. “I see.”

“When my father discovered me standing over my beaten and bloody cousin, and learned I had fought to save a friend that was not of the bear clan . . . ” He shrugged. “I was exiled.”

I gasped and leaned in, unable to stop myself from brushing my hand on his arm. “What? Just like that?”

“I broke the rules,” he said simply. “I am exiled until I petition to return. To do so, I will have to leave the Alliance behind and take up life as one of the bear clan again.”

I knew what that meant. No outsiders. No Alliance mate. I felt a little sick to my stomach. “When will you go back?”

“When I am ready.”

Such a simple statement, yet such a wealth of information. No wonder his house was falling down. Why fix it up if he was just going to leave again? He didn’t date. He kept to himself, except for his friendship with Beau and Beau’s family. His role in the Alliance was protector. Aloof, fearsome, and remote. I wondered if he was ever lonely.

And I wondered . . . if he thought about Nikolina. “What do you think happened to Nikolina?”

He gave me an odd look. “I am exiled, not dead.”

“So she’s still waiting for you to return? Engaged?”

“That is how the bear clan works. For her to approach another would be to shame her family. There are no other unattached males my age.”

I felt a surge of pity for her, an outcast through no fault of her own, cursed to spinsterhood simply because her betrothed had chosen a different path.

He looked over at me. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking those are stupid rules.”

He grunted in agreement. “The bear clan is not the most forward-thinking clan.”

And you want to go back? Why?

I lay back in the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Bears mated to bears to keep the bloodlines strong and pure. It sounded so archaic, and yet, from a shifter standpoint, sensible. Bears were probably all tall, strong, and sturdy. Ramsey would be with a
big, strapping woman who was a match to him in all ways, instead of tiny little me, who he was probably afraid to crush if he rolled over at night.

I thought about babies and bloodlines for a bit longer, then looked over at Ramsey again. “If Savannah was dating Connor and he bit her, would she start to turn into a wolf?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Doesn’t work that way.”

“Well then, how does it work?” I felt stupid that I had to ask.

“You can only be one kind of shifter. It changes something inside you.”

That was good to know. “Are you sure? If we had kids, they wouldn’t be wolf-man-bears? Lots of claws and like to fetch sticks?”

He gave me a quelling look. “No.”

The man just did not have a sense of humor. I played with the blankets, thinking. “So would Savannah and Connor’s children be dog or cat?”

“Depends on the blood. They’ll be one or the other. When she goes into heat, it only calls others of her kind to mate with her while she is fertile. It is nature’s way of trying to keep the bloodlines going.” He glanced over at me after a long moment, his gaze wary. “Why?”

I hoped I didn’t have to experience going into heat for a really long time. “No reason.”

He continued to watch me, wary. “Why?”

I sighed. “Well, I think you should bite me.”

His eyes narrowed at me and he leaned up on one elbow. I tried not to shiver as his large form loomed over mine. I wasn’t scared of him, but the way he looked at me, I knew we’d left the safe part of our relationship.

“Why,” he repeated again.

“I need a mate mark on my neck. Bathsheba has one. I don’t, and everyone’s looking for it. You saw how both Connor and Levi stared at my neck. They were expecting to see a mark. No one’s going to buy us as a mated couple if I’m unmarked.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking. Those marks take months—maybe years—to go away. A mate replenishes the mark when it begins to fade.”

“So?”

“You might find someone you like better. No shifter will touch you if my mark is on you.”

A wry smile curved my mouth. “I haven’t had sex in six years. I think I’ll be all right if I wait another year or two.” I touched his arm. “And I’m not the only one giving up my dating life for this little escapade. You had to give up yours, too.”

Of course, his dating life had all kinds of complications that mine didn’t. I couldn’t help but think of Nikolina, waiting patiently for Ramsey to return to her. Had she been in love with him when he’d left twelve years ago? Was he in love with the memories of them as teenagers?

I couldn’t let my thoughts go down that path or I’d go crazy. I gave him my brightest smile and kept on track. “Anyhow, I just wanted to say I appreciate
what you’re doing for me. But if you’re uncomfortable giving me a mate mark because you have someone else in mind, I totally understand.” I turned away and pulled the covers up.

“I will give you the mark,” he said after a moment, his voice low and almost grudging. “If you want.”

Jeez. He didn’t have to sound so enthusiastic. I rolled back over and looked at him. “It’s not that I want one. It’s that I think it’s what’s best.”

Ramsey nodded. “Very well.”

“You sure? I don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck in a fake relationship with me.” Well, he was, but I didn’t want him to
feel
like it.

He scowled. “If you’re sure.”

“I think it’ll be good.” I shifted in the bed, lying flat on my back and tugging down the neck of my T-shirt, trying to ignore the pulsing of my blood. “Very convincing. No one will question a woman with a mate mark on her throat.” I touched my neck and frowned. “I’m kind of new at this. How much skin do you need?”

He leaned over me and his large form suddenly blotted out the moon overhead. His dark eyes gleamed in the moonlight, and I felt his hand hesitantly touch my neck.

A surge of longing flashed through me but I quelled it, staring up at Ramsey. He seemed . . . almost skittish. I didn’t want him to change his mind.

It felt incredibly intimate as his chest leaned over mine as he maneuvered closer to my neck. I kept one
hand tugging down the neck of my shirt; the other lay on the pillow, as I wasn’t quite sure where to put it. Touch Ramsey? Keep it to myself?

He studied my neck for a moment, then glanced back up at me. “The man that changed you . . .”

“He never marked me. Humans weren’t worthy of being a shifter’s mate. He didn’t want to claim me as his in public.”

“Many shifters think that way,” Ramsey said after a minute, and I felt his large fingers brush the soft skin of my neck again. “A mate mark is a public signal, but it is a very . . . personal thing.”

I shivered. That sounded intense.

He froze.

“Not scared,” I quickly told him. “Just a little . . . nervous. That’s all.” I had a feeling if I told him that his touch was making my pulse quicken, he’d bolt out of the room. Maybe he found humans—or once-humans—distasteful, too.

Ramsey’s knee slid between mine as he adjusted his weight. His mouth dipped in low to my throat and I felt his warm breath there. My nipples immediately hardened. I ignored them, hoping he wouldn’t notice. He was doing me a favor; it’d be a bad time to get turned on.

“I . . . need to touch you first,” he said, his voice low. “On your skin. The spot to mark.”

“That’s okay,” I said softly. My fingers curled harder in my shirt. “You can touch me. I don’t mind.”

His lips brushed the skin of my throat and my
pulse fluttered in response. He skimmed his mouth along the length of my throat, as if trying to judge the best place to put the mark. The sensation was ticklish and pleasant; my neck was a strong erogenous zone.

His mouth moved down toward my collarbone, and I felt his tongue touch the skin there, tasting it.

“Oh,” I breathed softly.

“Sorry,” he said gruffly. “Part of the bite. I should probably lick the skin first.”

“It’s okay.” My breathing had quickened, and I was pretty sure his had, too. “You can lick me.”

His tongue brushed against my skin and I felt a pulse low in my hips. Oh, jeez. This was . . . way more erotic than I had imagined. Luckily, my hips were pinned under his or they might have lifted in response. His leg shifted between mine again and I realized he was nearly naked, wearing just a thin pair of boxers. Well, that was only fair. I was in just a pair of panties and a T-shirt.

His tongue rasped against my skin and I felt that sensation all the way down to my core, my nipples tight against my T-shirt. I bit my lip to keep from making any noise.