Desperately Seeking Shapeshifter (28 page)

My muscles locked and I bit down the whimper in my throat, compelled to obey the alpha. His gaze
was staring me down, and I took a step down the stairs, then a second, dragging my feet as much as I could. I didn’t want to obey, but the alpha’s will was overwhelming.

Before my feet could touch the ground, Ramsey dropped from the roof. He landed in front of me in a crouch, blocking me from the alpha, preventing me from answering his call. He stood, one hand going protectively behind him to shield me.

“Leave her alone,” he snarled. His voice sounded more bestial than I had ever heard it.

“Howdy, Papa Bear,” Gracie drawled, unafraid. “We’ve come to check on your girl. Daddy wants a pop quiz.”

“You need to leave this property,” Ramsey said. “Now.” His back bristled, and I could have sworn he was about to sprout fur. His hands clenched, and I noticed that he’d grown claws. His entire form trembled with rage.

This was the closest I’d ever seen Ramsey come to losing his shit.

Levi seemed to notice just how on edge Ramsey was, because he paused and raised a hand, commanding his wolves to stop. “I came to check on the girl. See how her shifting is doing, since you decided to send her wolf companion home. If she ain’t controlling her shift, she’s ours. I won’t let you destroy her.”

The low rumble in Ramsey’s voice continued, and I realized it was a full-on growl. His back began to ripple with the shift of muscles. “You’re
the ones that forced her to change. You knew that if you scared her—”

“Don’t matter one way or another,” Levi said smugly. “If she was learning the way she was supposed to be, it wouldn’t have happened, would it?”

“You’re not going to fucking touch her.”

“Our pact said you were going to show her how to shift, and that she’d keep a wolf at her side. But I found out this morning that Gracie ain’t welcome, and one of my boys has footage of your woman vomiting blood.” He lifted his chin, staring directly at me around Ramsey’s massive, tense form. “So I want to see her shift. See what progress she’s making.”

I froze. I still felt shredded from last night’s ugly shift. If they forced me to shift now, it’d be just as hard, and just as painful. They knew that, too.

“She will shift for you,” Ramsey said, his words slurred as if he was speaking them around a mouthful of fangs, “over my dead fucking body.”

Levi’s eyes flared green. “That can be arranged, Bjorn. Four against one. Mighty big words.”

I stepped out from behind him. “Four against two.”

Gracie’s mouth curled into a sneer. Why had I ever thought we could be friends? She was friendly to me as long as she thought she would get something out of it.

“Four against three,” said another voice, and Jackson hopped down off the roof, walking to our side.

“Four against four,” a voice called behind me, and I saw Dan emerge from the house, hammer in his hand.

Levi’s lips drew back in a snarl. “So you’re saying our treaty’s over, Bjorn?”

“You broke it. Touch my mate and you’ll lose your hand.”

Maynard made a fist, but Levi put a hand up. “So be it. Better watch your back, then. If we have to go through you to get her, we will.”

I held my breath as the wolves turned and piled back into the pickup, then left. No one breathed until their truck had disappeared down the highway. When it was gone, I suddenly gasped for breath, feeling dizzy.

Ramsey turned and grasped my face in his hands, his still wild eyes searching mine. “Are you all right?”

I nodded, then pulled out of his embrace. “You shouldn’t have done that,” I said softly. “The gloves are off now.”

“The gloves were off last night when they tried to attack you,” he said, his voice nearly animalistic with fury. “The gloves were off when they deliberately scared you to force a change, and then showed up here to try and force another. Would you have been able to turn to show them?”

I shook my head.

“Exactly. They knew that, too.” As I watched, his claws receded and his hand stroked over my hair, touched my jaw, my shoulders, constantly touching
and smoothing me. “They’re playing games with us, Sara. I’m tired of playing.”

I looked up at him, so strong and furious on my behalf, and wondered just what he was thinking. Jackson and Dan headed to the side of the house, no doubt to give us privacy. “But we’re playing games, too,” I whispered, my own emotions in a turmoil. “This thing between us—it’s just a game to trick them. They know it. We know it. Why are we bothering?”

I didn’t think it was possible for Ramsey to look more furious. I was wrong. His eyes grew to narrow slits and his mouth clenched into a hard line. “No one’s playing at anything anymore. You belong to me, and this is where you’re staying.”

I wanted to believe him. Somehow, I doubted the wolves would let that happen, though.

Shortly after the wolves had been run off, Ellis and Joshua showed up, and I caught a whiff of Beau as well. He stayed outside with Ramsey, and I saw them head out to patrol the grounds, likely to sniff out any hints of wolves prowling around the property. Ellis and Joshua shadowed me closely. I left them to play Xbox while I worked on my computer. My gaming accounts had gone unused in the past few weeks, but I didn’t feel like losing myself in a game. There was too much going on.

Too much going on—and nothing for me to do. Every time I suggested heading in to work, someone
gave me an ugly look. If I picked up a paintbrush or a hammer, someone took it out of my hand. I tried to make lunch for the crew, and Savannah dropped by the house with a couple of sub sandwiches.

The remaining dates that I had scheduled with Ramsey were canceled. It was too dangerous for us to go out for a casual night on the town when the wolves were determined to harass me. That left me homebound with nothing to do while everyone around me scrambled to save my ass.

It rankled. Here I was trying to be stronger, more confident, and I was still sheltered and protected from everyone and everything.

I logged on to the Liaisons website and scrolled through my in-box, skimming over everything without stopping on anything in particular. I felt out of sorts, not right in my skin. I couldn’t focus. I poked at a few things, then thought for a minute and searched the database for were-bears. Only a handful popped up—they weren’t the most common shifters—and most were out of state. I sucked in a breath at the sight of Nikolina’s name and clicked on her profile. I stared at her picture, then looked at her stats. Six foot one. One hundred eighty pounds—I bet that was all muscle, too. She looked strong. Her profile was inactive, meaning that she hadn’t logged on in quite some time. She’d be a good match for Ramsey; he wouldn’t have to be careful with her. They’d make cute little bear cubs together. I could just see them, roaming the woods together, two bears on a leisurely stroll—

I slammed the laptop shut, scowling.

Jackson and Dan finished up for the day and I wandered back into the kitchen, made a sandwich, and then sat back down on the couch, waiting.

When dusk hit, Ellis and Joshua left and Jeremiah and Austin showed up. They chatted with Ramsey and Beau for a short while, then left without coming into the house. At my quirked eyebrow, Ramsey said, “They’re going to patrol the grounds tonight.”

“What about shifting?” I asked.

He shook his head. “It can wait for tomorrow.” His hand brushed over my hair and he dropped a kiss on my forehead before heading deeper into the house to check the windows and doors.

I followed him as he went upstairs and into our room. “Are you coming to bed with me tonight?”

“Yes.”

I ground my teeth, frustrated. He hadn’t slept with me for the past two nights. “Is it because I need protection, or because you want to?”

“Both.”

A surge of desire rushed through me, making my nipples hard. I pushed the feeling away, crossing my arms over my chest. “I don’t understand you, Ramsey.”

He remained standing where he was. “Do you want me to sleep somewhere else?”

“No! I just . . . I don’t know what you’re thinking.” The frustration and the tension of the day got to me and I sat on the edge of the bed, trying
not to throw something at the wall in frustration.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean this,” I said, gesturing wildly at the bed. “Me and you. You and me. In bed together, making out but not having actual, all-the-way sex. And the Nikolina thing. I don’t know where all of this is going, and it makes me crazy.”

He’d grown very still. “And where do you think this should go?”

I wanted to choke him for saying that. “I want you to tell me how you
feel
about me,” I snarled. “I want you to quit being so quiet and strong, and just freaking tell me how you feel about me, already! Is this you-and-me thing going somewhere, or is it just a momentary diversion on the road to Nikolina-land? That’s what I need to know, because you’re throwing me mixed signals here. One moment you can’t wait to kiss me, but you won’t have sex with me. You want to hold me and cuddle me close at night, but then you don’t.”

“Sara—”

“Is it so freaking hard to say if you love me or not?”

He sat next to me on the bed, then pulled me into his lap so we were face-to-face. I wore nothing but my panties and T-shirt and could feel the heat of his erection between my legs.

His dark eyes met mine. “Sara, you know how I feel about you.”

“No, I don’t. I’d really like you to say it out loud.”

“I love you,” he said simply, and I felt a surge
of triumph. “I’ve loved you since you climbed me like a tree and called me that stupid name. You were scared, but you refused to show it. I admired that. My feelings for you have only grown.”

“Then Nikolina is out of the picture?” I blurted.

“Never
in
the picture,” he said gently, his thumbs rubbing at the bare patch of skin above my panty line. “My life with her and the bear clan ended when I was fifteen. I thought I might go back someday if I missed the clan. If I missed my family. If I wanted to settle down. It was there waiting for me if I wanted it.”

I hardly dared to breathe.

His fingertips traced along my body, moving up my breastbone and dancing lightly over my fragile collarbones. Ramsey seemed fascinated by his fingers on my skin, his gaze following them instead of looking me in the eye. “When I claimed you as my mate, I committed myself to you. That was my path forward.
Not
the bear clan. With you, and with the Alliance. I gave you my house and my protection because those are things I can give to you to show that I care.”

I pressed my hand to his chest, feeling the warm skin through his shirt. “And your heart?”

“You have always had it,” he said gruffly.

I reached for his unruly hair. “Then why hold me at arm’s length—”

He gently grasped my hand in his own, stopping me before I could touch him. “Because this relationship is not about what
I
want, Sara.”

I frowned at him, not liking the ominous tone of his voice.

“This is about you, Sara. It has always been about you.” His dark eyes were so, so serious. Not a hint of a smile on his stern face. “I am no Roy, to force you into a life that you do not want. I am no Levi, to force a mate on you that you do not choose.”

My breath caught in my throat. “Is that why you won’t have sex with me?”

His gaze caressed my face. “I won’t because that would tie you to me. So many other freedoms in your life have been taken from you—I won’t force my wants and needs onto you. When you are done with the wolves and are free to choose—really
free
—then we can have sex if you want to. And if not, that is fine, too.”

“But it’s not forcing.” I brushed my fingers over his cheek, feeling the hard line of his jaw. “I’m glad that you love me.” So freaking glad.

“I know,” he said in a soft rumble. “And I don’t want you to feel like you have to say anything back. I will not push.”

I froze at his knowing gaze. I
should
have said something back. Claimed him. Claimed the relationship. But I was suddenly paralyzed with fear.

A flash of pain shot over Ramsey’s gaze, and he very gently kissed my forehead. “You need to decide what you want, Sara. I won’t force a decision or a relationship on you. I’m not like Roy. And I’m not like Levi. I
am
very patient. And I will wait until you are sure.”

With that, he slid me off his lap, brushed his fingers over my cheek, and left the room.

I stared after him, my heart pounding.
I know you’re not like them.
But the words stuck in my throat, just like the
I love you, too,
that I’d been too terrified to utter.

Did
I love Ramsey? Or did I simply want him because he was safe and good to me? I lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, wondering when life had gotten so very confusing.