I reached down and took his hand in mine. Why? Why did it have to be him? God, why would you take him from us…from me? I was supposed to be protectin’ him. I was always supposed to take care of him. Why did I have to fail?
Clay was dead. The little bastard had gone and died on me. What the hell was I supposed to do without him? I had treated him like shit for so long. I had always justified the way I treated him by sayin’ I was tryin’ to make him a better man. Why the hell had I been so fuckin’ hard on him?
Until my dyin’ breath, I’d never forget the last words I ever heard him say: “I’ll keep her safe, or die tryin’.” He proved with his final actions that he was a Walker, a man who protected his own. I wasn’t so sure I was worthy of my father’s name anymore. I wasn’t sure of anything at that moment, except for the fact that I had to find that little girl and get her home to her momma.
Me and Larry made our way back upstairs to the rest of the family. Cord and Lisbeth were sittin’ on the couch in the waitin’ room and the twins were pacin’ back and forth in front of the window. I walked over to Cord.
“We gotta find her.”
“I know we do, Cade, but where the hell do we start? I just…” Cord started to cry and Lisbeth pulled his head down to her shoulder.
“Give us a minute, Cade. Please?” Lisbeth asked. I shook my head and chased away another tear. Another tear for my cousin, another tear for a scared little girl that was missin’ her momma, another tear for an asshole who treated his cousin worse than the shit on the bottom of his boots. On my way over to talk to the twins, the hospital doors slid open and Izzy B came runnin’ through.
“Uncky Cade! Where’s my momma?” she was yellin’ as she ran into my arms.
“Baby girl! Thank God you’re here.” I held her as tight as I could. Then I looked up and saw who she was with. When Cord saw her, he came over to me and took Izzy B out of my arms.
“I’ll take her to Suzanna,” he said as he started walkin’ with her down the hall with Lisbeth followin’ close behind.
“What the fuck are you doin’ here? And how in the hell did you get her?” I grabbed Anna by the shoulders and was diggin’ my fingers into her.
“I…I’m so sorry, Cade. I didn’t know what he was gonna do. I swear to you…I didn’t know.” She was cryin’ and actin’ like she gave a shit, but I knew better than that.
“How’d you get her?” I asked through gritted teeth. I was about ready to come undone.
“Cade, I’ve been seein’ Branch for a while now. He brought her to me this afternoon. He was talkin’ about tyin’ up loose ends and needin’ to finish what he started. I thought he was talkin’ about Suzanna. I had no idea he was gonna hurt Clay. How is he? Is he okay?”
“No, no he isn’t okay, Anna. He’s fuckin’ dead. Your fuckin’ bastard boyfriend killed him. How does that make you feel? To know his blood is on your hands.” I pushed her back to the wall and started down the hall to Suzy Q. I needed to be with them and they needed me. I hollered at Cole, “Don’t let that bitch outta your sight. Call Chief Johnson and get him the hell down here.”
When I made it to the room, the sight before made me weak in the knees. She was sittin’ on the bed cradlin’ Izzy B in her arms. They both had the biggest smiles on their faces and when Suzy Q’s eyes met mine a single tear ran down her cheek. She mouthed, “Thank you.”
That was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I would do anything for those girls, but right now I needed to take care of another problem. There was a certain man on the run that needed to get dead. I was just the man to rectify that situation. Now all I needed to do was find his worthless ass and the key to that was sittin’ out in the lobby. Anna was gonna tell me where to find him and that bastard would be dead by this time tomorrow.
When I got back to the waitin’ room Chief Johnson was there with Deputy Thompson. Cord, Lisbeth, Cole, and Colt were standin’ around Anna. She was sitting in a chair and looked scared out of her fuckin’ mind.
“Where the fuck is he, Anna? Don’t even try to act like you don’t know. You been sleepin’ around with him for months, tell me where he’d go.” I’d never heard Cord so pissed. I knew it was the grief talkin’, because I was usually the one flyin’ off the deep end.
“Now, Cord, I’m gonna have to ask you to back away. We’ll handle this now. I’ve got everyone out lookin’ for him.” Chief Johnson was tryin’ to reassure Cord. He even tried to put his arm around him in a strange show of comfort.
“Bullshit! Don’t even feed me that line of shit. Your son killed my brother and you want me to think for one minute that you’re actually doin’ all you can to find him. Bullshit! You’ve hid him out for months.”
I took Cord by the arm and pulled him over by the door. “Let him say whatever it is he needs to say. You and I need to have a come to Jesus meetin’ with Anna to find out where the fuck that bastard is and then I’ll take care of him. I don’t want you involved, but I will handle it.”
“And I’ll get you off. Forget every fuckin’ thing I said before. You find that son-of-a-bitch - you kill him. I’m a damn good lawyer and I will make sure you don’t spend a single night in jail.” The look in his eye was deadly.
“I promise I’ll take care of it.” I said it and I meant it. I would take care of it. The next time I saw Branch he was gonna die and I was gonna fuckin’ enjoy every minute of it.
“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t know what he was plannin’. I had no idea he was gonna kill Clay. I thought he was goin’ after Suzanna.” Those words made my blood boil.
“So, you were gonna let him kill her?” I asked as I made my way back over to Anna.
“No…no of course not, Cade. I just thought he was gonna go teach her lesson. Rough her up a little bit like he always did. I didn’t think he’d kill anybody.”
I was havin’ a real hard time even lookin’ at this bitch. “If you weren’t a woman, I’d beat the shit out of you. As a matter of fact, if somebody doesn’t get you the hell away from me, I may break my own rule and hit you anyway.” My momma would turn over in her grave if she heard me talk that way to a lady, but this bitch was no lady.
Chief Johnson pulled me aside. “I’m sorry for your loss, Cade. I’m even sorrier that it was at the hands of my boy. I didn’t know, son. I didn’t know how lost he was.”
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Chief, I need to find him. Do you have any idea where he’d go?”
“I can’t let you hurt him, Cade. No matter what he’s done, he’s still my son. I’ll bring him in. I’ll make him go through all the legal channels. I promise you he won’t get any special treatment this time. He’ll get what’s comin’ to him.” He had no idea how true that last statement was. I’d just have to find him myself.
Chief and Deputy Thompson took Anna with them. They promised to keep her for the night, but the Chief said they really didn’t have any reason to hold her. She hadn’t kidnapped Izzy B, and she claimed to not know anything about it until tonight when she heard from her dad that Clay had been brought into the hospital for a gunshot wound and started puttin’ the pieces together when Branch didn’t come back. She told the Chief that Branch had just asked her to watch Izzy B tonight and she didn’t know anyone was even lookin’ for her. I didn’t trust that bitch any further than I could throw her. Although, with the way I was currently feelin’ toward her, that could be pretty far.
As soon as the doctor released Suzy Q, we climbed up into my truck and headed home. Izzy B was fast asleep on her mommas lap and she looked so peaceful. I didn’t know how we would tell her what happened to Clay. How would we explain to her that her favorite Uncle was gone and would never be there to make mud pies with her again or to take her out to the barn to ride horses? Just thinkin’ about that made another tear slide down my face. I felt Suzy Q’s hand on my knee.
“We loved him too, Cade. I can’t tell you how so…” I stopped her right there. I couldn’t hear her tell me again how sorry she was. This was not her fault. I didn’t know what I was gonna have to do to prove that to her.
“Don’t say it again. You have nothin’ to be sorry for. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I shouldn’t have left ya’ll. I shoulda been there when this all happened. If I had, things would’ve ended differently. I might’ve died, but I guarantee you that bastard wouldn’t have taken Clay down.” I took her hand from my knee and laced my fingers through hers. Squeezin’ her hand I told her, “I love you, Suzy Q. I always have and I always will.”
~~*~*~~
Suzy Q and I walked into the funeral home hand in hand. She had helped us out by takin’ care of all of the arrangements. None of us were able to do that for Clay and we thanked God she was there to handle it for us. Cord and Lisbeth were sittin’ on the front row. She had her arm around him and was tryin’ her damnedest to comfort him. Colt and Cole had on their Sunday best and were sittin’ across from Cord and Lisbeth. Suzy Q and I sat down beside Cord. I reached over and took his hand in mine. Didn’t seem real manly, but I was sittin’ in the funeral home for my cousin’s funeral so I didn’t really care.
The room filled up real quick and the sick bastard I am was wonderin’ how many ladies in this room had the pleasure of enjoyin’ Clay’s company. I hated the thought that he had picked that up from me. He always wanted to be just like me, and I guess that’s how he saw me. I’d spent most of the time I was with him givin’ him hell about one thing or another. I loved that boy so damn much, but I sucked at showin’ him. I wanted him to be a better man than me and my way of teachin’ him was by bein’ an asshole to him.
The casket was oak and had a navy blue linin’. There were flowers all around it and a big spray on the top with ribbons that said “Son”, “Brother”, “Cousin”, and “Friend”. Cord had picked out his last outfit. He wore a white button-up shirt with a pair of Wranglers and his favorite old pair of boots.
After
Uncloudy Day
was sung by Pastor Baker’s wife, the Pastor stood up and started to speak. “I was asked to say a few words about Clay today and I gotta say it might be hard to just say a few. That boy always had a smile on his face and a new girl on his arm.” Everyone laughed at that, because they knew it was true.
“He loved to ride horses and spent most of his time, tryin’ real hard not to work out on the ranch.” Pastor Baker chuckled, “Well, that’s enough of me tryin’ to be funny. I loved that boy so much. He attended church every Sunday no matter what he’d been out doin’ the night before and we never had a dinner or get together that he didn’t accompany his momma too.” He nodded to Aunt Regina, “Mrs. Walker ya know how I felt about Clay.”
Pastor Baker sniffled and was tryin’ to hold in the tears. “He was a good boy with one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever had the pleasure of ownin’ a small piece of. He’s gone to be with our Lord a little too early, but we have to believe that there’s a reason for everything. We have to believe that the future is planned for us and we have to trust in God to know what’s best. He took this angel sooner than we would’ve hoped, but he’s in a good place now and we have to know that the reason will someday be clear and we will see each other again.” He lost it. He started sobbin’ and his wife had to help him down to his seat.
A couple more songs were sung and then Pastor Baker stood up and recited a few bible verses. Cord, Colt, Cole, me and Clay’s friends Brian and Bobby were the pallbearers. Carryin’ Clay from the hearse to his final restin’ place broke my heart into a million pieces. When we got the casket sat down where it needed to be, we all took our seats under the big navy tent at the grave site.
Pastor Baker stood up and said, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil, my cup runneths over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.” He finished with, “Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.”
I hadn’t realized it, but I was grippin’ onto Suzy Q’s hand so hard that I left marks. “I’m sorry, hon.”
“No, cowboy, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that this happened. I’m so sorry for the part that I played in all of this. I knew Branch was insane, but I never dreamed that he would hurt Clay. I didn’t know. I swear to God I didn’t know,” she sobbed.
I pulled out my handkerchief and placed it in her hand. “It’s okay, Suzanna. We’re gonna be okay.” I knew it was true. I knew we were gonna be okay, because we had each other and that was all that mattered. I loved the woman sittin’ next to me more than anything in the world. At that moment, it became clear to me that I needed to start livin’. I’d lost Clay and I couldn’t afford to lose myself too. I was gonna have to be strong and get the ranch back in order and get my life straightened out. I needed Suzy Q like I needed my next breath. I couldn’t even imagine the rest of my life without her and Izzy B in it.
~Chapter 23~
Three Months Later
Cade~
Damn…I didn’t know I could be so nervous. Today was a big day for me… and Suzanna…and Isabella. They just didn’t know it yet. The past few months had been rough. I needed to start livin’.
I’d been coastin’ through life for way too many years.
The ranch was gettin’ back in order. It’d taken all of my savings’ and Larry had thrown in most of his too, but with the money I finally accepted from Cord and the extra line of credit at the hardware store, we were gettin’ back to normal. I’d made a great deal with Mr. Davidson from Cattleman Farms for the new herd. He’d agreed to hook me up with twenty heifers, five bulls, and fifty calves. By this time next year, if all went well with the herd, we’d be back to where we were before the fire. I could finally take a breath. Everything was workin’ out for the ranch. Branch had pretty much disappeared. He was damn lucky I hadn’t found him yet, but we were still lookin’.
“Uncky Cade!” Izzy B yelled as she fumbled down the stairs toward me.