Destroying the Wrong (3 page)

Alissa

Another L.S.A.B. meeting with my man
. Not exactly the ideal Friday night activity but I loved hanging out with Matt no matter what we did. His arms were definitely my favorite part of his body. He made me feel safe. I wanted to touch him all the time. I constantly held his hand, ran my fingers through his short black curls or kissed his soft lips.

Matt got in touch with some of the other high schools around Rochester to invite their anti-bullying groups to the meetings. I was truly impressed he was so successful in attracting so many people. Everyone in the room had a story, some inspirational and some that would make me cringe. Kids don't just punch, trip, or give each other wedgies anymore. Social media had taken bullying to a whole other level. Everyone had their phones out waiting for something to happen to someone so they could record it and post it online before anyone else, like it was some sort of twisted game.
Like that picture of us kissing at the movies. Ugh
.

The guest speaker spoke about emails and texting responsibilities. I wasn’t really paying attention to anything other than Matt. The room was packed tonight and we were sitting in the back so I pulled out my phone and played games.

After the meeting, Matt jumped up, grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the front of the room. “Come on, I want you to meet someone,” he said, practically vibrating in his enthusiasm.

“Really, because I was hoping we could just go make out in the car?” I pulled on his hand and pointed towards the exit.

He stopped and gave me a quick kiss. “Oh, I still plan on doing that.”

He hurried us over to the guy that was speaking earlier. The guy waved and said, “Just a second.” We waited until he was done talking to a group of girls that seemed excited to have his attention.

“Matt, great to see you.” They shook hands.

“Scott, I would like to introduce you to Alissa Sullivan. Alissa, this is Scott Benson. He’s the owner of the gym.”

Scott hadn’t looked so big when I’d been sitting a few rows back but standing next to him, I felt very small. He was taller than Matt and looked solid as a rock. “Nice to meet you, Scott.” He shook my hand and I felt a jolt of electricity. He didn’t look much older than us. His blue eyes were mesmerizing. I had to blink a couple of times to stop myself from staring.

“Nice to meet you, Alissa. Matt only mentions you in every other sentence.” His smile was gorgeous.

“Hopefully nothing but good things.” I blushed and Matt put his arm around me like the proud boyfriend. I leaned into him but couldn’t take my eyes off Scott. His goatee matched his light brown hair. It was clipped and perfectly shaped so you could still see his defined jaw and pink lips.
Stop staring at his lips, Alissa! Great, now I’m probably blushing more!

“Scott is going to start a self-defense program.”

“Why do you need a self-defense program?” I gave Matt a funny look because he hadn’t mentioned anything about this before tonight.

Instead, Scott answered. “Some of the guys want to learn how to fight and how to defend others. It’s a physical and mental program I took part in a while ago.”

“I thought the point of these meetings was to learn how to avoid getting into fights?”

Scott looked over to Matt to answer. “Of course we want to avoid fights but it’s better to be prepared, just in case.”

“That sounds interesting. Maybe I could tag along for some of the training?” I looked at Scott hoping he would give his permission.

“Sounds great. Come by next week. Anytime.” He smiled at me but quickly looked back to Matt. “Matt, nice seeing you, man.”

We both said goodbye and Scott walked away. Matt grabbed my hand and we left.

“What do you think about Scott?” Matt had a look on his face like a child would just after receiving a new toy.

“He seemed nice. What’s his story?”

Matt smiled at me then kissed my cheek. “I don’t know. He seems really dedicated to the L.S.A.B.’s cause. He’s working with Mr. Bird, one of the parent volunteers, to organize topic ideas.”

I want to know everything about him. Wait, no I don’t, I have a boyfriend!
I shook my head as if that would clear my mind. “I’m sure you’ll get to know him the more time you spend together.”

~
*~

As promised, Matt made out with me in his car before taking me home. He pulled to stop around the corner.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” he said, leaning over to kiss my neck.

“Uh-huh.” My body felt hot as he lightly moved his tongue around in circles.

He slowly kissed my neck, my jaw and finally my lips. “Your skin tastes so sweet.”

I replied by running my hands through his hair and pressing my lips against his. My hips involuntarily bucked against the middle console and I could feel myself getting wet the harder I kissed him. I had to stop myself from crawling over onto his lap.

“Let’s slow down,” he said, out of breath. He sat back against the door, looking at me in a way I couldn’t explain. His eyes were dark but his face looked hungry for more.

I knew he was right but I wanted him to touch me more. I grabbed his hand and placed it over my breast, moving closer and pulling his head with my other hand. Our lips crashed together and our tongues danced, making it almost painful.

I pulled back, knowing if I kept it up, I would be on top of him within seconds. “We need to slow down.”

“Yes, we do. Not that I don’t want to touch every inch of your body, but I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable,” he replied, adjusting himself with a wince and starting the car.

“You don’t want to talk about this more?” I asked.

“Alissa, if we talk about it more, I’m afraid of what will happen. I need to get you home.”

He gave me a chaste kiss after we said goodnight. I ran my fingers through my hair before opening the door. I hoped my skin didn’t look flushed because I felt like I was on fire inside. I waved to my parents before going upstairs to hop in the shower and wash away any traces of my body’s reaction. All I could think of was being back in his arms though so sleep didn’t come easy.

~
*~

Working out had never been my thing. In fact, anything that would make me sweat was not my thing. I’d never felt the need to exercise because I’d always been thin and didn’t really care about being toned.

I told Matt I’d really like to start going to the gym so I could learn some good exercise techniques before attempting any type of self-defense training. What I left out was that I wanted to see Scott. There was something about him that wouldn't get out of my head, so I hoped that doing something I hated while being around him would make me hate him by association.

I borrowed workout clothes from my mom who exercised about as much as I did, so they were basically brand new. Matt picked me up and we drove to the gym after dinner. I didn't eat too much just in case. He held my hand during the drive and I tried to convince myself that I was the luckiest girl in the world. The moment he parked and we got out of the car, I had already forgotten how lucky I was because my excitement to be around Scott surfaced again, making me feel like a horrible person.

Matt stopped me in the hall after we signed in at the front desk. “Now don't take this the wrong way, but if you can't keep up with cardio today, you can stop at any time.” He always looked so cute when he was worried about me.

I grabbed his hand to reassure him that I hadn’t found that comment offensive. “I'll be lucky to last ten minutes. For the record, if you laugh, I won't give you a goodnight kiss.” As we were walking, I started feeling slightly intimidated. Most of the machines looked like they could be used for torture.

The cardio machines had their own room. Scott was standing next to a treadmill, talking to a woman using some machine I had never seen before. As soon as Scott noticed us, he ended the conversation and she did not look happy we’d taken away his attention.

“Alissa, Matt, so great to see you again!” Scott looked excited to see us like we were old friends.

“You, too. Unless you plan on working me hard tonight, in which case I'm not happy to see you at all.” I winked at him in case he thought I was serious. Matt jumped on the middle treadmill, which I was thankful for since I didn't want to sweat next to Scott.

“Matt, you take one of the other two because Alissa is in the middle today. How else do you expect me to gauge her abilities?” Matt didn't even hesitate moving machines.
Well, shit.

I jumped on the middle treadmill and stared at the screen in front of me. I hit the start button but nothing happened. I looked over to see what Matt was doing to his screen but he was punching buttons so fast, I couldn't copy him. Scott jumped on his machine but before he started on his settings, he leaned over to mine. “Don't worry, I won't start you out with anything too fast,” he said. I stared at the screen trying to memorize which buttons he’d punched.

“When you're ready, just hit the start button. I'll increase the speed in a few minutes. Don't worry about the incline just yet.”

I pushed the big, green button and began moving. I kept up with the slow walk just fine but Scott reached over and increased it after a couple of minutes. My calves began protesting and I mentally slapped myself for not stretching first. I looked over at Scott who was sprinting. He just smiled at me and I knew he had to be laughing in his head. I looked over at Matt and he gave me a thumbs-up.
Oh my lungs burn!

Forty-five minutes later, I was internally begging for the torture to be over. I could only keep up a fast walk and was embarrassed by how out of shape I was. The guys got off their machines, so I powered mine off and followed them down the hall into an empty room with mats piled up against the wall. They started stretching so I followed suit, not knowing what else to do with myself.

“Not bad for your first day,” Scott said.

“Thanks. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that I can't run since I avoid all physical activities.” A quiet, nervous laugh escaped my lips.

“You'll get used to it the more you workout.” He looked up at me when he said that and I felt my body heat up looking into his eyes. I looked over at Matt and thankfully he was concentrating on stretching and didn't see my reaction to Scott.

Scott's body moved so gracefully, I was in awe. He walked over to where I was sitting and grabbed my hands, standing me up. “Let me show you how to workout the cramps in your legs.”
How did he know I had cramps in my legs? Oh, who cares?

I could see sweat running down the side of his neck and I wanted to lick it off. I’d never had that urge before. For someone who had run as hard and fast as he had, he smelled amazing. He showed me how to stand on my tiptoes to stretch out my calves. He sat in front of me, pulling me down and we stretched out our legs, pushing our feet together. He reached out for my hands and we rocked back and forth, taking turns pulling each other forward into the other’s space. Our eyes were locked together. I wanted to look away but couldn't.

Matt came up from behind me and started rubbing my shoulders, breaking me from my trance. “Sorry to hurry you up, but I’ve gotta get home.”

I didn't want to leave but got up and grabbed my towel and water bottle. I had to take a huge sip of water to wet my dry tongue, my eyes on Scott the entire time. His eyes never broke away from mine, either.

“Thanks, man. I'll see you tomorrow, right?” Matt asked Scott who was still looking at me.

“No problem. I'll see you tomorrow.” Scott stood up and walked out the door without saying goodbye to me.
Did I do something wrong?
I certainly hadn't accomplished my goal of getting Scott out of my head. I think I’d made it worse, actually. I looked around for him as we walked to the front door and was left disappointed I didn’t get one last glance.

“You'll want to take tomorrow off from working out to let your body rest. Maybe the next day you can come back and try running a little longer,” Matt said as he put his arm around me and walked me out to his car.

“Okay. Sure.” I kissed his cheek feeling guilty about my thoughts straying to Scott.

Katherine

Robert usually didn't chat with me on Friday nights, but tonight was an exception. He had taken this weekend off to study for midterms. I should have been doing the same, but I never passed up the chance at a good conversation, especially since they were few and far between now that Alissa spent most of her time with Matt.

Robert: Have you ever made out with a guy before?

This question was the most personal question he had asked me so far. I felt the need to answer bluntly like I had every other question, I just hoped he wasn't going to run the other way when he saw my answer.

Katherine: No.

Robert: A kiss?

Katherine: No.

Robert: Well maybe I can be your first.

No question mark could mean that was a statement versus a question. Now is not the time to over analyze, Katherine. Play it cool.

Katherine: Maybe.

Robert: Well maybe we should meet tomorrow at the mall? I want to finally see those blue eyes of yours in person.

I should have known the day would come when we decided to meet, but I hadn’t thought it would come this soon. I felt like I knew everything about him but meeting in real life would change everything.

Robert: Don't over-analyze it, just say yes.

Katherine: Yes.

Oh my gosh, I actually said yes.
My mom would be at work tomorrow so I could take the bus and be back before she ever knew I was gone.

Robert: Okay, we'll meet at the Park Mall, at noon, by the Pretzel Place.

Katherine: Okay. I'll be the one carrying the backpack with the books I mentioned I want you to read.

Robert: Then I'll be the other one carrying the backpack.

Katherine: Goodnight.

Robert: Goodnight.

“Ahhhhhhh!” I screamed. I texted Alissa.

Katherine: Meeting him tomorrow at Park Mall.

Alissa: Who is this?

Katherine: You know who this is.

Alissa: No, the Katherine I know would never meet a guy off the internet.

Katherine: It's in a public place.

Alissa: You better hide your phone in your bra just in case. Want me to come?

Katherine: Yes, but be invisible.

Alissa: What time?

Katherine: Noon.

Alissa: Okay, I’ll be at your house at 11:30.

Katherine: Love you.

Alissa: Love you back.

I couldn't sleep that night. I picked my favorite outfit to wear but made a mental note to do some shopping soon. I’d never cared too much about how I looked but if I had a boyfriend, I should start caring. Checking my alarm for the tenth time, I stared at the ceiling and let Michael Bublé’s crooning lull me to sleep.

~*~

My reflection didn’t ease my nerves, despite the time and effort I’d taken to making myself look nice. The cut of my shirt showed my upper curves but the neckline was perfect, making me feel covered up. I kept thinking I should have let my hair grow past my shoulders but it was thin and I had to keep it layered to make it look like it had body. I didn't wear any other make-up except powder so my face didn't glow and then, of course, lip gloss because I couldn't stand dry lips.

That's about as good as it's going to get.
I stuck my tongue out at my reflection.

Alissa walked in and rolled her eyes. She didn't bother saying anything about my appearance because she had tried many times before to convince me that eye makeup in particular would help accentuate my beauty. My reply was always the same, ‘I don't want to accentuate anything.’ Alissa was born with a natural beauty that was flawed only with a couple of pimples. She chose clothes that made her thin frame look amazing. Her black hair with natural curls flowed past her shoulders with a shine I'd always admired. I really should’ve let her help me but it was so much easier pretending I didn’t want her help.

“Are you ready for this?” Alissa asked with entirely too much enthusiasm.

I looked in the mirror one last time. “Ugh, why couldn’t I be taller?”

“Remember, being five-four is easier than being taller so that you can have a short or tall boyfriend and you won’t look funny.” She used her horrible fake English accent, which made me giggle.

“Easy for you to say since you’re two inches taller. Those two extra inches would stretch out my fat.”

“You’re not fat, you’re curvy and it’s way better to be curvy than flat-chested with no butt. Now are you ready or do I need to point out more of my flaws to make you feel better about yourself?” She put her hands on her hips like mothers do when they are scolding their children.

“Yes, but please don't talk too much because I have to mentally be prepared and talking will just distract me.” I wasn’t just feeling nervous anymore, I sounded it, too.

“This isn't a test, Kitty Kat, it's you coming out of your box and even though I'm skeptical about this boy, I'm very proud of you for trying something new!” She patted my back.

“Even I can be full of surprises.” I winked at her.

My mental checklist was done and we were out the door walking toward the bus stop.

Alissa kept quiet the whole ride to the mall. I felt so lucky to have a best friend that actually respected my idiosyncrasies. The nervous feeling I’d been able to keep hidden reared its ugly head as I stood in front of the main entrance to the mall. My skin started to burn and my mouth went instantly dry. Alissa didn't even need to look at me to know how I was feeling. She grabbed my hand and walked me through the double doors.

It was a Saturday, so the mall was packed. Holding Alissa's hand not only calmed me down but also ensured we stayed together while dodging bodies. Even though it was sunny outside, the mall always seemed dark inside. She stopped in front of the store directly across from the food court entrance.

“I can see the pretzel shop directly ahead. Make sure you grab a table in front of it so I never lose sight of you.” Alissa sounded just like my mom, but I had never been more grateful. I was beginning to think this was a stupid idea and we should just go, but I caught sight of a backpack and my curiosity won. I looked at Alissa and smiled.

“Thank you. Wish me luck!” She gave me a thumbs-up as she walked into the store.

The boy wearing the backpack and the same blonde hair I had memorized was sitting with his back towards me.
Okay, Katherine, you can do this.
I was almost within touching distance of him when someone grabbed my arm and yanked me around to face them.

I was briefly blinded by a flash and once my eyes
adjusted, I saw half the D.A. and their current boy toys. A couple of them had their phones out pointed at me. I’d stayed out of their way for years and they picked now to give me a hard time?

“Wow loser, I don't know what surprises me more, the fact that you're out in public or that you thought a boy would actually be interested in you?” D.A. number one screamed, attracting a crowd.

“You are so pathetic! No one could like you! I mean, have you looked in the mirror? Who would want to touch you?” D.A. number two said, getting some laughs.

“Wait, what?” That's all I could muster up to say because the situation had me confused. Looking around at the growing crowd, I turned around hoping the boy I thought was Robert hadn’t left so I could escape and we could just pick another spot to study.

Then I was nose to nose with Kelly Martin. She stood in front of me with her arms crossed and a huge smile spread across her face.

“Look, Kelly, if this is about the food thing, I’ll let you spill some on me and we can move on.”

“Don't act stupid, fatty. I have all your secrets right here.” She held up her hand containing computer paper and began reading. I just stood there in shock while my dislikes, my dreams, my fears were read out loud. Phones recorded and pictures captured my humiliation.

The room began spinning and I gasped for air. A large arm went around my waist, snapping me out of my haze. “I'll bet $50 that I bang this little virgin by spring break!” I was pulled into another set of arms. “No way dude, $100 says I bang her!” I slapped whoever he was and he let go. I tried to push my way through the crowd that cheered on the bets being thrown out. There were so many people and flashes kept blinding me.

Finally a security guard began yelling into a megaphone telling the crowd to break it up. I tried to follow the voice but arms kept coming around my waist and hands kept grabbing my butt. I screamed as loud as I could, “Just stop!” The security guard finally pushed through with Alissa right by his side. She ran up and hugged me. “Do not cry. Whatever you do, do not cry.” She kept whispering it over and over into my ear as she dragged me toward the exit.

We rushed past stores and customers made their way towards the entrances to see what all the commotion was about.
Go back to shopping, people! Don’t pay any attention to the loser over here!

Once I got outside, Alissa led me to a bench and sat me down. I didn't know what to say. So many emotions ran through me and my mind couldn't decide which one to grab onto. Alissa knelt in front of me, looking straight into my eyes. “Talk to me. What the hell just happened?”

“I don't know.” I was being honest. I told her what the D.A.’s had said and about the papers Kelly had been reading from. Then it clicked. “There is no Robert Stratton. It was them. They tricked me. I let them trick me. I'm so stupid! How did I not see this coming? How could I let them do this to me?” I didn't think I was screaming, but I wasn't quiet either.

The exit door opened and out poured Kelly with the other D.A.’s. I wanted to run, but I stayed there frozen hoping they wouldn't see me if I didn’t move.

“Oh, look, there's the virgin.”

“Hey virgin, I just sent out the video to everyone I know!” Kelly’s voice sounded like someone running their fingernails down a chalkboard. “Just think of how many dates you'll get now!”

“Yeah, I almost feel sorry for you because you can’t help how ugly you are! Cover Girl can only cover so much, right?” Everyone laughed.

The flood-gates opened and I did exactly what Alissa told me not to do. Tears poured out as I sat there, unable to move. “Oh, cry baby virgin! Oh, how sad!”

“You’re such a loser!”

Alissa grabbed my arm and we walked away while they kept screaming at us throughout the parking lot. We jumped on a bus not even caring where it would take us. I just had to get out of there.

~*~

The bus drove off in the opposite direction from my house, but it didn't concern me. All I cared about was getting away from the mall. I concentrated on breathing to stop my body from shaking. My adrenaline always seemed to kick in full blast after being faced with stressful situations. All the good comebacks ran through my mind after the fact and I knew I would be thinking about what I should have done differently for days, if not weeks, to come. The only one that stood out right now was why the hell I’d gone in the first place.

“Instead of blaming yourself, you should be mad at those jerks,” Alissa said in a very calm voice. I didn't even bother denying my thoughts because she knew me all too well.

Calm down, Katherine.
Watching all the people we passed going on with their normal lives made me even more agitated. I wished I could share my pain and humiliation so I didn't feel like I was the only one experiencing it.

After I was able to stop my body from shaking, it dawned on me that we were still traveling in the opposite direction of my house. “We should get off at the next stop and figure out how to get home.”

“We can just find the nearest coffee shop and I'll call my mom,” Alissa said, still calm. I could feel her staring at me but I was too ashamed to look back at her. I just nodded.

We walked into a Mom-and-Pop coffee shop and I went directly to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and dried off without looking in the mirror. I wasn’t ready to face myself yet.

I felt my cell phone vibrate in my back pocket and fear was the first thing I felt.
Why can't everyone just leave me alone?
It physically hurt to pull it out. I squinted at the screen through my burning eyes.

Mom: Just checking in.

Katherine: All is fine.

Mom: Glad I don’t have to worry. Love you.

If she only knew what her stupid daughter did, I don't think she would ever leave me alone again. There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Occupied. Be right out.”
Time to face the world again.

Alissa was sitting at a small table for two ending her phone call. “My mom is on her way.”

“Did she get mad that we are nowhere close to the mall?”

“No, I told her I would fill her in later.” Alissa had a relationship with her parents that I envied. They trusted her and she had managed not to lose that trust. They had always supported her as well as her older brother, even when he decided to join the Army. They all sat down together for Sunday dinner and shared stories about their week. I couldn't remember the last time my mom and I sat down for a full meal together.