Deviant (38 page)

Authors: Jaimie Roberts

Chapter 45

Dean

An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.

Mahatma Gandhi

In my hand, I clutched the newspaper article containing Tyler’s letter she sneakily asked Louisa to post in the next available print. Unfolding the piece of paper, I stared at the letter and read her words again, just to twist the knife in deeper. I deserved it after everything I put her through.

Lotus,

I know who you are, so no introductions are necessary now. You were a part of my life for so long, yet you were never truly there for me. You thought I had betrayed you in unimaginable ways, but you never thought to ask. You never once thought to question that young girl whose window you used to climb into and dote on all those years ago for a simple explanation. That’s all it would have taken. Just one single question and a chance to explain myself. But no, you chose the route that led only to destruction. Well, mission accomplished.

You destroyed me.

The only person that betrayed you—and me—in the end was the one we both thought was our best friend. Yes, that’s right. It was him pulling the strings all along. It was him who sent that letter which destroyed your life and, in turn, ended up destroying mine. Not me. Him.

I don’t know whether you will believe this now, but I will tell you one thing before I close this letter and say my final goodbye.

I will miss you, Lotus. I will miss my stranger who came to visit me in my room. I will miss his voice, the smoothness of his skin, and the musky smell that always made me feel like the safest woman on earth. I will miss him because I love him. I have always loved him.

I will always love him.

I truly hope that you can move on from this. Stop living in the past and move on with your future. You have so much more to give than you know. There is no need for hatred, bitterness, and revenge. It’s a path you chose and it ended badly. But, no matter what has happened to me, I could never wish ill on you.

Take this letter, burn it, destroy it. Then go live your life. Go find someone who will bring joy to you, instead of feeding off your desire for revenge.

Be happy, my precious flower.

Sighing, I picked up this morning’s paper, reading it again for the hundredth time. Seeing that picture that will forever be etched into my brain…a picture of a boat wreck in the Mediterranean, the distinct lettering of
Sea Trials
written on the side of it as it bobbed out in the water. Tyler was missing, presumed drowned as they searched the waters for either her or her body. It was hard watching it on the news or listening to it on the radio. I had to know. I had to see if they were going to find her. I had to know so I could begin my life begging her forgiveness. She would never escape me because I would never let her. She was mine and always would be. No matter what.

My heart thrummed at the knowledge it was Ian all along. The dirty, lying scumbag was pulling all the strings and, because I was so focused on Tyler, I never even noticed it.

It was just as well that his remains were fed to the pigs. After what he was about to do to Tyler, he deserved everything he got. After knowing what I know now, it was just a pity I didn’t take my time torturing him before his death. If I could, I would go back to show Ian the consequences of thinking he could touch Tyler the way he did. He would have been sorry he ever laid a finger on her. I would have made sure of that right before I took his life.

In the end, nothing mattered. I’d lost Tyler now. I destroyed her, just like she had destroyed me. In trying to make her see there was no one else, I ultimately paid the price of her handing it right back to me. Cause-and-effect was definitely playing its role now. What went around came back around to bite me in the ass. I now knew my tattoo of a lotus flower represented more to me than it ever did.

I gripped the newspaper and scrunched it tightly in my hand. She may be missing, but I’ll never give up until I see her body. That was one thing people had to learn about me. I never quit.

And I certainly wasn’t going to start now.

Chapter 46

Three months later

I stood lurking in the shadows, just like I had been lately. I watched the people mourning Tyler O’Shea’s passing. There was no body in the casket. None had been found, but it had been three months and nothing had turned up.

I watched as people comforted one another. I kept a safe distance, watching, lurking, making sure no one could see me. I had become an expert at this now. It was amazing how much it empowered you to know you could see everyone, yet they couldn’t see you. It was a strange sensation, but one I embraced a lot lately.

I waited, motionless, as they lowered the casket into the ground. I came to simply say goodbye to Tyler O’Shea. She was dead now. Standing here, instead, was Jessica Florentino, quite an apt surname considering it was not only Italian, but also meant “blossoming”. I was blossoming now. I was rising from those murky waters and making damn sure I would never wither again.

I had a new life to lead now. One that entailed a bright new future. Thanks to my parents, we faked my death, created a new identity, and I was now living in Nebraska with my sister. I was planning on becoming a kindergarten teacher but, at the moment, something—or someone, I should say—halted me. It would be a few months before I could start my new career, and it was all down to the one person I was staring at now. It was kind of funny watching Dean lurking in the shadows the same as me. But I was the one watching him now and he never knew it. I had become the deviant, stalking him, watching him, longing for him. Since I got here a couple of days ago, I visited my mum and dad; watched Dean, just for the hell of it; and couldn’t resist a peak at my old apartment. I took ten minutes out just to see the old place one more time before I said goodbye. I also couldn’t resist the urge to check the bathroom again. The toilet paper was turned the wrong way again and, smiling slightly, I couldn’t resist the urge to turn it back the right way. Call it having the last word. I imagine Dean went back there a few times after I disappeared, but he wouldn’t go back there now. What was the point when I was dead?

I watched a little more as they finally laid my casket to rest. I was done for the day now. By tonight, I would be on a plane, ready to start my new life. One last time, I glanced at Dean, just to capture his face in my head. I needed something from him. I needed to take that image with me. I knew if I had stayed, he never would have stopped. Our relationship was based on lies and betrayal. I could never be with him knowing that, no matter how much it tears me apart knowing I will never see him again.

Unbeknownst to him, he
did
leave me with a parting gift that I will look after and treasure for the rest of my days.

Stroking my protruding belly, I made my way back to the waiting taxi and got in without a backwards glance. Dean’s ultimate goal was to always leave a permanent mark on Tyler O’Shea. Well, I guess he could say he has achieved his goal…

In more ways than one.

Chapter 47

Dean

Revenge proves its own executioner.

John Ford

I watched in the shadows as they lowered Tyler’s casket into the ground. She wasn’t in there, and I knew she never would be. They never found the body and, as far as I was concerned, no body meant she wasn’t dead. I had to cling onto that so I wouldn’t explode. My Tyler couldn’t be dead. I wouldn’t allow her to be.

I looked across at Tyler’s parents. Tyler’s mum was crying, of course, but it looked off to me. Call it intuition, but her tears didn’t seem genuine. That just put me on high alert straight away. This was exactly why I needed to come here and see for myself. Tyler’s father was giving nothing away and, funnily enough, the same could be said for their other daughter, Emily. It felt strange seeing her again after so long. I never really spent much time with Emily because she was so young at the time, but you could certainly see the resemblance between her and Tyler.

Dipping my head, I cursed myself for ever going down this path of self-destruction. And that’s exactly what this was. I had planned this all and, ultimately, got what I came after, but it was also at a cost to me. It was at a cost of someone who was innocent.

I replayed those words my uncle said in my office that day when I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
You seek havoc, but all you’ll end up finding is despair.

I
was
in despair. And the only thing that kept me going was believing that Tyler was never truly gone. She couldn’t be. I would never allow it. Even after all that had been revealed, I would still run to the ends of the earth to claim her as mine again—for a different reason this time. I wanted to be her Dean again. I wanted so much to find her—if she were alive—and climb up her window like I used to. I needed her to see I could be that person again. I could be the boy she fell in love with all those years ago.

Shaking my head, I turned to leave, knowing that I had to say goodbye…for now. I couldn’t help this nagging feeling that I should go back to her apartment for some reason. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to take a look around. I could spare the twenty minute drive there and see the old place again, filled with all the haunted memories of Tyler and me.

Starting the Vanquish, I smiled, thinking it wouldn’t hurt at all. Just one more look was all I needed.

One last time…

Acknowledgements

It’s hard to know where to begin, but I’ll certainly try. First off, I want to thank my family. They are always a major support throughout this new path I’ve chosen to take. I know it took me long enough to put fingers to laptop, but I got there in the end.

I want to also thank Sabine Willems, Serena Kett, Line Nørgaard Fallesen, and Lisa Walker for being my beta readers for Deviant. I’m so glad you all had the same reaction.

I want to also give a VERY big thank you to Kim “Amazeballs” Young from Kim’s Editing Services for her editing expertise. You did an amazing job at getting rid of all the crap that was in there!!

I want to say another HUGE thank you to Sabine Willems and Dawn Vickers. You’re always there to support me and take time out of your busy day to pimp me as much as possible. You’re both amazing ladies. Thank you so much for being in my life.

Lastly, I want to say how much I admire every blogger out there. I know for a fact just how hard promoting and posting can be each day. Without you and the many readers out there, we authors would have a much harder job. You’re always eager to help and eager to promote author’s works. I take my hat off to every single one of you. Some of the bloggers I would love to mention are: Brit Nanny Reads, Compare Our Men Book Whores, M&D’s Have You Read Your Book Blog, What to Read After Fifty (50) Shades of Grey, Book Sluts, Fictional Men’s Room For Book Ho’s, ‘Til The Last Page Book Blog, Read and Share Book Reviews, Isalovesbooks, Three Chicks and Their Books, and Book Pimpers.

Lastly, I want to do a special mention to Serena “Man Hogger” Kett, who was absolutely thrilled to learn that her name was used as a prostitute in Deviant. Only you would be thrilled by that! Love ya, girl!