Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer (2 page)

Read Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer Online

Authors: Diane Warner

Tags: #Reference, #Weddings

 
Page 14
Should my parents be expected to host an engagement party even though my fiancé and I are paying for the entire wedding?
They aren't necessarily expected to host this celebration, but they should be asked if they would like to, since the bride's parents usually host the first engagement party. After they have had the opportunity, anyone may play host, including the groom's parents; having two or more engagement parties is not uncommon. By the way, if money is a problem, this doesn't have to be an expensive affairice cream sundaes on the patio are fine!
How should we word our engagement announcement for our local newspaper? And how soon should we send it in?
Call the newspaper to find out what they require as far as advance notice of your announcement; although the announcement usually appears a month or so before the wedding, many society editors need the submission a month earlier than that so it can be scheduled. As far as the wording goes, the best reference is your local newspaper itself. Save the engagement announcements over a few months' time and use the wording to help you compose your own unique announcement.
Some society editors write the announcements themselves and will ask you for the following:
Names and addresses of the bride and groom.
Names and address of the bride's parents.
Names of the bride's grandparents.
Date, time, and place of the ceremony.
Names of the attendants.
Descriptions of the wedding attire to be worn by the bride and her attendants.
 
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The bride's and groom's educational background and professions.
Where the couple will be honeymooning.
Where the couple will be residing after the honeymoon.
What is an ''announcement party"?
An
announcement party
is similar to an engagement party except that the engagement is formally announced for the first time during this party. It is usually attended by relatives and close friends, may be formal or informal, and is often a surprise announcement, although everyone probably suspected as much, having seen that love light in your eyes. By the way, this is usually the first time the bride wears her engagement ring.
What is the ideal length of an engagement?
Although the average length of an engagement today is 15 months, I personally favor a shorter engagement period. Once you've found each other, it's very difficult to wait so long to get married; however, it isn't uncommon these days for a wedding date to be set 12 to 18 months in advance to allow time for booking the sites, the caterer, the photographer, etc.
What if a couple becomes engaged long before the groom can afford an engagement ring?
Become engaged and make the formal announcementno problem. It doesn't take a ring to seal the commitment! In fact, I've known of dozens of couples who have put off the engagement ring until the first or second wedding anniversary, marrying in a simple double-ring ceremony.
 
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What's the best advice you can give us daring our engagement period?
My best advice is this: Try to relax and bask in this magical, Cinderella time of your lives. Don't let the wedding plans work you into a lather of anxietyit's just not worth it!
 
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Chapter 2
Wedding Jewelry
Does an engagement ring have to be a diamond ring to be "official"?
Although diamond rings are the most popular (75 percent of the women who will marry this year are wearing a diamond), there are many other gems that are equally as beautiful and "official," including a ruby, sapphire, emerald, amethyst, or pearl. In fact, any birthstone may be placed in a setting of your choice and worn as an engagement ring. Another popular custom is to convert an heirloom ring into an engagement ring by providing a modern setting for the stone (average cost about $900).
How did the tradition of wearing a diamond ring as an engagement ring start?
The idea of the engagement ring itself came from the ancient belief that a bride-to-be should wear a ring on the
 
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third finger of her left hand because it was thought that this finger was the only one with a vein that ran directly to the heart. The tradition of the diamond also came from an ancient belief that its sparkle was a "flame of love."
What is the average size of a diamond in an engagement ring in the United States?
According to a recent survey published in
USA Today
, the average size of an engagement diamond is .75 carat.
I've heard that many couples set up a joint bank account to pay for everything, including the wedding and honeymoon. Can the rings be paid for out of this account, too?
You're right. It has become quite common these days for the couple themselves to share all the expenses, with this one exception: The groom usually pays for the bride's engagement and wedding rings, and the bride usually pays for the groom's wedding ring, if he is to wear one.
How can I find an honest, reputable jeweler?
Try to find one who has been in business a long time, is recommended by your friends and, preferably, is a member of the American Gem Society, a professional organization that prides itself on its high ethical standards. Avoid the jeweler who advertises that he
only
carries "flawless" or "blue white" diamonds; these gems are so rare that jewelers usually do not carry more than a few of them. Also, be suspicious of any jeweler who says he sells "wholesale to the public" because his wholesale price may actually be higher than another jeweler's retail price. Once you've selected an engagement ring, make the sale contingent on an
independent
appraisal, which you will have to pay for yourself, but which will give you peace of mind that the stone is
 
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as represented. If the jeweler won't let you have the ring appraised by an independent appraiser, take this as a red flag and walk away from the deal!
What is this I keep hearing about the "two-month" rule when purchasing an engagement ring?
This rule of thumb was conveniently calculated by diamond merchants and jewelers who would like you to spend two months' salary on the ring. Don't take this too seriously, and please don't feel guilty if you can't meet their imposed standard. Spend only what you can afford, and remember, you can always add a diamond or purchase a more expensive setting as an anniversary gift some day when your income is higher and you don't have so many other expenses.
Our wedding tings didn't come cheap; do we dare entrust them to our 4-year-old ring bearer, even though they will be tied onto the pillow with ribbons?
I think for your peace of mind it would be best to let the ring bearer carry inexpensive fakes. The best man and the bride's honored attendant should be the caretakers of the actual wedding rings.
What are the "four Cs"?
They are the four qualities that determine a diamond's value:
cut, clarity, color,
and
carat
. Before you purchase a diamond engagement ring you should know these four Cs by heart; when you walk into a jewelry store, be as knowledgeable as possible.
Cut
refers to the shape of the diamond;
clarity
is ranked on a scale from "F1" (flawless) to "F13" (imperfect);
color
is ranked on a scale from "D" (colorless) to "Y'' (yellow); and
carat
indicates the weight of the diamond. Jewelers will start out with a display of flawless,
 
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colorless one-carat diamonds, and, of course, that's what you'll want to purchase. However, the price tag could run as high as 12 months' salary, so try to keep your head.
The more you spend doesn't mean the more you love her
. Don't let anyone put you on this guilt trip!
Are the four Cs visible to the naked eye?
A diamond's size, measured in carats, is obvious to the naked eye, of course, as is the diamond's cut, which is the number and shape of the facets. When light reflects off the facets of a diamond, there should be a brilliance of constantly changing colors and intensities. The cut should "knock your eyes out," in other words. The other Cs, clarity and color, are more subtle qualities. In fact, it is said that the true clarity and color of a diamond can only be seen when the diamond is magnified tenfold, and how many times is that likely to happen? The clarity is what you see or don't see deep inside the magnified diamond. There are very few flawless diamonds; most have small areas that look like tiny crystals or air bubbles when seen through a jeweler's eyeglass.
Finally, when it comes to color, a diamond may be blue, yellow, brown, or even black, but the less color it has, the more valuable it is. It is said that colorless diamonds are as rare as flawless diamonds, but, like clarity, color is very difficult for the layman to detect. So, we're back to the two visible qualities: carat (size) and cut. Most of the women I've talked to say they would much rather have a large diamond that has a few "invisible" flaws than a smaller one that is closer to perfect, which brings me to an interesting experience I had recently. A jeweler displayed to me two diamond solitaire rings, each priced at $5,000. The one diamond, half-carat in size, was clear and flawless; the other was a carat and a half of lesser quality. He said the only way the average person could tell the difference between the quality of the two diamonds was to lay them side by
 
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side, and when he did, I could see that the smaller diamond had more of a clear, "see-through," blue quality, while the larger diamond didn't have quite as much sparkle and had a very slight yellow cast. However, when the larger diamond was separated from the smaller and worn out in the sunlight, it looked awfully darned good!
What does the jeweler mean by the term "setting"?
The
setting
is simply the design of the ring, the way the stones are arranged within the metal of the ring itself. For example, a Tiffany setting, which is a traditional solitaire setting, perches a single diamond high on the band, to "show it off." An Illusion setting is one that contains several stones, usually a group of smaller stones surrounding a larger one. There are thousands of settings to choose from, some delicate and lacy, others simple and elegant.
What about our wedding bands? What's the difference between 14 karat and 24 karat, for example?
If you're talking about gold bands, they usually range from 10 to 24 karat, depending on how pure they are. Twenty-four karat is so pure that it's actually quite soft and might wear or bend easily. Fourteen karat is the most common. The karat numbers reflect how many parts gold and how many parts of another metal. For example, 24-karat gold is 24 parts gold; 18-karat gold is 18 parts gold and six parts of another metal; and so on. Wedding bands also come in platinum, which is extremely durable and doesn't wear away as easily as gold.
Do most couples have their wedding rings engraved?
Yes, most do. Usually they have their initials engraved, along with the date of the wedding. For example, "E.L.K. to
 
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B.J.M. 10-3-96." You can include anything you would like, of course, as long as it fits inside your ring. Sometimes couples have references to Bible verses engraved in their rings, such as: "Mt. 19:6" which would be a reference to Matthew 19:6: "Whatsoever God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." You may also select a line from a favorite romantic poem or love song. A recent
Washington Post Magazine
article tells about a couple who had their rings inscribed with this line of poetry: "I send you a cream-white rosebud," a line from a poem titled "A White Rose" by the Irish-American poet John Boyle O'Reilly that says: ''I send you a cream-white rosebud . . . for the love that is purest and sweetest." There are other more traditional ring engravings, as well, such as these: "I will be yours while life endures," "In thee my choice do I rejoice," and "God for me appointed thee."
Doesn't the wedding band have to match the engagement ring? Why do some couples wait until the last minute to buy their wedding bands?
The bride's wedding band usually matches her engagement ring and is purchased as a set; however, the band may also be selected at a later date. As far as waiting until the last minute to buy the bands, that isn't uncommon, although the ring has usually been selected ahead of time or even put on layaway. If it's a double-ring ceremony, the bride usually chooses a wedding band for her groom that is well-matched to her own, except that it will be a little heavier.
What happens in the unfortunate chance that a wedding is called off? Should the woman return the engagement ring to her fiancé?
Yes.

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