Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer (5 page)

Read Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer Online

Authors: Diane Warner

Tags: #Reference, #Weddings

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Chapter 4
The Bridal Registry

What is a "bridal registry"?

Remember when you were a kid and you made a list for Santa? Well, this is the same idea, only you're much more likely to receive the gifts on
this
list. A bridal gift registry is a free service offered by department stores, jewelry stores, and gift shops; it is delightfully advantageous for the bride and groom, as well as the shoppers themselves. The stores provide forms for you to fill out as you select everything from china pattern, to crystal, to linens, to housewares, to silver, to luggage. Most department stores enter this information into a user-friendly computer that can be accessed by shoppers who are looking for gift ideas.

Don't be afraid to select a few outrageously expensive gifts, such as an oriental rug or a piece of artwork, because it's quite common for several people to go together on one really nice gift. As each gift is purchased, it is removed from the master list so that, ideally, you will receive just the right number of each thing. By the way, allow plenty of time to

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What are the basic gifts we should register for at a department store? And how many of each item?

Following is a list of the basics, but you should know that you can register for
anything
the store carries, whether it seems to be a traditional wedding gift or not.

Flatware:

You may register for sets of sterling silver, silver plate, or stainless steel, or for all three. Each place setting should consist of:

Dinner knife.

Dinner fork.

Lunch fork (also called a salad or dessert fork).

Dessert spoon.

Butter knife.

Table knife.

Teaspoon.

In addition, you may also want to register for serving spoons, butter server, ice tea spoons, soup spoons, gravy ladle, pickle forks, and cake server.

China or everyday dishes:

8 dinner plates.

8 dessert plates.

8 cereal bowls.

8 butter plates.

1 serving platter.

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2 serving bowls.

Sugar bowl and cream pitcher.

Glass or crystal:

8 water goblets.

8 all-purpose wine glasses.

8 cocktail glasses.

8 tumblers.

Bed linen:

4 sets of sheets and pillowcases for each bed.

Mattress pads for each bed.

One summer and one winter blanket per bed.

Bath linen:

6 towels, hand towels, and washcloths for each bathroom.

2 bath mats for each bathroom.

Shower curtain, as needed.

2 sets of guest towels.

Table linen:

8 linen place mats with matching napkins.

1 linen or damask tablecloth with matching napkins.

3 everyday tablecloths with matching napkins.

3 sets of everyday place mats with matching napkins.

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Kitchen linen:

Decorative tea towels and potholders.

Kitchen equipment: Register for anything and everything you see in the store, including pots and pans, mixing bowls, baking pans and dishes, measuring cups, rolling pin, colander, sifter, grater, spatulas, knives, ice-cream scoops, can opener, corkscrew, blender, toaster, breadboard, coffee makers, canister set, etc.

A word of advice when it comes to registries: Select gifts in a variety of price ranges so that your guests won't feel intimidated by a list that only contains expensive items.

What are some of the most popular gifts couples register for?

Well, in addition to the basics, here are the five most popular selections:

A down comforter.

VCR.

Microwave oven.

Vacuum cleaner.

Slow cooker.

What if we receive incomplete sets of the things we have registered for?

You can fill in the sets by purchasing the missing pieces with money you have received as wedding gifts, or you may return the incomplete sets and trade them for one or two single gifts or one complete set of something you really need.

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My fiancé doesn't seem interested in picking out our china pattern, and the doesn't feel comfortable with the whole idea of a gift registry. Any suggestions?

This is quite common so don't let it become a problem between the two of you. Take your sister or your best friend with you to help make your selections, then tell your fiancé all about it later. If he
should
acquire an interest in what you've selected and wants to see for himself, you can casually drop by the store some day to show him your choices. You see, it isn't that he won't appreciate the gifts and enjoy using the new blender, coffee grinder, or ecru peach towels, it's just that some men get about as excited over a gift registry as you would over buying a new set of tires.

Aren't there some places where my fiancé can register for gifts?

Boy, are there ever! In fact, it has become quite the thing for the groom to register at camping and mountaineering stores, hardware stores, home improvement stores, garden stores, cycling stores, and travel agencies. By registering at a travel agency he may be able to afford a much nicer honeymoon for the two of you.

What aboat registering for a down payment on a house?

Many couples are registering at mortgage companies for their down payments. A mortgage officer on the East Coast said that whenever this type of gift registry is established at his company the couple receives anywhere from $1,000 to $25,000.

What happens if a gift arrives broken or damaged?

If you know where it was purchased, take it back and ask for a replacement. The important thing is that the donor never be told about the problem, but write a lovely thank

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you note anyway and never breathe a word about it. Only in the case where a broken or damaged gift arrived fully insured should you contact the giver.

When should we register?

As soon as you've set your wedding date. That way the registries can be used for prewedding showers and engagement parties as well.

What if we receive duplicate gifts?

Exchange one of them for something else, but it is not necessary to tell the donors you did so. Simply write a thank you note for each of the gifts.

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Chapter 5
Who Pays for What?

What does a wedding cost these days, anyway? I've heard some astronomical figures.

It depends on where you live; the metropolitan areas of California and the Northeast are the most expensive, while the central mountain states (Montana, Nebraska, Utah, South Dakota, North Dakota, and Wyoming) are the least. According to a recent survey, however, the average cost of a wedding in the United States is approximately $19,500.

How do these costs break down, percentage-wise?

The reception food and drink are the highest expenses of any wedding, running from 30 to 50 percent of the total, depending on the size of the wedding. However, an average wedding costing $19,500 would break down like this:

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Item

Percent of total cost

Cost

Reception food and drink

50%

$9,750

Bride's attire

10%

$1,950

Photography

10%

$1,950

Music

10%

$1,950

Flowers

10%

$1,950

Invitations and postage

$780

Miscellaneous (decorations, transportation, parking attendants, thank you notes, garter, ring pillow, guest book, clergyman's fee, etc.)

$1,170

Total

100%

$19,500

Note: Every wedding is different; there are no set rules about expenditures. Many couples would prefer to spend less on the reception, for example, and use the savings for their honeymoon. Or the bride may fall in love with a $3,000 gown and squeeze that money out of the floral and music funds. It all depends on each couple's priorities.

What are the expenses of the bride's family?

Before we get started on this lengthy list, let me say that who pays for what is no longer a hard, fast rule, especially with the enormous expenses involved with weddings today. With the exception that the groom usually pays for the bride's rings, and the bride for the groom's, all of the rest of the expenses may be shared. I've seen situations where the bride's family was not in a financial position to pay for a large, expensive wedding, but the groom's family was and they sincerely wanted to help out with the costs. With the right attitude on the part of everyone involved, this shouldn't be a problem. I have seen other situations where a grandmother

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or aunt offered to pay for everything as a sort of preinheritance gift. However, here is the
traditional
list of expenses expected to be paid by the bride's family:

The engagement party.

The wedding gown and trousseau.

The cost of a wedding consultant, if one is hired.

Wedding invitations/announcements/ceremony programs, etc.

Rental of the ceremony and reception sites.

Decoration of both sites.

Fees for the musicians.

Transportation of the bridesmaids to the ceremony and reception.

The entire cost of the reception, including the cake, food, beverages, caterer's fees, tips, etc.

All photography, including the bride's engagement photograph.

Lodging for the out-of-town bridesmaids.

All flowers (except for those worn by the bride, groom, groomsmen, parents, and grandparents).