Did You Read That Review ? (41 page)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

250 of 277 people found the following review helpful

Words can’t explain

By
A. Houwing “A. Houwing”
, October 7, 2010

I finally received my watch after 8 days (not wanting to pay an extra $ for express shipping). As I opened the 24-carat-gold box and viewed the watch for the very first time, I heard the faint sound of angels singing. It was the closest thing to an out-of-body experience. I could not wait to wear it to work the next day and show all of my coworkers at the sanitation department. The next morning, as I was driving to work, I looked into my rearview mirror and noticed a school bus weaving in and out of traffic and going at an excessive rate of speed. As it passed by me doing over 100 mph, I realized that the brakes on the school bus were not working. This was horrible, as the bus was loaded with small children. I knew that I had to do something quick, as it was headed for a bad curve along a 200-foot cliff! I sped up and got right behind the bus. Just when it crashed through the guardrail and hurled over the edge of the cliff, I pressed the “stop time” button on my new Zenith Men’s 96.0529.4035/51.M Defy Xtreme Tourbillon Titanium Chronograph Watch. Everything around me simply froze in time except myself and my car. I exited my car, opened the back emergency door of the bus, and carried every child out to safety. During this, I did stop for a brief moment and ate lunch from one of the lunch boxes that had fallen to the floor. I then started time back into movement, and the bus hurled over the cliff into a huge ball of flames. Forty-eight children lived that day due to my Zenith watch. Thank you, Zenith.

223 of 247 people found the following review helpful

Almost as good as it gets. Almost

By
Mr. Twisted
, June 30, 2010

I think a proper review of this watch needs to be done categorically.

Awesomeness: As one reviewer succinctly put it, this watch is more awesome than Chuck Norris riding Godzilla. However, that statement indicates that the reviewer clearly has not realized the full awesomeness of the watch, as depicted by its “Pandora Setting,” whereby a holographic image of Chuck Norris suplexing Gandhi is displayed in full scale. When I first saw it I thought,
Yeah, that’s pretty awesome, but what if I want him to do something different like punching Rosie O’Donnell in the face?
Well, my friends, that option can be downloaded straight from the watch’s own satellite.

Value: Poor people can’t buy it, which makes it automatically better. The sad-face expressions on people at the soup kitchen when I show it off are beyond priceless. One time I made a guy think I was going to give it to him because he liked it, but then I was like, “Naw, man. You would probably just sell it and buy a house or something. That’s lame.”

Ability to conquer foreign lands: This watch actually caused several earthquakes in third-world countries when I set my alarm for multiple time zones.

Ability to offend hippies: It offends hippies. All of them.

Ability to offend bleeding-heart whiners: This one chick was like, “You could sell that and build a house for poor people!” And I was like, “Yeah, I totally could. But that would be stupid because then I wouldn’t have this awesome watch.” She was upset, which was pretty cool.

Ability to cure disease: If everyone bought this watch, absolutely no money would go to disease research and all the people with disease would die, so all the disease would die with them. It’s sound logic and in the owner’s manual for the watch.

Ability to stop terrorists: I would say that Jack Bauer wears this watch, but this watch actually wears Jack Bauer as an accessory.

Faults: There is only one fault with this watch—that it is priced low enough for wannabes and posers to buy it. I want a watch that only the most elite can afford; I don’t want to see Joe Blow wearing this watch, because then I would have to throw it away. That’s why it got four stars instead of five. Also, I bought two of them because I like to put them both in a cage and watch them fight for my love.

177 of 201 people found the following review helpful

Did not get me the attention I deserved

By
Meredith Bergin Bailey
, March 16, 2010

When I bought this watch, I was hoping that all my rich friends would flock to me in jealousy. But no one recognizes this freaking watch! They keep fawning over so-and-so’s Rolex and so-and-so’s Cartier. I had to hire a guy to interrupt me at the country club with, “Excuse me, is that the Zenith Men’s Defy Xtreme Tourbillon Titanium Chronograph Watch that’s worth $145,000 and truly sets you apart as a god among men? Attention, everyone. This man is wearing a watch that is worth more than my house!” So when you buy, make sure you click on the “frequently bought together” link that will include a servant to praise your watch around your friends and at cocktail parties and wherever you need to show people that you are better than them.

778 of 849 people found the following review helpful

Great watch, but not without shortcomings

By
Cletus
, January 26, 2012

After a rather painful and embarrassing mishap with the Emma Boston Terrier—10 × 10 Iron-On Heat Transfer For White Material I decided to splurge on myself at Christmas. Noticing that the price had dropped on this watch, I figured it was time to purchase…time. Man, this watch is awesome, does everything it’s supposed to do, is dead-on accurate, attractive, etc. Really, for the watch itself—5 stars. But it’s imperfect in its perfection. It’s TOO accurate. So now my phone rings, like…every day. Some dude from the International Meridian Conference, in Greenwich, UK: “What time do YOU have?” Every freakin’ day. And really early in the morning, too.

I was all “Geezus, do you KNOW what time it is?” the first couple of times they woke me up, until I realized that…they didn’t. “GMT is an absolute time reference,” my *ss. My wrist is apparently the “absolute time reference” now. Which is a lot of power for one person to wield. And I AM only human, even when I’m wearing the watch.

I was feeling lazy the other morning, and didn’t feel like rushing out of the house, and I confess I abused the power. So when they called, I told them it was actually 17 minutes, 28 seconds EARLIER than it really was. Messed things up, but good, for the rest of the planet (sorry!), but I got to finish the paper and have a second cup of coffee and didn’t get docked for being late when I got to the office. So—totally worth it. No worries, though. I have a plan. I’ll gradually put those 17 minutes and 28 seconds BACK, over a 2-week span of phone calls. Because my watch says that I CAN.

4.6 out of 5 stars

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