Did You Read That Review ? (51 page)

6,702 of 6,774 people found the following review helpful

Got Me Past the TSA

By
George Takei
, June 23, 2013

While traveling to the recent Osaka Ninja-World Annual Gala and Silent Auction, I decided not to check a bag. After all, my mask, robe, and slippers neatly fit into my pink Hello Kitty knapsack, cinched tight across both shoulders. I don’t know why I decided to bring my Ninja Folding Grappling Hook, or why I thought I could walk through security with it. First mistake.

“What is that?” demanded the TSA agent, who looked remarkably like Nikki Minaj. Perhaps it was because she appeared well prepared to cast ample “shade” my way.

“It’s a grappling hook. Haven’t you ever seen one?” Second mistake.

“You can’t carry weapons on board,” she intoned, gesturing to the prohibited list, then inspecting a chipped nail.

“It’s not a weapon, and grappling hooks aren’t on this list,” I pointed out, in my good-natured tone. Third mistake. “Aerosols, oxygen tanks, box cutters, but no grap—”

“You’ll have to check it, grandpa,” she interrupted, her head tipped to one side, a challenge. “No exceptions.” The woman in front of me gave me a sympathetic look. She apparently was trying to bring on a dozen Russian nesting dolls, which were being opened one-by-one by an increasingly incredulous agent. I understood that I’d have to take matters into my own hands. I retreated from the line, then found an empty stall in a nearby restroom. From my HK knapsack I removed my approved ninja attire, then located an air duct by removing a single ceiling tile. (This doesn’t just work in movies—it’s actually a known thing.) The duct led me to a Jamba Juice not far from the security area. I dropped down behind the counter unseen, then slipped past a family from Topeka with a single “Shhhh!” to my lips and a toss of an orange to the overweight 10-year-old son. “Eat this instead,” I suggested to the bewildered lad. Slipping along the sheer wall of the secure area (yes, sheer—F you—I’m a ninja), I spied a support beam high above on the other side, perfect for my grappling hook. I created a distraction by releasing two mice into the line. (This is also a known thing.) “Nikki” seemed particularly distraught by the mice ploy, shrieking “Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord!!” to my deep satisfaction. During the pandemonium, I swung unseen, as ninjas will, over the security area. Check it, grandpa, indeed.

9 of 13 people found the following review helpful

Five Minutes of Fun

By
Lulabelle
, June 20, 2008

My son just had to spend some birthday money on this and while I knew it was not the real thing, I let him give it a try. It was fun for about five minutes. You are not going to be able to scale buildings, or even climb a tree, with it. You could, however, put someone’s eye out!

67 of 86 people found the following review helpful

Be Careful!

By
Equincu Ocha
, June 27, 2009

The manufacturer failed to mention that when you purchase this, you are automatically enrolled in the Hatano-Tokugawa clan war. I don’t have time to deal with an honor dispute dating from feudal Japan; I have a job and things to do. I can’t very well up and leave work because someone is trying to assassinate me. In all fairness, though, I did not find myself at a disadvantage when I came upon dilemmas which could be overcome by a skillful application of rope climbing. Unfortunately, this model doesn’t hold up well to being submerged. I tried some deep-sea ascension, and now it just doesn’t seem to work right anymore.

Customer Questions & Answers

When was the last time y’all saw an 800-pound ninja in need of a grappling hook?

Last Tuesday.

Scott
answered on June 23, 2013

You can’t see ninjas, silly. That’s why they’re ninjas.

FoodieDuo
answered on June 23, 2013

5.0 out of 5 stars

Name:
     
Vacuum Cleaner White Noise (MP3)

ASIN:
     B00149CYNC

Price:
     
$16.75

Description: (not available)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

An hour of noise = an hour of peace

By
J. Finkel “Jack of Trades”
, April 9, 2010

The Colic Sweep MP3 track is one hour of monotonous vacuum cleaner white noise. It is not like what you would hear if you turned on your own vacuum and started cleaning house. The sound is dominated by hissing airflow with less motor sound than most vacuums and changes almost imperceptibly throughout the track. This ends up producing a sound that is a little more annoying than a real vacuum but closer to white noise and something you can fall asleep to fairly easily after the first night or two. The effect on my 3-week-old baby was at least as calming as the other white noise I’ve played. It is demonstrably more effective than this heartbeat CD,
Stops Crying—Heartbeat Music Therapy CD #3 (Jesus Loves Me Fast Asleep)
and at a much cheaper price. Of course, you can just “shush” your baby for free, but I think most parents would agree that is not the best option. My only complaint is that the track is a WHOLE HOUR long. I would have preferred a track that seamlessly loops and is about 10 minutes long. This would make it easier to decide how long you want the cd to play.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

Enchanted by White Noise